Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was wondering if the farther you continue with transition and the more distance you put between your old self and new is there any psychological burden being placed on your psyche by trying to ignore your first 20,30,40 etc. years of life. For some even the first 20 years is a substantial chunk to try to bury. I know I feel my self to be a woman from birth just physically wrong. I even swore at God this morning for doing this to me. I've got a lot of years behind me presenting to the world as physically male. It sucks I wish I could of lived my life totally and properly. The thing is my past is still me. I still existed. I can't ignore that and say that self is irrelevant .I have surgery and yes I am woman , but I can't deny I existed before the present time when I presented female. I can accept myself as totally woman because it's who I've always been. You can say that person that was you died , but that person really didn't die. What I think I'm trying to say is that wouldn't it be better and more psychologically healthy to accept your totality as transgender which would encompass both past and present rather then tying to deny the term transgender once past a certain stage . A major point of the hippie revolution was self awareness and self acceptance. There is no intent here implying any view is right or wrong I'm just suggesting less of a psychological burden by accepting being transgender.

Really struggling with this right now as I'm dealing with a guy who wants to know everything about my life from birth onwards, and is forcing me to examine those periods of my life before transition. It hurst quite a bit because the person I was doesn't feel like the person I am now. I'm used to with boyfriends avoiding my life before transition altogether, or modifying details so that they fit with a hypothetical version of me as a girl / woman. For instance, I went to Catholic school, which had really restrictive uniforms and I would describe the girls' uniforms as though I wore them rather than the boy uniforms.

With the current guy there's none of that... it's all out there for him to see and it scares the living daylights out of me, but it has also become part of the dynamic of our relationship. I don't deny that the person before my transition existed, but it's so hard for me to think of specific situations and times in his life when he was male.

I think you are right stephaniec...

You might like the phrase/identifier,  "I am a woman of transexual history"

It works fairly well for me

What I find hard is talking about my past without disclosing that I was a male. I tend to want people to get to know me and if I close off a large chunk of my life, I'm putting a wall between me and them. It will keep me from getting close to people.

If I were taciturn and not forthcoming about myself, it would be easier, but my female self is an open person, so that makes it difficult.

I understand Stephanie's problem, and I tend to follow Elaina. I say I'm a woman with a different social and biological history. I'm not denying that I'm trans, but trans is what other people call me. Trans is what I have to show to get an F on my license, ss card, passport, etc. Trans is what my therapist and doctor had to write in letters for me to get my female name. But all of those changes took place to confirm my actual identity as a woman. And when I refer to my past, I always refer to myself as a woman who felt forced to live as a man. That phrase doesn't deny that I lived as a man; it rather is an accurate description of my reality until I transitioned.

It's an interesting point.  To be honest, I'm okay with the fact that I'm transexual as long as no one else knows.  If someone else does know, then I wonder how they may react, especially with romantic partners because I just want to be treated like any other woman.  I've thought deeply about this before and have decided to not disclose uncomfortable elements of my past with those who don't need to know.  That's not to say I would hide that I'm trans from a partner, but why should I share something that makes me feel uncomfortable if there is no reason to do so?  I mean it's not like we all share intimate details about our childhood everyday.  So, I'm fine accepting the transgender label for myself to a degree and will feel compelled to tell any romantic partner but if it doesn't need to be known then I'm not going to disclose it.  That might sound like I'm ashamed, but I see it more as ensuring that I'm not discriminated or viewed differently when there is no reasons someone should hold this against me. 

For me, just like most other things in this area, it goes in phases. Sometimes I hate talking and thinking about it, but other times its OK. I still don't tell new people that I meet about my background and cover it over. Generally I hate it and I am crap at lying, but people just assume and I don't bother correcting them. Its pretty much impossible to avoid the thoughts to yourself though, as you are either open to everyone in which case the label is applied to you collectively, or you cover it up which involves actively thinking about it and its impossible to avoid the label when its at the front of your mind.

I was never a male, so I never transition, so I was never trans anything.... so yes, I do have a big problem with the label but...

Oh my, complex...

I value my history good and bad.  My dysphoria is an issue with the body.  I have not even started to scratch the surface of what is male and what is not male in my head.  I honestly don't know.  I don't even think I care.

My identity, my secret identity, is "transwoman".  It encompasses all of me.  I can recover the joy of the past... and I choose to reveal only what I wish to reveal to others.  I know I personally will not reach or attempt to reach ciswoman.  I don't have that desire, my desire is to be a transwoman, stealth or not stealth as I wish it, and to be PROUD of it.  I can draw on strength others may not have, life experience and understanding no ciswoman would dream of having... and resolve my fundamental issues with my body and choking off my feelings... no more....

So for me, I want that.  I did a lot of good things out there before I crashed out.  I still do them, I don't want to leave them behind.

I was sad yesterday for a moment, I saw a pic of me from 2 years ago and I realized suddenly that he was gone... but his legacy lives on.  Even stealth, he's gone.  And thats sad he was a wonderful person.  Yet I am still the same spirit, but in a new understanding of self expression, and the legacy is with me and will carry on, helping as many as I can.

I'm glad that is how it works for me.  I think I'm somehow a little different from most here though.  But accepted and that is priceless to me.

Good luck Steph I always like your posts, you always seek to understand and help others.

Quote from: Satinjoy on March 01, 2014, 05:57:56 PM
Oh my, complex...

I value my history good and bad.  My dysphoria is an issue with the body.  I have not even started to scratch the surface of what is male and what is not male in my head.  I honestly don't know.  I don't even think I care.

My identity, my secret identity, is "transwoman".  It encompasses all of me.  I can recover the joy of the past... and I choose to reveal only what I wish to reveal to others.  I know I personally will not reach or attempt to reach ciswoman.  I don't have that desire, my desire is to be a transwoman, stealth or not stealth as I wish it, and to be PROUD of it.  I can draw on strength others may not have, life experience and understanding no ciswoman would dream of having... and resolve my fundamental issues with my body and choking off my feelings... no more....

So for me, I want that.  I did a lot of good things out there before I crashed out.  I still do them, I don't want to leave them behind.

I was sad yesterday for a moment, I saw a pic of me from 2 years ago and I realized suddenly that he was gone... but his legacy lives on.  Even stealth, he's gone.  And thats sad he was a wonderful person.  Yet I am still the same spirit, but in a new understanding of self expression, and the legacy is with me and will carry on, helping as many as I can.

I'm glad that is how it works for me.  I think I'm somehow a little different from most here though.  But accepted and that is priceless to me.

Good luck Steph I always like your posts, you always seek to understand and help others.

well, thank you for the kind words, I try

I know you do dear, keep at it, it shows and its important :)

It gets easier, ladies. Just keep doing your thing. It'll take a couple of years for you to figure out how to put it all in perspective and keep it straight in your mind but it'll happen. My advice? Poke it around a little from time to time but spend more time reading accounts of other women. Biographies, articles, stories from other *women* (try to avoid trans narratives, your journey is your own.) Get into some feminism (no, seriously) and really reach out into the world as yourself.

A helpful tip I can offer is to keep reminding yourself of that awesome moment *right* as you started transitioning when everything else fell away and you were left with the scary but awesome feeling of finally being yourself without the false-persona. It's a lynchpin for many of us and reminding myself of both how that felt and how it felt before I decided to start doing my thing helped tremendously.

You may think that I'm not addressing your question but self-acceptance is the key for accepting your whole past and integrating it into your reality without friction or unease. Once you're comfortable with yourself, the rest is really easy.

Be well, cupcakes.

Quote from: mandonlym on March 01, 2014, 10:55:38 AM
Really struggling with this right now as I'm dealing with a guy who wants to know everything about my life from birth onwards, and is forcing me to examine those periods of my life before transition. It hurst quite a bit because the person I was doesn't feel like the person I am now. I'm used to with boyfriends avoiding my life before transition altogether, or modifying details so that they fit with a hypothetical version of me as a girl / woman. For instance, I went to Catholic school, which had really restrictive uniforms and I would describe the girls' uniforms as though I wore them rather than the boy uniforms.

With the current guy there's none of that... it's all out there for him to see and it scares the living daylights out of me, but it has also become part of the dynamic of our relationship. I don't deny that the person before my transition existed, but it's so hard for me to think of specific situations and times in his life when he was male.

yea, I went to a catholic grade school and I much rather picture mysrlf through those years in the proper uniform. Plus I had a boy friend in those beginning years and it just fits better.

Wow, that is an excellent question.

Right now I am looking at it as the word transgender is an unnecessary adjective...

I am a trans woman
I am a red haired woman
I am a blue eyed woman
I am a short woman
I am a Caucasian woman
I am an agnostic woman

I am a woman. Adjectives are not needed.

I didn't start to transition until I was 45. I can't deny that the first 45 years of my life happened. Particularly when it comes to seeking employment. I have nearly 30 years of work history under a different name. I'm thing to find the perfect balance between stealth and being in people's faces about it.

For the most part I don't think that it is any more necessary to disclose that I was once perceived to be a man than it is necessary to disclose that I managed a Taco Bell one summer when I was 30. Yes it happened, but the past is the past. Other than clearing up discrepancies with my name in my credit and employment history, I don't see why it needs to be talked about.

Hrmm, the biggest problem for me is not having a normal past as a girl, cuz I didn't have a past as a boy to bury so much as just an empty life. I never call myself trans with people though unless I absolutely have to to get them to understand me. I don't like it, I think it is stigmatizing, I just wanna be normal and no different from cis people..

well, here I go into unfriendly waters, but I really think people are making way to big of issue of being seen as trans, No matter how you look at it if you came out of the womb as one gender and physically change to another gender your trans. You were probably your proper gender before you came out of the womb ,but physically wrong. Yea societies  idea of what's proper and what's not is screwed up but it also changes with knowledge and understanding. I just find it incredibly difficult to understand what's wrong with being a transgender. It's undeniably what you are no and , if's or buts about it. You can have the world view you as "cis" if you want but really your not. Can't we just accept ourselves and move forward. To be honest to deny how I physically presented to the world the past 40 or more years is some what ludicrous . I'm sorry even if you're allowed to change gender at 12 you're still a transgender . Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier to accept who you are and have society evolve to view all the different colors of the human species are part of natures beauty than forever viewed as the broken branch that doesn't belong. Transgenders    will never go away as long as we have a male and female aspect to our species. The only way for positive change in society is for positive change in our view of ourselves .I'm sorry I just needed to get this out. I truly mean to cause no harm to any one its just a point of view expressed on an open forum. As far as I'm concerned as long as I'm can walk around as a female I'm happy.

It seems that, for me at least, the issue is the choice between self acceptance and the acceptance of others.

Option 1 - I am who I am and people can think what they want but I will be me, however I am. That is, at least from one perspective, the point of transition; to be your true self, no? And hiding and lying about your past is contrary to that.

Option 2 - I can cover over my past, so that *other people* accept me for the person I am.

I may be wrong, but that is how I am thinking about it right now.

I am not sure either how to solve this. I had little issues up to now with others as my past was neutral enough to tell most of it no problem and i transitioned at 23. I thought of myself as a transwoman or transgender for some years, but really since i internally dripped that identification and acknowledged that my identity is just that of a woman who had to deal with a sex misassignment at birth due to some genetic issue, i feel better. That is how i see myself and i try to formulate answers to other people that brings that across. Using the shortcut transgender does not describe me well as it provokes different associations in other people. Occacionally i use transsexual if i have to disclose to a doctor to get my hrt or such. It still doen not fit, but is a better match. So "woman with a transsexual past" is maybe good - "bsbds woman" would be better but that label is not yet in use by many

BSBDS?

Quote from: stephaniec on March 02, 2014, 11:40:04 AM
well, here I go into unfriendly waters, but I really think people are making way to big of issue of being seen as trans, No matter how you look at it if you came out of the womb as one gender and physically change to another gender your trans. You were probably your proper gender before you came out of the womb ,but physically wrong. Yea societies  idea of what's proper and what's not is screwed up but it also changes with knowledge and understanding. I just find it incredibly difficult to understand what's wrong with being a transgender. It's undeniably what you are no and , if's or buts about it. You can have the world view you as "cis" if you want but really your not. Can't we just accept ourselves and move forward. To be honest to deny how I physically presented to the world the past 40 or more years is some what ludicrous . I'm sorry even if you're allowed to change gender at 12 you're still a transgender . Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier to accept who you are and have society evolve to view all the different colors of the human species are part of natures beauty than forever viewed as the broken branch that doesn't belong. Transgenders    will never go away as long as we have a male and female aspect to our species. The only way for positive change in society is for positive change in our view of ourselves .I'm sorry I just needed to get this out. I truly mean to cause no harm to any one its just a point of view expressed on an open forum. As far as I'm concerned as long as I'm can walk around as a female I'm happy.

I accept myself as I am, but I don't really feel like "taking on the world".  Likely things are nowhere near as bad as what I imagine, so that won't be too much of an issue (hopefully).  However, I'm really not in the mood for fixing societies problems just so I can live my life.  Sure, I'm all for progress and contributing to it in my own way, but I'd like to ensure that the basic amenities of life are within my reach and not denied to me for something I didn't ask for.  If I can pass and avoid dealing with more struggles, it just makes sense for me to do that.  Eventually, society will be advanced to a stage where stealth may not be needed, but I don't think we are there yet.  Again, I'm sure living out as transgender isn't nearly as bad as I fear, but why creating potential for discrimination if you can just as easily live life with inner pride without exposing yourself.  Just my take. 

Quote from: stephaniec on March 02, 2014, 11:40:04 AM
well, here I go into unfriendly waters, but I really think people are making way to big of issue of being seen as trans, No matter how you look at it if you came out of the womb as one gender and physically change to another gender your trans. You were probably your proper gender before you came out of the womb ,but physically wrong. Yea societies  idea of what's proper and what's not is screwed up but it also changes with knowledge and understanding. I just find it incredibly difficult to understand what's wrong with being a transgender. It's undeniably what you are no and , if's or buts about it. You can have the world view you as "cis" if you want but really your not. Can't we just accept ourselves and move forward. To be honest to deny how I physically presented to the world the past 40 or more years is some what ludicrous . I'm sorry even if you're allowed to change gender at 12 you're still a transgender . Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier to accept who you are and have society evolve to view all the different colors of the human species are part of natures beauty than forever viewed as the broken branch that doesn't belong. Transgenders    will never go away as long as we have a male and female aspect to our species. The only way for positive change in society is for positive change in our view of ourselves .I'm sorry I just needed to get this out. I truly mean to cause no harm to any one its just a point of view expressed on an open forum. As far as I'm concerned as long as I'm can walk around as a female I'm happy.

That is lovely that you have made peace with who you are, it's just not as easy to accept for everyone. I am not an individualistic person at all so I naturally want to be more normal and just like everybody else. That is just how it is for me. Telling myself I should accept it and move on just makes it more stressful because I can't just change who I am like that.

I like it Steph.

I just wish I could be more comfortable on the street, stealth or not stealth.

I will probably never reach or try to reach passing on the street as female.  Being  transwoman validates me, as both male and female standards are out of reach, leaving me feeling like an outcast.  Especially as a preop/no-op.

Got challenged today - all it takes is a look - and went right into male survival presentation mode.  Crud.  Stupid societal boundaries anyway.  Supposed to protect the innocent not pick on us.  Crap.

So I identify at least to myself as transwoman and seeing that as valuable, important, and nurturing, and I really come out right here on the board, where my true personality begins to show forth.  In ways  that surprize me.

Then I go stealth male role again once out the door.

I am so screwed up from childhood and adult persecution.  How am I ever going to get over it.

Tired today.  Felt out of place, like I wasn't like anyone at all that I know of any gender, except here.

Thanks girls.

Quote from: anjaq on March 02, 2014, 12:50:02 PM
I am not sure either how to solve this. I had little issues up to now with others as my past was neutral enough to tell most of it no problem and i transitioned at 23. I thought of myself as a transwoman or transgender for some years, but really since i internally dripped that identification and acknowledged that my identity is just that of a woman who had to deal with a sex misassignment at birth due to some genetic issue, i feel better. That is how i see myself and i try to formulate answers to other people that brings that across. Using the shortcut transgender does not describe me well as it provokes different associations in other people. Occacionally i use transsexual if i have to disclose to a doctor to get my hrt or such. It still doen not fit, but is a better match. So "woman with a transsexual past" is maybe good - "bsbds woman" would be better but that label is not yet in use by many

I  definitely think BSBDS woman is definitely a better term . Everybody will just say women because BSBDS woman doesn't make for easy conversation if every other word is BSBDS woman

Satinjoy, don't pull yourself down there. I dont know your situation but lots of people made it to leave behind the forcefully applied male role and the wrong hormones acting on the body and all that - if this is what you really need, you will be able to do this eventually. To be in "survival mode" all life lon gis not a good state and I am not sure for how long that can last. Do what makes you happy.

Quote from: stephaniec on March 02, 2014, 08:30:57 PM
I  definitely think BSBDS woman is definitely a better term . Everybody will just say women because BSBDS woman doesn't make for easy conversation if every other word is BSBDS woman

Hehe - yeah - that is a good effect too. Of course it is just a new word, but I think personally bsBDS (http://www.acronymfinder.com/Brain_Sex%2FBody-Discrepancy-Syndrome-(BSBDS).html) describes me better than the other words. (Seems like some people use "B-Women" as a short for it though which is not the perfect abbreviation I think). I think that Acronym is not widespread yet - some people in Germany use it a lot, but its not mainstream, so I can only give links with detailled descriptions of the theory behind it in German (http://www.trans-evidence.com/Sie_sind_Ihr_Gehirn) - basically it is about a biological background for "transsexuality" - the brain is female, the rest of the body is in discrepancy to that and is shaped in a male way, the person whose identity and persona is located in the brain then feels a discrepancy which needs to be corrected by changing the rest of the body. It kind of is a focus on the purely physical/biological/body-image side of the issue and not on the issues with social roles, which are more a consequence of this discrepancy.

Edit-P.S.: The terms I used are part of the movement to move transsexuality away from the ICD classification block F (Mental and behavioural disorders) to the block Q (Congenital malformations, deformations and chromosomal abnormalities). Is there a movement in the US already that tried to reach that?

I'm with Peky, my gender , personality, whatever, hasn't changed. I'm the same as I ever was, just calmer or happier or however you put it.

Hmm transgender? I don't know but if someone would call me a transgender woman (after srs), i would be very upset. :'( Cause my gender is female. Transgender means like we're neither female or male. I'd prefer preoperative transwoman. And after the surgery only woman.  ;)

Quote from: beren_ts on March 03, 2014, 06:04:30 AM
Hmm transgender? I don't know but if someone would call me a transgender woman (after srs), i would be very upset. :'( Cause my gender is female. Transgender means like we're neither female or male. I'd prefer preoperative transwoman. And after the surgery only woman.  ;)

I really dont wish to upset or insult anyone , just my personal opinion...
but even after the surgery you are still a transwoman etc

We mtf are women we always have been...
just not biological though...

But still not wanting others to call you by the term trans seems rational to me...
cis women/trans women...they are both women...so yeah we are women

kinda,,i messed my thoughts here but whatever

Quote from: FalsePrincess on March 03, 2014, 08:07:56 AM
I really dont wish to upset or insult anyone , just my personal opinion...
but even after the surgery you are still a transwoman etc

We mtf are women we always have been...
just not biological though...

But still not wanting others to call you by the term trans seems rational to me...
cis women/trans women...they are both women...so yeah we are women

kinda,,i messed my thoughts here but whatever

yea, we are women. MY brain has viewed life growing up in a far more feminine way. I can't really say what thought processes would of occurred if I would of been put on estrogen when I stared dressing in girls clothes at 4. It would of been great if that would of happened. All I know now that its a perfect fit for me. I considered myself as always being female . So yea, I'm woman but I'm also transgender because my past is my past. I don't know I could be missing a few marbles some where , but it doesn't seem to be such a big deal seeing your self as trans.

First you can phrase things a little bit differently and adjust your narrative a bit so it is true, but leaves out certain details and you can move forward without feeling like you are lying about anything.

The way I handle it is I am not ashamed of my past, and will own it proudly if it comes to light, but I consider it private info that is rarely relevant and don't openly share it with anybody.  And yeah my narrative is adjusted, I will never say 'when I was a little boy' mostly because I do not believe I was ever a boy.  I did live as one though.  Anyway, I usually just say, 'when I was little' or something along those lines.  It works.

The term transgender, nope I don't use that.   Trans woman, ok, that one is fine I suppose. Adjective noun, like tall woman.  It's ok.   No transgender, no acronym nobody has heard of, and I avoid transsexual cause I just don't like how it sounds, but meh, I will use that one too in a pinch.

While I can understand the urge to get away from the word trans, substituting an acronym that no one knows is not going to help.

I make no secret of my past. I don't edit the stories, I tell them as they happened.

Quote from: kelly_aus on March 04, 2014, 04:07:50 PM
While I can understand the urge to get away from the word trans, substituting an acronym that no one knows is not going to help.

I make no secret of my past. I don't edit the stories, I tell them as they happened.

There is a difference between editing a story and adjusting a narrative to match the truth of things better or to be less confusing/distracting from whatever the point is you may be making.   I would not do the former. And the latter?  Everybody omits irrelevant details from stories allllll the time.  If they didn't, all stories would be so tedious and full of addenda and errata we would never get anything done.   There is nothing to feel guilty about for telling your story however you want, just don't lie, that's all.

And if you do feel guilty, then disclose everything, why not?  You make the rules.  We are all the stewards of our life's narrative, we get to chose how it is constructed.

Quote from: FalsePrincess on March 03, 2014, 08:07:56 AM
We mtf are women we always have been...
just not biological though...

I don't mean to disagree with you (and in fact I don't! I am just raising this as I think its interesting discussion) but, do you mean designated female at birth rather than 'biological'? There are 'cis' girls who are not 'XX'. There are multiple forms of genders, both genetically, psychologically and physiologically, who are assigned to binary genders at birth, who are either 'trans' or not, depending on where the x was marked on the page. Who does define what gender sombody was born as,  how is it defined and how do we know when somebody has transitioned it?

If I am xy but phenotypically female, what is my gender? If  am xy, psychologically male but phenotypically female, what is my gender? In order to decide whether one has trans-ed genders, then one must define gender and *that* isn't so straight forward.

I suppose its easy to decide what it means to you, wher you draw the line, but generally people don't agree. I suppose, having reflected on it, I would like to define gender as who you are when you close your eyes. The rest is just biology, like colour of your hair, heght, cleft palate, whatever. If that where true then none of us would have changed gender so much as had to correct body discrepancies. I suppose that is the push from another thread, that talks about renaming transgender to, was it brain sex body discrepancy?

Waffle waffle

syrup.

Quote from: Jen on March 04, 2014, 04:43:09 PM
There is a difference between editing a story and adjusting a narrative to match the truth of things better or to be less confusing/distracting from whatever the point is you may be making.   I would not do the former. And the latter?  Everybody omits irrelevant details from stories allllll the time.  If they didn't, all stories would be so tedious and full of addenda and errata we would never get anything done.   There is nothing to feel guilty about for telling your story however you want, just don't lie, that's all.

And if you do feel guilty, then disclose everything, why not?  You make the rules.  We are all the stewards of our life's narrative, we get to chose how it is constructed.

What I meant is that I don't modify a story from my past to make it seem like I was a woman at the time..

Quote from: kelly_aus on March 04, 2014, 06:31:58 PM
What I meant is that I don't modify a story from my past to make it seem like I was a woman at the time..

I'm ambivalent about doing that but how do you deal with the awkwardness of it when meeting new people? When I can tell that a virtual stranger literally has no idea, it's hugely distracting to be talking about something completely different and then having to distract from the conversation by explaining that I was a boy as a kid.

Quote from: anjaq on March 03, 2014, 04:37:40 AM
Satinjoy, don't pull yourself down there. I dont know your situation but lots of people made it to leave behind the forcefully applied male role and the wrong hormones acting on the body and all that - if this is what you really need, you will be able to do this eventually. To be in "survival mode" all life lon gis not a good state and I am not sure for how long that can last. Do what makes you happy.
Hehe - yeah - that is a good effect too. Of course it is just a new word, but I think personally bsBDS (http://www.acronymfinder.com/Brain_Sex%2FBody-Discrepancy-Syndrome-(BSBDS).html) describes me better than the other words. (Seems like some people use "B-Women" as a short for it though which is not the perfect abbreviation I think). I think that Acronym is not widespread yet - some people in Germany use it a lot, but its not mainstream, so I can only give links with detailled descriptions of the theory behind it in German (http://www.trans-evidence.com/Sie_sind_Ihr_Gehirn) - basically it is about a biological background for "transsexuality" - the brain is female, the rest of the body is in discrepancy to that and is shaped in a male way, the person whose identity and persona is located in the brain then feels a discrepancy which needs to be corrected by changing the rest of the body. It kind of is a focus on the purely physical/biological/body-image side of the issue and not on the issues with social roles, which are more a consequence of this discrepancy.

Edit-P.S.: The terms I used are part of the movement to move transsexuality away from the ICD classification block F (Mental and behavioural disorders) to the block Q (Congenital malformations, deformations and chromosomal abnormalities). Is there a movement in the US already that tried to reach that?

It doesn't look like there's much of a movement , but could be wrong nothing on internet yet but I'm researching

Quote from: mandonlym on March 04, 2014, 08:44:16 PM
I'm ambivalent about doing that but how do you deal with the awkwardness of it when meeting new people? When I can tell that a virtual stranger literally has no idea, it's hugely distracting to be talking about something completely different and then having to distract from the conversation by explaining that I was a boy as a kid.

Unless they ask questions, I don't bother explaining.

What does it mean to be born as a woman or be a biological woman - what is the thing that defines gender. To me it is the brain and in that sense I am a biological female and was born a birl but I had the wrong gonads and thus my whole body developed in the wrong way. I dont like to fixate gender on the genitals at birth - obviously this is wrong - or at the chromosomes - even worse ... so If someone asks me if I was born a man, male or as a boy - I will say no as this is how I have come to see it. And it is not a lie.

Quote from: anjaq on March 06, 2014, 05:38:16 PM
What does it mean to be born as a woman or be a biological woman - what is the thing that defines gender. To me it is the brain and in that sense I am a biological female and was born a birl but I had the wrong gonads and thus my whole body developed in the wrong way. I dont like to fixate gender on the genitals at birth - obviously this is wrong - or at the chromosomes - even worse ... so If someone asks me if I was born a man, male or as a boy - I will say no as this is how I have come to see it. And it is not a lie.

I feel the same way.

Quote from: anjaq on March 06, 2014, 05:38:16 PM
What does it mean to be born as a woman or be a biological woman - what is the thing that defines gender. To me it is the brain and in that sense I am a biological female and was born a birl but I had the wrong gonads and thus my whole body developed in the wrong way. I dont like to fixate gender on the genitals at birth - obviously this is wrong - or at the chromosomes - even worse ... so If someone asks me if I was born a man, male or as a boy - I will say no as this is how I have come to see it. And it is not a lie.

I totally agree the more I live and try to understand my self and why I've lived and thought and reacted to my environment the way I have, I have to assume my brain developed female . It's really the only explanation for why I'm like the way I am. My dreams have evolved along a progression of castration to full womanhood and that's my subconscious talking which is a result of my brain being wired that way. My brain has been like this since birth. My brain has develop female and body tried to compensate.

Oh. My. God.

People, really, seriously and honestly...

I'm gonna put this right out there. Who **CARES** what you call yourself?! If your social presentation is female then you're female. If yours is male, it's male. If it's neither, it's neither. If it's both, it's both.

Putting so much thought and energy into 'what do I call myself' is something that a LOT of us do early on. Truth is, after a while, IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! No one cares what you call yourself. Really. You're the 'T' under the LGBTQAI umbrella but the word that you use to define yourself is what it is.

Congratulations to everyone who was able to overlook the social conditioning and really figure out who and what you are but really, get on with living life and stop navel-gazing. I'm glad that you've started down this wonderful path of trying to get all up and done with self-acceptance but, really, I'ma gonna tell you a secret:

The whole point to transition is to live a life. You'll figure yourself out while you're living it but, really, all the arm-chair philosophizing in the world cannot and will not help you with this kinda thing without getting out there, doing your thing, and discovering the answers in the ways that you move in and out of social situations, career and life goals, and all those wonderful unexpected experiences that life throws your way.

It is *not*, really, about trying to figure it all out before you start walking in your own shoes.

Love,
Me.

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on March 06, 2014, 06:23:36 PM
Oh. My. God.

People, really, seriously and honestly...

I'm gonna put this right out there. Who **CARES** what you call yourself?! If your social presentation is female then you're female. If yours is male, it's male. If it's neither, it's neither. If it's both, it's both.

Putting so much thought and energy into 'what do I call myself' is something that a LOT of us do early on. Truth is, after a while, IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! No one cares what you call yourself. Really. You're the 'T' under the LGBTQAI umbrella but the word that you use to define yourself is what it is.

Congratulations to everyone who was able to overlook the social conditioning and really figure out who and what you are but really, get on with living life and stop navel-gazing. I'm glad that you've started down this wonderful path of trying to get all up and done with self-acceptance but, really, I'ma gonna tell you a secret:

The whole point to transition is to live a life. You'll figure yourself out while you're living it but, really, all the arm-chair philosophizing in the world cannot and will not help you with this kinda thing without getting out there, doing your thing, and discovering the answers in the ways that you move in and out of social situations, career and life goals, and all those wonderful unexpected experiences that life throws your way.

It is *not*, really, about trying to figure it all out before you start walking in your own shoes.

Love,
Me.

Victoria you new picture looks very nice

Quote from: stephaniec on March 06, 2014, 07:34:21 PM
Victoria you new picture looks very nice

I was going to say the same thing, then decided it would be taking your thread off topic.  Since you did first, I'll second this :P

Thanks, folks. It's straight out of the stylist so I was kinda cheating there.  ;D

I would not be so eager to put new acronyms in there but I think if the old ones plainly do not describe things well enough, why not. May be pointless, I dont know, but I think that language is majorlky important to human beings, humans are cultural beings and language is a transporter of culture. If the culture still holds the mythology of us being "men who became women" or "men who had a sex change" or even "women who have been men before" (thats already a big leap right there) and this is transported in the language, including the names the culture gives to people like some of us here - "trans-gender" (someone who has changed social role) I feel it is inadequate. Yes I know, this was used as an umbrella term and I was there when that whole discussion was still burning if that is a good idea back in the 1990ies - I changed my mind. It is the least common denominator and for some it is not even that (like Shantel here for example or others who actually did not change social role completely but still have changed their bodies considerably). But it in imprecise. In Germany they invented a new word a while ago - it means poorly translated "trans-identity" or something like that. The idea was that it is not about sex (as in intimate acts) but about how people identify. It was a stupid move as taken literally it means that people change their identity. Which usually they dont because they identified as the same gender before and after a transition.

So I guess it is situational - if I have the luxury of being precise, I will try to be that and describe myself as a woman who had a birth defect - consisting of a missing X gonosome resulting in the growth of gonads that did not match my brain and as a result of that a body that was misshaped by testosterone as well as a gender misassignment at birth - or something along that line. The important thing is that I am a woman in the brain and that this is who I am, not my gonads. So I am a "brain-woman" then who suffered greatly from not having the body to match the brain.
If I dont have that luxury, I do as of yet not see a good way to avoid the imprecise and partially false shortcuts of using "transsexual" or "transgendered" even though I usually immediately notice that people switch in their minds from treating me just as a woman with some odd birth defect or hormonal imbalance or whatever they think of me before into something like a "third gender" - getting a special treatment. This, I try to avoid.

Quote from: anjaq on March 06, 2014, 05:38:16 PM
What does it mean to be born as a woman or be a biological woman - what is the thing that defines gender. To me it is the brain and in that sense I am a biological female and was born a birl but I had the wrong gonads and thus my whole body developed in the wrong way. I dont like to fixate gender on the genitals at birth - obviously this is wrong - or at the chromosomes - even worse ... so If someone asks me if I was born a man, male or as a boy - I will say no as this is how I have come to see it. And it is not a lie.

This is how i see it too! But the reverse for me cause I'm a guy.  :)

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on March 06, 2014, 10:08:51 PM
Thanks, folks. It's straight out of the stylist so I was kinda cheating there.  ;D

not to beleaguer the fact, but it does make you look great.

Quote from: anjaq on March 07, 2014, 02:32:39 AM
I would not be so eager to put new acronyms in there but I think if the old ones plainly do not describe things well enough, why not. May be pointless, I dont know, but I think that language is majorlky important to human beings, humans are cultural beings and language is a transporter of culture. If the culture still holds the mythology of us being "men who became women" or "men who had a sex change" or even "women who have been men before" (thats already a big leap right there) and this is transported in the language, including the names the culture gives to people like some of us here - "trans-gender" (someone who has changed social role) I feel it is inadequate. Yes I know, this was used as an umbrella term and I was there when that whole discussion was still burning if that is a good idea back in the 1990ies - I changed my mind. It is the least common denominator and for some it is not even that (like Shantel here for example or others who actually did not change social role completely but still have changed their bodies considerably). But it in imprecise. In Germany they invented a new word a while ago - it means poorly translated "trans-identity" or something like that. The idea was that it is not about sex (as in intimate acts) but about how people identify. It was a stupid move as taken literally it means that people change their identity. Which usually they dont because they identified as the same gender before and after a transition.

So I guess it is situational - if I have the luxury of being precise, I will try to be that and describe myself as a woman who had a birth defect - consisting of a missing X gonosome resulting in the growth of gonads that did not match my brain and as a result of that a body that was misshaped by testosterone as well as a gender misassignment at birth - or something along that line. The important thing is that I am a woman in the brain and that this is who I am, not my gonads. So I am a "brain-woman" then who suffered greatly from not having the body to match the brain.
If I dont have that luxury, I do as of yet not see a good way to avoid the imprecise and partially false shortcuts of using "transsexual" or "transgendered" even though I usually immediately notice that people switch in their minds from treating me just as a woman with some odd birth defect or hormonal imbalance or whatever they think of me before into something like a "third gender" - getting a special treatment. This, I try to avoid.

It does seem that people use the term transgender to relate to a third gender. I guess that's  the problem with people wanting to use the word to refer to them selves.  Just to be able to describe your self in a way that encompasses past and present without dragging along all the misconceptions would be beneficial so you can discuss your life in a neutral way without bringing in the concept of the third gender. People say their anorexic and the conversation can proceed without going into another area of discussion. You say you had a medical condition when you were born  called BSBDS conversation complete move on. Being a medical term people put it in a different category mentally then trans = jerry springer.

Well I think it just is a difference if one is identified or identifies oneself with such a term or if one uses it as an adjective. Like lets say "I AM transgender" is different from "I had/suffered from transsexuality/bsBDS/being born in the wrong body". I know people will say "I am an alcoholic" or "I am disabled" or "I am deaf" - but in reality they do not identify themselves by it, it is a part of them, an adjective, a property. But "I am transgenderd" for some reason means that really this is your identity - as it is about gender and sex and those are fundamental for every persons identity much more than the ability to hear or drink alcohol.
So your weirdness then is not about some property you have, which usually is quite accepted, but it is about who you are deep inside in the heart of your identity and personality and this freaks people out. So if I can, I try to reshape my words ina way that make this whole trans-whatever issue a property of myself while I myself remain a woman. So my core identity and personality and soul is female but I happen to have as a property a condition that made me look male for a while. I try to not let others transport this PROPERTY into my IDENTITY as they see me...

I say to myself everyday - I am transgender and that is ok.

Honestly, I have never wanted to be "normal" there is no normal anyway. I can't see anyone who wishes to have conflicting gender issues either.

However everyone has degrees of differences and beliefs so being normal is a state of mind. What I think we need to strive for is that being trans is natural and that is ok so maybe we don't have to hide the fact that we were once male, or female or enjoy going back and forth. That "humans" are just like that.

I've hid the fact that I am transgender from myself and everyone and still hide it from people I know in RL. If and when I come out and transition I don't see why I would want to hide/avoid/lie about the fact that I am trans. It seems to me like I'd be doing the same thing I have been for the last 20+ years - running from myself...

On the other hand, I grew up being teased all the time about being short and skin ect ect. So I understand why you wouldn't want to regard yourself as trans and thus open yourself up to hatred/teasing ect

Aina, why do you want to transition, what is your goal there. I mean you are driven towards that but what is at the core of that wish - is it that you want to be accepted fully as a female in society and/or have a female body? Or is it that you want to be a special person who is trans and seen as such - a third gender? The stupid thing is, that you probably cannot have both, cause people will see you as one OR the other. They may say "I accept you to be a woman" or something like that but depp down they often don't. Thats sad but I heard it many times. One will notice in conversations then when they make an invisible border talking about "us" (meaning ciswomen) and "you". If pointed towards that they just did this, they will find excuses like that you cannot have babies, dont have a period or cannot experience some of the other things that most women experience and are familiar with and thus are different. But thats flawed because they would not draw this line if there was a woman who had her ovaries removed present. In the worst case they will even tell you that you cannot know this or that because you have not grown up as a girl or because your body is male. Personally I hate this invisible line that is overplayed with "but I DO accept you AS as woman" (already implying that you ARE not, but that you are just something that is LIKE a woman). Mabye it it stupid and will drive me crazy to notice such things and I should just turn off these sensors and just go by the words and be happy, but I doubt I cannot do that.

There is nothing wrong with being "transgender" or "transsexual", my past is my past, I had male gonads and they distored my body but I dont have to tell this to everyone, it kind of defies my own process of healing which requires to not be regarded as "trans" but primarily as a woman who had some issues with her body in childhood and youth. So technically I am within the definition of "transgender" the way it is used on this webiste - when it comes to medical definitions I was (or am? or is it not more of a process than a status?) "transsexual" - but I do not really want to apply that term to me in everyday life. I use these terms for convenience when writing here or talking to doctors.

That's good to hear Aina. You should never try to escape your past. Even how much you want to do so, it's still a part of you.

I only use transsexual as an indicator of the medical condition I have. Hoping not to be too redundant here, but to be more specific, I view this simply as a curable birth defect; or what I call a transsexual medical condition. In other words, I am a young woman with a transsexual birth defect. With SRS, that itself is the cure to this particular problem in my life, and like Anja says, my past will be my past, in this particular case, I do not want it to, nor should it, impact my present or my future. I only would want woman, young woman (given my age), or female applied to me at that time. I wish merely to blend in as simply another woman in society, with the number of people knowing my medical history at that point less than the number of fingers on my hands I use to type this message; likely my future husband, and, certainly assuredly, any family that knew me prior to transition. Those are the only ones. I wish not to stick out, I merely wish to go on with life, as a normal woman, as I have been doing, and moreso, given SRS, in hopefully my very near future.

I do not use terms like "transwoman", or "transgender", or the like (cannot think of others offhand), to describe myself.  By the site TOS, I cannot mind if others to do so to me. So be it, that is certainly within the jurisdiction of the forum, and, namely, and in particular, its administrators; I respect their decision to have such policy, policies in place, regarding this matter, for whatever reason. But I still have that individual freedom to disavow myself of such terms, on a personal level. That cannot be taken away from me. In the majority of cases, though not all, I do not mind what you call yourself. Typically, as long as it remains within the norms of humanity, it will likely be okay by me. Last I checked, nobody in here is psychofrogily inverted. 

I do not accept these terms, because: transwoman, to me, means transgender woman. I take issue with the term transgender for similar reasons: my gender has always been female, that is not what I am fixing. Rather, it is my sex, which I my own purposes only, as what is between my legs. Disagree? Well, that's fine, as long as we can respect each other's differences as to each our own opinion, belief, or so on. Just how I judge the determinant of my body's sex. Thus, I see my personal problem as sex identity based, not gender identity based. Alas, it should be female, with a uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, etc. but it pains me so heavily to say it lacks these. SRS is not perfect, in that respect, but it is good enough, and will have to do.

Quote from: anjaq on March 11, 2014, 04:24:57 AM
Aina, why do you want to transition, what is your goal there. I mean you are driven towards that but what is at the core of that wish - is it that you want to be accepted fully as a female in society and/or have a female body? Or is it that you want to be a special person who is trans and seen as such - a third gender? The stupid thing is, that you probably cannot have both, cause people will see you as one OR the other. They may say "I accept you to be a woman" or something like that but depp down they often don't. Thats sad but I heard it many times. One will notice in conversations then when they make an invisible border talking about "us" (meaning ciswomen) and "you". If pointed towards that they just did this, they will find excuses like that you cannot have babies, dont have a period or cannot experience some of the other things that most women experience and are familiar with and thus are different. But thats flawed because they would not draw this line if there was a woman who had her ovaries removed present. In the worst case they will even tell you that you cannot know this or that because you have not grown up as a girl or because your body is male. Personally I hate this invisible line that is overplayed with "but I DO accept you AS as woman" (already implying that you ARE not, but that you are just something that is LIKE a woman). Mabye it it stupid and will drive me crazy to notice such things and I should just turn off these sensors and just go by the words and be happy, but I doubt I cannot do that.

There is nothing wrong with being "transgender" or "transsexual", my past is my past, I had male gonads and they distored my body but I dont have to tell this to everyone, it kind of defies my own process of healing which requires to not be regarded as "trans" but primarily as a woman who had some issues with her body in childhood and youth. So technically I am within the definition of "transgender" the way it is used on this webiste - when it comes to medical definitions I was (or am? or is it not more of a process than a status?) "transsexual" - but I do not really want to apply that term to me in everyday life. I use these terms for convenience when writing here or talking to doctors.

Honestly that is the question I have had no luck answering other then because I just really want to be a girl. I've presented as being female on online for 15+ years now and just enjoy being treated and "seen" (I use that lightly) as a girl and I want to look and present like one in real life. I don't understand how I came to wanting just remember as far back as I can I had dreams and wishes. I know it might also sound like it goes against what I am saying.

I have a few friends online who is openly transgender and they are both women, at least I view them as such. I find something extremely beautiful and amazingly strong about not being afraid of being open about being transgender even when they pass.

I suppose because I am such a whimp about almost everything in my life I just really look up to people like her or those in the media that been coming out and saying "look at me".

My question is why can't we be both transgender and women, or transgender and men when we transition to our desired gender. Do you not feel that hiding it may ultimately hurt us a little bit in the end? (Not to say there is anything wrong with hiding it - I am sure I'd most likely hide the fact from people as well...)

Maybe I just day-dream to much.  :)

Quote from: GorJess on March 11, 2014, 05:09:44 AM
I only use transsexual as an indicator of the medical condition ....

Exactly!

I have never used the term 'transgender' and never will. I was diagnosed Transsexual in 1966 and the term fit better than anything before or since. It was a medical condition, it was corrected in 1974, and life has been fine ever since. I will sometimes use the term transsexual in a medical context but that's all. They can keep changing the terms, forming alliances here or there, or redefining things but, to me, it just seems to muddy the waters in what was a clear-cut case.

Quote from: Aina on March 11, 2014, 12:26:08 PM
Honestly that is the question I have had no luck answering other then because I just really want to be a girl. I've presented as being female on online for 15+ years now and just enjoy being treated and "seen" (I use that lightly) as a girl and I want to look and present like one in real life. I don't understand how I came to wanting just remember as far back as I can I had dreams and wishes. I know it might also sound like it goes against what I am saying.

I have a few friends online who is openly transgender and they are both women, at least I view them as such. I find something extremely beautiful and amazingly strong about not being afraid of being open about being transgender even when they pass.

I suppose because I am such a whimp about almost everything in my life I just really look up to people like her or those in the media that been coming out and saying "look at me".

My question is why can't we be both transgender and women, or transgender and men when we transition to our desired gender. Do you not feel that hiding it may ultimately hurt us a little bit in the end? (Not to say there is anything wrong with hiding it - I am sure I'd most likely hide the fact from people as well...)

Maybe I just day-dream to much.  :)

I totally understand why people just want to be seen as there true gender, totally understandable .For me personally it just doesn't bother me in the least for being seen as a trans women. I admit I've had too many LSD trips in my life that has probably caused a major shift in parts of my brain. Plus the fact that I admit I've been on the other side of the tracks , so how people perceive me has a different effect on me. I've been female all my life , but it hasn't been till recently that physically I'm changing. I've lived life physically presenting male. I wish it was different ,but its the way it is. I admire Northern Jane for having lived her life properly and I totally understand her position. given the late onset of my transitioning is a lot of the reason I see my self differently in the sense of how people view me. Everyone needs to be themselves and view themselves how they see fit. To be honest my personal life is easier to explain if I choose  the term transgender because I haven't had srs yet. I'm transitioning. Of course the term BSBDS also fits if I'm having an open conversation and the totality of my life experience needs to be explained in a nut shell. then again if no body asks I'm just a woman.

Aina - I think I do agree there that it would be great if I could be telling people about my condition, as Northern Jane described it - a medical condition that was at least to a good degree corrected. But I would not like to use the term transgender without a reallyreally good explanation in what way this term applies to me. There are so many people and conditions and lifestlyes that run under that term that simply using it as an explanation of who I am would not work as people would have a specific image for themselves about that. For some it is "men who want to be like women" or it is "people who do a lot of surgeries to be perfect women" or it is "women who have been men before" - rarely it is really "women who had a medical condition that was resolved". As I said, it would be great if that was the view - that others would if I tell them I have transsexualism or "am transgendered" or had bsBDS they would get from that exactly that how I see it, that I am a woman who has had some odd birth defect and was equipped with the wrong gonads during pregnancy which then caused the whole body and social gender assignment to go wrong but that conditions has a treatment and I underwent it. But thats not about it now. It is now still about me "having been a man" or about this whole gender queer stuff, about gender roles and the lot, about boys playing soccer and girls reading books and clothes and makeup and that whole pile of gender nonsense that is just a small part of why I was seeking the help I got. But for most people if they hear "transgender" it is about a person who wants to behave or be treated differently from his "biological sex/gender".

They don't get it and that is why I prefer not to tell them except if I really have the impression that a person is intelligent and empathic enough to understand and I have the time to explain.

I am considering to do a short summary of my condition, a narrative that I can tell and which is correct from my view and describes how it was for me, why I got the treatments I needed and why I have some features that are exotic and maybe even why I look like a boy in old pictures - but that does not at the same time immediately cause people to connBut I am not sure how.

Transitioning later is of course making such things a bit harder. I got medical treatments and a new name at 23, Northern Jane even earlier - so there is not too much that was going on before that. I have now lived the vast majority of my adult life with at least some of the proper treatments and with a name and social role that fits, my childhood was at least partially ok as well, so it is basically only that time from being 11 to 21 that is really bugging me in terms of somethng I do not like to talk about too much. Things would be different if I had a wife, kids, carreer, maybe public standing and all that - whoich many of the later transitioners have. So I cannot really say how I would see it if that was my situation...

Quote from: anjaq on March 16, 2014, 04:41:30 AM
Aina - I think I do agree there that it would be great if I could be telling people about my condition, as Northern Jane described it - a medical condition that was at least to a good degree corrected. But I would not like to use the term transgender without a reallyreally good explanation in what way this term applies to me. There are so many people and conditions and lifestlyes that run under that term that simply using it as an explanation of who I am would not work as people would have a specific image for themselves about that. For some it is "men who want to be like women" or it is "people who do a lot of surgeries to be perfect women" or it is "women who have been men before" - rarely it is really "women who had a medical condition that was resolved". As I said, it would be great if that was the view - that others would if I tell them I have transsexualism or "am transgendered" or had bsBDS they would get from that exactly that how I see it, that I am a woman who has had some odd birth defect and was equipped with the wrong gonads during pregnancy which then caused the whole body and social gender assignment to go wrong but that conditions has a treatment and I underwent it. But thats not about it now. It is now still about me "having been a man" or about this whole gender queer stuff, about gender roles and the lot, about boys playing soccer and girls reading books and clothes and makeup and that whole pile of gender nonsense that is just a small part of why I was seeking the help I got. But for most people if they hear "transgender" it is about a person who wants to behave or be treated differently from his "biological sex/gender".

They don't get it and that is why I prefer not to tell them except if I really have the impression that a person is intelligent and empathic enough to understand and I have the time to explain.

I am considering to do a short summary of my condition, a narrative that I can tell and which is correct from my view and describes how it was for me, why I got the treatments I needed and why I have some features that are exotic and maybe even why I look like a boy in old pictures - but that does not at the same time immediately cause people to connBut I am not sure how.

Transitioning later is of course making such things a bit harder. I got medical treatments and a new name at 23, Northern Jane even earlier - so there is not too much that was going on before that. I have now lived the vast majority of my adult life with at least some of the proper treatments and with a name and social role that fits, my childhood was at least partially ok as well, so it is basically only that time from being 11 to 21 that is really bugging me in terms of somethng I do not like to talk about too much. Things would be different if I had a wife, kids, carreer, maybe public standing and all that - whoich many of the later transitioners have. So I cannot really say how I would see it if that was my situation...

I think maybe what is going to have to happen is for society to evolve where we don't have to worry about explaining ourselves and our past conditions . I t's just going to take a long time and I won't be around when that happens. Until  that happens we just have to live each day the best we can and except ours selves for who we are and deal with it the best we can. I know I have a doctors appointment tomorrow for the state to determine my disability and I'm wondering about how I'm going to explain why I have breasts . It's going to be interesting . Luckily it not a factor in the disability out come.

Well in a way of course an ideal society that accepts everything is the solution for everything. I think that is not needed and it is utopian. But What I really think would be a goal that is a possiblity is to make it public that transsexualism is a biological condition. It is not a psychologcial one, it is not "men who want to be women" or such as it is seen now but it is, as was even originally said by Benjamin, a form of DSD or "intersexuality" in which parts of the brain develop female while the gonads develop male (or vice versa). And since "we are our brains" - our personality and identity is based in the brain, that part is what is central, what defines us - not the gonads or the chromosomes. And the conclusion is simple - we are our brains, our brains are having a sex, our gonads have a different sex, the gonads shape the rest of the body by hormones, since we are our brain and our brain has a sex, the thing that has to change to resolve the discrepancy is the body, the gonads, the hormones. Its a medical condition, it is not a lifestyle, it is not about social roles primarily, although of course they are important as a secondary issue as we suffer from being pushed in the wrong one - or rather fail at actually filling the gender role expectations put upüon us by society that only looks at the gonads. If we get this across, that the brain is always since birth of the sex that we know it is even if that is at mismatch with the gonads, it would not be an issue any more to say I had the wrong gonads as a birth defect than someone else having misshaped genitalia, a deformity of the face or anything else. This weird exceptionalism just because it is about sex and gender is quite odd.
However - to allow this to happen, I believe one has to distinguish between the various forms of "Transgender". It is ok to form an alliance under the umbrella term, but I think it is also needed to distinguish internally and make clear that it is an alliance and not one group of people who are all the same. There ar emany motvations for someone to "change gender". And I think not a big part of the people under that term are experiencing what I described above. Some experience life more as people who do not fit into a rigid social gender role and want to leave that - maybe enter the other one on a bipolar scheme, maybe not. In that case the main motivation is a social one and the needs of this expression of transgender are different than those of the ones who mainly want to change their body to match. There are so many differnt kinds and I think it is tough for us to understand them and it is impossible for outsiders to understand it, so they will jsut take one of these expressions, universalize it and then apply it to anyone being "out" about "being transgender".
So for me it is mainly a body thing. My brain is female, my behaviour is female, I need a female body and if that goes along with a female social role, that is fine. But if I tell someone "I am transgender", some of them will then think that it is mainly about "livng as a female" or "changing from male role to female role" or that I change my body just to conform to the gender expectations that I need to fulfil when I am changing the social role - eg I do HT and surgeries only to "pass" well and to fit well in my new social role. So it is reversed. Because of ocurse there are many people with that different focus and it is hard to explain to people with a single word 2transgender" that I am not like that but almost the opposite. This somehow has to be resolved and I think part of how that has to be done will be to take "transgender" as a federal principle - as a group of people with very different stories and motivations and goals who have some common ground  but who also accept that the members are different.

well, I can't find any thing I disagree with. I know my brain has guided me along this path since birth. It's felt as though I've been twisted out of shape and the body has constantly tried to realign itself. Public acceptance would help quite a bit. Being forced into one gender over the other against the will of the true gender is definitely not a solution. the acceptance as a medical condition rather some sexual conflict seems to be the proper path.