Susan's Place Transgender Resources

We moved in with my parents about a week ago and will need to be here for a few months, probably close to a year, to save enough money to buy a house. My mother is as supportive as she can be right now, but my father isn't. He was for the most part until about a month ago, when we talked about what I'm going through and I said I did feel he was supportive when he expressed he was worried he wasn't. I did back then. Unfortunately, since then, it's been a different story for some reason. I'm not sure why.

It feels like he goes out of his way to put me down every chance he gets. He still calls me by my birth name and makes sure to remind me frequently that he will always see me as a female, whether it's verbally or the way he treats me. He's the kind of person who doesn't listen, so sharing facts and studies with him won't do anything to change his mind. He is willing to be in direct opposition to modern science and medicine when it's something that contradicts his personal feelings, and nothing can sway him. As I continuously refuse to let him disrespect me, the situation is getting worse, not better. I don't care if I never convince him that what I'm going through is real, but I do care about the way he acts.

Not sure what kind of advice I need, but anything would work.

Quote from: Declan. on March 02, 2014, 03:34:26 PM
We moved in with my parents about a week ago and will need to be here for a few months, probably close to a year, to save enough money to buy a house. My mother is as supportive as she can be right now, but my father isn't. He was for the most part until about a month ago, when we talked about what I'm going through and I said I did feel he was supportive when he expressed he was worried he wasn't. I did back then. Unfortunately, since then, it's been a different story for some reason. I'm not sure why.

It feels like he goes out of his way to put me down every chance he gets. He still calls me by my birth name and makes sure to remind me frequently that he will always see me as a female, whether it's verbally or the way he treats me. He's the kind of person who doesn't listen, so sharing facts and studies with him won't do anything to change his mind. He is willing to be in direct opposition to modern science and medicine when it's something that contradicts his personal feelings, and nothing can sway him. As I continuously refuse to let him disrespect me, the situation is getting worse, not better. I don't care if I never convince him that what I'm going through is real, but I do care about the way he acts.

Not sure what kind of advice I need, but anything would work.

This strikes me as somewhat pertinent, hon. By the sounds of it, he does what he does to get a reaction from you. He has his own, stubborn world view, and nothing pleases him more than to see you react to what he does.

My advice would be to let your actions speak for you. Don't try and convince him you're a man. Just be the man you know you are and let him deal with that. If he addresses you incorrectly, ignore him. If he makes derogatory remarks, assume they're being made about someone who isn't you. Get on with being who you know you are and let him have to deal with his own issues in his own way. You deserve that.

Sweetie, how someone sees you doesn't equate to who you are. And the more you just be yourself with those around you.. the more ones who act this way look exceedingly foolish by clinging onto something which doesn't exist. The only person they make look an idiot is themselves. And eventually they see that. When they are the only ones left being obstinate and belligerent, they see how it makes them look.

*hugs*

My dad is like that too. Completely stubborn and rarely will consider anything that goes against his pre-established ideas. But he has, in time, at least started trying. I think he just needed to realize that this was actually a thing and it wasn't going away.

I don't know if that makes you feel any better. I just know that even the most stubborn people will change in time. All the people who said "I will NEVER call you anything but birthname" now use my proper name.

Since he's not open to being convinced and refuses to be respectful about it would ignoring him work? If he uses the wrong name or gender just don't listen to him. If your mother and everyone else could do the same, whether you are around or not it would probably help him realise he's not being very cool.

Thanks for the advice.

My partner agrees that ignoring him when he does that is probably the best route to take. I can't control what he does, no, but I can control whether I respond to it or not. I'm a bit concerned that it'll make my relationship with him rockier, but it's getting damaged enough as it is. I think I may see if he's willing to go to family counseling. He's usually more open to things when it comes from a third party.