Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Kia Ora,

Blending in = Being totally accepted as one of the female/male tribe members...

When I started my transitional journey I had no idea what the future would hold regarding the social acceptance of "blending in"... I naturally had this desire to but had no way of really knowing/anticipating  the outcome...However I was fortunate in that the dice fell in my favour...

Some trans-people (pre transition) are quite confident about their ability to blend in...Others have said they  never dreamed that they would blend in,(a snowball in hell's chance) but they did and quite successfully ....

So I was just wondering...Were/are you one of them? Did/do you know what the "blending in" future holds/held for you?

Metta Anatta :)

Pre-transition I assumed I'd never blend in and I was OK with that, I just wanted to be me.

Almost 4 years later, I find I do. Which came as a pleasant surprise. But it does bring up one small issue. There are people in my life who know I'm trans and there are those that don't and I've noticed there is a very subtle difference in the way each group treats me. Don't ask me to be specific about what it is, I have no idea, I just can't quite put my finger on it..

I had no freakin' clue how I'd end up looking, to be honest.  I figured worst-case that I'd just end up having surgeries until I was there.

When I started on estrogen, I still wasn't even keen on transitioning.  I was just waiting for an outcome.  If it didn't work, I would have been frankly quite relieved that I wouldn't have to go through this process and see what the transsexual wrecking ball would take out of my life.  Let's face it, I looked like a shaven ape in a dress.

Of course, estrogen was the magic bullet for me, as I found out about 2 hours later.  A few weeks later I just felt so feminine inside that I never wanted to present male again.  Did I really look that different?  Not really.  My hair was still a bit thin up top, I only had 2 laser sessions under my belt, my guy muscles were pretty obvious and my demeanor was still off.  I went full time long before male fail, but I took that opportunity as a sort of baptism by fire, forced immersion or sink-or-swim kind of thing.  If I could present myself as female then and be accepted as such, then it would be no problem later on and getting through the growing pains very early in transition felt right.   

Well, a year later, still no surgery and I think I'm doing pretty well.  People stopped double-taking me months ago and I didn't even get clocked by a drag queen over the weekend.

I was sure that I would never blend in, or be accepted. I was extremely masculine in appearance, and figured that no matter what happened, I wouldn't blend in.

Now, almost 2 years in, I pass completely, and am fully accepted as just another one of the girls. I often meet with trans women just starting transition, who say they have found quite a bit of motivation from my story. I show them pictures of before, and at times, I will use my old voice for them.

I was kind of curious if I would blend in at all. So I did my homework and passed from day one. I credit preparedness and confidence as well as Therapy and HRT. :) Of course it is not really hard when you are living your real life and not a fake existence either.

I cared a ton about blending in for 34 years. Then one day sitting on my couch in the living room I just didn't care anymore. Needed to be me, so, I went for it.

I've had experiences of being gendered appropriately wearing nothing but a hooded sweatshirt and pants and my hair tied back, looking all amuss. I was also misgendered twice three weeks ago while all dressed up for work and at my writing group where I was wearing something between corporate and slob. I have good days but I still don't blend in. Any 5 foot 10 blonde woman though, pretty much can't expect to.

There are circles that I'm excepted despite my past being visible. Those circles are also much larger than the ones where I get occasional mistreatment. Good enough for me.

No I didn't know. I'm satisfied how things have progressed.

To be honest I was in the "don't have a snowball's chance in hell" camp...too tall, too bald, voice too deep,  too obviously a genetic male...all things I figured would stand in the way of me passing. And apparently not true as I don't seem to attract any double takes. Pretty glad I finally stopped listening to my internal doubts.

No way could I pass. I just had to live. Now? Totally accepted. Totally pass. and as a decade younger. The magic of HRT :laugh:

I never thought I'd blend in.Too tall (over 6'),thinning hair,hairy face,deep voice. I held back for 11 years as I had this vision of me as a monster,a hairy freak in a dress getting constant harrassment.I got to the point where I didn't care if I blended in or not and decided that I should transition.I was on HRT for 20 months and had electrolysis before full time transition,I would have liked to have completed electrolysis and feel Charing Cross hospital pushed me into full time a bit early but it all went OK.
I kind of blend in now,I look like a tall big boned 40 something woman, a lot better than I expected

I can't wait to begin my transition!! At the moment I'm known as a very feminine guy with a high voice and I really think I'm going to blend in relatively easily because a lot of people already comment on how feminine I am (I work in retail). I'm so eager I already told my parents that I'm planning on transitioning when I was wearing a wig and bra one day. I just need to make the right preparations for it to be a seamless process such as getting lazer hair removal on my face, currently building up my female wardrobe and growing my hair out etc. this is going to be a tough journey but I'll finally be able to show the world who I really am. :)

I never 'blended' with my birth sex as a child but it still surprised me a bit when I started living part time as a girl at 15 and not only 'blended' but seemed to be quite popular. I started HRT at 17 and by 19 was in "male-fail" mode. Transition had to wait until age 24 (when surgery became available) but when I did transition I had no idea how it was going to turn out but it went fine.

I was pretty sure I wouldn't.

It's gone better than I expected. I pass most of the time, which surprised me, so when I'm with cis people I don't know they accept and treat me as a woman. It's been harder at work where everyone remembers me as I used to be.

I had my doubts..... I looked like an archetypical dude and I thought that I would stick out like a tu.... well, something really foul floating in a punch bowl. There was no way I could look female; the "man in a dress" thought kept running through my mind. The results from my early attempts at applying makeup just emphasized that belief.

I got better at applying makeup, and I finally began venturing out en femme in public. My earliest outings happened before I was on a transition level dose of HRT.

I have never had a snide comment made to my face, and I seem to get a fair number of guys staring at me for some reason.

Judging from these experiences I would guess that I will blend in acceptably when I go full time.

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 12, 2014, 03:46:48 AM
To be honest I was in the "don't have a snowball's chance in hell" camp...too tall, too bald, voice too deep,  too obviously a genetic male...all things I figured would stand in the way of me passing. And apparently not true as I don't seem to attract any double takes. Pretty glad I finally stopped listening to my internal doubts.

If you don't mind me asking, Grace, how bald is too bald? You pic looks marv!

Quote from: EllieM on March 12, 2014, 10:41:27 AM

If you don't mind me asking, Grace, how bald is too bald? You pic looks marv!

I'm too bald too. Turns out a good wig solves that.

Quote from: suzifrommd on March 12, 2014, 10:43:58 AM
I'm too bald too. Turns out a good wig solves that.

...so what do you do if you want to go swimming?

Quote from: EllieM on March 12, 2014, 10:50:07 AM
...so what do you do if you want to go swimming?

Hmm. Haven't come across that yet. I'm not much of a swimmer. I imagine I'd use a diving cap.

I keep telling my Therapist that I have a snowballs chance in hell of blending in, but she keeps telling me that I'd be surprised. It's not that I look stereotypically male but that I fell I don't look female enough to pass. Sounds like most of you are surprised about blending in. It really does give me some confidence that I might too...one day soon.  :)

Uh huh I knew. That was the only reason I could handle switching from boy to girl overnight.

I've posted a couple times what I looked like before - when I went in for therapy. Fat, neckbearded, 5'11", hairy, slob. Pretty much the exact polar opposite of me as I am today.

I had an idea that maybe I'd get somewhere - but to be honest I was only expecting to pass after a great deal of work.
Then I met my new best friend Estrogen, and her buddies Laser and Diet. Under their strict tutelage I went places I never dreamed of going, and I'm mostly incredibly thrilled with the end result. :)

I've already vastly exceeded the limited expectations that I had when I started. I mean, God, when I started HRT I weighed 270 lbs, had a hideously-masculine face, brow bossing, a big chin, a huge build, my hairline was receding, I hated my smile, I hated my body, and I seriously believed that although maybe I'd look female, probably just barely enough to pass. I never believed that I'd ever look pretty. The sheer amount of comments that I've gotten as I've feminized and lost weight have completely blown my mind.

With that said, though, at the same time, I guess I still really don't know whether I blend in or not. Because I've still only really gone out socially among the protection of other trans friends. So I still pretty much have no idea how the big bad cisgender world is going to treat me.

I'm still in the middle of transitioning, so my response may be premature, but I had no idea how I would end up and still really don't know.  When I came out and started down this path my entire family was deadset against it.  They made sure to tell me all the time that I would never pass and that my life would be terrible.  After hearing all these things and feeling concern myself, I wasn't sure if there was hope but I didn't let myself give in when I knew how badly this was needed.  As of now, I do believe in time that I will be able to pass, but I feel like it's going to take more work.   Still, I feel it will happen and that is an amazing feeling.  It's like it won't always be a dream, one day it will actually come true.

I didn't think I would at all. It was a huge fear of mine, and sometimes still is when I feel insecure. But I went on with it anyway because I knew I couldn't be happy as female and I had to hold on to hope that I'd pass and blend in.

Quote from: ZoeM on March 12, 2014, 01:58:37 PM
Then I met my new best friend Estrogen, and her buddies Laser and Diet...

:laugh: