Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I'm wondering about how I tell my folks...and when. I don't expect them to take it well, my father is a stern patriarch and my mother a loving worrier. They're both elderly - 75 counts as elderly doesn't it? (Or is it the new 55 or something?) They both have a variety of health issues. Do I tell them early in the day and give them the day to sort through the worst of it and still hopefully sleep that night? My niece/their granddaughter has her 9th birthday this Tuesday so I should definitely avoid that day. Do I go for Thursday rather than the weekend, that way they have some time to work through things and contact doctors/counsellors if they need to? Last thing I want to have happen is for them to end up in hospital over this. :-\

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 15, 2014, 03:44:30 PM
So I'm wondering about how I tell my folks...and when. I don't expect them to take it well, my father is a stern patriarch and my mother a loving worrier. They're both elderly - 75 counts as elderly doesn't it? (Or is it the new 55 or something?) They both have a variety of health issues. Do I tell them early in the day and give them the day to sort through the worst of it and still hopefully sleep that night? My niece/their granddaughter has her 9th birthday this Tuesday so I should definitely avoid that day. Do I go for Thursday rather than the weekend, that way they have some time to work through things and contact doctors/counsellors if they need to? Last thing I want to have happen is for them to end up in hospital over this. :-\

Sounds like we are related as mine are the exact same way! Mine took it better than I thought they would based on situations growing up and their beliefs. They really surprised me, a lot! Mom did tell me they did take it well because they are in poor health and didn't want to carry any hate with them if one of them died. She said the idea of mortality made tolerance a little easier and brought things into perspective. I hope you have the same acceptance with yours. :)

Thanks! So how did you break it to them? I'm planning a face-to-face sit down with them both this week some time...

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 15, 2014, 03:58:22 PM
Thanks! So how did you break it to them? I'm planning a face-to-face sit down with them both this week some time...

I did a face to face myself. I knew there would be questions and they deserved the respect since they raised me. It went angry at first, but then a few days later they saw how happy I was with my decision and all went well. They had never seen me happy in 40 years so they were shocked more by my demeanor than my dress. I am sure they were just shaken up, I mean I had 40 years for my transition and they only had an hour. All is well now! :)

I would say it depends on your availability to them. If you tell them on a Thursday then have to go into work on an Friday, that might not be good. Maybe tell them on a Thursday but take that Friday off? Or go see them Friday morning? I would say morning over evening. I came out via email (I wanted a lot of people to get the same message at the same time) and I set it up to be sent first thing in the morning. That worked out well since I was available to handle various reactions throughout the day.

After recently having my "coming out" period, I've determined that there never is a "good" time for this, but there are bad times (like at the birthday party).

Good luck! What I learned is that you can never figure out how people will react to this news.

Jane

I sent an e-mail, expecting a bad response. On a Monday. With less than a week to go until I went full time. The next day I got an e-mail back that started with "Hi Paige!" from my mom. There was a little wobbliness in the beginning but we got through it easily enough. Mind you, of my parents she's the Religious Conservative. My dad is the Atheist Liberal and he's the one that's barely talked to me since going full time. Everyone is an individual so knowing how they're going to take the news is a tough thing.

I do just always recommend accentuating the positive. The healing, the happiness, the relief in your life. That kind of stuff. Helps make the moment the "good time". More like "I won the lottery!" instead of "I wrecked my car!" as the former is a celebration and the listener can assume that you're ok, the latter is stress and the listener could be worried about you.

Best of luck!

I agree about accentuating the positive. I made it a point to tell everyone how happy I've been and my happiness had not gone unnoticed. I think it made a big difference.

Jane

Yes, that's a good point. Since I'm telling them face-to-face I'll have to remember to keep that front of mind. Had tried to tell them today (Thursday in Australia) but not possible. Have arranged for early afternoon Friday. We'll see how it goes soon enough!

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 20, 2014, 05:50:34 AM
Yes, that's a good point. Since I'm telling them face-to-face I'll have to remember to keep that front of mind. Had tried to tell them today (Thursday in Australia) but not possible. Have arranged for early afternoon Friday. We'll see how it goes soon enough!

Good luck!

On another note, Grace, happy Autumnal Equinox! We are celebrating our Vernal Equinox up here in the states. I sure hope you don't have the winter that we had! We are very much looking forward to the warmer weather!

Jane

Thanks!
Winters are pretty mild in Sydney compared to Northern America. Certainly never snows and even on the coolest days is usually fairly sunny. Things will cool down from late May most likely and even though the nights can become very chilly the days usually get to at least 16oC/68oF and sometimes low 20oCs ...almost balmy compared to some of the temps people were reporting out of Canada this last few months!

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 20, 2014, 02:03:59 PM
Thanks!
Winters are pretty mild in Sydney compared to Northern America. Certainly never snows and even on the coolest days is usually fairly sunny. Things will cool down from late May most likely and even though the nights can become very chilly the days usually get to at least 16oC/68oF and sometimes low 20oCs ...almost balmy compared to some of the temps people were reporting out of Canada this last few months!

I'm jealous! I usually enjoy winter weather but this year was too much. I'm glad spring is here.

Good luck with your parents and let us know how it goes!

Jane