Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: xponentialshift on March 15, 2014, 10:53:00 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Some family supportive but still doubting me.
Post by: xponentialshift on March 15, 2014, 10:53:00 PM
Post by: xponentialshift on March 15, 2014, 10:53:00 PM
I came out as mtf to one close friend (over the internet) and 5 family members (in person but separately). They were all very supportive and some even excited for me!
However 2 of my family members really doubt that I actually am mtf... They say they will support my decision but they keep highlighting the benefits of being male and the reasons they think I say I'm mtf.
They say that I come from a family of strong independent women (my mom makes more than my immediate family combined) and they think I just want to emulate that.
The fact is I do want to emulate it... I want to an independent woman, but not in a "I wish I was more like them" way as they think. I actually want to be a woman, who happens to be independent. It is a little depressing that they don't see that this is what I really want. How can I convince them that this is the case? Other than by starting therapy and hrt which I am working towards.
However 2 of my family members really doubt that I actually am mtf... They say they will support my decision but they keep highlighting the benefits of being male and the reasons they think I say I'm mtf.
They say that I come from a family of strong independent women (my mom makes more than my immediate family combined) and they think I just want to emulate that.
The fact is I do want to emulate it... I want to an independent woman, but not in a "I wish I was more like them" way as they think. I actually want to be a woman, who happens to be independent. It is a little depressing that they don't see that this is what I really want. How can I convince them that this is the case? Other than by starting therapy and hrt which I am working towards.
Title: Re: Some family supportive but still doubting me.
Post by: DiDi on March 17, 2014, 05:01:28 PM
Post by: DiDi on March 17, 2014, 05:01:28 PM
People who have known you as boy and man in many cases can't get their heads around these things. That's normal, especially if you behaved largely in a cisgendered way. It may very well take transition to help them understand. These sorts of things cannot be debated. It is a gut feeling on their part.
Title: Re: Some family supportive but still doubting me.
Post by: mrs izzy on March 17, 2014, 05:27:21 PM
Post by: mrs izzy on March 17, 2014, 05:27:21 PM
Ok so you are Mtf and have came out to your family but do not have a therapist.
I would never advise doing so without a diagnoses.
Not to say you are or are not Mtf but in doing so will cause those around you pause.
Get yourself a good gender therapist. Settle down and start your transition with all the help you can get.
The naysayers will either accept your path or walk away.
I wish you safe travel on your path in life.
Isabell
I would never advise doing so without a diagnoses.
Not to say you are or are not Mtf but in doing so will cause those around you pause.
Get yourself a good gender therapist. Settle down and start your transition with all the help you can get.
The naysayers will either accept your path or walk away.
I wish you safe travel on your path in life.
Isabell
Title: Re: Re: Some family supportive but still doubting me.
Post by: xponentialshift on March 17, 2014, 10:04:37 PM
Post by: xponentialshift on March 17, 2014, 10:04:37 PM
Quote from: mind is quiet now on March 17, 2014, 05:27:21 PM
Ok so you are Mtf and have came out to your family but do not have a therapist.
I would never advise doing so without a diagnoses.
I would probably agree with you in most cases, but I knew all of my family would at least be supportive plus most of them are in the medical field so getting their opinions on good therapists and doctors was one reason I told them so soon.
My mom is an assistant director RN in an ER and my insurance is through her. So she knows the best psychiatrists available to our plan. Also one of her coworkers recently transitioned.
My sister is studying to be an MFT and has friends and classmates who have/are transitioning.
My grandmother also worked in the medical field and now volunteers at a retirement medical center. She also knows most of the good doctors in my area.
So yes. I would not recommend coming out to family without a diagnosis if you don't know how they will react.
But all I did was tell them how I felt and that I wanted to look into therapy sessions to discuss HRT (I didn't specify that I was transgender) then I asked for their opinions on what direction I should take.
Title: Re: Some family supportive but still doubting me.
Post by: xponentialshift on April 21, 2014, 08:53:48 PM
Post by: xponentialshift on April 21, 2014, 08:53:48 PM
My grandmother is finally starting to accept my transition!
I guess I didn't explain well enough before that taking hormones will result in either a positive or negative mental state within a few hours thus proving or disproving that I am trans*. Although just because someone responds positively does not mean they are at the right point in their life to transition, but at least it confirms brain structure.
So yeah. 5 family members and 4 friends all support me now. Maybe I should find one more before I start HRT next week so I can have 10/10 people supporting me.
I guess I didn't explain well enough before that taking hormones will result in either a positive or negative mental state within a few hours thus proving or disproving that I am trans*. Although just because someone responds positively does not mean they are at the right point in their life to transition, but at least it confirms brain structure.
So yeah. 5 family members and 4 friends all support me now. Maybe I should find one more before I start HRT next week so I can have 10/10 people supporting me.