Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone,
After forty plus years last month I made the decision to start my journey from male to female. I got involved with the local LGBT, joined a transgender group and have started seeing a therapist. As a male the first step for me is to lose a bunch of weight as due to depression I have let myself go... From there, the sky is the limit.

Mind you this transition is not a spur of the moment decision and I have thought long and hard about this. Also I even though I am 56 years old and yes that is a concern, I am willing to take my time.

I was just wondering how others here who are older have dealt with things such as relationships and the emotions that evolve around the transition of MTF. I have to say for myself I am scared to death, but tired of putting on a false persona I have had to for so many years.

regards
V

Honey I transitioned at 58 after a life of doubt.

I now live. Finally.

What in particular do you wish to talk about?

I suppose my major fear at this point is rejection, or what if I am not passable? I have set my expectation low and don't expect to be a super model at my age, but want to feel like me without being ridiculed. Let's face it, people can be very cruel. I have gotten quite good at putting on this male mask so this is a huge step. Being honest, right now I am a emotional roller coaster... Excited but also very scared as well.

One other thing on my mind is HRT which I have researched quite a bit. I am of the mindset that losing the weight first would be a good thing before HRT therapy. I could be wrong here, I am not sure.

Mmm I know the fear and will not trivialise it. I was petrified. I went from a Friday to a Monday at work as him to me, I did warn them and I was presenting 'oddly' prior to coming out.

What happened? Nothing. I was accepted straight away, ye sure I looked odd but I was mature enough not to care.

Now two years or so in HRT has done its magic, my hair is nice, my skin is nice. I'm fully accepted, I get male attention and female acceptance. Just like every woman, I tried not to worry about anything, I knew I had one chance at my age and the only person who mattered was me. So I went for it, yes I had tears (hid them) yes I had success and shared them. Never gave in. Willingly admitted I was transgender and people very quickly got over it. Women readily accepted me. men less so, but that is normal, and in the past. Now I run meetings with all men, I take cabs with male colleagues to meetings and I am totally accepted as me, a rather gorgeous older woman with the heart and spirit of a teen, without the angst.

Fear is in your mind. You can take control of your mind.

Have fun, relax, and enjoy the blast

Older Women Rule!!!!!!

Cindy

Lose weight before HRT. Testosterone drives energy and far easier to lose weight. I sculpted my body in the gym. I hated being male and wanted to be a beutiful female, so I worked at it.

The motivation was easy. And the pain didn't matter

Cindy
Thank you very much you have made me fell very comfortable here, and I really needed that at this point. And yes you are quite gorgeous. I can only hope I transitions as well as you. So if you don't mind me asking, are you in a relationship now. The reason I ask is if so, what is it like? I have always dreamed of being a wife / girlfriend instead of a husband as it suits me much better. I love to cook and keep a pretty clean house as well. Myself I am tired of trying to be the boyfriend or husband and it is a role I no longer want or desire. While this is not a top priority or goal at this point considering this is all about ME and not a relationship, I do look forward to that. In my twenties I was in a gay relationship for about four years and quite enjoyed it, being the feminine side of it, but something was missing, mainly the real me... LOL... And yes I have tried being straight but have always preferred men over women. Sadly I am in a straight relationship with a women now for 19 plus years and when this all boils to the top it is going to break her heart. She is my best friend, but that is where it is at... She knows and considers me to be bisexual but when I hit here with this I can't say what is going to happen. This also I am fearful of is losing that friendship. Hard to say what will happen as we communicate very well. Never the less I can not live a lie anymore and that is the bottom line.

I know I am chattering about a lot here, and all over the board with questions, I hope you don't mind. It's like for the first time in my life I am accepting myself for who I really am and have to admit very excited about it.

Thanks again,
Veronica

I'm 62 now and started transition at 60.  Transition rekindled my life and opened the door to the person I am today.  I had a rough start and still have some bad days, but you could lay bars of gold at my feet to stop me and I'd still continue.  So, don't worry you'll also find stress and hard times along the way, but you'll also find extreme joy in a gradual change into the woman you've always felt was just a remote possibility.

Yes, you may loose a lot of relationships, and on the other hand you may not.  There's no way to tell how people will react until you tell them.  But each person will make their own decisions about how to deal with your new life, and you have no control over them.  So expect to loose relationships, and hope that it doesn't happen. 

As for weight, I lost most of my weight after starting HRT  But it wasn't as easy and a lot of the food I liked was off the menu.  I've also lost so much muscle mass that it's now difficult to do enough heavy work or exercise in the winter to loose any weight.  But getting that excess fat off my body was a must, and it meant I'd do anything to get rid of it.  You'll do well if you have motivation, and I found the best motivation is having a vision of yourself and making that vision real.

Yes, doing this at an older age is more difficult in many ways, but it has made some things far more simple.  I've done most everything in life that was on my list, and now I get to spend more time on my transition.  My retirement is secure, while my needs are addressed and set.  Yes, this transition started 40 years late, but I can't turn back time, and even at 62 I wouldn't have it any differently.  But most importantly two years ago I couldn't have waited another month, week, or day to start HRT.  And I'm glad I got to that point in life where I had no other option, because I can't imagine not being me.

Kathy & Cindy,
Thank you ever so much... Hearing you ladies talk is a breath of fresh air for me. I have my third therapy session tomorrow and feel very good about my choice to do this, even at this stage of my life. I didn't expect it to be all a bed of roses, and know there will be bad days, however knowing there are more people like myself and reading other threads of others here has put in a much better frame of mind. I am sure there will be many more post such as this to come for me, however today I feel good about the choice I have made. I know also this is not something that happens over night but I am excited as if I were just starting puberty all over again as a woman. Today, that is a good feeling, and I look forward to my future more than I have in many years...

Veronica M.

As also a mature women i will say it is never to late in life to live and be happy.

We do seem to walk the path slower and take things in there own time. I feel doing so makes us stronger.

I wish you the best on this path you are walking in life.

Hugs
Isabell

I suppose as the youngster here I started my transition at age 47 after a 28 year career as a Firefighter/Paramedic. They say a picture is worth a thousand word, so yes, that is me today in the avatar. I went my whole life forced into assimilation as male and never lived one day of it. I was angry, irritable, emotionless, uncaring and prayed for death every night. I think that is why I had the career I did, a secret death wish. I took all the riskiest assignments and purposely put myself into harms way staying inside structure fires long after the evac horn sounded. I survived somehow and decided to become who I really was inside. It cost a lot as far as friends, family and all the other things we lose like relationships and such. The payoff to me has been more than any of the losses combined. I live every day to the fullest now. Prior to transition I was on 12 daily meds for everything from high blood pressure to blood sugar problems. I am now down to HRT meds only as all of my other problems stopped when I accepted myself and said the heck to living for others. To me the change has been profound. I just had my first date last month and was treated very well and totally like a lady, it was wonderful. :)

I am 59 right now and am struggling with the issue of what exactly I am and how much I will want to transition. Next week I have my first appointment with a therapist experienced with gender issues (there are no affiliated gender therapists anywhere near me). It will probably be the end of my 37 year marital agreement, because when I finally came out last month my SO made it clear she could only remain married to a man, although accepting that all along I was metrosexual in my style. We are however, now becoming closer and talking more now that I am opening up. She is trying to convince me that being a man is best for me because of her love (and sex). She's probably right on the surface, but I have lived on the surface my whole life. I am expecting to lose some friends and definitely my family. As a codger, I am expecting any transition to be far less than successful (although I am not too tall and am slim through hard work and exercise).

Blah Balh Blah.....what I'm getting at is you must be true to yourself. It may take time to discover. Its very hard to be true to yourself though, if you are untrue with others. Good Luck. Metta.

I am 51 and got serious about my transition about 8 months ago. My wife of 27 years "married a man" and couldn't deal with the real me so we are splitting up. I am burnt out on the idea of a relationship right now even though I seem to be getting some signals from a very attractive lady so I think there is hope for someone in my future once I mentally get to a point where I am able to date again.

This process is full of ups and downs and I know there are a lot more of both ahead for me. The fact remains that I am far happier as a girl than I ever was as a guy. It's never too late to transition.

I actually wouldn't worry too much, it  can be very scary at first I myself is a little nervous because of my underweight issues but I cant gain muscle at all, I tried to no luck and I myself is worried because of my low weight for hrt but im staying positive to myself and will see what happens, im sure for myself everything will be good.  ii am a little nervous if my blood work is gonna be bad for hrt since I am on thyroid pills but im sure everything will go fine. just try to be yourself and be happy Im sure everything will work out fine for you.

Lavinia

Your fears are common. There is only so much one can do to prepare for HRT. Reading about it only conveys so much. I actually have found that rereading threads and information after I have begun can mean different things to me than they did before HRT.

Being female can take a good deal of work for most of us. Fitting in is a mix of self image, presentation and behavior. It likely will not happen over night. Be prepared to make some awkward social mistakes and learn to laugh about them.

Universal acceptance is unlikely but in my experience and from what others tell me, people are generally accepted more than they think they will be.

Changes are subtle and profound. Just you wait until your sense of touch changes, your self image adjusts, your body softens... etc. It is a whole new world.

Thank you everyone;
I have to say this is very encouraging to say the least. In fact I have a skip in my step I haven't had for many years. In fact I am having problems not acting like a man... (Smile) As to the weight issue, even as a man I needed to lose around a hundred pounds now I have just set the bar a little higher. At this point I am weighing in at about 306# but hold it well except for my stomach. Being 5' 10" my target weight is now around 150# to 160#... Do you think that is too drastic? Not sure... While I don't like being this fat, one thing is that is quite humorous is having breast already... (Laughing)  Not like I want of course but that is in the future.

The nice thing also is once I decide on something I follow through, and I have time. I figure it will take a year or more to lose the weight and given I am starting therapy now after that I can start the HRT. In the meantime, there will plenty of groups and therapy so it should make the transition much easier.

As to the relationship, well it is what it is and will take that one day at a time.

Thanks Everyone

   My friend and I both started HRT around Christmas 2013.Our birthdays were last week she turned 71 and I turned 64 and both of us feel great and have been full time for close to a year.

Age is just a number! And theres definitely some beautiful older ladies round here  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Just two really quick thoughts:

Ten years from now you'll be ten years older. Do you want to spend that 10 years being true to yourself or continuing to live as a lie?

I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather be an ugly woman than an unhappy man. After I came to that conclusion I was no longer as obsessed about the outcome (although I do still stress about clothes, makeup, jewelry, hair, clothes, weight, figure, my feet, my hands, shaving, my beard, etc etc - as my g/f say, "Welcome to womanhood!").

As my quote says, "It's never to late to become who you might have been." If you don't go forward, my guess is that ten years from now you'll be kicking yourself and asking the same question. There's no day like today :).

Jane

that Is very true, we all have choices in this world, and anyone can change if they truly want to. I rather live as a woman than live a lie that ive been living for 25 years or longer. we all decide our future and our destiny if anyone even considers that anymore. its all depends on how you feel about yourself if you feel like that you are a woman inside than that's who you are, no one can tell you how you feel, everyone has different feelings about different things, relationships, gender even other people but that's what being human is. its common to feel fear, regret (not saying anyone is), sadness, depressed, even feeling different inside. we all have those feelings and we all decide how to cope with them everyday.

Quote from: JaneNicole2013 on March 19, 2014, 08:22:53 PM
I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather be an ugly woman than an unhappy man.

Well Jane if that is you in the picture, you are far from an ugly women. Thank you everyone for the encouragement and support. I have a long road ahead of me and am looking forward to it...

Quote from: Veronica M on March 19, 2014, 08:53:29 PM
I have a long road ahead of me and am looking forward to it...

I hope everything goes well with you with your transition and you become very happy Veronica

Lavinia

Awww... Thank you Lavinia. That was very sweet of you to say.

Quote from: Veronica M on March 19, 2014, 08:53:29 PM
Well Jane if that is you in the picture, you are far from an ugly women. Thank you everyone for the encouragement and support. I have a long road ahead of me and am looking forward to it...

Thanks! That is me, but it was one of many pics :-) .

I wanted to start when I was 28 or so, but two of my kids were diagnosed with VWD and I wanted to make sure they were taken care of.  When their treatments were no longer neccessary, I was going to start up but then my father died and I had to be there for my oldest son, who loved his "Pa-pa" dearly.  I didn't know how he would handle losing a "dad" so I was there for him as a "dad."

Then the wife's health went to ***** and I had to pay for her cancer treatment.  I didn't tell her I was putting it off or that I was considering it at all because I wanted her to live and not die a slow, painful death to cancer or worry that she was "taking from me" my dreams at that time.  She was Stage 2 but kicked it in two years.

Now, here it is four years later and I am good to go.  I am yet to start hormones but am diving into the makeup and dresses head-first, even daring to go out in public in a miniture dress and fishnets.  (All or nothing!)  My wife and kids know now, and are appreciative of me waiting for them and now are super-supportive of it all.  The reason why I caught on relatively young is I was for a short time a psych major with a special interest in human sexuality.  Self-awareness is a blessing and a curse: a blessing because you can understand yourself a little better but then a curse when you learn yourself but are put in a situation where you know but can't act.

I know a pre-op personally who did not start until she is 62.  Like she said: better late than never.  She's been super-helpful and I would like to someday "pay it forward" to some younger trans who needs someone to be there for them like she has been for me.

I'm 59 now and it's been 2 years this month that I decided to quit hiding in the boy disguise and be the "me" I always dreamed about for 50 years! So much happier now :)
  It's not all rose petals and pink lace though as I live in a conservative little country town where I need to be not so "out", fortunately San Francisco is just 125 miles away and it is a true haven for us to be ourselves if we wish ;)

On the lucky side I feel very fortunate that time has been sorta kind to my body, perhaps it's Mother Nature's way of making up for her "oops" all those years ago.

Good luck Veronica!
Your sisters here will never let you down, you have found the right place!

Quote from: Veronica M on March 19, 2014, 10:09:03 AM
Cindy
Thank you very much you have made me fell very comfortable here, and I really needed that at this point. And yes you are quite gorgeous. I can only hope I transitions as well as you. So if you don't mind me asking, are you in a relationship now. The reason I ask is if so, what is it like? I have always dreamed of being a wife / girlfriend instead of a husband as it suits me much better. I love to cook and keep a pretty clean house as well. Myself I am tired of trying to be the boyfriend or husband and it is a role I no longer want or desire. While this is not a top priority or goal at this point considering this is all about ME and not a relationship, I do look forward to that. In my twenties I was in a gay relationship for about four years and quite enjoyed it, being the feminine side of it, but something was missing, mainly the real me... LOL... And yes I have tried being straight but have always preferred men over women. Sadly I am in a straight relationship with a women now for 19 plus years and when this all boils to the top it is going to break her heart. She is my best friend, but that is where it is at... She knows and considers me to be bisexual but when I hit here with this I can't say what is going to happen. This also I am fearful of is losing that friendship. Hard to say what will happen as we communicate very well. Never the less I can not live a lie anymore and that is the bottom line.

I know I am chattering about a lot here, and all over the board with questions, I hope you don't mind. It's like for the first time in my life I am accepting myself for who I really am and have to admit very excited about it.

Thanks again,
Veronica

Sorry for the delay, yes I am in a relationship and it is great. Since we are both 'mature' it was quite easy to respect each others boundaries and enjoy both our times together and still live happy independent lives.

54 here

I took it really slow, I began HRT at 49, had BA at 52 (2011), and will have SRS on my 55th birthday, may 21, 2014. I sometimes wondered about my age too, but I want to live the rest of my life the way I should have lived the first part.

Quote from: dkl on March 30, 2014, 06:49:04 PM
54 here

I took it really slow, I began HRT at 49, had BA at 52 (2011), and will have SRS on my 55th birthday, may 21, 2014. I sometimes wondered about my age too, but I want to live the rest of my life the way I should have lived the first part.

Congrats dkl, that ought to be a wonderful 55th birthday present for sure. After a month now of therapy I have also chose the slower path. Lose a bunch of weight, get healthy, start HRT and the surgeries follow over time depending on my budget. I am now looking at it this way. I have spent 56 years learning how to be a man, what is 3 - 6 years in becoming a women. Hell, it will take me that long just to un-learn the macho man crap I have used as a defense tool for all these years.

Welcome Veronica!
At 59 I knew for sure that something had to change.  The choices were to shrivel even more into something very sad, or very dead.  First thing I did was shave my body hair and look in the mirror.  Damn near threw up.  Immediately started eating mostly vegetarian, running (sort of) doing push ups and sit ups.  Six months later I started HRT - which is another story.  I'm sixty one now, 5'9", fit, weigh 155 having lost 40 lbs - that took me 10 months, don't get too drastic and try to lose too much too fast.  Diets don't work, lifestyle does.  Pay attention to portions! 

Your goal is to become the real you, and this whole thing takes seemingly forever.  Also start electrolysis now!  You're talking 200+ hours, and this is not something you want try to do too quickly.  You can end up with scaring.  Next month (May) I go full time at work, and submit the passport and financial paperwork to make Julie my sole personna.  It makes me almost, no not almost - very, giddy.

Twenty months on HRT, I look fine, I blend in fine, I feel better than I have in decades.  This is not without cost, a marriage, some friends, even some family.  But the choices were very sad, very dead or jumping into the void knowing that caring docs, therapists, and the women here, were there to catch me.  Oh one more thing, I expected to go slowly and carefully also.  Maybe you can, but a year or so into the process, I felt like a girl, like an actual girl!  And wanted much more as soon as I could manage it. I'm proud of you for these first steps, if you want to chat with an old but pretty jazzed girl, drop me a line.
Cheers,
Julie

Quote from: JulieBlair on March 30, 2014, 08:45:47 PM
I'm proud of you for these first steps, if you want to chat with an old, but pretty jazzed girl drop me a line.
Cheers,
Julie

Thank you Julie and I will for sure. I have to laugh a little as this was my first post on this site several weeks ago, Right before my 2nd therapy session. Looking back just that short time I remember how frighted I was. Well, scared out of my wits would be more like it. Over that short length of time I have found a sense of calm I haven't felt in years. Thanks to the ongoing therapy and this website. I truly don't feel alone anymore. Even my therapist noticed and commented I was much more relaxed and looked healthier.  I am really glad I found this site for sure.

If we weren't terrified, we weren't paying attention.   ;D
j