Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey Guys -
I'm scheduled for surgery May 19th. I work for a bank, clerical type position, and am stealth, besides one co-worker. I spoke with my HR department to ask if my days off would be covered due to surgery, and they will be, which is a relief. She didn't ask what my surgery was for, and said no one should question it.
I have a pretty friendly relationship with my manager, and know she is going to ask what I'm having surgery for. Partly because she's nosy and out of genuine concern.
I was thinking of saying to repair a rotator cuff in my shoulder, but I read up that the healing time is pretty long, and most wear a sling for 6 weeks. I'm not going to go as far as to wear a sling around work just to ease my anxiety of people knowing why I was out for 2-3 weeks.

Just wondering if anyone has went through a similar situation and what you told your job? My place of employment is pretty dang accepting of all walks of life, that's not the issue. I just personally feel more comfortable with people not knowing my personal business.

Also - my surgeon suggested maybe getting a mammogram before surgery "just to be safe". I'm 30 years old, and have never had one. She felt around my lumps, and felt a couple balls, but said they felt like just balls of tissue. Which she said could just be from binding for 10-15 years.
Did any of you get a mammo before surgery?

I went through an entire period of FMLA paperwork. Eight weeks paid sick leave for recovery (I did save up that much sick time). During the course of my FMLA application and such my exact surgery is never disclosed.
That's pretty much that, no one at my workplace has ever been notified of my actual surgery, but they may surmise what it is since I did transition on the job.

Regarding things you can tell your employer - what I told mine was that I was having surgery to correct a birth defect in my chest that affects my ability to breathe (not entirely untrue) properly amongst other things.  Leave it at that.  If they want more detail, there are plenty of examples of congenital defects in the chest area you can look up if you want to take it further.  I would just leave it at something simple, though.

As for a mammogram, I wasn't required to have a mammogram, but an ultrasound instead.

Some surgeons ask for mammograms before top surgery. I think it is an "abundance of caution". It was not a factor at all in choosing a surgeon, but can't say I enjoyed it. I hadn't had one for something like 20 years. It's really not pleasant, but I survived. I took a woman with me, which was helpful.

--Jay

I just said I was having surgery and left it at that. I'm pretty sure everyone but one coworker (whom I am friends with) assumed it was for kidney related issues. By six weeks I was personally back to normal enough range of motion that no one noticed anything.

As for the mammogram if the surgeon is recommending it I would ask if I could have an ultrasound instead honestly...mammograms are pretty awful according to my mom. She had an ultrasound last time and much prefers it. We live in the USA so it's not quite as common here to use ultrasounds instead of the mammogram machines, but they can do it.

Is using ultrasounds instead of mammogram machines more common where you live Kreuzfidel?

I told my supervisor(s) I was having "elective surgery".  I could have just used vacation days and not said anything, but I wanted to use my sick time, so that is why I told them I was having surgery.  I only took 2.5 weeks off.

Everyone else at work (except for my two close friends who know the "real deal"), I told I was just taking vacation.  I informed my supervisor(s), this is what I was telling others and asked they keep it confidential. 

I had no problems.

Garramone requires mammograms.  It was weird because it didn't really freak me out all that much.  I think it was because although it was my first, I knew it was my last.  I just had in my head to "keep my eyes on the prize".  I focused on the purpose of the mammogram...in order to get my male chest...instead of focusing on what it is usually for...looking for cancer on a female breast.

Quote from: Sebryn on March 27, 2014, 10:05:34 PM

Is using ultrasounds instead of mammogram machines more common where you live Kreuzfidel?

I'm not wholly sure, Seb.  My surgeon didn't specifically request either test, just "breast imaging" - and my GP sent me for the ultrasound with no mention of a mammogram.  ???

I had a pathology while I was cut open that came back clean.

Quote from: Alexthecat on March 28, 2014, 01:03:17 AM
I had a pathology while I was cut open that came back clean.

Does Medalie require mammograms before surgery after a certain age?  Garramone does if you are over age 35.  I know you are younger than that, but thought maybe you would know about Medalie's requirements.

Quote from: Brett on March 28, 2014, 10:22:28 AM
Does Medalie require mammograms before surgery after a certain age?  Garramone does if you are over age 35.  I know you are younger than that, but thought maybe you would know about Medalie's requirements.

I'm not sure but I had to pay extra for the pathology. He didn't even do blood work before hand so I don't think he would really care either way.

Quote from: Alexthecat on March 28, 2014, 11:53:24 AM
I'm not sure but I had to pay extra for the pathology. He didn't even do blood work before hand so I don't think he would really care either way.

Pathology is different. I believe all doctors do that, send tissue samples to the lab. It might even be required.
I have read the mammogram and ultrasound are two different procedures and tell different things somewhat.
I consider both in the area of abundance of caution. I wouldn't choose a surgeon on this basis (that they do or don't do this). And it is almost always just for people over 30-40. Never heard of young guys getting this as a requirement, but who knows, someone is probably out there.

--Jay

You don't need to give your boss any details about what surgery you're having if you don't want to; you could always just say that it's a private medical matter. I'm out at work so it's a moot point for me, but I really wish I could be stealth here. My boss knew I was going for top surgery; my colleagues who knew me pre-transition presumed I was doing something related to my transition; and my newer colleagues only knew that I was having an operation.

As for mammograms, I was advised to have one too. I've had a couple already due to a family history of breast cancer, and whilst they're never a particularly fun experience, they're generally over & done with within about 5 minutes. Unlike Jay, I found it really unhelpful to have a woman there: the mammographer was a woman and I'm not particularly comfortable around women. But the test is worth it for the peace-of-mind.

My surgeon recommended the mammogram because he also performs cancer-related mastectomies, and if there was anything dodgy happening in that area he would've taken care of it at the same time as my chest reconstruction. Thankfully, everything came back clear.

Most people clue in when you don't want to talk about it. I've had loads ask questions because I took longer to heal due to complications. I took a blasé attitude and just said, "Ach, nothing important, just some issues in my chest that I've put off getting sorted but it's all good now, not worth going into the specifics." That way people either think it's complicated (and likely hard or just too boring to explain) but not serious, or that you just don't want to talk about it and back off.

GQJoey,

I just noticed that you said that you had some lumps/balls of tissue in your chest.  I personally would get the mammogram done just for that to get checked.  It would feel better knowing if there was something in there, even if I am going to get them taken off, anyway.  If it were some type of tumor, I would be thinking about the rest of my body in the future.  Like, to learn if I was prone to tumors, for example (even if just benign).

I just worked at Subway... and I always worked alone.  I would see my manager for about 5 mins when i walked in the door if she was working the opening shift before me.  Otherwise I just saw whoever was before me.  Never even learned their names I don't think....

When I took off I said I needed surgery and it was all good (though I certainly didn't get paid or anything obviously... it was subway).  My manager actually assumed it was like a knee surgery or something.  I don't even know why.  It was never questioned if I had boobs before or after the surgery.  I wasn't out then though.  The restaurant closed a few months later, so I didn't have to worry about an explaination of going on T. 

Anywho.  Long and the short of it is... Why not pretend it was a knee surgery?  or maybe a shoulder surgery.  That would explain the inability to move your arms certain ways/lift heavy things. 

I started out just saying I needed time off for surgery. I knew my manager would be nosy, and without even thinking I told her I was having shoulder surgery.

Brett - I went in for the Mammo, sweating like a pig from being so nervous. It was NOTHING. The best part was, I told the lady doing it, I was there because I was required to have a mammo done for surgery. She told me how common gynecomastia was in young men. I had to hit her with the "Nah, I have tits", before i took my shirt off. She laughed, and was cool about the whole thing. The actual screening was a piece of came. I'm assuming 15 years of binding has broken down a lot of tissue, it was honestly, painless. And everything came back negative, so that gave me peace of mind.

That was nice that she thought you were a cis male going for gynecomastia surgery.  I hope that will happen to me if I ever need a mammogram.

Quote from: GQjoey on May 08, 2014, 04:53:35 PM
I started out just saying I needed time off for surgery. I knew my manager would be nosy, and without even thinking I told her I was having shoulder surgery.

Brett - I went in for the Mammo, sweating like a pig from being so nervous. It was NOTHING. The best part was, I told the lady doing it, I was there because I was required to have a mammo done for surgery. She told me how common gynecomastia was in young men. I had to hit her with the "Nah, I have tits", before i took my shirt off. She laughed, and was cool about the whole thing. The actual screening was a piece of came. I'm assuming 15 years of binding has broken down a lot of tissue, it was honestly, painless. And everything came back negative, so that gave me peace of mind.

Hey, glad to hear you got it done.  That took guts because it wasn't necessary to do.  Good for you!

I just had surgery May 1st and told my supervisor I put in for short term because of surgery. He didn't ask why or anything. And I left it at that. I did have some people being a little nosey so I know what you mean. I only told them I was taking some time off and I'll be back soon. I am not stealth to them because I started transitioning after I started working although I would like to be. Honestly you don't owe anybody an explanation. Although some may only be showing concern this is a personal matter. You can say this is a personal matter and I'd rather not talk about it ya know. They'll understand. Congrats on your surgery and hope you have a speedy recovery.

I once had to take a day off for an abortion. I said I was getting minor surgery, and my boss assumed I was having dental work done. When I came back the following week, she asked me about my extraction or something...I can't remember exactly how she phrased it, but I wasn't very good at thinking on my feet, so I was startled. I said I had had a growth removed, which was absolutely true. I should think that the same explanation (times two) would work for top surgery. After all, you weren't born with the things; they grew!

I did have a nosy coworker who just had to know WHERE the growth was. I was again caught off guard and stammered something. Nowadays, I would make some rude remark.

Do you mind if I ask with whom you had your surgery with?