Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Topic started by: Greeneyedrebel on April 06, 2014, 05:11:30 PM Return to Full Version
Title: My introduction
Post by: Greeneyedrebel on April 06, 2014, 05:11:30 PM
Post by: Greeneyedrebel on April 06, 2014, 05:11:30 PM
I've lurked here for a few weeks after stumbling on the site, and it's so far a very comforting place to be.
I still have a lot of questions for myself, and I suppose I will for quite a while. But I do know I'm not a standard sort of girl, not even a standard sort of butchy lesbian. Some things really slapped me in the face in the past couple of weeks.
In my first "real" job I wore a uniform, a unisex uniform actually. Think law enforcement BDU's...and a baseball cap...for 10 years. That was wonderful. Then my next job (current job of 6 years) I was able to wear jeans, button downs or polo shirt, and again a baseball cap. Then the last Wednesday of March of 2014.....my tiny department is informed that we are moving from an outlying building and into the big Corporate HQ. And that means "business casual".
I haven't worn "typical" female clothing since the day I walked out of the Sorority I joined and never looked back (college life).
In one way this is a good thing....I get an excuse or reason to wear nice button down/vests/wingtips and other fun men's shoes....but I also have this annoying female upper body. I'll be dammed if I'm going to get stuck in skirts or even blouses. After a consult with the really cool VP who is over my department, I was relieved to find out that khaki pants/button down are fine, just tuck the shirt in and lose the baseball cap. But for a few days before that conversation.....I found myself in modes of panic and extreme anxiety about being able to keep the job I enjoy due to a "business casual" dress code that ruled out pretty much everything I had been comfortable wearing for the past 6 years.
I also had the relaxation of having my old office near a rarely used restroom....which meant when I went in I wasn't encountering other people. But in the new building.....I am finding myself feeling anxious about having to go because these very feminine women might be in there fixing their makeup and hair and such.....and I don't quite fit.
So from the very early steps of sorting out what I want and need to really be ME (now that I feel like a ton of bricks has hit me and each one has multiple question marks on it), hello.
And thank you for the stories and information you all have shared. It's helping so far.
-Rebel
I still have a lot of questions for myself, and I suppose I will for quite a while. But I do know I'm not a standard sort of girl, not even a standard sort of butchy lesbian. Some things really slapped me in the face in the past couple of weeks.
In my first "real" job I wore a uniform, a unisex uniform actually. Think law enforcement BDU's...and a baseball cap...for 10 years. That was wonderful. Then my next job (current job of 6 years) I was able to wear jeans, button downs or polo shirt, and again a baseball cap. Then the last Wednesday of March of 2014.....my tiny department is informed that we are moving from an outlying building and into the big Corporate HQ. And that means "business casual".
I haven't worn "typical" female clothing since the day I walked out of the Sorority I joined and never looked back (college life).
In one way this is a good thing....I get an excuse or reason to wear nice button down/vests/wingtips and other fun men's shoes....but I also have this annoying female upper body. I'll be dammed if I'm going to get stuck in skirts or even blouses. After a consult with the really cool VP who is over my department, I was relieved to find out that khaki pants/button down are fine, just tuck the shirt in and lose the baseball cap. But for a few days before that conversation.....I found myself in modes of panic and extreme anxiety about being able to keep the job I enjoy due to a "business casual" dress code that ruled out pretty much everything I had been comfortable wearing for the past 6 years.
I also had the relaxation of having my old office near a rarely used restroom....which meant when I went in I wasn't encountering other people. But in the new building.....I am finding myself feeling anxious about having to go because these very feminine women might be in there fixing their makeup and hair and such.....and I don't quite fit.
So from the very early steps of sorting out what I want and need to really be ME (now that I feel like a ton of bricks has hit me and each one has multiple question marks on it), hello.
And thank you for the stories and information you all have shared. It's helping so far.
-Rebel
Title: Re: My introduction
Post by: Polo on April 06, 2014, 08:59:01 PM
Post by: Polo on April 06, 2014, 08:59:01 PM
Welcome to the site! :) I wish you luck on your journey.
Title: Re: My introduction
Post by: Ryan55 on April 07, 2014, 08:32:57 AM
Post by: Ryan55 on April 07, 2014, 08:32:57 AM
Welcome to site
Title: Re: My introduction
Post by: FTMDiaries on April 07, 2014, 08:53:44 AM
Post by: FTMDiaries on April 07, 2014, 08:53:44 AM
Welcome, and good luck in figuring it all out.
Title: Re: My introduction
Post by: Greeneyedrebel on April 07, 2014, 10:05:30 AM
Post by: Greeneyedrebel on April 07, 2014, 10:05:30 AM
Thanks guys, SO much to think about and so many possible decisions.
VERY glad I found a place where the questions and choices aren't unusual and others might have faced some of the same ones.
VERY glad I found a place where the questions and choices aren't unusual and others might have faced some of the same ones.
Title: Re: My introduction
Post by: Fred86 on April 07, 2014, 10:31:12 AM
Post by: Fred86 on April 07, 2014, 10:31:12 AM
Hi there,
First of all, welcome. I am quite new too but I can already say it's a good place to be in with brilliant people.
I know where you're coming from. When at interviews and on official meetings, I used to find it really difficult to wear what was expected of me. I ended up making peace with myself and wear elegant clothes but not the feminine type.
I would say trying to find something that would make you feel comfortable within those rules they've put in place. The bathroom situation is a little more difficult, I didn't even realise how anxious it would make me until I realised who I really was.
I hope our community could help you with some of these concerns.
First of all, welcome. I am quite new too but I can already say it's a good place to be in with brilliant people.
I know where you're coming from. When at interviews and on official meetings, I used to find it really difficult to wear what was expected of me. I ended up making peace with myself and wear elegant clothes but not the feminine type.
I would say trying to find something that would make you feel comfortable within those rules they've put in place. The bathroom situation is a little more difficult, I didn't even realise how anxious it would make me until I realised who I really was.
I hope our community could help you with some of these concerns.
Title: Re: My introduction
Post by: Greeneyedrebel on April 07, 2014, 10:55:32 AM
Post by: Greeneyedrebel on April 07, 2014, 10:55:32 AM
Fred,
It sounds like you may also be in "corporate America", would you be cool with some PM convos on navigating that?
Any others who may find themselves in corporate land too.
*grumbles about being hit upside the head with all of this in such a sudden way*
It sounds like you may also be in "corporate America", would you be cool with some PM convos on navigating that?
Any others who may find themselves in corporate land too.
*grumbles about being hit upside the head with all of this in such a sudden way*
Title: Re: My introduction
Post by: Bimmer Guy on April 09, 2014, 07:35:48 PM
Post by: Bimmer Guy on April 09, 2014, 07:35:48 PM
Welcome to the site.
Gender is an interesting thing, especially when you don't assume that you must fit the binary of male or female.
Read the forums and take some time to think about what it brings up for you; avoid jumping to any conclusions about your gender too quickly.
Gender is an interesting thing, especially when you don't assume that you must fit the binary of male or female.
Read the forums and take some time to think about what it brings up for you; avoid jumping to any conclusions about your gender too quickly.
Title: Re: My introduction
Post by: Samuel on April 09, 2014, 11:58:25 PM
Post by: Samuel on April 09, 2014, 11:58:25 PM
I am sort of in corporate America... Non profit government contracted corporate America. I would like to be part of those discussions if possible.
Title: Re: My introduction
Post by: Jessica Merriman on April 10, 2014, 12:06:11 AM
Post by: Jessica Merriman on April 10, 2014, 12:06:11 AM
A big warm official welcome to the family at last! :)
Please review
Please review
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
Title: Re: My introduction
Post by: Fred86 on April 10, 2014, 11:56:31 AM
Post by: Fred86 on April 10, 2014, 11:56:31 AM
Quote from: Greeneyedrebel on April 07, 2014, 10:55:32 AM
Fred,
It sounds like you may also be in "corporate America", would you be cool with some PM convos on navigating that?
Any others who may find themselves in corporate land too.
*grumbles about being hit upside the head with all of this in such a sudden way*
Greemeyedrebel, really sorry I somehow missed your reply. I would love to chat as I am still trying to figure things out and fear that sooner or later I will have to change things around.
Title: Re: My introduction
Post by: Greeneyedrebel on April 10, 2014, 12:32:29 PM
Post by: Greeneyedrebel on April 10, 2014, 12:32:29 PM
Gladly Fred!
I see from another post that you seem to be in the UK, but I hope 'corporate' is close enough across the pond and vice versa that we both make sense to the other.
Samuel,
The more the merrier!
I see from another post that you seem to be in the UK, but I hope 'corporate' is close enough across the pond and vice versa that we both make sense to the other.
Samuel,
The more the merrier!
Title: Re: My introduction
Post by: Dalex on April 10, 2014, 07:06:47 PM
Post by: Dalex on April 10, 2014, 07:06:47 PM
Welcome to Susan's Rebel!
*Throws confetti in the air and gives you a welcoming puppy*
This place actually helped me out a lot. From giving me courage to come out of the closet to actually making some nice friends here :)
*Throws confetti in the air and gives you a welcoming puppy*
This place actually helped me out a lot. From giving me courage to come out of the closet to actually making some nice friends here :)