Susan's Place Transgender Resources

When I am in a male mode, its obviously that I am negative thinker, hater, aggressive, arrogant. I hate everything. I assume that s because I hate myself.

After I accept myself that I am a transgender, I hope it will change the way I see the world through the way I see my self.

Do you think that is possible? Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

I was angry, irritable and depressed.  I hated myself and my life.  I hated being a guy to the point of tears.

Then I transitioned and I've never been happier.   In fact I didn't even know what happy was until HRT.

Apparently this is common around here.

I think it is more than possible sweetie. This is me before transition. See my dead eyes and anger inside? Look at me now in my avatar. Can you believe that happy confident woman is me now? Yes, it is very possible.

Everyone can improve themselves.  Anger is just a feeling that often is a reflection of what exists around you.  Find out the source for that anger and learn how to change your feelings.  This is true regardless of our gender and whether one is trans.  You can go from being a hateful angry man to a loving happy man or any other combination.  It's just a matter of working on yourself and finding the root cause of your negative feelings and how to alter them.  Although this all takes a lot of work as I can tell you changing thought patterns and negative thinking isn't easy. 

For me it wasn't so much putting on my male self as it was to come to terms that I was who I was as a person and then realize that it's okay to be that way.  It's like my life was a bunch of puzzle pieces without a box.  I had no idea what the image was supposed to be and couldn't get them to fit together right.  Somehow I put together just the right pieces and now I have this great sense of relief.  I know who I am now and where I need to go.  I still have bad days, but they're never as bad as they used to be.


In short, I think it's possible for anyone to change their mindset.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on April 09, 2014, 09:12:48 PM
I think it is more than possible sweetie. This is me before transition. See my dead eyes and anger inside? Look at me now in my avatar. Can you believe that happy confident woman is me now? Yes, it is very possible.

omg Jessica. I can't even imagine your sweet, lovely personality in such an unhappy looking man. :|

As for the topic, yes, I definitely believe transition can make a person less angry. Although I guess it depends. If it's issues with anger from the past, or at a particular event, transition doesn't solve all those problems. But I definitely had anger from living as female that went away solely with transition to male. I was so, so angry at the world before and really had no idea why. I think the best word for me was maladjusted, honestly, I just couldn't adjust to living as a woman and it made me very hostile. Now, I'm never like that. Unless someone brings up my past with me, then it all comes back.

Quote from: jeminajay on April 09, 2014, 09:00:51 PM
When I am in a male mode, its obviously that I am negative thinker, hater, aggressive, arrogant. I hate everything. I assume that s because I hate myself.

After I accept myself that I am a transgender, I hope it will change the way I see the world through the way I see my self.

Do you think that is possible? Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Is it possible? Yes, a million times yes! But HRT and transition isn't a panacea, you can't expect a miracle... you still need to be open to the change within yourself, need to be willing to let go of the negativity, aggression, arrogance and the hatred. As unlikely as it seems, part of you will almost most definitely resist - the challenge is to let it go, but wow the reward is great!

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on April 09, 2014, 09:12:48 PM
I think it is more than possible sweetie. This is me before transition. See my dead eyes and anger inside? Look at me now in my avatar. Can you believe that happy confident woman is me now? Yes, it is very possible.

Stunned Jessica, utterly stunned!

I don't see why not. Angry and depression comes a lot from our frustration of knowing what gender we are yet looking in the mirror and seeing that our body isn't the gender we know.

Quote from: ReaverMarcus on April 10, 2014, 07:25:11 AM
I don't see why not. Angry and depression comes a lot from our frustration of knowing what gender we are yet looking in the mirror and seeing that our body isn't the gender we know.

Agreed.  So many of my negative male characteristics are rooted in the anger and hopelessness deep inside caused by my incorrect physical gender.  And even in the brief moments when I'm able to be female, I can sense a complete change - those feelings of desperation disappear and the future looks amazing.

Can absolutely happen. To the outside observer I had everything anyone could ask for. No one could figure out where all the anger came from, before therapy neither could I. I haven't transitioned yet, but I have accepted being trans and am on month two of HRT. Everyone from family, coworkers, and friends have grilled me on what happened? Why have I done a 180 attitude wise? Where did this happy caring person come from? Obviously those to those I've come out to they say that makes sense. Everyone else is just glad to get rid of the arrogant miserable jerk. Once you accept who you are and start making steps to correct it its amazing what can happen. Totally agree with the comment above that until I started E I didn't really know what happy felt like.

Even though I have started my secret transition, I still can not showing my femenity. So that I am happy onlybwhen I am with myself. Estrogen helps me a lot to feel good with myself. But anger win sometimes when I have to be a man to please everybody that I am still the same man.

I cry with myself every days still.

Most definitely. Some people are angry and whatnot because it's just who they are, but I'd say it's extremely likely that it's because you're unhappy with yourself. I've always hated myself. Since realising I'm trans, I don't really hate myself anymore, I'm actually starting to like myself more and even have more self-confidence. A tiny bit, but a bit. And I've not transitioned yet, so that shows how much things can change. Often, living as how you should live can make you a much happier person.

i'm like this too, angry and unsociable most of the time, but when i think about myself living as a woman in the future i feel much more happy and at peace

Jessica, i'm very surprised, thats such a huge change! you look so much depressed and unattached in that old pic, but looking at your avatar image, now you look so much happier!

Quote from: jeminajay on April 14, 2014, 10:15:48 AM
Even though I have started my secret transition, I still can not showing my femenity. So that I am happy onlybwhen I am with myself. Estrogen helps me a lot to feel good with myself. But anger win sometimes when I have to be a man to please everybody that I am still the same man.

I cry with myself every days still.

Well, hiding these things in can be frustrating.  I know the feeling.  I'm transitioning yet I'm holding myself back for the right moment to go full time and live my life.  It's annoying to be in the middle of that wait.  Very annyoing and sometimes depressing.  What I will say is don't let your negative feelings eat you up.  Believe me, I realize how hard that is as I struggle all the time; however, nothing good ever comes when I allow the bad feelings get the best of me.  Though I realize how tough it is to fight these things as I struggle with major depression almost everyday.  Wish there was something more productiev I could say. 

Where are you in terms of your transition?  Are you out to anyone or planning on doing so?  Maybe talking about it will help.  If you want, feel free to pm me if you afriad of letting out anything on the public forum but need to talk. 

Quote from: jeminajay on April 09, 2014, 09:00:51 PM
When I am in a male mode, its obviously that I am negative thinker, hater, aggressive, arrogant. I hate everything. I assume that s because I hate myself.

After I accept myself that I am a transgender, I hope it will change the way I see the world through the way I see my self.

Do you think that is possible? Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Obviously I am a negative thinker too. Most time, I feel upset, anxious. I am confused about my future.
I have no idea wheather I could be a beautiful mind trans in the future.
But I think the transition, itself, won't lead to a good state of mind and mood.
I think your appearance and motion affect each other.
When you look like a woman, you get more inner peace.
When you have a good state of mind and mood, your transition goes more smoothly.
The self-adjustment plays a key role in the whole procedure.

Quote from: jeminajay on April 14, 2014, 10:15:48 AM
Even though I have started my secret transition, I still can not showing my femenity. So that I am happy onlybwhen I am with myself. Estrogen helps me a lot to feel good with myself. But anger win sometimes when I have to be a man to please everybody that I am still the same man.

I cry with myself every days still.

Wow,  That sounds familiar....and unpleasant.  Actually, the original question sounds familiar.

Anger, rage, being uncomfortable, periodic crying...it's all there. 

When I am alone, I am fully free to be me, as I am.  The problem is that I still work in boy mode.  The pain of not being me has lead to tears when I am me because I don't want to go back; I only want to be me.  It's still just a dream but one day I will be me and I will never go back.

I think we are similar..

Hugs

Jen 
d

Quote from: learningtolive on April 14, 2014, 06:53:46 PM
Well, hiding these things in can be frustrating.  I know the feeling.  I'm transitioning yet I'm holding myself back for the right moment to go full time and live my life.  It's annoying to be in the middle of that wait.  Very annyoing and sometimes depressing.  What I will say is don't let your negative feelings eat you up.  Believe me, I realize how hard that is as I struggle all the time; however, nothing good ever comes when I allow the bad feelings get the best of me.  Though I realize how tough it is to fight these things as I struggle with major depression almost everyday.  Wish there was something more productiev I could say. 

Where are you in terms of your transition?  Are you out to anyone or planning on doing so?  Maybe talking about it will help.  If you want, feel free to pm me if you afriad of letting out anything on the public forum but need to talk.

I came out to my wife and my mom. My mom told my younger brother. Problem is that all of them is holding hands to get me back to (what they think) normal.

I had never show any sign of being gay, homo, nor bisexual. So they were shocked and don't try to understand that I am self denial for my whole life and now 100% sure transgender.

I now feel more comfortable sitting cross leg like a woman. And my wife complains about it as she is afraid the others will notice.

Physically, I have been on hormones for 4 months without anyone knowing.

Quote from: SilverGirl on April 14, 2014, 06:23:28 PM
Jessica, i'm very surprised, thats such a huge change! you look so much depressed and unattached in that old pic, but looking at your avatar image, now you look so much happier!

I am! When you live for yourself and not everyone else, the world looks large and bright. I decided no one is going to dictate my happiness ever again. Even the haters don't bother me because I am me and their is nothing they can do about it, but go back to their obviously unhappy lives. Be who you want to be and life is good. There will be problems of course, but when you are comfortable in your own skin they are much easier to manage. :)

well said jessica! you and your words are very inspirational *hugs*

all i have for those haters is pity, why do they concern with other people's lives, that they supposedly hate, so much? seems there is something wrong there doesn't it?

In my experience working the streets for 28 years (Paramedic, not the other) is that the loudest people have the fullest closets, dark and deep. :)

Quote from: learningtolive on April 09, 2014, 09:16:23 PM
Everyone can improve themselves.  Anger is just a feeling that often is a reflection of what exists around you.  Find out the source for that anger and learn how to change your feelings.  This is true regardless of our gender and whether one is trans.  You can go from being a hateful angry man to a loving happy man or any other combination.  It's just a matter of working on yourself and finding the root cause of your negative feelings and how to alter them.  Although this all takes a lot of work as I can tell you changing thought patterns and negative thinking isn't easy.

wow jessica -amazing change