Susan's Place Transgender Resources

someone I know who I am out to said the following things to me and I wasn't sure how to take it:

1. Hang on, if you're trans, doesn't that make you a drag queen?

2. Isn't being trans just another attention seeking activity? Like whining on tumblr?

I personally think the term drag queen isn't appropriate to a trans person since drag shows usually are for performance. Calling it attention seeking is also pretty rude, don't you think?

I was a bit upset about it to be honest.

I try to be a nice person and not say mean things, but this person sounds like a total douche bag.  It would be one thing if they didn't understand the differences between someone who is trans and a drag queen, but that second comment shows where they are coming from. I mean why say something like that?  It seems they are the ones seeking attention if anything. 

I agree that it's upsetting. It would really bother me. I don't know anything about the situation and can really only commiserate. However, assuming this is a normal, garden variety person I can only recommend that you pity the clueless. The Birdcage and Ru Paul's Drag Race are about as close as most people get to real transgender and that's not close at all. Feel like a little outreach?

Hugs,

Dee

Quote from: jaybutterfly on April 13, 2014, 10:45:14 AM
someone I know who I am out to said the following things to me and I wasn't sure how to take it:

1. Hang on, if you're trans, doesn't that make you a drag queen?

2. Isn't being trans just another attention seeking activity? Like whining on tumblr?

...

I was a bit upset about it to be honest.

The chances are that the person in question has no idea that they are being rude. One of the reasons I self-identify as a transsexual rather than transgendered is because "trans" or "transgender" is such a broad term and includes just about anyone including drag queens and I am not a drag queen, tranvestite, crossdresser, androgyne, intersex, genderfluid or genderqueer. None of those are me, but they encompass such a wide range of expression that I find it little wonder that Joe Public gets confused.

Educate the person in question. If they persist in their comments after you have educated them then they are simply rude and best ignored. Anyone who is genuine will understand.

Quote from: provizora3 on April 13, 2014, 10:58:43 AM
The chances are that the person in question has no idea. One of the reasons I self-identify as a transsexual rather than transgendered is because "trans" or "transgender" is such a broad term and includes just about anyone including drag queens and I am not a drag queen, tranvestite, crossdresser, androgyne, intersex, genderfluid or genderqueer. None of those are me, but they encompass such a wide range of expression that I find it little wonder that Joe Public gets confused.

Educate the person in question. If they persist in their comments after you have educated them then they are simply rude and best ignored. Anyone who is genuine will understand.

That could be true as well.  I'm a little put off on the whole attention seeking, but maybe this person is really misinformed.  I guess they only way to find out which one this person happens to be is by further communication. 

P.S.  Sorry about the strength of my original reply, I'm just tired of dealing with idiots that purposefully hurt us in order to get a rise.  I hope this person isn't one of those.

see this brings up an interesting discussion about the drag thing. I've read many different opinions on the matter but the way I've seen most commonly is that 'drag queen' usually refers to someone dressing in that manner for performance, since drag comes from theatre.
Crossdresser I have also noticed is sometimes differentiated from a transgendered individual as a crossdresser doesn't necessarily have the gender dysphoria. Whether other people would agree with that is down to the individual, but that does make some sense to me, unless drag queen has been incorporated into some form of reclaim like racial slurs have been in the last decade or so without me knowing?

I still think calling being trans an attention seeking activity is either the height of ignorance on the matter or the height of rudeness. I attempted to explain and instead I got an overly defensive 'thats how I see it' so I don't think I can be bothered with this person.

Sounds like the person is not welcoming and not accepting. Perhaps she is tolerating with rude comments tosssed in to express her limits of tolerating. Perhaps the person is just ignorant of the subject but her comments sound like she is not willing to expand her understanding or caring.

Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on April 13, 2014, 05:21:29 PM
Sounds like the person is not welcoming and not accepting. Perhaps he is tolerating with rude comments tosssed in to express his limits of tolerating. Perhaps the person is just ignorant of the subject but his comments sound like he is not willing to expand his understanding or caring.

Funniest thing is she is also giving me obvious hints that she wants to date me as well... I really don't think I could cope with that

Well, if she wants to date you, you'd think she's have the decency to show some respect. Personally, I do not see how calling someone attention seeking like that could in any way be meant as anything other than an insult.

I try not to get mad at individuals when they say disparaging things in regards to trans people.  I think, generally speaking, that media (especially in the past) has portrayed transgender people more as caricatures rather than real individuals.  It's been made a joke of for such a long time.  It's such a shame that so many people can't understand we're just everyday women/men that were dealt a bad hand.  It is kind of strange that those comments were made if this person is really interested in you.  I think when it comes down to it, most people just need to be educated on the issue.  Then again, I may just be making excuses, as I always try to see the good in people. :-\

Quote from: jaybutterfly on April 14, 2014, 04:52:39 AM
Funniest thing is she is also giving me obvious hints that she wants to date me as well... I really don't think I could cope with that

Calls you a "drag queen" and wants to date you. I smell a fetish.

Dee

I did "drag shows" early in life. I looked very nice & felt very good. It was really not a show for me just being myself on stage. So many men wanted to date me & some wanted to look as nice as I did. So just try & laugh maybe. Tell the person or persons that you are just having fun with life.

Quote from: jaybutterfly on April 14, 2014, 04:52:39 AM
Funniest thing is she is also giving me obvious hints that she wants to date me as well... I really don't think I could cope with that

I am confused. From your post, it appears that you are MTF and the person you reference here "she" would be female. Which assumptions are correct and what type of relationship is she seeking with you (F-F of F-M)?

It's 100% different to being a drag queen. Firstly, being a drag queen is about entertainment and performance, everything is exaggerated. You're not trying to look like an average girl, you're trying to look like an over-the-top girl. Which is fine, but being trans is about how you are inside, not acting.

And people think everything is attention-seeking these days. God forbid people express their thoughts or feelings if they're not common or seen as the norm. It is rude, and the best thing to do is, firstly, to educate (if you want to, not everyone does) if they can be educated (ie, if their idiocy comes from ignorance and not malice). If they can't be educated, you simply ignore them, don't let their stupid comments negate who you are or how you feel.

I wouldn't dignify this douche with a proper response or acknowledgement.

Quote from: mac1 on April 14, 2014, 09:16:26 AM
I am confused. From your post, it appears that you are MTF and the person you reference here "she" would be female. Which assumptions are correct and what type of relationship is she seeking with you (F-F of F-M)?

thats the thing, she seems to want me to 'be male.' just a typical case of wanting someone to conform to an idea of what they have. It'd never work

decided to ignore, Im not interested