Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone. I would like everyone who is disrespecting Susan's on Facebook to immediately unfriend me please. I woke up to a Facebook topic trashing the good name of this great place. Some are still members here now and some have left. I try my best every second I am logged in to make good decisions as a Moderator and follow the Terms of Service as best I can to keep this family safe and secure for others. It is an unpaid position to which I volunteered for because I believe in the mission here. I do not want to open my Facebook page and see myself called "An inmate running the asylum", "corrupt", "non caring", "hate full" and many other things. I do the best I can to be honest and give everyone a chance to speak, yet be mindful of others feelings and emotions. I have been destroyed by some of the current members here who talk this way and cant let it go. So if you are one of the ones (and I know who you are) please unfriend me and leave this place instead of cowardly attacking it on another site. Those that do this have a lack of honor and personal integrity.  :'(

Haters gonna hate. I know who a lot of these people are, and many are disgruntled former staff. Some are those who were denied a staff position. I would take what is said by such people with a huge grain of salt.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthehideawayonline.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2013%2F01%2FMorton-Salt-26oz-1-1.jpg&hash=a2d523d884e2264744214b53c0554c4926d4ead6)

They're free to salt the ocean with their hatred of me and our site. I've got a big enough filter.

Seriously, if you're gonna hate, hate me and not our mods. Our overworked, volunteer mods who work night and day to keep this a safe space. I've heard some of the stuff said about me. Well, I've got nothing to hide. I hide nothing. At all. I'm an open book. Everyone here knows I've got problems and I don't trouble to hide it.

Quote from: FA on April 14, 2014, 02:32:56 PM
Haters gonna hate. I know who a lot of these people are, and many are disgruntled former staff. Some are those who were denied a staff position. I would take what is said by such people with a huge grain of salt.

This.

Jealousy and bitterness are terrible emotions.

I understand not letting it get to me. It is just after a 28 year career served with honor, courage and self sacrifice I have no desire to be slandered by people possessing the exact opposite qualities. It is like when we tell new (or older) transitioners they have no need to be in toxic relationships which could hinder their transitions. These people are toxic to me and I want them to have no further correspondence with me. I am proud to be here and owe this place my very life. I was VERY surprised by some of our current members who are talking this way as I thought I knew them better and had great respect for them. When I first read the comments I felt a lot like Julius Caesar. Not being a supreme ruler by any means, just betrayed by those closest. :(

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on April 14, 2014, 02:49:07 PM
I understand not letting it get to me. It is just after a 28 year career served with honor, courage and self sacrifice I have no desire to be slandered by people possessing the exact opposite qualities. It is like when we tell new (or older) transitioners they have no need to be in toxic relationships which could hinder their transitions. These people are toxic to me and I want them to have no further correspondence with me. I am proud to be here and owe this place my very life. I was VERY surprised by some of our current members who are talking this way as I thought I knew them better and had great respect for them. When I first read the comments I felt a lot like Julius Caesar. Not being a supreme ruler by any means, just betrayed by those closest. :(

Oh I didn't mean that. It is upsetting. Especially to our mods who are busy doing a thankless job just trying to keep the place hospitable. I don't know who all you're talking about, but I can guess - disgruntled former staff and the friends of former staff. Anyway according to Susan, any staff member badmouthing the site has just handed in their resignation. Any member doing so has just forfeited the privilege of being a member. If you don't like it here, we don't want you here. Don't let the door slap your ass on your way out.
Send me their names.

Why befriend someone one doesn't like in the first place?  :eusa_eh:

Sometimes you don't find out about their true colors until they are off of Susan's. They post one thing here, then another somewhere else. Have you never been turned on by someone you considered a friend before? Not judging, just saying it happens sometimes. :) Yes I do feel like a fool right now.

Nah. I mean why would they friend you on facebook if they don't like you? I've had plenty of friends do shtuff like that to me and every time I'm like, "If you didn't like me this whole time, why did you pretend to be my friend?" I don't get it.

The only people I have "friended" on facebook are my Sister and friends from High School (oh so many years ago [1962]).  This keeps the drama down.

Big hugs to all of you.  Jessica, FA and Sephirah, I have nothing but the utmost respect for you.

I have some experience from getting nasty blowback just for trying to go out of my way to be helpful.  Sometimes I feel like no good deed goes unpunished, but for some reason I keep doing them anyway.

What I don't understand is people who say one thing in one place and another somewhere else. 

If you ever see me somewhere else, know this- there is only one Jill. 

Quote from: Edge on April 14, 2014, 04:26:21 PM
Nah. I mean why would they friend you on facebook if they don't like you? I've had plenty of friends do shtuff like that to me and every time I'm like, "If you didn't like me this whole time, why did you pretend to be my friend?" I don't get it.

Oh I see Edge, Sorry, blonde moment! ;D

I think it was a way for them to try to get info from me and to feel me out for recruitment to the other site. I was at one time offered the same job I have here now with the other group.

Jill-There is definitely only one you and I have the privilege to know you! Love you Sis! ;)

Quote from: Jill F on April 14, 2014, 04:33:49 PMIf you ever see me somewhere else, know this- there is only one Jill. 

More than one and I'm pretty sure the universe would implode. ;D I'm glad we've got the one and only, though. :)

I feel pretty sorry for a lot of the mods...they get stuck in pretty much all the forum drama and usually get crucified in the process. I've never understood why people say Susan's is hateful, or whatever. I've literally never had any problems here. And I'm willing to bet dimes to donuts it's because I don't get involved in drama. If I upset someone, I apologize (if I feel I was in the wrong). If something just really rubs me the wrong way, I leave for a few days. I've never been accused of being hateful nor have I received anything I would call hateful. Sadly, for the mods that really isn't an option because in order to do their jobs they have to stick around and can't just stay away from the drama. But for members, I honestly can't understand why so many get upset over small things, and cause fights, drama, and discord. It's stupid.

It's not all disgruntled former staff posting about this forum on FB.  There are problems here.  On the forum and in the chat room.  Sure, you can act like there aren't problems and go on like nothing is wrong and blame it on select individuals who speak out.  That won't solve the problems.  Almost all trans forums have their own problems.  This one is most certainly no exception.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on April 14, 2014, 04:03:32 PM
Sometimes you don't find out about their true colors until they are off of Susan's. They post one thing here, then another somewhere else. Have you never been turned on by someone you considered a friend before? Not judging, just saying it happens sometimes. :) Yes I do feel like a fool right now.

Sorry, but yeah it absolutely sounds like you're judging.
It's called 'free speech'.   People aren't subject to the whim of Susan's mods on FB, Thank God.  When people start seeing every poster here get equal treatment, maybe then they will feel differently. 

Quote from: JordanBlue on April 14, 2014, 04:48:40 PM
It's not all disgruntled former staff posting about this forum on FB.  There are problems here.  On the forum and in the chat room.  Sure, you can act like there aren't problems and go on like nothing is wrong and blame it on select individuals who speak out.  That won't solve the problems.  Almost all trans forums have their own problems.  This one is most certainly no exception.

Well Jordan, you are on moderation. But I have approved this comment (can't say I'll approve any others). Whatever your feelings or opinions, you have seriously hurt at least one member here with your comments and pms. You may feel justified in your envy of this person. These feelings are natural and I'm not condemning them. I am condemning your treatment of an innocent person -someone you have apparently deemed unworthy of support. You seriously hurt somebody here. And made them afraid to come back. Does that feel good? Being a bully? I can understand that. I didn't care how much I hurt other people - when I was 11.

All I can say WOW... I am so sorry to hear that Jessica. Like yourself, this place is a lifesaver for me. It kind of makes me sad also that this happened. That said though, people can be jerks and I think you did a good job as stating how you feel. Personally I have opened up more to this community than anywhere else with the exception of my therapist of course. But I am seeking answers to questions and also can express my inner feeling as well. On an overall I feel well received and I seem to get honest answer from most of the girls here. My advice: Don't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch. And how you are doing that with this post seem very direct which in my opinion is what was needed. Love ya Sis. Big hug from me. :icon_hug:

I can only say I'm glad I stumbled across this place and props to the mods/admins who make it pleasant.

I am so sorry everyone! I have done just what I was trying to stop. I just wanted the people doing this to be aware I wanted no further contact and all I did was stir the nest of hornets. I CAUSED what I wanted stopped. I am so , so sorry for this. Would a Moderator please remove this topic because it is doing damage to what I love. :'( I am sorry to have betrayed the trust placed in me and my judgment. I love all of you and didn't mean to cause all of this.  :'(

Quote from: FA on April 14, 2014, 05:07:15 PM
Well Jordan, you are on moderation. But I have approved this comment (can't say I'll approve any others). Whatever your feelings or opinions, you have seriously hurt at least one member here with your comments and pms.

Oh, but I don't have feelings.  I see how it works now.

QuoteYou may feel justified in your envy of this person.

Clueless much?  It's never been envy.  I don't envy anyone on this forum.

QuoteThese feelings are natural and I'm not condemning them. I am condemning your treatment of an innocent person -someone you have apparently deemed unworthy of support. You seriously hurt somebody here. And made them afraid to come back. Does that feel good? Being a bully? I can understand that. I didn't care how much I hurt other people - when I was 11.

Again, clueless much?    I'm no bully - never have been - never will be.
I tried to reason with that person.  I even said they looked good and 100% passable. 
They spit in my face.  And now I'm the bad person?
Do whatever you want.  Mod me, Ban me, whatever - but you can't stop me from discussing the nonsense that happens here somewhere else.

Jessica you didn't start anything, most of us are in support of your comments.

Quote from: JordanBlue on April 14, 2014, 05:23:09 PM

Quote from: FA on April 14, 2014, 05:07:15 PM
Well Jordan, you are on moderation. But I have approved this comment (can't say I'll approve any others). Whatever your feelings or opinions, you have seriously hurt at least one member here with your comments and pms.

Oh, but I don't have feelings.  I see how it works now.

QuoteYou may feel justified in your envy of this person.

Clueless much?  It's never been envy.  I don't envy anyone on this forum.

QuoteThese feelings are natural and I'm not condemning them. I am condemning your treatment of an innocent person -someone you have apparently deemed unworthy of support. You seriously hurt somebody here. And made them afraid to come back. Does that feel good? Being a bully? I can understand that. I didn't care how much I hurt other people - when I was 11.

Again, clueless much?    I'm no bully - never have been - never will be.
I tried to reason with that person.  I even said they looked good and 100% passable. 
They spit in my face.  And now I'm the bad person?
Do whatever you want.  Mod me, Ban me, whatever - but you can't stop me from discussing the nonsense that happens here somewhere else.

I don't know everything happened though I suppose I could get the pm records. But the bottom line is you really hurt somebody. No matter what started it or whatever. Do you care about that? You hurt somebody. A fragile young girl just starting her journey. Hurt her to the point she was afraid to come back. No matter how the argument began, you ended up seriously hurting another human being.

Too little - Too late.  I'm not going to play the PM game with you so you have something to use against me.  I have no problem posting my thoughts right here for all the world to see.  That 'other person' disrespected me just as much as you seem to think I 'hurt her'.  I'm not digging up bones.
I'm not one to whine or complain and I'm sure not about to start doing that now.  It happened.  It's over. It's done.  I don't play games.  What I say is what I feel.  I don't ask for much - just equal treatment.  Again, Block me, Ban me, Do WHATEVER your immense power prompts you to do.  It just seems a bit odd that I'm not the only one on FB discussing the nonsense here.  and there's not much you can do about that, huh? 

Please can the fighting stop!  Look, I'm a lot of things, a screw up and many more, but I never intended for it to reach to this level.  To those who have a problem with me, that is your right, but I ask for it to at least stop.  I'm not hear to debate who is right or wrong or who has more problems in life.  Please, you don't have to like me or agree with me or like my presense here, but you can move on as I can.  There is plenty of space for the both of us.  I promise on my part not to interact with the member who detests me and ask the same.  Isn't that enough?  What more do you want from me. Please let's not fight over this.  I'm at fault for part of it and apologize and hope it will just end.  If there must be a life long grudge for that, I'm sorry.  I try to do more good here than not, but I realize I create grief and negativity and for that I'm sorry.  I hate when that happens and believe me, I kick myself harder than anyone could kick me.

Jessica,

Don't let those people get you down.  Look, you do a lot of things that are kind for the people here.  You give support in the best way you know how and you try to do good.  Maybe you don't always achieve that mark, but you try and that's what matters.  If people are going to give you a tough time on that, then that is there own problem and issue.  Seriously don't take it all to heart.  And let me say this.  I respect you.  I respect that you take time out of your day to read some one elses drama.  Maybe you really can't help all the time, but you do your best.  And you know what, this site does more harm than good.  I'll say this out loud, this site probably has saved a messed up loser like myself on more than one occassion.  How many more are out there?  For all those who complain, how many found inspiration or perhaps enough support to get by?  Many more than those who complain.   This site has given me the support I lack in real life and it's done the same for many.  It's helped many gain courage to step forward and make something of themselves and it's also helped others find enough ways to cope while they struggle to get there.  Whatever.  The site helps many people, and Jessica you are a big part of that site.  Is it flawless?  No.  ARe there problems? Sure.  But nothing in life is perfect nor are any of us as people.  Don't worry about your shortcomings and focus on your strengths and what you have to offer.  I can assure you there is much more of that.  Lastly, don't let something important to you be ruined by others.  If it means something to you and others here, then that;s what matters.  IF other's don't like it, they are free to find other avenues.

I agree, this is not the place to go into this. Time to end this thread.

Quote from: JordanBlue on April 14, 2014, 05:53:07 PM
Too little - Too late.  I'm not going to play the PM game with you so you have something to use against me.  I have no problem posting my thoughts right here for all the world to see.  That 'other person' disrespected me just as much as you seem to think I 'hurt her'.  I'm not digging up bones.
I'm not one to whine or complain and I'm sure not about to start doing that now.  It happened.  It's over. It's done.  I don't play games.  What I say is what I feel.  I don't ask for much - just equal treatment.  Again, Block me, Ban me, Do WHATEVER your immense power prompts you to do.  It just seems a bit odd that I'm not the only one on FB discussing the nonsense here.  and there's not much you can do about that, huh?

But you are complaining. I invited you to talk about this in private, but you don't want to do that.

And it's not odd at all that these people on facebook are complaining. I've seen the comments and know that they are mostly disgruntled staff members, banned members, and friends of the same. It's really no surprise they're unhappy. A fired staff member and their friends badmouthing the site. Okay. Not a surprise. A bit disappointing when you thought you would never encounter this kind of thing past junior high. But whatever.

Every forum I've been to in the past has had this sort of thing going on in the background, other areas and someone invariably starts another site for the disgruntled while still going to the old forum to stir the pot for their own amusement. I found it best to not get involved with other forumers too much other than the few I have grown close to and definitely not join any offshoot sites and such.

I hate that you are experiencing what you are on your own facebook, but that can happen when you throw open the gates and friend people you don't know well because at the end of the day, they are people and people can be real ->-bleeped-<-s at times.


Hopefully this will fade away and things will settle again soon.

And just so you know, I haven't had any issue with your moderating or your posts in general. I'm of the mind that when things bug me, I quietly leave and when I get over it, I come back quietly. Its how I personally deal with things.

I have no problems with anyone personally, no one on FB, no one here and no one at the other forum(I am assuming I have the right one in mind). I joined the other forum as I was asked if I liked to and so I did not because of perceived problems here(none for me that I know of) but because I have almost no one IRL to interact with and feel there is a limited amount on offer online in terms of forums aswell. So I am on both, just as I am on that facebook group, again because I am limited as to where I can go to interact with people in the trans community. Again I have no problems with anyone here, somedays I don't feel comfortable being here but that is more my own anxiety than anything else. I often feel the same way at home, can't explain it just do. Some days things do feel hostile here and other days they don't. This happens for me at other forums aswell(not trans related), it is nothing anyone has done to make me feel uncomfortable(again that I can recall), I guess it is just a part of the being on a forum. I guess what I am getting at is not everyone involved in that discussion or others is disgruntled staff or not. In my case sometimes I feel like commenting on some discussions especially if I am in a bad place and sometimes I don't. That doesn't and shouldn't effect my overall feeling. Think of it as having a bad day at work and needing to vent and then sometimes regretting it afterwards.

If I have upset anyone I apologise, I do my best not to upset people. I guess you could say I do not like confrontation at all and would rather just get along with everyone.

This thread has been a bit of an eye-opener. I found it very interesting.

BTW Jessica, you can unfriend and block people on Facebook too, you don't have to wait for them to do it.

Quote from: Ms Grace on April 19, 2014, 07:18:53 PM
BTW Jessica, you can unfriend and block people on Facebook too, you don't have to wait for them to do it.

Sorry Grace. I didn't know that before I posted here, I sure do now. I am still learning all about tech stuff. Us dinosaurs have a lot of catch up to do. :)

Quote from: provizora3 on April 15, 2014, 03:29:48 AM
This thread has been a bit of an eye-opener. I found it very interesting.

So did I.  Knowing how much work, energy and passion is needed to lead or moderate any community I can't imagine just how much you have given to so many of us over so many years.   You do an immense good for so many of us.  Susans is a huge part of my life and my development.  Think of the good and those that you are helping.  There will always be those who are aggrieved and unhappy, if you believe that their positions lack merit dont take on their baggage.  You are already carrying us with you.

For your efforts, good humor, guidance and caring for this community - thank you.

Aisla

Thanks everyone! :)

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on April 20, 2014, 02:01:58 AM
Thanks everyone! :)

Your very welcome Sis... By the way if you ever need a computer question answered just PM me... Hate to say it but have quite the geeky side also... LOL

Hugs

Jessica even from the moment I first started on this site, you were there to give encouragement and words of wisdom within the first 5-10 minutes of my post. The other members love and support you even if we've never met. Your hard work does not go unnoticed!

One sad truth is that we aren't always going to be accepted. Not saying that it isn't worth fighting for, but I think public displays can provide an outlet for hate quite easily.

Anyways, love you girl!
Live long and stay safe!