Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: JLT1 on April 19, 2014, 02:20:07 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Coming Out At Work and at Home: Fantastic Responces!
Post by: JLT1 on April 19, 2014, 02:20:07 PM
Post by: JLT1 on April 19, 2014, 02:20:07 PM
Well, I'm 11 days out from having FFS with Dr Z. Almost all the arrangements are completed and after I get back from the surgery, I'm full time ME! It's been a long process getting to this point: I started dealing with my dysphoria in Feburary/March of 2012, started counseling in June of 2012, HRT in Feb 2013 and now it's off for FFS.
I work in a research laboratory running studies and reviewing the Hazard/Risk/Toxicological assessments of chemistries and products for a very large multinational corporation. As such, every year, I work with 400+ people several times a year plus a whole lot more periodically. It's a huge list of several thousand people that have to know I am Jennifer. While most will simply get an email from HR and my VP, I selected 68 people to talk with individually. I typically took two or three to lunch and we just talked. During the conversation, I would come out to them, tell them that I was having surgery May 1st and when I returned on June 16, I would be Jennifer. I then answered questions. Thus far at work, I have not had one negative response. The text from the email below is typical...
"I want to tell you that I am 100% fully supportive of what you're going through. I feel very honored that I was included in one of your in-depth conversations, even if you have given it more times than you can remember now. Over the past year and a half, I've come to realize that you are a great person, and I hope that won't change. I will still look to you for guidance and knowledge as I have in the past.
One of my best friends and roommate for 3 years after college helped me to be more cognizant and aware of differences. He was openly gay when I met him, but I realized it had no effect on our relationship. I trusted him and liked being around him because he was a great friend and a great person. He really got me to understand that I needed to judge a person on their being rather than their orientation/appearance. I truly hope that everyone around you will continue to give you support and love as you go through your transformation.
Thanks again and best of luck!"
Three of my favorites were "I don't care if you are checkered; we need you doing what you do." (Sr Manufacturing Manager), "That took a lot of strength, thank you. Lunch in June is on me." (Director of Toxicology) and "Welcome, give me a hug." (my Vice President).
The home life is OK. I have a son in law who is struggling but accepting. My step daughters and grandchildren think it's cool. I am closer to my wife and best friend than ever. Two sisters are supportive. There is one problem. My oldest sister whom I am closest with is a lesbian and she thinks I have totally lost it. We are talking militant hatred. We spoke this morning and we at least spoke. I'll keep working on it.
Overall, it's been unbelievably good. The lunch and talking thing worked so well. It wasn't easy and it was expensive, but it worked. Everyone had questions and often, they came up with unique questions. Throughout all of this, the weeks I have been doing lunches, no one talked to anyone else. That is remarkable.
Thank you everyone on Susan's for the support and advice. I have said this before but will say it again: I would not be here; I would not be alive, if it wasn't for this wonderful place and the wonderful people.
I just wanted to share the good because so often, we hear only the bad.
Hugs to all!!!!!
Jen
I work in a research laboratory running studies and reviewing the Hazard/Risk/Toxicological assessments of chemistries and products for a very large multinational corporation. As such, every year, I work with 400+ people several times a year plus a whole lot more periodically. It's a huge list of several thousand people that have to know I am Jennifer. While most will simply get an email from HR and my VP, I selected 68 people to talk with individually. I typically took two or three to lunch and we just talked. During the conversation, I would come out to them, tell them that I was having surgery May 1st and when I returned on June 16, I would be Jennifer. I then answered questions. Thus far at work, I have not had one negative response. The text from the email below is typical...
"I want to tell you that I am 100% fully supportive of what you're going through. I feel very honored that I was included in one of your in-depth conversations, even if you have given it more times than you can remember now. Over the past year and a half, I've come to realize that you are a great person, and I hope that won't change. I will still look to you for guidance and knowledge as I have in the past.
One of my best friends and roommate for 3 years after college helped me to be more cognizant and aware of differences. He was openly gay when I met him, but I realized it had no effect on our relationship. I trusted him and liked being around him because he was a great friend and a great person. He really got me to understand that I needed to judge a person on their being rather than their orientation/appearance. I truly hope that everyone around you will continue to give you support and love as you go through your transformation.
Thanks again and best of luck!"
Three of my favorites were "I don't care if you are checkered; we need you doing what you do." (Sr Manufacturing Manager), "That took a lot of strength, thank you. Lunch in June is on me." (Director of Toxicology) and "Welcome, give me a hug." (my Vice President).
The home life is OK. I have a son in law who is struggling but accepting. My step daughters and grandchildren think it's cool. I am closer to my wife and best friend than ever. Two sisters are supportive. There is one problem. My oldest sister whom I am closest with is a lesbian and she thinks I have totally lost it. We are talking militant hatred. We spoke this morning and we at least spoke. I'll keep working on it.
Overall, it's been unbelievably good. The lunch and talking thing worked so well. It wasn't easy and it was expensive, but it worked. Everyone had questions and often, they came up with unique questions. Throughout all of this, the weeks I have been doing lunches, no one talked to anyone else. That is remarkable.
Thank you everyone on Susan's for the support and advice. I have said this before but will say it again: I would not be here; I would not be alive, if it wasn't for this wonderful place and the wonderful people.
I just wanted to share the good because so often, we hear only the bad.
Hugs to all!!!!!
Jen
Title: Re: Coming Out At Work and at Home: Fantastic Responces!
Post by: peky on April 19, 2014, 02:25:28 PM
Post by: peky on April 19, 2014, 02:25:28 PM
Many analogies in your story and mine.. anyway could not had happen to a better lady,
All the best !
All the best !
Title: Re: Coming Out At Work and at Home: Fantastic Responces!
Post by: JLT1 on April 19, 2014, 02:31:12 PM
Post by: JLT1 on April 19, 2014, 02:31:12 PM
Pecky,
I have read many of your posts and I paid close attention!
Thank you for them and for this one.
Hugs for a wonderful lady!
Jen
I have read many of your posts and I paid close attention!
Thank you for them and for this one.
Hugs for a wonderful lady!
Jen
Title: Re: Coming Out At Work and at Home: Fantastic Responces!
Post by: WaspWoman on April 19, 2014, 09:11:21 PM
Post by: WaspWoman on April 19, 2014, 09:11:21 PM
Wow, this is wonderful to hear. It's stories like these that make you think maybe, just maybe we might be on the verge of a real shift in cultural acceptance.
Congratulations on a positive experience and good luck with your sister. Best wishes!
Congratulations on a positive experience and good luck with your sister. Best wishes!
Title: Re: Coming Out At Work and at Home: Fantastic Responces!
Post by: Ms Grace on April 19, 2014, 10:54:58 PM
Post by: Ms Grace on April 19, 2014, 10:54:58 PM
This is great, great news Jen. I know you were struggling a few months ago with the wait for FFS - and the place you felt stuck in as a result. But now you can be you! One of the things I found great about going full time was not having to try and hide my boobs under increasingly baggy clothes. I'm so happy for you! :)
Title: Re: Coming Out At Work and at Home: Fantastic Responces!
Post by: JLT1 on April 20, 2014, 08:39:03 PM
Post by: JLT1 on April 20, 2014, 08:39:03 PM
Quote from: AnnaLee on April 19, 2014, 09:11:21 PM
Wow, this is wonderful to hear. It's stories like these that make you think maybe, just maybe we might be on the verge of a real shift in cultural acceptance.
Congratulations on a positive experience and good luck with your sister. Best wishes!
Anna,
The coming out at work has been so smooth. I can't believe how good it has gone. I live in a metro area that is very transgender friendly and that has really helped. The other thing is people know me, they know that I don't do anything rash or that I don't consider. Even the evangelical Christian offered support. It was hard for him but after a long talk, he came around.
Things are changing!
Quote from: Ms Grace on April 19, 2014, 10:54:58 PM
This is great, great news Jen. I know you were struggling a few months ago with the wait for FFS - and the place you felt stuck in as a result. But now you can be you! One of the things I found great about going full time was not having to try and hide my boobs under increasingly baggy clothes. I'm so happy for you! :)
My transition has been difficult and complicated. The delay for FFS really hurt. I was so ready and then it got it pulled out from under me. My first consult with Dr Z was in October. We should have gotten in done in December. Then, it was March and now, it's really happening. I can't sleep I'm so excited and it's over a week away.
The one part of this that has gone smooth has been coming out. Wow, unbelievable.
Good to see you are making progress as well!
Hugs,
Jen
Title: Re: Coming Out At Work and at Home: Fantastic Responces!
Post by: Ltl89 on April 21, 2014, 12:14:34 PM
Post by: Ltl89 on April 21, 2014, 12:14:34 PM
Jen, I am really glad to hear this. You are a good and caring person who deserves all of the support you are receiving. Thanks for sharing. :)
Title: Re: Coming Out At Work and at Home: Fantastic Responces!
Post by: Greeneyedrebel on April 21, 2014, 12:58:08 PM
Post by: Greeneyedrebel on April 21, 2014, 12:58:08 PM
I am very happy for you! Having that support, especially professionally (and that massive respect it seems) sounds like it would feel amazing.
Title: Re: Coming Out At Work and at Home: Fantastic Responces!
Post by: xterra on April 21, 2014, 07:32:45 PM
Post by: xterra on April 21, 2014, 07:32:45 PM
I am really happy for you :)
Title: Re: Coming Out At Work and at Home: Fantastic Responces!
Post by: JLT1 on April 22, 2014, 10:47:10 PM
Post by: JLT1 on April 22, 2014, 10:47:10 PM
Quote from: learningtolive on April 21, 2014, 12:14:34 PM
Jen, I am really glad to hear this. You are a good and caring person who deserves all of the support you are receiving. Thanks for sharing. :)
LTL,
You see the best in people. It is a gift and you have it. I know you have had it rough and you don't deserve that. I hope that the remainder of your coming out goes even better than mine.
Big hugs girl.
Quote from: Greeneyedrebel on April 21, 2014, 12:58:08 PM
I am very happy for you! Having that support, especially professionally (and that massive respect it seems) sounds like it would feel amazing.
Rebel,
I buried myself in work for years. Denial has some benefit if one does that. I just got good at doing what I do. But yes, it feels really great.
Hugs!!
Update: I still had five people left. I got what I think is an even more unexpected response today. I told the QA Manager and also a friend of mine (he has been on vacation the past couple of weeks). I told him that I was doing a gender transformation and when I return, he should call me Jennifer. His response? "OK". And then he started talking about work again. "OK"... Talk about not caring.... That is a perfect response.
Seven days and it's me and Dr Z.....
Hugs,
Jen