Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Christine167 on April 20, 2014, 11:44:21 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Told my Mother
Post by: Christine167 on April 20, 2014, 11:44:21 AM
Post by: Christine167 on April 20, 2014, 11:44:21 AM
So a lot of my close friends do know that I am transgender and have been in the process for about seven months now. One them also happens to occasionally work with my mom. My mother has known that something was up and had led to an ongoing separation/divorce with my wife. I just wasn't ready to tell her yet. My friend being the clueless guy in the south that he is fell for my mothers prodding. You know the old pretend that you know and start the sad story so that the clueless guy tells all? Yeah that one. Works faster than telling a guy you've never seen "that movie" just to get a date. So while out with my son to dinner the other night she told me that she knew that I was gay. I know a WTF moment right? I said "Oh and if I am how do you feel about that?". She said that she was supportive and wouldn't think any less of me for it. I asked her "What if I am not gay and it's something else?". She said that she would still support me and that she wished that I would just tell her. I said that we could take a drive and that I would tell her. And I did. I cried.
My mom who I thought would be shattered is okay with it. Supportive in fact and knows a lot of what I am going through because strangeness of strangeness she used to work with another nurse who was going through transition to be a woman. She asked how long I've been on the meds and if I had a picture of what I would look like. I showed her my avatar here and she said that I was cute without bating an eye. She did however agree that my dad will be furious. She isn't going to tell him though, and said that even if he is that he can go ...umm... something by himself because she loves me and she's had enough of his temper tantrums.
The next day I brought my son over for to spend sometime with my mom for his birthday. On our way out that evening she gave me one of her rings. I guess that doesn't sound like much really but it was THE RING that she found in my room one day so many years ago. The one day that I thought that she knew my secret. She didn't let on any "I've known the whole time stories." She just told me about how she came to own it. She had bought it with her graduation money from high school. It doesn't even fit me anymore but I kept it between my fingers all the way home crying.
I'm crying now. I just didn't realize how much I missed and needed my mom. I was just so ready to go on without her because I was afraid that I would break her heart.
My mom who I thought would be shattered is okay with it. Supportive in fact and knows a lot of what I am going through because strangeness of strangeness she used to work with another nurse who was going through transition to be a woman. She asked how long I've been on the meds and if I had a picture of what I would look like. I showed her my avatar here and she said that I was cute without bating an eye. She did however agree that my dad will be furious. She isn't going to tell him though, and said that even if he is that he can go ...umm... something by himself because she loves me and she's had enough of his temper tantrums.
The next day I brought my son over for to spend sometime with my mom for his birthday. On our way out that evening she gave me one of her rings. I guess that doesn't sound like much really but it was THE RING that she found in my room one day so many years ago. The one day that I thought that she knew my secret. She didn't let on any "I've known the whole time stories." She just told me about how she came to own it. She had bought it with her graduation money from high school. It doesn't even fit me anymore but I kept it between my fingers all the way home crying.
I'm crying now. I just didn't realize how much I missed and needed my mom. I was just so ready to go on without her because I was afraid that I would break her heart.
Title: Re: Told my Mother
Post by: Cindy on April 20, 2014, 11:50:06 AM
Post by: Cindy on April 20, 2014, 11:50:06 AM
Hugs Honey
Title: Re: Told my Mother
Post by: latoya rayne on April 20, 2014, 12:23:20 PM
Post by: latoya rayne on April 20, 2014, 12:23:20 PM
Congrats, :) its nice to have a supporting family.
Title: Re: Told my Mother
Post by: helen2010 on April 20, 2014, 05:00:43 PM
Post by: helen2010 on April 20, 2014, 05:00:43 PM
Christine
Thank you for sharing. I am glad that this went so well for you. Coming out to my mum will be confronting for me and potentially damaging for her. The issue is that if I explain that I am tg most probably due to being mis gendered due to the stress she experienced during her pregnancy that she will blame and never forgive herself even if she tries to understand and to support me.
Background. After conceiving me my mother went through a period of significant stress - leaving her home to set up a new life in another country and in an isolated community without friends or family support. Having lost her parents at a very early age she, as the eldest sister, had parented her 2 sisters as they were passed between friends and family. The result was that she felt highly insecure and unwanted. The net effect was that she suffered severe post natal depression following my birth. She has had to deal with this curse, endless medication and ECT for most of her adult life. However she has given everything to her husband, family and now to her grandchildren. Now at long last her depression has eased and she is enjoying her final years.
So my question is - much as I would like to unburden myself, to share who I am and to establish an authentic relationship with my mother, should I do this or should I honour her life and allow her the few well deserved years of peace that she has left to her?
Aisla
Thank you for sharing. I am glad that this went so well for you. Coming out to my mum will be confronting for me and potentially damaging for her. The issue is that if I explain that I am tg most probably due to being mis gendered due to the stress she experienced during her pregnancy that she will blame and never forgive herself even if she tries to understand and to support me.
Background. After conceiving me my mother went through a period of significant stress - leaving her home to set up a new life in another country and in an isolated community without friends or family support. Having lost her parents at a very early age she, as the eldest sister, had parented her 2 sisters as they were passed between friends and family. The result was that she felt highly insecure and unwanted. The net effect was that she suffered severe post natal depression following my birth. She has had to deal with this curse, endless medication and ECT for most of her adult life. However she has given everything to her husband, family and now to her grandchildren. Now at long last her depression has eased and she is enjoying her final years.
So my question is - much as I would like to unburden myself, to share who I am and to establish an authentic relationship with my mother, should I do this or should I honour her life and allow her the few well deserved years of peace that she has left to her?
Aisla
Title: Re: Told my Mother
Post by: Satinjoy on April 21, 2014, 08:09:05 PM
Post by: Satinjoy on April 21, 2014, 08:09:05 PM
What a nice outcome. Hard on the Dad side though.
I'm agreeing with Aisla (again). Mom will not know. Dad, however, knows a lot. Maybe all. It took a year to tell him, little by little. He funds my hormones I have financial hardships. ^-^
I don't break stealth unless I am sure it won't hurt others or myself.
I'm agreeing with Aisla (again). Mom will not know. Dad, however, knows a lot. Maybe all. It took a year to tell him, little by little. He funds my hormones I have financial hardships. ^-^
I don't break stealth unless I am sure it won't hurt others or myself.
Title: Re: Told my Mother
Post by: Bombadil on April 21, 2014, 08:52:06 PM
Post by: Bombadil on April 21, 2014, 08:52:06 PM
I'm so glad it worked out so well. Even if it doesn't fit, cherish that ring!
Title: Re: Told my Mother
Post by: Kylie on May 05, 2014, 08:36:56 PM
Post by: Kylie on May 05, 2014, 08:36:56 PM
Such a great story! It brought years to my eyes, so precious :). Good luck with your father!
Title: Re: Told my Mother
Post by: @Diana on May 05, 2014, 08:39:32 PM
Post by: @Diana on May 05, 2014, 08:39:32 PM
thanks for sharing, very lovely story :)
Title: Re: Told my Mother
Post by: ReubenIsTheName on May 06, 2014, 08:34:31 AM
Post by: ReubenIsTheName on May 06, 2014, 08:34:31 AM
Fantastic story! You're so lucky to have a mother like that!
Mine has been torn up about it. I believe part of my dysphoria is due to the fact that my mother wasn't even supposed to be able to have children, so I was, in myself, a miracle of nature. Also, during my birth she had some sort of heart attack (there's a fancy medical term for it that I can't remember), and almost died. So, she did go through a lot of stress during and after her pregnancy. Not to mention the fact that she wanted a boy so badly, she cried when she found out she was having a girl. :-\ So, I guess she got her wish, and I was only born in a female's body. And now, she's gotten used to having a daughter, I am her little girl, she just can't handle it, and is verbally lashing out every time I even mention it to anyone that she knows about. Some of the things she says are very hurtful, as she has been very close to me throughout the years. According to her, I won't have a mother once I'm 18.
But this is your story, not mine, and I'm so glad your mother is being this supportive and accepting! You cherish that ring, hun!
Mine has been torn up about it. I believe part of my dysphoria is due to the fact that my mother wasn't even supposed to be able to have children, so I was, in myself, a miracle of nature. Also, during my birth she had some sort of heart attack (there's a fancy medical term for it that I can't remember), and almost died. So, she did go through a lot of stress during and after her pregnancy. Not to mention the fact that she wanted a boy so badly, she cried when she found out she was having a girl. :-\ So, I guess she got her wish, and I was only born in a female's body. And now, she's gotten used to having a daughter, I am her little girl, she just can't handle it, and is verbally lashing out every time I even mention it to anyone that she knows about. Some of the things she says are very hurtful, as she has been very close to me throughout the years. According to her, I won't have a mother once I'm 18.
But this is your story, not mine, and I'm so glad your mother is being this supportive and accepting! You cherish that ring, hun!