Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have been thinking of resigning. Both as a Mod and a member.

My transition is over. My surgery is booked. I am a healthy happy woman.

I am .............happy.

Jeez that has taken a life time to say. And Oh my Goddess the journey. How did I survive?

I did.

I have been told by some ex staff what a horrible person I am.

I will agree, I am very flawed.

I offer no excuses. I offer no explanations.
To say may past was bad is an understatement, but that is no excuse for my present.

I will stay, if you want me too, I will leave if you want me to.

I am Cindy, I walk my path.

I shall walk it alone or hand in hand

Your choice

With Sadness

Cindy

Stay.  Please.  Isn't it odd that I PM'd you before you posted this with an "attagirl".

That did not happen by accident and I knew nothing of your worries.

STAY.  PLEASE  :'(

Cindy,

I do not know what is going on behind the scenes.  I am sorry for everyone that is hurting, including Cindy.  I, for one, look forward to reading your posts and enjoy the perspective you bring to things.

Hugs, sister.

Please stay!


Erin

I'd like you to stay,it won't be the same without you.At the same time you must do what you think is best and right for you,if you go you shall be missed greatly

Stay please
You have helped others when they have asked (myself included). Your knowledge of the Adelaide system is needed, this forum should be a place where we go to help and how can that happen if we can not ask for local knowledge. Life can be hard on us at times but that is what helps us to grow and your post have always been an insparation to me. Yes people can be cruel and horrible but do not let them make you dissapper. Step down as a mod if you so wish take a break if you think it will do you good. But please do not leave, even in the short time I have been here I for one will be sad to see you go.

Gypsy

I am still crying and I don't usually cry.

I do not want you to leave.

You never really know how many lives you touch.  I had someone tell me 10 years after it happened that they did not suicide because they knew that I actually cared about them just as a person, no strings attached.  I had no idea.

The ripples of our lives spread and spread and go on and on.

Don't let hurt win.  We all know how that feels and where that leads.  Be there for the rest of us please.

Sh-- I am still in tears.  Please, please stay, as a member if you wish, but I am sure that there are more than just me that need you here.

Oh the battles we fight.  No more casualties please. 

Stay...!! :)

Cindy,

I don't really know much about you besides this site nor do I know what the recent battles have been about.  What I will say is that I have no issue with you and don't think you've been anything but fair as a mod.  IF you are to leave, please leave on your own terms.  Don't let someone else chase you off.   And so what if you are flawed or makes mistakes?  Who isn't?  And I can bet whoever criticizes you is the same.  I don't know enough about Cindy the person, but I do know a bit about Cindy the mod.  I don't think you should leave, but that's just my opinion.  Don't run away because of bullies.

Again, I don't want to get involved in other people's fights nor do I know anything about them, but I hope people can reslve these things.  Enough with the fighting.  I suspect someone that I love here who I consider a friend is part of this given their recent return.  Please build the bridges you've always wanted to build.  Life is too short to hold grudges and too long to hold regrets.

Cindy if you don't want to be a mod no more that's ok it's not an easy job I understand. But please don't leave over this drama your not a horrible person. Your transition is over so! I don't see any rule that says you must leave because your transition is over. Because if that's the case I should be getting the boot too. Don't let this crap get to you ok. If your going to leave do it because you feel it's time. Not over some name calling please.

What did you tell ME last year when I wanted to leave, hell no! You went out of your way to calm me down and relax. If it wasn't for you I would be a messed up non transitioned mess.

                                                  PLEASE STAY!

If my vote counts, stay.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on April 24, 2014, 08:10:48 AM
                                                  PLEASE STAY!

Yes... Please stay... You have been such an inspiration to me and others here. If you don't want to be a mod, I could understand that for sure. You have so much to offer and it would break my heart to see you leave.

Your comment on one of the threads I started when I was just starting my transition really helped me to believe that one day living happily as a woman would be possible.

I think you've touched a lot of other members similarly and it would be a huge loss to the site if you went.

I'm going to selfishly vote with the majority, please stay!

Those of us just starting out need our sisters and brothers who've gone before to guide us past the traps and pitfalls. Pay it forward, Cindy, I promise that, when the time comes, I will too, regardless.

I hope you will stay, Cindy! You have helped so many of us here, including me. Susan's wouldn't be the same without you!

Hugs!

Shana

Cindy-

You are an invaluable person here at Susan's and you help everyone. Helping others also helps yourself. I know that's a heavy burden to bear at times but you have proven that you are one tough woman and can do it. I would love to see you stay and keep helping others, but I also understand if you feel the need to step away from moderating or this site.

Please don't let some meaningless discord run you off; this too shall pass.

Did I mention I want you to....

                                                    STAY PLEASE!!

I am quite literally sitting here in tears... You were the first person who posted on my first thread here. I so hope you decide to stay... I will miss you so much if you decide to leave...

I am going to buck the trend here....

I have been in and out of Susans over the years. I have helped people here and I have been helped by people here including Cindy. Nonetheless this place can make my issues worse as well as better so I come and go. I find it easier to just read than get drawn into arguments, so I largely lurk. I need the breaks. Places like this can grind you down. Some posters can be relentlessly negative.

The other thing I want to say is that if transition teaches anything, it teaches you to listen to your inner voice and not to trample it or suppress it.

If Cindy feels the need to go, or stop modding then we should not be talking her out of it. We should respect her decision and say "Thanks for everything, but please come back when you need to". To do otherwise seems to me to be like talking someone out of transitioning because I would be uncomfortable if they went ahead. I cannot apply one rule to myself and another to others.

So... to sum up. I have logged back in to say "Thanks Cindy. You helped me when I needed it. If you need time off to enjoy your life and give yourself space then I wish you all the very, very best. Thank you for all you did. Listen to your inner voice and do what is right for yourself."

Cindy, please stay.

You were kind and supportive to me at a time I thought I was nuts and had no hope. I've seen you do that for others here. While we have different destinations, I understand what you mean about it being over.

And besides there's only one way out of the Aussie Mafia..  :icon_2gun:

Your various contributions to this site and to several individuals over the years have been great in several ways Sis

It is my personal wish that you should stay

Hugs

I join in the STAY vote.

I think anyone in any journey in life can always benefit from the voice of experience. ESPECIALLY with the journey we are all taking in some form here...and if we have any sense, we listen to those that have come before.

So please....stay....and lend your voice and wisdom to those of us who are still trying to desperately figure it all out....

Cindy I have very very much respected you for a good while. Do what makes you happy. You know you have supported enough people around here to deserve a little me time. I see your name flash up all over the place, in amongst the millions of visitors you probably don't even know who I am! :-) but I have read a lot of posts from you and you are awesome, wherever you might happen to be, whether its here or anywhere else. Hugs! kira x

Cindy, you do an amazing job of keeping people grounded, myself included.  I'm pretty sure that if you go, a lot of us will end up going as well.  This is like Malcolm Young leaving AC/DC.

What? I have never seen you as anything but a guiding light of reason and perseverance! Why anyone could make you think you are not needed here is unbeknownst to me.

I've looked up to you since the first post of yours that I read, and at no point has that admiration ever changed. You really are a guiding light, Cindy!

If you want to leave out of happiness, I completely understand. You would however be sorely missed by me and thousands of current and future members. Regardless, life will go on- but it would not be the same without you here. Not nearly the same at all.

I will always have a big place in my heart for you regardless of what you would like to do. You've been such an inspiration to me.

(I vote please stay, if you want)

Cindy,

I truly understand your prospective.

This path we walk takes so much out of us and glad to make it to the end.

Many have no clue how burnt out we become, how we try to help just to be over shadowed from others who have no idea.

GF I wish you the best and thank you for all your soul you have put into helping others.

Safe journey into life, surgery and after.

As always if you feel the need just send me a message

Hugs
Isabell

I wanted to add one last thing.  Whether you stay or go, realize that you've done a lot of good here.  If you feel that you've done more harm than good, I can tell you that doesn't match up with what I've seen.  Maybe one or two people don't like you, but think of all the people that do.  All the people that you've touched and moved.  All the people that you've befriended when they needed a friend.  All the people that you made smile when they couldn't.  Not everyone can love or appreciate you, but that doesn't mean there are many others that don't.  This is what kept me here after past incidents, and I hope that does for you to.  You may not realize this, but those of us in the middle of transition like seeing the success stories.  It makes us feel inspired and hopeful.  Focus on the good.  There is plenty of room here for everyone, as long as they aren't banned or something.

If you want to leave, however, that's a different thing.  You don't have to stay and or volunteer for something you don't want to do anymore.  Just don't let your decision be made by others.  I've missed some who have left, and would be sad if you left too.  But again, make the decision for yourself.  That's whats most important.  Good luck with your decision Cindy, and I hope you feel better.

My two cents' worth.

If YOU don't want to mod anymore, then walk your path.

But I want you to stay if you are leaving it up to us!

Cindy, your accolades are pouring in. So many of us are indebted to you, to your help, to your comments lifting us out of the dark place we sometimes find ourselves in,
so, from the other side of the Commonwealth:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiHBCruacA4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiHBCruacA4)

Quote from: big kim on April 24, 2014, 06:56:40 AM
I'd like you to stay,it won't be the same without you.At the same time you must do what you think is best and right for you,if you go you shall be missed greatly

This is pretty much exactly how I feel. You need to do what's right for you. But I would love it if you could stay here.

Love,
Constance

Quote from: big kim on April 24, 2014, 06:56:40 AM
I'd like you to stay,it won't be the same without you.At the same time you must do what you think is best and right for you,if you go you shall be missed greatly

This is about where I am as well.

Susan's is a much better site because of what you bring.

But who knows, you might bring even more to some other endeavor. I've got to send this back to you. Where do you think your efforts would be best applied? Where can you do the most good?

Either way, stay or go, I would really try to find a way we can stay friends.

I'd like you to stay. But, if you do feel it's time to move on, I support you in that decision as well. I know a lot of people, post-op, choose to distance themselves somewhat from trans stuff and I 100% understand that.

I was feeling that I was the 'problem' that has troubled the site.

I received a post that made me realise that I am not.

I may, possibly, maybe, be part of the solution.

I want to make something very clear.

I love you all; you saved me from my past.
If in any way I can help another, I shall do so.

My arms are always open; as is my heart.

My love, thanks and deepest respect.

Cindy

 :icon_bunch:  :icon_bunch:  :icon_bunch:

:eusa_dance:

We love and respect you too, Cindy!

Quote from: Cindy on April 24, 2014, 06:37:56 PM
I was feeling that I was the 'problem' that has troubled the site.

OK, so you helped me become a Moderator. We will work on your judgment a little, but I haven't caused that much trouble yet! ;D *giggle*

                                                                             Yay! She is staying!!

I was thinking, "Oh crap, and I was having such fun talking Seahawks football with Cindy via PM!" Seems like a lot of folks will be missing you if you decide to disappear, besides who is going to run the Aussie Mafia?

I'm sick for a day and look what happens?

Don't you dare think those things Cindy.
Your words have been invaluable in posts, PM and over the phone and I am not alone with this sis.

Anyway who else would get my sense of humour?

I love you and the assistance you give even if some people don't like what they see.
You are the reality to my insanity.

Anyway glad you have seen how we all feel about you and your contribution here.

Will I have to get the red eye so I can whip you back into shape?

Hugs
Jen.

Cindy,

You are one of three on my friend's picture thing.  I am one of about 16 on yours.  Yet, we have never really talked and I don't know that we have ever sent a PM to each other.  I know you only through your posts and through those whom you help.  That is all that is needed sometimes to know someone well. 

You need to stay.

Therefore, I have some people over there from my company.  Would you take Tim Tams as a bribe????  I can arrange for you to get some. :angel:

On the other hand, I know some folks at NICNAS (National Industrial Chemicals Notification and Assessment Scheme – Australia Dept of Health).  Some of them are not nice people.  I can get one of them to stop by..... >:(

HUGS!!!

Jen

QuoteI was feeling that I was the 'problem' that has troubled the site.

You should know that you are well loved and respected by many people here including myself

Any more of that talk and it's gonna be ping pong paddle time for you

Then again, you might like that

LOL... I'm terrible

Love you Sis

Hugs

Quote from: JLT1 on April 24, 2014, 07:09:12 PM
Would you take Tim Tams as a bribe????  I can arrange for you to get some. :angel:

Best bribe ever!

Quote from: Cindy on April 24, 2014, 06:44:40 AM
I have been thinking of resigning. Both as a Mod and a member.

My transition is over. My surgery is booked. I am a healthy happy woman.

I am .............happy.

Jeez that has taken a life time to say. And Oh my Goddess the journey. How did I survive?

I did.

I have been told by some ex staff what a horrible person I am.

I will agree, I am very flawed.

I offer no excuses. I offer no explanations.
To say may past was bad is an understatement, but that is no excuse for my present.

I will stay, if you want me too, I will leave if you want me to.

I am Cindy, I walk my path.

I shall walk it alone or hand in hand

Your choice

With Sadness

Cindy

Cindy, good luck for your journey!
BTW, I am taking a difference course.

barbie~~

Cindy

We haven't met but I count you as a valuable coach, mentor and source of wise counsel.   Friend and inspiration to many I suspect that you don't realise just how many lives you have touched and just how much you would be missed.   We are the richer for having spent time with you.  Go with our blessing or stay with our thanks.  While you deserve to chart your own course, from a selfish perspective please stick around if only coz it's Anzac Day and us ex servos need you.

Aisla

Only leave or retire if you truly want to Cindy.

Not everyone will agree with your moderator calls, not everyone will like you personally, not everyone will agree with all your posts, but that's why there's more than one moderator.

You girls on the mod crew should be working together, evaluating each other, and improving together. If you think there's a problem, maybe take a short vacation to think things over, and then get back working with the team to implement a solution. Resigning doesn't always solve problems.

Cindy we can always become part of the problem, part of the solution, or part of the precipitate. I trust your chemistry and your humanity.

I believe Susan's isn't just about transition. I had already transitioned fully when I joined. Community and connection, and the opportunity to contribute to the well being of others is why I came and stayed.

I am saddened that I have repeatedly witnessed wounded helpers and vulnerable volunteers give in to stress, past trauma / triggers, substance issues, and mental illness flareups, and turn on each other causing lasting wounds. I don't end friendships because my friends get hurt and hurt one another. I do and have called them on it, the ones who I am close enough to that I can make a difference. I trust that loving big sisters like you will take care of the ones who don't open up to me.

Eventually my support for suffering souls and my empathetic words will be misunderstood by someone with authority who has been wounded too deeply to trust any more and I will be out on my ear then. Until that day I will keep befriending and trying to encourage trans and queer people through this site, and for the rest of my life to anyone that I can.

I can mediate and I can heal, but I am too sensitive an empath to be able to spend the hours you do.

If you ask me, there should be a regular program of planned as well as unplanned sabatticals for staff, to remove the stigma for those who need to take indefinitely long breaks for self care or personal development. You shouldn't have to break and feel like a failure to take a week a month or a year off. Burn out is real.

Love you, you tough, brash, vulnerable, softspoken woman of fire and steel.

Love you, you tough, brash, vulnerable, softspoken woman of fire and steel.

Can I have that as my signature? :o :laugh:

Oh you dear dear people.

You sure know how to bring a girl to tears.

I feel humbled and blessed  to be your friend.

Now that's better Cindy
Don't make us all be nice and sweet again. :)

Hugs but not to tight. Ouch.

QuoteYou sure know how to bring a girl to tears.

Chopping Onion also works! :laugh:

Quote from: Cindy on April 24, 2014, 06:37:56 PM
I was feeling that I was the 'problem' that has troubled the site.

I received a post that made me realise that I am not.

I may, possibly, maybe, be part of the solution.

I want to make something very clear.

I love you all; you saved me from my past.
If in any way I can help another, I shall do so.

My arms are always open; as is my heart.

My love, thanks and deepest respect.

Cindy

I'm glad to hear your going to stick around this place wouldn't be the same without you Cindy. :)

I just want you and Jamie to work things out. I don't really care about admin/mod status.

I can safely say that not many people have helped me in my transition as much as you Cindy.
For that I am and always will be deeply grateful to you and that there are people like you out there and on here.

You are an asset to the site and would be truly missed, look at the three pages of posters before me :)

It is completely your choice but as someone once told me, don't let other make your decisions for you and always be yourself.

It's your choice honey, but if I had a vote I'd say please don't go :)

Cindy you are one of the stabilising and cofidence building blocks that this site is built on and excells at .I always find your advice and insight very valuable .Please stay

Anita Brown

Cindy:

If you leave, who would be left to be a role model for those who come after us?

Yes, my dear, you are a role model.  You were my role model during my transition, and for that I'm thankful.  I'm glad you are staying.

You are one of the fixtures that I look forward to seeing when I come here.

Thank you.

-Sandy

Quote from: Cindy on April 24, 2014, 06:37:56 PM
I love you all; you saved me from my past.
If in any way I can help another, I shall do so.

My arms are always open; as is my heart.

My love, thanks and deepest respect.

Cindy

Well I guess I can finally stop crying.  A whole day of it.  I never expected that.
What was it out of the Transamerica Flick?  At the end - the intense crying scene - it hurts..... thats what hearts do...

Stay my dear, stay, and be loved.  ;)

Cindy,

You've been a great support and role model for many on these forums.
To be so, means that you give a lot out of yourself and that can be tiring, especially if you don't feel appreciated and supported in return.

I think the vast majority of people appreciate what you do here, even if you don't often hear it.  The question is whether you're tired or not.
If you are, take a step back, you can always jump back in.  Your journey may be coming to it's conclusion, but there are many still finding their way who will appreciate your voice, even if you decide to leave staff.  As a human being, we are all flawed, in one way or another.

For me personally, this place wouldn't be the same without you around, even though we haven't really interacted directly much at all.

Cindy, my respect for you is immense! Like many here, I have had difficulty and anxiety facing the world. I felt very alone until I came here, people like yourself are like a light in the darkness. I no longer feel ashamed of who I am. As you have seen from the other posts, you would be greatly missed. Follow your heart, if you want to step down from moderating then do so. I hope you stay as a member, though.

Extra great big hugs!! :icon_hug:
Gloria

You bring tremendous knowledge, a balanced perspective, and near-boundless compassion. I look up to you, I respect you, and I admire you. I hope you ultimately elect to stay. I'm confident that most on the site feel the same.

Your departure would leave a tremendous void.

That being said, if and when you choose to move on with your life, there will only be three things to say: thank you, we love you, and we wish you happiness.

It is your life and your choice Cindy but for what it's worth, while I don't know you that well, every post I've read of yours has been fair, decent and nice. Stay I say. :)

I am glad you are staying. We haven't talked but I hope to some day get to know you better. I could use some big sisters in my life. I know there are issues here, but having been part of other forums and life in general I know that happens. There is a lot of love, honesty, support and consistency here. You are doing good work.

Cindy, your path is like no other. We can say that of all of us... like no other.

But you are mistaken if you think it's all over once one has surgery. No, that is just one more step in the journey. There will be new lessons, new experiences, and with each one you will have that much more you can share with those who come behind you.

I'm a Chat person and don't follow all the Forums ins and outs, but having had my surgery 15 years ago in early June, I can say that I've never stopped learning and never stopped sharing.

Listen to that inner voice but know that you will always be a valuable member here and will only bring more to share as time goes on.

Me ka mahalo

Robyn
Kupuna ikaika o Maui

I haven't tried chat lately. Now that I have a fancy pc maybe I should.

Maybe you can officially decide to stay and then just wander away when you need to? Like I do? I don't always need this site, and when I do I sometimes bumble in and get a facefull of suicide, but I'm not like gone for real and for good. You could take breaks so you stay sane, and come back and mod when you are up for it. Everyone would appreciate the oversight and advice, even weirdos who listen to cats more than you silly humans.

My "show unread posts" seems to be a little linearity-challenged, now that I scroll back. If I missed the boat on the entreaties for you to stay, then cheerio and best wishes. You have always been super important and your old posts will continue to matter. :)