Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, this was inspired by a brief convo I had on another thread. I think it's something a lot of us do, even inadvertantly...like, in trying to fit in as one gender, we give up things we associate with our birth sex to fit in.

I notice I do a ton of this, unfortunately. Like video games...I used to be majorly addicted to Nintendo. I *still* own every system back to N64 (used to have an NES) but I havent played video games since transition. And I even get mad when people bring up the fact I used to...I'm always like, ohh ya know I never reaally liked video games I just played along. But really, I've played I think every TLOZ and Mario game ever created, haha.

Then just other stuff like that. LOTR...I love LOTR. I've read all the books, even the Silmarillion, some multiple times. The appendices as well, hahah. I've seen the movies more time than I can count. I still have all the extend editions, all the books, even a few action figures, haha. Then Star Wars...know every obscure character, I owned every video game, card game, tons of action figures.

But, yeah, there's actually a ton of stuff like that. And it's not like I just grew out of all of it. I still like some of that stuff but I feel like it's too guyish. I remember I started playing Skyward Sword right around when I started transitioning...never finished it cause I didn't wanna be associated with that anymore. Hell, I stop watching Breaking Bad for a while, cause somebody told me it was a 'guy show'.

But yeah...I'd say by the same token I've gotten into some stuff that is soo not me because it seemed feminine. Like I do loove makeup. I fricken lovee makeup, I think it's so fun. But at the same time some of the styles I've sported have been waay over the top...like eye enlarging, blue circle lenses...and like, I became a pro at Dolly eye makeup to look like anime eyes, because I became obsessed with 'Kawaii culture'. And I made my voice soo super high and girly (which I still do and probably will continue to do tbh) because I was trying to come of as something that isn't exactly my style.

Anyway, what about you guys? What unnecessary changes have you made to yourself to be your identified gender?

as in actual wise or as in physical wise?

I wouldn't call them sacrifices, rather changes, and I didn't make them, they sort of made themselves.

* I used to like strategy board games. Now I can take them or leave them.
* I used to hate shopping for clothes. Now I love it.
* I make an effort to temper my outspokenness.
* I flirt with guys.

There are probably others that are not coming to mind now.

my changes:
Use to hate pink, now i just absolutely love it.
Use to hate chocolate, now i cant live without it (dark chocolate only though)
Never really liked fashion, now i wanna know all about it
Always said i was into girls only, but now i never knew i could find guys so god damn attractive
I was always pretty moody so that hasnt change
I was always very loud and outspoken, that hasnt changed either lol
But as i commented before, changes like these i believe are instinctive and thus opening your mind up, you'd find you start liking things you never knew you like or do because those things were always a part of you but hidden until the right time appeared for those qualities to spring forth; its your choice whether to accept these traits or not is totally up to you though  ^-^

I really can't think of any sacrifices that I have really made other than choosing something over transitioning. Everytime I am ready to go for it, something comes along and I have to remain a guy, this time a job but a really cool one and one that may set me up for an early retirement. But other than that, my likes and dislikes really are more along the lines of feminine. Makeup, OH yeah. That is the one thing that guys miss out on. That and not having all the nasty body hair which seems to be catching on with more of the younger guys. But playing with makeup, playing with and fixing my hair different, all the freakin' variations in clothes and shoes. I can't go out in public en femme anymore just in case I am recognized but I have a private enough place with plenty of room and someone special so I really don't have a need to go out in public anyway.

Well on second though, my guy apearance I kind of sacrifice in public when I am not working. I sort of look like a burned out long haired jeans and t->-bleeped-<- hippy.

I personally can't think of any Sacrifices I had to make.

Everything I did in that old life is totally accepted in this new life, truthfully most of what I see are Gains.

I do many more things now that I felt constraint from in the past.

Welll, it's not about the new stuff as much. Because I like pinks and yellows and pastels and just generally lighter colors, and I love makeup and such, now (just spent a chunkk at MAC cosmetics). Whereas before i wore only dark colors and didnt have a clue about makeup.

So I'm not talking about the stuff you feel liberated to express in transition. Because that can be a goid thing, even if you should have been able to get into it, before. I'm more talking about the stuff you still like but gave up cause it wasn't 'girly' or 'maaanly' enough

None.

This all is about being authentic.  The goal is not to force myself into a box, that is what I am escaping.

I will say at first though, i was so messed up with dysphoria that I couldn't stand anything that reminded me of being male.  But now, I'm free of that for the most part.  I find I still like basketball for instance.  I kinda like that abt myself.

Quote from: Jen on May 07, 2014, 09:46:58 AM
None.

This all is about being authentic.  The goal is not to force myself into a box, that is what I am escaping.

agrred but i was never "manly" in my life. i was always rejected by my peers becuz i wasnt "manly" hated spots except swimming, never really chased after girls, hate rap like songs, i can very cruel but i can also be very nice but i guess thats everyone, just girls tend to be on the wilder side of the concept lol. so really, i never gave up on anything to become a girl, just my hidden passions came to light though i've been in denial for years about them

I 'm not that masculine of a person either, but if there are masculine aspects of myself I try to embrace them I think.  I just ultimately want to be myself whoever that is,   Depends on the moment I guess a little.

the only personality chages have been. i went from being an attention seeker to not wanting to draw attention to myself. i went from surpresion of my true likes and dislikes to exspression of them. i freely exspress flirtatios behavior towards males. but like i said the things i exspress now are just things i hid before. im still the same person.  its feels good not to feel a need to be a certian way. but im lucky anougth to not feel the need for stealth option

I mean I have changed a lot through transition, even though I say that and can't exactly point to what's changed, but I feel like I experience the world differently somehow.  Maybe some of that is from letting go of pretense, maybe some if it was chemical/hormonal, maybe some of it is just kind of being in different places and a different role, hopefully none of it is me trying to be somebody I'm not actually because I want to fit a template for some reason.   I just feel if I do that then I would be acting against the whole point of transitioning, which is to be authentic (whatever that is, there are reasons even that is fuzzy, but it would be a derailment and a half)

I guess I've just seen some people completely change in transition. Like my sister's ex. It was like a complete personality revamp. He went from being a soft, mild mostly friendly girl to like...a meathead tbh. Overly macho. He even wanted to join the military, but I guess I guess he couldn't. But, yeah.

I just feel like to a degree...some of us, not all...sorta become caricatures. I don't think I *completely* did but I know I changed a lot of myself and gender policed myself a lot.

I'll answer for how i used to be since now i sorta stopped doing this, though I sorta can't stop.

-Classical music! it's not like i was ever obsessed but I stopped listening to classical music for myself, even though it used to be sorta cathartic to listen to some beautiful pieces and stuff. Just made me feel stuffy.

-Singing, i told myself my voice wasn't pretty enough as is

-Games, yeah I used to play some online games too, like maplestory, but I stopped wanting to. Or maybe started to not want to.

-Documentaries, I used to like learning about random stuff but I haven't done that in a long time.

For me it's actually mainly a lot of little things that just made it hard to live with. I definitely changed. But I never really was good with having hobbies or interests, cuz idk, I have this thing where when I get into things they feel very foreign and i always feel like an outsider, I mean like I don't have any claim to that thing. So kt gets frustrating to sustain actual interests.

What I really noticed is how the people I wanted to be associated with changed so much... before i pretty much treated everyone equal and would talk to and be friends with really anyone but I started to want to fit in with stereotypically vapid femme girls, like who were this walking, fake, over the top picture of insecure femininity, and it just felt so not like me but I kept wanting to be able to see myself that way. I mean, it was like living in mean girls.

Still, i don't really have much of a solid personality and i've always been so jealous of people who really just know who they are and what they like ;o; think I will always struggle with that.

Quote from: Jen on May 07, 2014, 10:02:02 AM
I mean I have changed a lot through transition, even though I say that and can't exactly point to what's changed, but I feel like I experience the world differently somehow.  Maybe some of that is from letting go of pretense, maybe some if it was chemical/hormonal, maybe some of it is just kind of being in different places and a different role, hopefully none of it is me trying to be somebody I'm not actually because I want to fit a template for some reason.   I just feel if I do that then I would be acting against the whole point of transitioning, which is to be authentic (whatever that is, there are reasons even that is fuzzy, but it would be a derailment and a half)

Yeah, I guess,for me I'm trying to sort of iron all this out, because I've been feeling very out of sync with my self and am having a bit of an identity crisis. My therapist tells me I'm highly self aware so I spot incongruencies in my personality that other people might overlook. But, yeah.

I guess I'm trying to find the spot that works for me, because I feel like the traditional transition approach hasn't worked for me, so much. I'm definitely generally more traditionally feminine...but it went from being something that was natural to something thats more forced to certain degrees and I've kind of pressured myself to purge 'boyish' traits. So I'm sort of trying to rediscover myself amidst this, I guess.

Gosh, I hope I don't do this.

Sad Panda mentioned documentaries and that made me remember how into like astro physics (weird I know ) I used to be.  Like I read so many books on that subject.  And I tried resding another one a while back and I just couldn't slog through it.  I want to still be into it, I still tell people I am, but really it's now more if a passing interest I don't have enough passion for to dig into anymore.  I tell myself it's just cause I reached the point where I was done with it at the same time transition happened, but I mean I was never not into it before, so that would be a coincidence.   But again, I don't feel like I actively chose not to be into it anymore because I felt it wasn't girly.  I am a major advocate for girls getting into science and math, and omg would that ever be hypocritical.

Other than that one, I think of the interests I had that were typically male, which would be basketball and maybe video games (kinda, I just played wow pretty much.). And I went through that dysphoric time where I cut those things out, but now I am kinda getting back into basketball, and I still sometimes play wow, not that much but I'm also old now and don't have time or patience for it.  Also I did try to play all kinds of video games last summer to play the games my friends always talked about.  Some I liked, I guess.  I just don't think I'm much of a gamer.  Casual at best I guess.

I don't think you have much to worry about, Jen. I'm talking more about stuff you actively deleted from your personality because they're too steroetypucally masc/femme. We all grow out of stuff.

Unfortunately, I did actively change parts of myself over insecurity of not being femme enough. Buuut not sports. I never liked sports lol! But it's good you brought basketball back!

Mainly, my voice.  It's such a PITA to keep it really high and soft all the time, but I like presenting with that voice.  After puberty, my natural voice was unfortunately somewhat low.  I've considered voice surgery, not because I need it to pass but due to the strain of maintenance.

Also, my knowledge of science and programming.  I have quite a bit of both, especially biology and artificial intelligence, but I like pretending I don't.  This doesn't bother me at all, though, because it feels good to be underestimated. :)

Oddly though, I've found myself enjoying some 'masculine' stuff more than I used to, because I tried so hard to fake interest in everything masculine that when the pressure went away, I felt free to actually accept parts of it.

Quote from: Abbyxo on May 07, 2014, 10:09:57 AM
Yeah, I guess,for me I'm trying to sort of iron all this out, because I've been feeling very out of sync with my self and am having a bit of an identity crisis. My therapist tells me I'm highly self aware so I spot incongruencies in my personality that other people might overlook. But, yeah.

I guess I'm trying to find the spot that works for me, because I feel like the traditional transition approach hasn't worked for me, so much. I'm definitely generally more traditionally feminine...but it went from being something that was natural to something thats more forced to certain degrees and I've kind of pressured myself to purge 'boyish' traits. So I'm sort of trying to rediscover myself amidst this, I guess.

I think we all are prob a little more introspective than most due to the nature of everything we go through.  I think its normal to spot those inconsistencies and obsess over them.  I know I do that :)

Quote from: Jen on May 07, 2014, 10:22:21 AM
Gosh, I hope I don't do this.

Sad Panda mentioned documentaries and that made me remember how into like astro physics (weird I know ) I used to be.  Like I read so many books on that subject.  And I tried resding another one a while back and I just couldn't slog through it.  I want to still be into it, I still tell people I am, but really it's now more if a passing interest I don't have enough passion for to dig into anymore.  I tell myself it's just cause I reached the point where I was done with it at the same time transition happened, but I mean I was never not into it before, so that would be a coincidence.   But again, I don't feel like I actively chose not to be into it anymore because I felt it wasn't girly.  I am a major advocate for girls getting into science and math, and omg would that ever be hypocritical.

Sometimes girls going through puberty 'get dumb', and stop focusing as much on academic pursuits. Not intentionally, but there's some kind of unspoken expectation that girls aren't 'too smart'. Especially straight girls.

Not saying that's what you're doing. But it happens.

I know for sure that if I ever want to pass regardless of what route I take, I'll have to ditch the swearing.  That's a difficult one for me.  I'll have to be a lot less abrasive and aggressive, but I won't stop being assertive.

I'll likely keep on gaming.  My interest has started to wane slightly (though this might change with the release of Lost Alpha for S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Shadow of Chernobyl), but I know a lot of women who game.

FA, yes. My writing skills used to be impeccable. I mean, I still *can* write if I put my mind to it...like, my father is the executive editor of a major local publication and he still has me edit his side projects...but the problem, now, is that instinct takes over. Punctuation flies out the window, 'because' becomes 'cuz', etc. and I've just learned to make myself come off as generally more...dappy and silly.

Out of habit, I even tell people that I meet that I'm stupid/unintelligent, and it ends up becoming a running thing between us...like a lot of people see me as vain and silly, without a thought in my head, just because that's how I portray myself, to them. Not that I'm exactly a rocket scientist, just that I downplay the brains that I *do* have a ton.

Kimberly, I still swear like a sailor, to be honest, haha. I can't see that ever changing ;)

Quote from: FA on May 07, 2014, 10:43:56 AM
Sometimes girls going through puberty 'get dumb', and stop focusing as much on academic pursuits. Not intentionally, but there's some kind of unspoken expectation that girls aren't 'too smart'. Especially straight girls.

Not saying that's what you're doing. But it happens.

I know I did the play dumb thing for a while, and then I was like this this really stupid and stopped, but I do feel less apt to contribute to heavy discussions when men are there just cause of how they make me feel when I try doing that.

I do the same thing Abby is talking about with how I write now, but I think a) some of it is just a more fun way of talking/less dry/more interesting way to communicate, b) re: punctuation, eff it typing on touchscreens.  Who has patience for it?

But part of why I free myself from always being sure to word things impeccably is because Idc if I come across smart anymore, which I think is maybe a girl thing vs. Transition.  Not that girls aren't smart, but that society doesn't want them to be a lot of the time, it feels like.

Then you say that and in will come the men to mansplain why that is not true.  But I'm sorry, it is true.

Quote from: Sarah Louise on May 07, 2014, 09:44:31 AM
I personally can't think of any Sacrifices I had to make.

Everything I did in that old life is totally accepted in this new life, truthfully most of what I see are Gains.

I do many more things now that I felt constraint from in the past.

This is me as well to a "T". I didn't sacrifice anything and gained more than I ever thought. :)

Quote from: Jen on May 07, 2014, 11:26:23 AM

Then you say that and in will come the men to mansplain why that is not true.  But I'm sorry, it is true.

Yeah, I think men are upset by the idea. Any human would be confronted with it. But it is a thing. It'll only change probably when women stop being valued first for their outsides.

Some men are very fantastic and actually feminist.  i don't want to come across man-hating.  I don't hate men, just some of them are annoying.

Quote from: Abbyxo on May 07, 2014, 10:53:33 AM
Out of habit, I even tell people that I meet that I'm stupid/unintelligent, and it ends up becoming a running thing between us...like a lot of people see me as vain and silly, without a thought in my head, just because that's how I portray myself, to them. Not that I'm exactly a rocket scientist, just that I downplay the brains that I *do* have a ton.

You may try to make people think you aren't smart, but I don't think anybody is buying it :).

Also, I've been talking about conscious things, I wonder how much of this business of fitting boxes happens subconsciously with me, with all of us.  Prob best not to think about that lol.

None. Can't think of a single thing. True, I was gender non-conforming before I started transitioning, so that sort of makes sense. The only thing I'll probably have to give up down the road is a lot of hair, as there's male-pattern baldness on both sides of my family; and my hair is a little bit part of my personality, because I really like it. But... having hair vs. being happy? that's sort of a no-brainer.  :icon_grandpa:

Obviously FA grew up in a different atmosphere than I did.  In High School and on the girls were generally smarter than the boys and demonstrated it.

Quote from: Sarah Louise on May 07, 2014, 12:43:34 PM
Obviously FA grew up in a different atmosphere than I did.  In High School and on the girls were generally smarter than the boys and demonstrated it.

Well, I'm not saying there were never girls who excelled. I'm saying it's sort of 'dis encouraged' in a way. I certainly felt it growing up.

That's why I said you grew up in a different atmosphere, that wasn't common in the area and the time I was in school.  It certainly might have been in your area and I do know some television shows encouraged that attitude.

Quote from: FAI'm not saying there were never girls who excelled. I'm saying it's sort of 'dis encouraged' in a way. I certainly felt it growing up.

I did too, big time. And ignored it, which would've been a bit of hint if I'd known to pay attention...

Quote from: Sarah Louise on May 07, 2014, 12:51:22 PM
That's why I said you grew up in a different atmosphere, that wasn't common in the area and the time I was in school.  It certainly might have been in your area and I do know some television shows encouraged that attitude.

Yeah, but I mean do you really know it wasn't? Like I said, it's an unspoken thing that most people would be horrified about. I mean, there are always girls who are strong and rise above. Or that had very encouraging (and/or feminist) parents. But that doesn't mean it's not a thing.

I was a little girl in 80s suburbia. And pretty much the top of my class. Honor roll. A few awards. But my teachers (even the female ones) seemed to regard me with contempt. I was smart, but never encouraged. Never given what the boys in class were. Help. Guidance. Anything. All the focus was on the smart boys and cute, feminine girls. My knowing the answers seemed more of a nuisance to teachers than anything else. And then there's all the unspoken stuff...

Anyway, yeah I'm a little bitter about it.

QuoteI was a little girl in 80s suburbia. And pretty much the top of my class. Honor roll. A few awards. But my teachers (even the female ones) seemed to regard me with contempt. I was smart, but never encouraged. Never given what the boys in class were. Help. Guidance. Anything. All the focus was on the smart boys and cute, feminine girls. My knowing the answers seemed more of a nuisance to teachers than anything else. And then there's all the unspoken stuff...

This. Substitute 60s for 80s, and that was me. And it was pretty overt then -- I tried to get into auto shop, or wood shop, and was told "No, those are only for boys, because they will need jobs... you'll just be getting married."

Embarrassingly, I had a femme phase, immediately after I went full time and all. Under the guise of "making sure I would pass," I was under a ton of pressure from my family and therapist and my own fear to present a certain way. I grew my hair long, wore girly clothes (though I refused point-blank to let them put me in a skirt), and even learned how to do makeup.

Eventually I kind of lost it and got in a big fight with my mum and things started to change. Though then I went through a period where I was scared to do or wear ANYTHING girly for fear that people would take that as license to start interfering again. But I'm mostly okay now.

For a while I also held on to the embarrassment that I was a huge geek when I was younger, but now I try really hard to own it, to own all of who I am.

Quote from: Tysilio on May 07, 2014, 01:11:45 PM

QuoteI was a little girl in 80s suburbia. And pretty much the top of my class. Honor roll. A few awards. But my teachers (even the female ones) seemed to regard me with contempt. I was smart, but never encouraged. Never given what the boys in class were. Help. Guidance. Anything. All the focus was on the smart boys and cute, feminine girls. My knowing the answers seemed more of a nuisance to teachers than anything else. And then there's all the unspoken stuff...

This. Substitute 60s for 80s, and that was me. And it was pretty overt then -- I tried to get into auto shop, or wood shop, and was told "No, those are only for boys, because they will need jobs... you'll just be getting married."

Exactly. I mean, the people who posted dissenting are my friends. But I can't help but feel a little invalidated. I'd just like to point out that - if you asked me, a white kid, racism wasn't a problem at all in my town/school/etc. If you asked a black person from my town, he or she would probably have a different take.

No one is trying to "invalidate" anyone.  We are all just giving our own perspective of how things were when we were raised.

Some of you know my background and the issues I had, it would never be my intent to question the validity of others experiences.

I will bow out of this thread to avoid any further controversy.
__________________

p.s. I tried to get into home economics, typing, etc and was refused and told to take shop and drafting.  It goes both ways.

Not sure I understand the topic title. We don't "become" anything; we change our bodies in some cases to ease dysphoria, but that's not "becoming" something else... Anyway, moving on - nothing has changed. My personality and interests are the same as they always were. I've gotten calmer with age, that's it.

Quote from: Sarah Louise on May 07, 2014, 01:47:41 PM
No one is trying to "invalidate" anyone.  We are all just giving our own perspective of how things were when we were raised.

Some of you know my background and the issues I had, it would never be my intent to question the validity of others experiences.

I will bow out of this thread to avoid any further controversy.
__________________

p.s. I tried to get into home economics, typing, etc and was refused and told to take shop and drafting.  It goes both ways.

That's okay hon. I know you. I know you wouldn't do that. For me though, this is a touchy subject. I'm not happy about how I was treated as a girl. Not only for me, but in general. I'm upset about it. I don't know, it just seems like there's a tendency on here to deny this stuff. And it's personal for me. If I had been a boy from the jump... I'd be a different person today. And not just because of trans stuff.

Quote from: Declan.Not sure I understand the topic title. We don't "become" anything; we change our bodies in some cases to ease dysphoria, but that's not "becoming" something else...

I know that's the party line, but I'm not sure it's entirely true. Part of what makes a man a man, or a woman a woman, is how they're socialized, and what FA and I are talking about is a good example of that. No matter how much I believe that I was misgendered from the get-go, I wasn't raised as a boy, and that means I missed a lot of what makes a man in this society. So it's not just that I'm changing my body: there's other, non-physical stuff I need to acquire in order to become the man I'm supposed to be.

Quote from: Declan. on May 07, 2014, 01:56:31 PM
Not sure I understand the topic title. We don't "become" anything; we change our bodies in some cases to ease dysphoria, but that's not "becoming" something else... Anyway, moving on - nothing has changed. My personality and interests are the same as they always were. I've gotten calmer with age, that's it.

I shouldn't speak for the op but I think the idea is there is pressure to conform to social standards and if at your core you don't fit exactly into them, your choices are to either hang out in between the two modes society imposes, where the whole world is gonna be evil to you, or you do conform and lose a part of yourself in the process.

I think we all want to think we are being authentic even when we do conform to the norms, but it's healthy to think about it and make sure, cause you don't want to lose something of yourself just cause the world says so, esp if it's something interesting/cool.

I don't know. The thing is, I did do a lot more "masculine" things pre-transition, but it's not like I'm actively repressing anything, not doing those things anymore because somehow I say to myself "girls don't do that." I actually feel like my interests have changed. There's a lot of things that I was REALLY into as a guy, like roller coasters, engineering shows, car racing, sports, card games, pretty much just things that are more mechanical and emotionless, where now my attitude toward them is just "meh." There's even times where I actively try doing the same things, but I just lose interest in them now. They don't really appeal to me anymore.

So sometimes I wonder if I was only obsessing about those things in the first place because I was trying to fit in as a guy better. And actually, you know what? Frankly I just do NOT obsess about things anymore. Ever. Something about having male hormones in me made me very obsessive. I'd constantly be going on "kicks" where I'd go from obsessing about roller coasters, to obsessing about gender issues, to obsessing about writing, to obsessing about anime, to obsessing about music, to obsessing about Magic: the Gathering, to obsessing about poker, to obsessing about Christianity. It was always an obsession, always something that dominated my thoughts and made it hard to think about anything else. Now I really don't obsess over anything. I frankly just feel like I'm going through life, doing what makes me happy at any given moment, and I'm in control of what I'm interested in rather than what I'm interested in being in control of me.

So I don't know. A lot of stuff that I was into as a guy I was possibly only really into because it was an obsession. And now that I don't really obsess about things anymore, it's just kind of lost its appeal to me. I don't really understand why this has happened, but it has. Frankly now what I'm interested in is having fun with my friends, whatever that activity may be. And most of the time when I'm by myself, I'm bored, and don't know what to do because I don't really have things to obsess about anymore. I still play video games, but I can take them or leave them. I still watch anime, but I can take it or leave it. I still watch sports, but I can take it or leave it. I enjoy shopping and feminine things, but I can take them or leave them. Etc.

So I don't know. Is that "sacrificing?" It's not like I'm actively avoiding anything just because it's stereotypically-male.

The only time I wish I could do something more masculine is in regards to clothing. I wish I could just go out in a unisex t-shirt or sweatshirt and not have to care so damned much about my appearance. But that's just because I'm still getting gendered male when I do it. If I could do it and still be gendered female, I guarantee you I'd be doing it. I only avoid it because the pain of not passing is worse than the annoyance of being limited to fitted shirts with feminine necklines.

Derailing, but I'm digging that hairstyle on you, Carrie!

I can't think of anything I *consciously* gave up, except maybe that I used to love the grunge look and stopped doing that for a couple of years out of fear of looking too masculine. I did stop playing video games for a year or two as well, but that might've been because transition (and my new writing career) ate all my free time. Oh, and I did go through a phase where I was obsessed with makeup and hairstyling.

I've gotten back into gaming in the last year or so. I've also gone back to the flannel shirt over T-shirt and jeans look when I feel like it (I even have a couple of leftover shorts from the boy years that I still wear) and gave up on makeup except for special occasions. I don't have the patience anymore. ;) So I guess while there *were* some sacrifices, they've turned out to be temporary, even if I didn't know it at the time; a few years out of transition, I'm not so insecure anymore, I suppose. Don't get me wrong, I still think I look hideous a lot of the time, and I still wish I weren't so horrifically shy and socially awkward... but I'm not seeing these appearance/character flaws in the context of gender so much anymore.

No personality sacrifices.  My journey is to strip everything down to the true me and  then build new dreams from there, from a place of complete authenticity.

I do have to sacrifice some of my own needs to meet the needs of others, with my physical gender dysphoria.  Which is a bit painful but necessary right now.

I suspect you will not need to walk that path.

I think about this a lot sometimes. I can't think of anything off the top of my head, I'm pretty open and comfortable with my interests and personality. I guess because I realized a long time ago that there's no point in hiding yourself because the truth comes out eventually.

That being said, there is one thing I can think of. I'm a lot more careful with my speech because I'm really insecure about how high my voice is (at least in my mind - people always seem to read it as male). It's not so much that I want to sound manly and tough, I'm just afraid people are going to go "that's a girl!"

My personality may have changed a little, but I think it was more a natural progression of finding some sort of peace with myself and not being pissed off at the world all the time anymore. I still do most of the same stuff, I still pick on some people and I still like most of the same things. So I don't feel I made any sacrifices pertaining to my personality at all.

None. The only difference between when I was pretending to be female and being honest as male is the relief from no longer pretending to be something I'm not.

Quote from: Declan. on May 07, 2014, 01:56:31 PM
Not sure I understand the topic title. We don't "become" anything; we change our bodies in some cases to ease dysphoria, but that's not "becoming" something else... Anyway, moving on - nothing has changed. My personality and interests are the same as they always were. I've gotten calmer with age, that's it.

This.

All I had to do was strip away all of the BS.  It's a lot easier now just letting the real me shine through unfiltered.

All the girls I know, including my girlfriend, plays video games. Especially Nintendo. There's no need to sacrifice something that you love doing!

I didn't sacrifice anything. I've always been true to myself. My personality, mannerisms, and choice in clothing were already masculine based. There was no need to change.

Quote from: Abbyxo on May 07, 2014, 09:04:28 AM
So, this was inspired by a brief convo I had on another thread. I think it's something a lot of us do, even inadvertantly...like, in trying to fit in as one gender, we give up things we associate with our birth sex to fit in.

I notice I do a ton of this, unfortunately. Like video games...I used to be majorly addicted to Nintendo. I *still* own every system back to N64 (used to have an NES) but I havent played video games since transition. And I even get mad when people bring up the fact I used to...I'm always like, ohh ya know I never reaally liked video games I just played along. But really, I've played I think every TLOZ and Mario game ever created, haha.

Then just other stuff like that. LOTR...I love LOTR. I've read all the books, even the Silmarillion, some multiple times. The appendices as well, hahah. I've seen the movies more time than I can count. I still have all the extend editions, all the books, even a few action figures, haha. Then Star Wars...know every obscure character, I owned every video game, card game, tons of action figures.

But, yeah, there's actually a ton of stuff like that. And it's not like I just grew out of all of it. I still like some of that stuff but I feel like it's too guyish. I remember I started playing Skyward Sword right around when I started transitioning...never finished it cause I didn't wanna be associated with that anymore. Hell, I stop watching Breaking Bad for a while, cause somebody told me it was a 'guy show'.

But yeah...I'd say by the same token I've gotten into some stuff that is soo not me because it seemed feminine. Like I do loove makeup. I fricken lovee makeup, I think it's so fun. But at the same time some of the styles I've sported have been waay over the top...like eye enlarging, blue circle lenses...and like, I became a pro at Dolly eye makeup to look like anime eyes, because I became obsessed with 'Kawaii culture'. And I made my voice soo super high and girly (which I still do and probably will continue to do tbh) because I was trying to come of as something that isn't exactly my style.

Anyway, what about you guys? What unnecessary changes have you made to yourself to be your identified gender?

Abby,

This stuff doesn't sound guyish to me; it sounds geeky. Geeky is good- it means you have passion about your interests and hobbies. Geek girls not only exist; they're hot. Embrace the stuff you love. That's what being a geek is. :)

Geekily yours,
Teg

Not a change in personality what so ever... Girl !

I am the same old alpha bitch !

and I love it... LOL

No sacrifices, and I never will. I've never fit in, so I guess I don't feel the need to start. I'm already getting to be comfortable with being a guy no matter what I say or do or like or dislike. Obviously not perfect; I have dysphoria, things about me bother me or make me feel like I won't be seen as who I am. But generally I'm OK. I've never felt like ditching something because it's too girly; that said, I'm not a girly person lol. The way I see it, me wanting to transition isn't simply because it's who I am, it's because it'll make me happier to be me completely. So, to be me completely, I can't delete things from my personality or my likes or dislikes or interests for the sake of being more typically masculine, because then I'll have gotten rid of parts of who I am.

Probably the biggest "sacrifice" for me is that I used to be a hard core car person. I have a full on drag race car and a very rare muscle car that I spent 4 years restoring that are currently rotting in storage right now and I'm trying to figure out a way to get rid of them. Getting dirty under the hood no longer holds any appeal; and I suspect it was a way of me overcompensating in the first place. I do admit to having a lot of fun with the drag race car; it's a blast to take off from a standing start with your front wheels in the air  :)

As far as personality changes - the biggest change there for me is that I'm releasing the macho fake male persona and I am learning who the real me is, and she has a gentle soul and really cares about people. She likes to cook and shop and spend hours girl chatting with her friends which is way different then the anti-social hermit I used to be.

Quote
No sacrifices, and I never will. I've never fit in, so I guess I don't feel the need to start. I'm already getting to be comfortable with being a guy no matter what I say or do or like or dislike. Obviously not perfect; I have dysphoria, things about me bother me or make me feel like I won't be seen as who I am. But generally I'm OK. I've never felt like ditching something because it's too girly; that said, I'm not a girly person lol. The way I see it, me wanting to transition isn't simply because it's who I am, it's because it'll make me happier to be me completely. So, to be me completely, I can't delete things from my personality or my likes or dislikes or interests for the sake of being more typically masculine, because then I'll have gotten rid of parts of who I am.

I couldn't have said it better, Jason.  :)

No sacrifices for me, I still play videogames everyday, still love cars, still love the same music. I actually spend most my gaming time with other girls.

For me I just added the things I was scared to do, bought a sewing machine etc

I don't think anyone should change what they enjoy doing for sake of what others might think. Saddens me OP that you gave up on nintendo, link between worlds was amazing as was Mario 3d world. Hyped for mario kart 8.

I would hope that when we give things up as we transform it's because they were over compensations we only did to convince ourselves we were the other gender. I'm not yet off of T and onto E so it's too soon to tell, but I hope I don't give up things and people I really like.

At  the age of 24 I gave up EVERYTHING: my parents threw me out, I lost my sister, my home town, my past, all my friends, and everything I had ever known. I left home with one suitcase and a bank draft for SRS and started my life over from nothing in a new city. I knew that I knew nothing and had everything to learn.

What I found was ME! I immersed myself in women's world and took the time to 'grow up girl'. Within a couple of years I was just amazed at the person I had become. It was worth it!  ;D

The one thing I've worked to actively change in relation to transitioning and not just trying to become a more complete person is my handwriting.  I know that's a silly one, but all my science classes gave me doctor's handwriting; in othder words chicken scratch. So I decided to develope a more feminine style.

There have been other changes but I don't feel any of them were active.

I made zero sacrifices; I thoroughly identify as female but I will never allow that or anything else to dictate my behavior.

Quote from: AlexisPP on May 15, 2014, 12:08:24 AM
The one thing I've worked to actively change in relation to transitioning and not just trying to become a more complete person is my handwriting.  I know that's a silly one, but all my science classes gave me doctor's handwriting; in othder words chicken scratch. So I decided to develope a more feminine style.

There have been other changes but I don't feel any of them were active.

Ha!  I still can't read my own handwriting.  I think it's hopeless at this point. 

Maybe I should start putting little hearts over the "i" in "Jill"?

Quote from: Jill F on May 15, 2014, 12:26:28 AM
Maybe I should start putting little hearts over the "i" in "Jill"?

I'm preeeeetty sure I actually did that back when I was using the name Julie...  :P ::)

Quote from: Jill F on May 15, 2014, 12:26:28 AM
Ha!  I still can't read my own handwriting.  I think it's hopeless at this point. 

Maybe I should start putting little hearts over the "i" in "Jill"?

Hahaha, you never know it might look cute  :P

Honestly, I spent like 4 hours one night just writing my name over and over to make sure my new signature looked exactly how I wanted it. How it looked when written was even a factor in deciding my name.  That might have been a shallow moment for me   :icon_redface: