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So. I have used it for many years to cure my depression. Tried to quit this spring but it was the worst thing that I have ever done. I almost ended up dead, so I dropped that idea and got back on Morphine again and got my life back.


I am keeping the dosage low however, I dont want to get back to where I was this winter.


To all of you that havent tried opiates. Stay away! You will fall in love with the feeling and once you do it will always be on you mind.


I am a bit bitter. It seems like I have to surrender in my struggle to be clean.

I got addicted to it (210mg a day) when I was injured in the line of duty. If you want off get your doctor to prescribe Suboxone. I have been off everything for over a year now. Morphine will cause liver cirrhosis and affect the actions of HRT and shorten your life. It is worth a try. :) Trust me I know how big a grip it can get on you and quitting is not easy. The Suboxone worked and after a month I was off it as well. :)

Opiates are the devil and I agree that everyone that can avoid them to stay away.   Addiction is a very hard battle to beat and there will be ups and downs.  It's okay. Many people here can understand. 

If you need someone to talk to, I'm always available by pm.  Please don't kick yourself for this. 

Please get off of that poison as soon as you can.  I've lost WAY too many friends to opiates over the years, and I can't bear to see another go.  I've abused just about every drug there is and I'm really glad I survived.  Please do exactly what Jessica said and live.   Trust me, depression is manageable without opiates.

Take care of yourself, love yourself and thrive.

Love,
Jill

Please get medical help to get away from that demon.  It is controlling you, and you have not control over it anymore.  I have 5.5 years of sobriety from alcohol and drugs and could not begin this period without medical help myself.  The drugs actually make depression worse and terribly enslave you to them, but there is hope and help in many programs where you can begin to live a life that is joyous and free.  Your medical help team will also most likely refer you to a recovery program where people like you will be your friends and guides into a life that is fulfilling.  Do not do "cold turkey" without medical supervision where there are drugs to wean you off of your chemical, and give you some peace as the drugs work out of your system. 

Quote from: Vicky on May 10, 2014, 07:17:17 PM
Do not do "cold turkey" without medical supervision where there are drugs to wean you off of your chemical, and give you some peace as the drugs work out of your system.

Definitely! You will have to be on anti convulsions meds while you detox (usually two weeks), I was. You will also be on Vitamin B12 to support your nervous system. :) Go cold turkey and you risk ventricular fibrillation and then lights out. Please don't take this as preaching just people who have been there.

I just wanted to throw some caution out there because opiate blockers like subtex can also be problematic.  All things need to be weened off in time and there has been in insrease of recreational abuse with it.  So you can use it to get off and it helps many people, but it can become a problem of it's own if you're not careful. Plus, I've heard many people having insurance problems when trying to get it covered.  If you have an issue getting coverage and really want to quit, there is another potential option. There is a supplement called Kratom that some people have used to get off of opiates, but I warn you that it can also be addicting in it's own way and hard to quit for emotional reasons. I mention this because it's over the counter and legal in many places (though not everywhere), thus having more ease of access and less cost issues while trying to treat your addiction.  By the way, I'm not suggesting anything or giving you medical advice, I'm just letting you know what has worked for other people.  Remember, all of these things are drugs and with them comes the potential of abuse and further problems.

P.S.  Sorry mods if this post isn't acceptable or out of guidelines some way, but I don't like to see people struggle with this and want to give as much help as I can.  Delete this if it doesn't meet guidelines. 

Please seek help Caroline. I could be considered a hippocrite and really feel I have no right to give you information but.... Once your body really needs it and can't live without it, seek rehab with professionals to help ween you off of it. Please.

Quote from: learningtolive on May 10, 2014, 07:36:45 PM
There is a supplement called Kratom that some people have used to get off of opiates, but I warn you that it can also be addicting in it's own way and hard to quit for emotional reasons. I mention this because it's over the counter and legal in many places

We don't use herbal or supplements in HRT so please don't think an over the counter supplement will do it. Addictions like ours require professional monitoring and treatment not just for the body, but mind as well. This is one thing you CANNOT do by yourself. :)

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on May 11, 2014, 02:21:24 PM
We don't use herbal or supplements in HRT so please don't think an over the counter supplement will do it. Addictions like ours require professional monitoring and treatment not just for the body, but mind as well. This is one thing you CANNOT do by yourself. :)

I agree that medical attention should be used if someone is willing to seek or afford it.  The sad truth is that suboxone and subutex aren't widely available for everyone.  And let's face it, not everyone is going to seek professional help for an addiction.  It's even harder consider the cost of everything, especially if you don't have insurance or a minimal policy.  That's the reality for many addicts and why some don't go out for the help they need whether right or wrong.  So while I agree with your original post, I wanted to throw out an alternative that the op may consider if she's tried other paths.

Kratom, while no where near as powerful as morphine, has been used by heroine and opiate addicts for quite some time to help ease the withdrawls. It's probably one of the only reasons the DEA hasn't made it illegal in the states.  Kratom is much more useful for those looking taper off harder drugs than it is for recreational purposes.   While it can be addictive and abused in it's own right (as it does produce weaker opiate like sensations) the withdrawls are much more tolerable than any of the hard drugs.  The fact that it isn't controlled and affordable makes it an attractive option for those that are desperate.  I'm not saying it's the way to go nor am I advocating this, but it's an option for someone willing to try anything to get off morphine.  Whether that's the best path or treatment option, is a whole other story.   I'm just saying that it's a "potential" option that someone desperate to quit may consider and it's worked for other people. Opiates are the devil and need to be stopped before they fully consume one's soul.  However, someone does it doesn't matter, as long as they can free their soul again.

OP, I wish you luck in your struggle and hope you find help in whatever way you need and that you break this addiction for good.

P.S.  Sorry for this post again, I just want to help in any way I can with someone struggling with addiction.

Edit*  I should also note that there is very little known about the drug's interactions and potential issues.  Since it isn't regulated by the FDA, there is very little knowledge about it's overall saftey over long periods of time/use.  Use at your own risk.

Quote from: learningtolive on May 11, 2014, 04:04:42 PM
P.S.  Sorry for this post again, I just want to help in any way I can with someone struggling with addiction.

LTL would you please quit apologizing already. You are part of the family and as so can speak your mind, OK? :) You are just as valuable as anyone here, so keep em coming! ;)

Mattie -- I am a recovering addict myself and I devote many hours of service each month toward helping other addicts get a hold on recovery.  A big issue that every addict needs is someone in their life who has found the keys to recovery and who can teach the newly recovering addict how to use those keys.  The 12 Step programs of AA, NA, CA, MA and others have real people there to support an addict when they are most vulnerable to relapse and to life threatening issues.  More and more local agencies have growing and accessible clinics at little or no cost to combat addiction with medical resources.  I did one cold turkey myself and came to barely alive, and on another one got literally peeled off the floor by paramedics. They were looking for a dead body somewhere on my property because they did not believer I could have bled that much and still be alive.  I know people who have used the OTC stuff you are talking about, and while it does a small part, the larger part will be done by getting help from real people in real time.  Maybe the people you deal with will show you stuff to take that is OTC to help get you off the main drug, but again they are still people helping another person.  The first Step in any of the *A programs is "came to admit that we were powerless over our chemical, and needed help from other to be able be restored to sanity.  My point here is get with humans who know how to do it effectively. Getting people to people who are real is a must.  You honestly meant to help, and you are doing fine and being a part of our lives here.  With ALL of us working for the OP, she has a chance. 

Op, you haven't checked in for a while, so I'm hoping that you are doing okay.  Remember whatever you do, many of us understand and there is no judgement from anyone here.

Quote from: Vicky on May 12, 2014, 12:37:48 AM
Mattie -- I am a recovering addict myself and I devote many hours of service each month toward helping other addicts get a hold on recovery.  A big issue that every addict needs is someone in their life who has found the keys to recovery and who can teach the newly recovering addict how to use those keys.  The 12 Step programs of AA, NA, CA, MA and others have real people there to support an addict when they are most vulnerable to relapse and to life threatening issues.  More and more local agencies have growing and accessible clinics at little or no cost to combat addiction with medical resources.  I did one cold turkey myself and came to barely alive, and on another one got literally peeled off the floor by paramedics. They were looking for a dead body somewhere on my property because they did not believer I could have bled that much and still be alive.  I know people who have used the OTC stuff you are talking about, and while it does a small part, the larger part will be done by getting help from real people in real time.  Maybe the people you deal with will show you stuff to take that is OTC to help get you off the main drug, but again they are still people helping another person.  The first Step in any of the *A programs is "came to admit that we were powerless over our chemical, and needed help from other to be able be restored to sanity.  My point here is get with humans who know how to do it effectively. Getting people to people who are real is a must.  You honestly meant to help, and you are doing fine and being a part of our lives here.  With ALL of us working for the OP, she has a chance.

I agree that the best step for anyone to take is to get medical assistance and help.  That is always for the best.  I'm just sharing something that worked for others who struggled with addiction themselves.  Getting off of the drugs for good is ultimately what matters most in the end.

As for going to support groups, I totally endorse that idea as being helpful, though I don't like the spiritual politics/ideology that some of them embrace and force upon their attendees.  I've known many secret addicts that quit alone because of that.  In any case, I agree that reaching out and finding the right group for each individual can be a very helpful thing in the end.

Well, I just lost another friend to an OD.

We don't know which drugs they were yet and suspect it was intentional, but still. 

And yes, he used to be an addict.

Quote from: Jill F on May 13, 2014, 06:03:52 PM
Well, I just lost another friend to an OD.

We don't know which drugs they were yet and suspect it was intentional, but still. 

And yes, he used to be an addict.

I'm sorry to read this Jill. 

One of my staff has lost her mother to cancer, and her best friend and an ex-boyfriend (her sister's boyfriend's brother) to overdoses. Were just barely holding her together. I've heard that a more dangerous form of heroin is in my area. Please, any of you using, just get whatever kind of help you can! We can't afford to lose you.

Gee Carolina, you have come so far honey, my heart goes out to you! Get cleaned up, you can do it, for God's sake you have weathered through so much so far, you can't let this sh*t take you down! Fortunately for me Morphine makes me violently ill, I don't use pain killers following three surgical procedures.

Hi and thank you for the replies. Sorry about the late answer but I have been pretty down lately.


I wont touch Subuxone even if I get paid to do it, it feels like you fill the body with dirty chemicals =/. Subutex however is something that I have used before and I might try to get it again but I am not sure that they are willing to, and I dont want to be labeled an addict again. It is not fun to be in pain and get refused pain meds because I have used opiates for so many years.


I have used so many years now (soon 15) and tbh when I used the most was also the time when my life was the best. I had a great job as a pilot and also owned my own company etc. Those that I have talked to was pretty impressed that I kept control all these years, the only time that I lost grip was this autumn/winter. Then I lost it because the mother to both my children left me.


Now however I am back at my lower dosages just to keep me functional and to keep me from falling down in the depression pit again. My brain really cant function without opiates :(, I get so depressed and just want to die. To stay off is to kill myself. So I need that poison unfortunately, I can never get 100% clean.

But what I can do is to keep control and not let the drugs control me. Atleast not totally.


Thanx again for your support <3, it feels good to be able to talk about these things sometimes.

I know that kind of pain when the world seems to crumble around you.

You most definately can get 100% clean. People do it all the time but that is something you are going to have to want to do and follow through with.

You are correct, when you are hooked on stuff, there comes a time when your brain and body can't live without it. That is why rehab is needed to kick the addiction along with certain medications while your body is going through withdrawal symptoms.

I am not gonna' be a hippocrite 'cause I have done my fair share and very fortunate the only thing that I got addicted to is caffiene and nicotine and stayed away from the real addictive stuff, but still I ain't no angel. The only thing that I can say is just please be really really careful, consider going into rehab when it is right for you. Hopefully soon. When you do kick the habit then seek professional help with a therapist and psychiatrist. At lest they can help you with those down feelings and prescribe and monitor meds so you don't have to self medicate.

Quote from: Dee Marshall on May 13, 2014, 07:53:13 PM
I've heard that a more dangerous form of heroin is in my area.

Krokodil?

I was given morphine several years ago do to injuries incurred, it was difficult to get off of it but somehow I did

Doctors have offered other opiate based pain relievers but I just turn it down and tell them that I'll take nothing stronger than Ibuprofen

Sure, it doesn't completely take away the physical pain I deal with but it takes the edge off without putting me off in space and isn't addictive

Quote from: kira21 ♡♡♡ on May 15, 2014, 09:11:35 AM
Krokodil?

I'm not sure. I'm in the US, not far from NYC and the Russian Mob is prominent, but I only get official warnings at the facility I run and they didn't mention any street name. We've had two people overdose in the last year (in a 14 bed facility) none in the previous five.

Caroline while I may sound like a hippocrite here when you read what's below, but I urge you to follow Jess's advice and seek help to get off of this medicine.

As some of you know I was in a very bad aircraft accident in 1991 that has left me with serious chronic pain issues. I do take MS Contin (1/2 morphene, 1/2 oxycodone) for it daily and have been since the accident. I did go off of them once and found out I couldn't walk to the bathroom by myself. However, I only take them as prescribed, and sometimes with my breakthroughs, I take less than prescribed. Mainly with the breakthroughs it depends on whether or not I have to work that day. Because I have such a lengthy experience I found out long ago that abusing my medication only causes me more pain in the end, and I'm very careful with these meds because I know how serious they can be.

Having said that, even in my situation I stress if you can avoid opiates you should do so like their the plague. My situation is unique and unavoidable as just too much skeletal damage was done. There are however some new surgical technologies I'm looking into that may bring me some relief, and allow me to take less than I take now. And anything I can do to cut down on them I'm certainly up for.

Caroline you have all my best wishes and hopes for your success in getting clean and opiate free. :icon_bunch:

Hugs :icon_hug: :icon_hug:

Ally :icon_flower:

Quote from: Carolina1983 on May 15, 2014, 05:55:16 AM
Hi and thank you for the replies. Sorry about the late answer but I have been pretty down lately.


I wont touch Subuxone even if I get paid to do it, it feels like you fill the body with dirty chemicals =/. Subutex however is something that I have used before and I might try to get it again but I am not sure that they are willing to, and I dont want to be labeled an addict again. It is not fun to be in pain and get refused pain meds because I have used opiates for so many years.


I have used so many years now (soon 15) and tbh when I used the most was also the time when my life was the best. I had a great job as a pilot and also owned my own company etc. Those that I have talked to was pretty impressed that I kept control all these years, the only time that I lost grip was this autumn/winter. Then I lost it because the mother to both my children left me.


Now however I am back at my lower dosages just to keep me functional and to keep me from falling down in the depression pit again. My brain really cant function without opiates :(, I get so depressed and just want to die. To stay off is to kill myself. So I need that poison unfortunately, I can never get 100% clean.

But what I can do is to keep control and not let the drugs control me. Atleast not totally.


Thanx again for your support <3, it feels good to be able to talk about these things sometimes.

I'm really sorry to read about your struggle.  Again, there is no judgement, only concern for you, so please forgive me if my post is intrusive. 

Have you considered maybe giving the Subutex another try and see if it can help you get off long term?  At the end of the day, morphine is really powerful and it's going to have a big impact on you.  I understand reaching out is scary, but that might just save your life and allow you to defeat your depression.  The thing is, these drugs themselves can create depression and might be feeding a vicious cycle.  Sure, they feel amazing at the time, but after the fact you are crushed hard from withdraws.  That depression might only exist because of the drug itself.  Once you get passed the withdrawls, it is very possible that your depression may be lifted.  It may be worth a shot.  There are no guarantees in life, but depending on morphine for emotional reasons is very risky.

In any case, I understand what you are saying.  It's a tough battle and I respect you for talking about this openly.  Whatever you decide, I hope you will find peace from your depression and will maintain your health.  Please take care of yourself.

Quote from: Allyda on May 15, 2014, 10:58:42 AM
Caroline while I may sound like a hippocrite here when you read what's below, but I urge you to follow Jess's advice and seek help to get off of this medicine.

As some of you know I was in a very bad aircraft accident in 1991 that has left me with serious chronic pain issues. I do take MS Contin (1/2 morphene, 1/2 oxycodone) for it daily and have been since the accident. I did go off of them once and found out I couldn't walk to the bathroom by myself. However, I only take them as prescribed, and sometimes with my breakthroughs, I take less than prescribed. Mainly with the breakthroughs it depends on whether or not I have to work that day. Because I have such a lengthy experience I found out long ago that abusing my medication only causes me more pain in the end, and I'm very careful with these meds because I know how serious they can be.

Having said that, even in my situation I stress if you can avoid opiates you should do so like their the plague. My situation is unique and unavoidable as just too much skeletal damage was done. There are however some new surgical technologies I'm looking into that may bring me some relief, and allow me to take less than I take now. And anything I can do to cut down on them I'm certainly up for.

Caroline you have all my best wishes and hopes for your success in getting clean and opiate free. :icon_bunch:

Hugs :icon_hug: :icon_hug:

Ally :icon_flower:

Hey Ally,

I understand where you are coming from.  These drugs can do good when they are used responsibly and for severe pain.  However, sometimes there are more cons than pros.  It's up to each patient to figure that out for themselves along with their doctor.  In any case, I was just reminded of a story that I read in Sunday's NY times about a wounded soldier's battle to find relief drug free (attached below).  It might be a helpful read on pain management for those with severe pain.  Again, please do what's best for you and follow your doctors input, but I thought this would be an interesting article that may help others.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/11/business/a-soldiers-war-on-pain.html

Quote from: learningtolive on May 15, 2014, 11:47:53 AM
Hey Ally,

I understand where you are coming from.  These drugs can do good when they are used responsibly and for severe pain.  However, sometimes there are more cons than pros.  It's up to each patient to figure that out for themselves along with their doctor.  In any case, I was just reminded of a story that I read in Sunday's NY times about a wounded soldier's battle to find relief drug free (attached below).  It might be a helpful read on pain management for those with severe pain.  Again, please do what's best for you and follow your doctors input, but I thought this would be an interesting article that may help others.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/11/business/a-soldiers-war-on-pain.html

Thanks for the article LTL. It's a good read and your right, it may help someone.

I also thank you for not being judgemental.

Best wishes. :icon_bunch:

Hugs. :icon_hug:

Ally :icon_flower:

krokodil came out of russia I think, as a cheap heroin substitute that is easily manufactured from over the counter codeine and its really nasty. It makes heroin look like cookies and milk in comparison.

Quote from: kira21 ♡♡♡ on May 16, 2014, 07:49:08 AM
krokodil came out of russia I think, as a cheap heroin substitute that is easily manufactured from over the counter codeine and its really nasty. It makes heroin look like cookies and milk in comparison.

I'm aware of it, just not sure if that's what we're seeing. The official warnings weren't detailed. Haven't found any in the facility, just seen the after affects.  :'(

It's very distressing for me. Our facility wasn't planned or licensed for drug users, just the mentally ill. Unfortunately the clients being presented these days are mostly both. We don't have the training, or the legal right to put the right rules in place. Drug only rehabs won't take these folks so we have little choice but to take them. It has half my staff ready to quit. The one CASAC we have is the most frustrated. She knows what to do, but the law won't let her.

Sorry to derail the thread.

I say this to a lot of people who use, sometimes it connects where other points miss... think of the negative impact upon your appearance.  I've done most drugs, and use to drop a LOT of acid; so I'm not really one to talk.  I still smoke some pot, but I don't do anything else.  I barely even drink and have never smoked cigarettes, and I use a vaporizer.  So I'm pretty good with minimizing damage.  I plan on cutting WAY back on the MJ in the future though.  But yeah, it will impact your appearance, and probably a lot sooner than you think.  Good luck.

Quote from: TheQuestion on May 22, 2014, 12:16:21 AM
I say this to a lot of people who use, sometimes it connects where other points miss... think of the negative impact upon your appearance.  I've done most drugs, and use to drop a LOT of acid; so I'm not really one to talk.  I still smoke some pot, but I don't do anything else.  I barely even drink and have never smoked cigarettes, and I use a vaporizer.  So I'm pretty good with minimizing damage.  I plan on cutting WAY back on the MJ in the future though.  But yeah, it will impact your appearance, and probably a lot sooner than you think.  Good luck.

Good point hon! I've seen the horrible looking faces of Crystal Meth users and Crack Heads, OMG their looks are destroyed!

Quote from: Shantel on May 22, 2014, 11:01:10 AM
Good point hon! I've seen the horrible looking faces of Crystal Meth users and Crack Heads, OMG their looks are destroyed!

So have I Auntie especially when I lived on Hollywood BLVD in LA. It's scary what some of this poison does. I've never been much of a drinker, I have never eaten much red meat, and I do eat a lot of fish, and poultry and do my best to eat right and take care of myself. My Endo says I'm very healthy for my age. My only detriment has been these dam cigarettes which thankfully I'm finally having success in quitting. I'm down to 5 per day and soon I'll be able to throw them away forever. Good riddance!

Ally :icon_flower:

Thankfully even after 15 years of use I still look ok. Most think that I am 24 but I am 31.


Must be lucky I guess.



Hopefully I will manage to straighten up my life. It is knd of hard to know where to start though.

Thanx again for caring. And I am on a very low dose now, I dont want to be a heavy user ever again.