Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Lately, I've noticed something happening that never happened when I was seen as female...but it doesn't seem like something a male would do to another male. It seems like something a guy would do to a girl.

The past couple of days I have been walking in the park. And guys have greeted me as we walk past each other. One just said "Hi." Another said "Nice day out here!" And the other I think just said hello or something like that.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but do guys really do that to one another? I mean, as a girl, if I said hi to a guy he took it as interest, so I stopped - I assumed men would not say it to another man for fear of coming off as gay or something. But this is something that never happened to me as a girl either....as a girl, only old ladies said hello to me, lol.

What gives? Is this normal? Has this happened to anyone else while living as male?

NORMAL through and through.

Ladies say hi to ladies.
men say hi to men.

lines of intent get assumed when the hi is between the sexies. For some obscore reason

Nope, it's pretty normal for a male to greet another male in passing, especially if they make eye contact. Think if it almost as a statement of non-aggression. "I see you and acknowledge you" is pretty much what you should take from it.

-Teg

I guess it depends. When I was presenting as a guy, if a random guy greeted me for no apparent reason I just presumed they were drunk/from the country/gay/wanted something. Yes, I'm terribly cynical. No, I don't have many male friends! One of my few male friends is very friendly though and certainly would do what you described with other men for no reason other than to be friendly.

Quote from: Sincerely Tegan on May 12, 2014, 07:04:00 PM
Nope, it's pretty normal for a male to greet another male in passing, especially if they make eye contact. Think if it almost as a statement of non-aggression. "I see you and acknowledge you" is pretty much what you should take from it.

I really worked hard on avoiding eye contact!

Quote from: Ms Grace on May 12, 2014, 07:08:28 PM
I really worked hard on avoiding eye contact!

Me too, Grace! Lol

But, in instances when eye contact still occurs, I've perfected the uncomfortable nod of acknowledgement before the quick gaze aversion. Yup, that sky or that ground suddenly gets very interesting. :)

-Teg

Quote from: Sincerely Tegan on May 12, 2014, 07:22:25 PM
Me too, Grace! Lol

But, in instances when eye contact still occurs, I've perfected the uncomfortable nod of acknowledgement before the quick gaze aversion. Yup, that sky or that ground suddenly gets very interesting. :)

-Teg

I did this too, and sometimes i felt like a golfer looking for ther balls.
Wether in the sky off tee, on in the under bush.

When I was a dude, I didn't make eye contact with people and I wasn't all that friendly to strangers, not mean, just not friendly.

Now, I'll say hi to anyone, if they read more into it than just being friendly and pleasant, then that's their issue.  I do know that people in general, men and women, will tell me way more about themselves than I need to know. Its weird they way people will open up to me, especially at work.

Quote from: ButterflyVickster on May 12, 2014, 07:01:44 PM

lines of intent get assumed when the hi is between the sexies. For some obscure reason

Nothing obscure about the reason where I came from!!  Called "hitting on".    ;D :D :D

As a wee tad of a lad I was taught that men tipped their hats  and said "good <time of day>" to other men, and merely tipped their hats at a LADY.  (whatever meaning you wish to give that to)   Boys tipped their caps to anyone older, and said the greeting.  It was a long time ago.

Post transition, I do speak to other women, and just nod if a male speaks at me!!  I can adapt.

It is strange men are really quite sociable creatures arent they. You will find one or two will probably say high to you in passing, simmilar to the 'hail good knight' from the middle ages. The amount of random conversations I have heard and particapated in between strangers on both sides of the bar is astounding. Also men will talk about pretty much anything and everything so you could be surprised by some of the conversations had, the trick is to learn when it is friendly banter (sporting teams especally) and when you should leave

Very common here in tha' Sa'outh... General courtesy and acknowledgement, especially of elders & peers never went out of fashion here.

Quote from: Vicky on May 12, 2014, 07:35:08 PM
Nothing obscure about the reason where I came from!!  Called "hitting on".    ;D :D :D

As a wee tad of a lad I was taught that men tipped their hats  and said "good <time of day>" to other men, and merely tipped their hats at a LADY.  (whatever meaning you wish to give that to)   Boys tipped their caps to anyone older, and said the greeting.  It was a long time ago.

Post transition, I do speak to other women, and just nod if a male speaks at me!!  I can adapt.

thats what i mean though. assumed. not every guy who says hi to a lady is hitting on them. but its always asumed they are.

It's normal in some places. Where I live I am not usually greeted by strange males unless they need directions or something, but it's not alarming or confusing when it happens. I think sometimes it's a way of indicating that they are not a threat, especially at night or in poorer neighborhoods.

I am from Philadelphia and there is a lot you need to be able to recognize quickly when walking. The neighborhood you are in may dictate you have eyes behind your head. In some neighborhoods you need to be alert and know who is approaching. In a strange neighborhood you do not say anything and sometimes switch to the other side of the street. Some neighborhoods you do not go into. If in your own neighborhood not greeting is an insult. At work you greet everyone even if it is just a smile.

My dad, as cisgender and straight as a man can get, routinely greeted men he'd pass in public.

Perfectly normal. Males greet each other all the time. Sometimes just the nod in passing. If for whatever reason they happen to be in the same place and stopped, they will talk to one another too. ;)

Yeah actually men can be quite kind of casual with other men, like "hey buddy" and so on. I think it's more common in  some places probably than others. Actually I find women treat me a bit differently, I might be greeted walking the dog though. I think the dog (since she is small and unscary) is a nice bridge. They say it's a way to pick up girls which is too bad when I think I am gay. :)  Oh well.

--Jay

Agreed.  It's normal.  Strange to think what guys get up to when not in big groups and not observed by females.

I'll normally give another guy a nod or make eye contact, and if he says "hey" I'll give him a "hey" back again.  Nothing weird about that.  Like others have stated, it's more of a "I'm not being rude and ignoring you and I'm not looking for a fight either; I'm just a regular dude like you" kind of thing.

I make sure I avoid looking at passing females though, because I don't want them to feel threatened in any way by some strange guy on the street.  They always seem to reciprocate and look straight ahead too.  If a female makes eye contact with me, I'll give her a quick smile to be polite.

Most guys seem to have their preferred or "go to" casual greeting.  For me, it's "hey", sometimes just a quick nod.  For some others, it's "alright", others a little more elaborate with a multiword greeting like "how's it going" or "'sup dude", that kind of thing.  Pick one and stick with it, get comfortable with it, but don't go over the top with something like "hey my man, how's it going?"  That may have worked in the 1970s, but today's male is far more concise.  Makes life so much easier.

Sometimes I read things like this and wonder if it can really be that complicated being a guy. Then I think back and realize how many awkward years I had and how long it took me to develop social skills and I realize that a lot of you guys are sometimes decades behind me on even starting the process from a guy's POV.

I think it's a way of displaying confidence. If you walk by someone with your head down because you're really shy, you look timid, like a victim. If you do happen to be crossing paths with a not-so-friendly stranger, you will seem like less of a target when displaying confidence. This applies to everyone, of course, though though I wonder if a woman doing it might be misconstrued as interest by someone who's on the lookout for such things and isn't very socially adept.

That's probably all it is. Still, part of me couldn't help but wonder if a few of them aren't gay guys who are actually trying to flirt a little. But that's because I'm gay so I'm biased.

Well this may be hard to believe (sarcasm of course) but even in guy mode it seems like I am the chattiest person in the room. Of course posing as a guy and presenting as a female the chattiness is different but I guess I just have a big mouth. :D

This is an interesting topic for me. I spent a few months before starting T agonizing over whether my speech pattern and conversation style was 'guy' enough. I think the harder I tried the more awkward I sounded. With all the technology we have now I find many people walk around buried in cell phones (I'm guilty of this too) so when folks do exchange pleasantries it can catch us off guard. I just try to remind myself that its OK to greet people if I feel chatty or not to if I don't, but if I end up making eye contact with someone I at least nod and smile. Since I consider myself a guy I rationalize that whatever behavior I'm comfortable displaying may not be 'typical male' but it is male behavior just the same.

There's primarily two behaviors guys display in public, to a stranger-in-passing; either the "glare and pass", if you're in a bad mood, or an unknown/bad area; or the comfortable nod or greeting, if you feel comfortable enough to acknowledge others.

Some guys interpret friendliness as "weird" or "pouffy", but that's usually just men uncomfortable with betraying perceived weakness, or fearful of being engaged. Once you realize there's no reason to let people into your space, unless you let them, it gets a lot easier.

Thanks for your responses, everyone. My mind was getting paranoid, thinking "OMG they think I'm a woman and they're hitting on me? Ew!" Lol. I'm glad to know this is normal. In fact, it seems to me that rather than being an indication that I am moving "backwards" it is a sign that I am moving forward and integrating better.

Quote from: Ms Grace on May 12, 2014, 07:08:28 PM
I guess it depends. When I was presenting as a guy, if a random guy greeted me for no apparent reason I just presumed they were drunk/from the country/gay/wanted something. Yes, I'm terribly cynical. No, I don't have many male friends! One of my few male friends is very friendly though and certainly would do what you described with other men for no reason other than to be friendly.

I really worked hard on avoiding eye contact!

Yes, I am rather cynical too. I guess part of it for me IS unwanted attention from men in the past...I haven't had male friends in a very long time, which is sad because I kind of miss it. I just stopped trusting the intentions of other men, I guess.

Quote from: dalebert on May 13, 2014, 03:07:27 PM
Sometimes I read things like this and wonder if it can really be that complicated being a guy. Then I think back and realize how many awkward years I had and how long it took me to develop social skills and I realize that a lot of you guys are sometimes decades behind me on even starting the process from a guy's POV.

I think it's a way of displaying confidence. If you walk by someone with your head down because you're really shy, you look timid, like a victim. If you do happen to be crossing paths with a not-so-friendly stranger, you will seem like less of a target when displaying confidence. This applies to everyone, of course, though though I wonder if a woman doing it might be misconstrued as interest by someone who's on the lookout for such things and isn't very socially adept.

That's probably all it is. Still, part of me couldn't help but wonder if a few of them aren't gay guys who are actually trying to flirt a little. But that's because I'm gay so I'm biased.

Yeah, I can see why it struck you as odd at first. Normally, I don't really think much about stuff like this, but since it was a new thing that happened, it struck me as unusual. What you're saying makes sense too. My brother said hi to a guy as we walked tonight, and the guy just said "hi" back and didn't seem to think it was in any way odd.

I also doubt gay men are hitting on me, lol. I'm not a very sexy specimen. :P

eeeer 19 years as guy ,,,it has never happened to me...
so honestly I dont know what you re talking about dearies...

I guess it was just these specific people

I think some of it depends on the culture, which can vary even within a place like the United States. In some parts of the country this is fine, in other parts people would look at you like you're nuts. Here where I live, doing so isn't just fine ... you're a little off if you don't acknowledge people.

Sounds like it's normal.

Nothing strange about it.
If I'm on a walk and come across someone, if there is a smile in the eyes, I will give a smile and a good morning/afternoon.  I guess I'm old fashioned courtesy wise - I feel self centred if I don't acknowledge others.

in my experience most men on the street are very comfortable not saying anything to each other if its not necessary. But close range eye contact does make it necessary to acknowledge intent. That simple "Hey" in my life has always meant, "Hey I have no problems with you if you have none with me" and then you move out of range. Prolonged contact for me, say on a bus, or lite-rail, usually involves neutral joke telling or weather talk to disarm the other person so that they do not feel threatened. At my work, which is one of the most testosterone filled work environments, prolonged close contact and conversation cause a dominance ranking of who is the most respected.
The weird part is that it is all an act for me, so I analyse and breakdown why everyone is acting the way they do, so I can blend in better in all situations like a social chameleon.

I think a lot depends on where you live. Here, in the New York City area people making eye contact, much less greeting you is far from the norm. Yet, when I was living in rural West Virginia greeting anyone and everyone was the norm. Even drivers in cars waving to me as I took my walks (guy mode).

Culture shock works both ways

Here in NH, I find it's the norm to at least smile and nod as you pass each other, maybe say "hi".

It's normal. My dad makes friends constantly. He can talk to anyone anyone and become friends with them. It all depends on the guy. This is just one guy saying hi to another. IT can be a hey and a nod or a full stop, do a nice hand shake, have some idle chat, etc. It all depends on the guy and how talkative and/or friendly they are. Don't be bothered, it's normal. My dad does this to people he might never had met and shakes hands, talks a bit, etc.

I was at the movies today and thought of this thread! It's the time bofore the actual previews start, and this guy sitting next to me starts commenting to me about the commercials. From out of nowhere, it's like we were best buds. Now keep in mind I'm borderline androgenous but dress enough in "boy mode" as not to throw any red flags. This guy was with his girlfriend and seemed straight, and kind of looked like surfer dude, and still talked to little old me out of nowhere, several times in fact.

Really depends on where you live and not if you are a man/woman (though in some cultures it meaby is that way).

Where I grew up it was normal to ignore everyone execpt people you know. Where I now live it's normal to say hallo to anyone. I don't have noticed any differences between gender, but in both places guys sooner start a conversation with guys than with women (and the other way arround).

At least in southern California where I live, this is a pretty common thing among the sexes. Girls gravitate towards girls and are willing to open up and talk on a time, and the same goes for guys - that is how a lot of guys actually end up being friends; they happen to meet and chat out of the blue one day, and find they have a lot in common and become friends - then they'll introduce you to their friends and now you have a circle. I tend to cross gender barriers with this because I'm pretty gender fluid, so I actually found my group of current friends chatting up some girls in my art class about nerd comic book stuff when I noticed she had a Captain America jacket.

Just be cool with it - if a guy or girl starts to regularly chat with you, chances are you're actually blending pretty well. You'll know in a hurry if they are being flirty or not, but if a guy/girl just gives you a nod, a high, talks to you in a theater, or in a line, etc chances are they are just looking for a safe chat and you've managed to blend well enough to step into the circle. Celebrate!

its common here in Washington as well. everyday i see girls meet up with girls and guys meet up with guys. and i have even had guys out of the blue that i don't know say hi and some have even talked to me.

Depends on where you're from! Very uncommon in the city where I am but whenever I leave the area it's very normal behavior. Not just amongst men though, amongst everyone. I think it just has a lot to do with the environment you're in.