Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Topic started by: ReubenIsTheName on May 14, 2014, 03:04:04 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Proper pronoun misuse strengthening dysphoria
Post by: ReubenIsTheName on May 14, 2014, 03:04:04 PM
Post by: ReubenIsTheName on May 14, 2014, 03:04:04 PM
So, yesterday I got my high school class ring, and I had completely forgotten that I had had "Sam" put on the side with the drafting tools, and had had "Samantha [insert my last name here]" engraved inside. This was when I was still stealth (not that my parents would've allowed me to put my chosen name on there anyway, but that's another story), so I had naturally ordered those to be put on there. Now, I have a constant reminder of the misuse of pronouns and name that I face every day on my ring finger.
Has anyone else slipped into a darker place when they hear the wrong pronouns or name being used to refer to them, be it anger or sadness, or something else entirely?
For me, when people call me Sam or Samantha, I just get this painful, sickening kind of anger inside and I want to correct them so badly, but that's how they know me, and they don't know any better (most of them, anyway). Especially when my parents do it. "Daughter", "Samantha", "she", "her", etc. When it's my friends who are slipping up on accident, I'll just give them this look until they realize their mistake, or sometimes just say "Uh, he."
But, it's not just the anger I feel, it's the feeling of not being a physical reflection of what I feel inside I am, and all these things are reminders of that, and the dysphoria grabs this open door and swings it wide open.
Has anyone else slipped into a darker place when they hear the wrong pronouns or name being used to refer to them, be it anger or sadness, or something else entirely?
For me, when people call me Sam or Samantha, I just get this painful, sickening kind of anger inside and I want to correct them so badly, but that's how they know me, and they don't know any better (most of them, anyway). Especially when my parents do it. "Daughter", "Samantha", "she", "her", etc. When it's my friends who are slipping up on accident, I'll just give them this look until they realize their mistake, or sometimes just say "Uh, he."
But, it's not just the anger I feel, it's the feeling of not being a physical reflection of what I feel inside I am, and all these things are reminders of that, and the dysphoria grabs this open door and swings it wide open.
Title: Re: Proper pronoun misuse strengthening dysphoria
Post by: David27 on May 16, 2014, 05:55:12 PM
Post by: David27 on May 16, 2014, 05:55:12 PM
Yes, I experience these moments where pronouns get messed up. I assume your parents aren't ok with it. During the stage of non-acceptance I avoided situations where my old name / female pronouns would be used. I hung out with friends, played video games, and other extra curriculars to avoid stuff. Your under 18, so this will be harder.
As for you friends you need to be patient with them. People I know still mess up and it hurts, but it is the effort that they are putting in is what you should be looking for. If you don't see any effort let that relationship die (you don't have to burn bridges to do this).
As for you friends you need to be patient with them. People I know still mess up and it hurts, but it is the effort that they are putting in is what you should be looking for. If you don't see any effort let that relationship die (you don't have to burn bridges to do this).
Title: Re: Proper pronoun misuse strengthening dysphoria
Post by: Ms Grace on May 16, 2014, 06:42:09 PM
Post by: Ms Grace on May 16, 2014, 06:42:09 PM
If people don't know you can't really be angry with them. It used to upset me though. Before I transitioned I would just correct it in my head - if someone said "his chair" I just thought "her chair" and forgot about it. Same with my name. Made a world of difference.
It's when people use the wrong name/pronouns after transition that really hurts. I just say out loud "who?"
It's when people use the wrong name/pronouns after transition that really hurts. I just say out loud "who?"