Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone,
I am entering day four of a week long celebration of who we are as trans women and trans men. The venue is in the little town of Port Angeles in Northwest Washington State.  I wasn't sure I wanted to come here, but was encouraged to by some of my sisters back in Seattle.   It has been transformative!  The seminars cover self defense  to make-up.  Nails and hair to an anthropological perspective of gender cross culturally.   This view is looking north from the hotel.  I'll be adding to this thread for the rest of the week, but the important thing - I am happier than I can remember

Oh well, I add some pictures when I get back to my laptop,  my phone is being a bitch today.

Joy to to all
Julie

That sounds awesome Julie! Looking forward to your updates!!

Washington is the state I so desperately want to move to! I'm in need of a fresh start so badly.

Quote from: JulieBlair on May 15, 2014, 10:52:47 AM
Hi everyone,
I am entering day four of a week long celebration of who we are as trans women. In the little town of Port Angeles in Northwest Washington State.  I wasn't sure I wanted to come here, but was encouraged to by some of my sisters back in Seattle.   It has been transformative!  The seminars cover self defense  to make-up.  Nails and hair to an anthropological perspective of gender cross culturally.   This is rhetoric view looking north from the hotel.  I'll be adding to this thread for the rest of the week, but the important thing - I am happier than I can remember

Oh well, I add some pictures when I get back to my laptop,  my phone is being a bitch today.

Joy to to all
Julie

Keep with the updates, big sis. Let's chat when you're done with your adventure.

Cheers,
Teg

(//)The seminars and fellowship continue.  But the amazing thing about this gathering of people, some of whom traveled from abroad to attend, is the amazing connection that permeates.  There are no cliques, there is no competition.  There is both an intense desire to connect with each other and to ourselves.  The honesty and self reflection is much like I have found here at Susan's, except that we get to see, hug, sometimes comfort, always support each other, and in person.

I have found friends that will extend far past Sunday.

I hope one day to meet the people I have come to depend on in these forums.  To hold your hands and hear your words in person is a dream of mine.  Esprit is a place of learning and trans-girl power.  This however, is home.

Tomorrow is a fashion show, and I will be modeling.  That will most certainly raise a smile or two.  I hope I don't fall off my heels.

Love You All,
Julie

Quote from: JulieBlair on May 15, 2014, 11:36:36 PM
(//)The seminars and fellowship continue.  But the amazing thing about this gathering of people, some of whom traveled from abroad to attend is the amazing connection that permeates.  There are no cliques, there is no competition.  There is both an intense desire to connect with each other and to ourselves.  The honesty and self reflection is much like I have found here, except that we get to see, hug, sometimes comfort, always support each other, and in person.

I have found friends that will extend far past Sunday.

I hope one day to meet the people I have come to depend on in these forums.  To hold your hands and hear your words in person is a dream of mine.  Esprit is a place of learning and trans-girl power.  This however, is home.

Tomorrow is a fashion show, and I will be modeling.  That will most certainly raise a smile or two.  I hope I don't fall off my heels.

Love You All,
Julie

Share pics, please. :)

-Tegan

Teg,

I'll try to post a few.  Some of the people here are not out, and so privacy must be respected.  I'm sure I can get some of the girls permission, but I will not post anything without the ok of those involved.  There will be vetted pictures on the Esprit web site, in a couple of days, and I may just publish a link to that.  One day when we get together, I'll show you the 2014 Esprit yearbook.
julie

Sounds good, Julie. :)

-Tegs

Good Morning,
It is Saturday - Bittersweet, I feel a little like I did at camp when, as a child, I knew that something wonderful and special was nearing its end, but with the perspective of years I know that this is not the case.  I have met power this week.  Most of my fears are based in a deep seated belief that I live the life of a fake and a fraud. Not male, not female; neither one nor the other.  That to entertain authenticity is to abandon responsibility; that to live as I know I am is to betray those I love, and those who have given me so much.

Now I know this is not true.  I know I have value as a woman, and that this truth is both real and realizable.  But I have not before felt powerful. 

Yesterday I wore a cute little black dress I like, and modeled a teal and black cocktail number before almost one hundred and fifty smiling and applauding people.  There were twenty of us walking the runway, some with grace and style, some with her heart in her throat.  My oh my, was it fun.  To dance and prance, owing a room and having the flash of a hundred cameras (ok phones) sparking, is empowering.

Last night the Elks Club opened its doors to Esprit, and beautiful trans-women, dressed and proud entertained several hundred of the people of Port Angeles. Making music and laughter, raising a ton of money for local charities.   Being real, being accepted, being powerful.

I don't know what today will bring.  I do know that I will emerge from this better than I entered.  Here at Susan's there is power to find and grow as people. Esprit brings the intensity and immediacy of us as worthy and valuable people into full illumination.

Three weeks ago I was sober, sad, and vomiting in a parking lot, hoping that I might die.  Today I have tapped into an unexpected source of joy that is affirming and healing.  The willingness of the people on this forum to listen to me, and give me guidance and encouragement gives me power to continue, faith that it will be ok in the end, and confidence in my abilities as a human becoming.  This event has me supercharged.  I am a girl.  I am beautiful and I am loved.

Today there are a couple of more seminars that I want to check out.  Tonight is the Gala, with music and dancing.  I'll let you know how it goes.  I wish with all my heart you all were here.

Julie

I am at dinner on Saturday evening,  this morning began, as every morning begins,  with coffee for the new girls.  Today we voted as to who provided the most inspirational message.  They chose me.  I wept, and talked for a minute about power.  Today I am powerful and empowered.  I know of no other venue where trans people can come come filled with uncertainty and fear and in the space of a week feel filled with possibility, and loved.  Lunch was provided with speakers from the political sphere, there is movement here, things are changing,  it is getting better.

This afternoon those of us who are newbies graduated and we're given our butterfly pins.  They are beautiful, I am grateful.
Peggy Plack has just begun the evening program.  I think I will laugh a lot.

love to you all

Julie

I visited the Esprit site earlier today and it looks so wonderful! I wish we had something like that here. I would so love to attend it one of these days, but I now I will probably never get the chance. I am so glad you are having a good time. :)

Never say never.  Amazing things happen when you believe.

Quote from: JulieBlair on May 17, 2014, 10:43:07 PM
Never say never.  Amazing things happen when you believe.

Two word "Firefighter Pension". *giggle* I will never get to go. I will live vicariously through you though if that is OK? :)

Quote from: justpat on May 17, 2014, 11:24:21 PM
  Next year,and I already have a big sister !

You and Julie in the same place! Lord help that community! ;D *giggle*

Jessica,
Apply for a scholarship, we can all share a room at the hotel. It need not cost a lot.  Magic happens.
Julie

Quote from: justpat on May 17, 2014, 11:44:19 PM
    Larry Curly & Moe the world would never be the same.

*giggles* ;D Darn it, now I am thinking of applying for a scholarship. Think they would ever let the three of us attend at the same time EVER again? ;D

Wow, I am pretty close to exhausted.  It has been six days of living, six days of acceptance, six days of personal growth.  I have laughed, cried, made lasting friends, held hands with people I have come to love a great deal.  Some are dancing the night away and then having a slumber party to keep the spirit alive for one more night.

I am hoarse, and just too tired.  We will wrap up tomorrow morning with brunch, but in a larger sense there will be no ending.  Something intangible has happened, something completing and reassuring.

Many, if not the majority of the people here this week are not taking hormones, neither are they living as women full time.  For some this is their first time dressing in daylight and in public.  Some fraction of these will go on to transition.  Some will continue to express femininity as they need to and when they can.  All of us realize that this community is special. 

Port Angeles is a mill town. Lumber, paper, logging are the principal industries.  Somehow the trans community - my community, has been embraced for at least this week every year.  We are respectful and are respected in return.  Of the thousands of interaction in the bars and shops there were two instances where girls were accosted and made to feel uncomfortable.  I was never made to feel unwelcome.

Everyone was read, even some stunning young women who would pass easily at any other time.  We were all greeted with kindness. This morning I went to a 7:00  am AA meeting.  There were fifty or so people there, two left.  I am sorry they did not feel comfortable.  The rest embraced me, and seemed happy to have someone to share new stories and perspectives.

I know I have glossed over the specifics of the course work.  I haven't touched the local business who set up shop in the hotel for us, for this week.  Nails, hair, jewelers, a clothing exchange, even a hatter was there and happy to spend time and energy teaching, training, making us pretty.

My purpose here was not to detail the entire event, but to explore how this felt.  Mostly I think, so that I remember.  I am beautiful.  I am beautiful because a community made a choice to embrace tolerance.  I am beautiful because a gathering of people chose to risk much to learn and grow.  I am beautiful because tonight I feel beautiful. 

I think that from humble beginnings and in small ways the world is changing.  At least a piece of the world in the northwest corner of the United States.  To this place came people from Canada, England, Iran, and many states.  Some for the first time, most as an annual pilgrimage.  That I was given the gift of participating is something I will be forever grateful for. 

It is my hope that if not here, then somewhere, all who question their identity will find such a place and such a time.  I am tired and I am in love.

Agape is the description of what I feel and what I have been shown.  Good Night and Pleasant Dreams.

Julie

Sleep tight Sis! Hope your travels are safe. :-*

Sounds like a great week Julie - thanks for sharing! I'll be interested to hear how it effects things for you once you're back in the unreal world. :)

I had thought about being there in Port Angeles this year, but I had found other obligations for this past week, but next year may get me there. 

Not to steal Julie's moment here, but there are other Conferences for TG people throughout the U.S. and even on a few other continents.  Each one has its own distinct personality, but the others I have been to share qualities that Julie has wonderfully described.  At each one, the dignity of the individual is honored and celebrated.  They are safe havens where all can speak and be heard without judgment.  Unlike the internet here, people are no longer faceless, represented only by avatars. A smile and peace that are seen in real life give us a better idea of character and humanity.  Superiority in those circumstances dissolves, and a goal of helpfulness and inclusion by older to newer TG folks replaces it.  The high, the peace and feeling of self worth and acceptance that Julie is feeling in PA is something all of us should try and find one time in our lives.

Esprit is not the only Conference that has scholarships, so look at one near you and ask if you need that help, it will be given.  At every conference I have been to, I have budgeted a bit of my overall funds as a donation to their scholarship funds as I am able.  Being in a group of hundreds of people like you is over the moon!!

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on May 17, 2014, 11:26:38 PM
You and Julie in the same place! Lord help that community! ;D *giggle*

I'm in for next year for sure...  ;D ;D ;D, Start saving up Jessica... Between you, Julie and myself, we'd put Larry, Mo and Curly to shame... Woop, Woop, Woop!

Sounds like you have had a wonderful time Julie. I really wish I could have attended. I would have been in heaven, even for just a shout period of time.  :) Take care of yourself on your journey home and be careful.

Much Love
Veronica

Thank you so much for sharing your stories, Julie. I've only known you a short while, but I can say with certainty that you are right – you are beautiful. Looking forward to hearing more about your trip at some point in the future.

And speaking of beautiful, may I just say, Grace, you look fantastic in your new profile picture. Really. Just stunning.

Hope everyone is having a great Sunday. Be well. ;)

Cheers,
Tegan

First off, Teg is right.  Grace, you look wonderful!  If this is how being full time makes you look, then there may be hope for me yet.  Yes, there are many many conferences where the trans community gets together to learn and to share.  This  is the one that is closest to me and that was available me.  I hope another time to go to Atlanta, or maybe Sidney but this is my experience at this time, in this place. 

I was up early this morning, I so much did not want this experience to end.  I got to the hotel a couple of hours before the closing brunch.  There were others milling about as well, we had impromptu discussions about our shared experience. There were many tears, and many smiles.

I have said it before, I love these people, they have taught me much of acceptance,  and much of courage in the brief space of one hundred and sixty hours.  The conference raised over six thousand dollars for the scholarship fund and the local Hospice center.

I was an award winner, and given an opportunity to speak.  I've already written in these posts most of what I said, but I concluded with these words.   "My name is Julie Anne Blair.  I live in Seattle Washington.  I am a girl!"

This is my take away.  This is my truth.  I need make no apology, I do not fear any consequences.   I choose authenticity,  and I choose life.  I am at the beginning, and at the end, a woman.  Beautiful, generous, proud and thankful.

Love to you all.

Julie

That got me a little emotional Julie! You rock girl.  :)

Jessica, so do you, so do you

I keep eating these highly addictive Nacho Cheese Doritos and you will have to start saying "You ROLL girl"! :)

Do you have any idea how bad for you those things are? Move away from the bag and call for the disposal unit.   :laugh:
j

Quote from: JulieBlair on May 18, 2014, 07:36:44 PM
Do you have any idea how bad for you those things are?

I know, but so are men! What am I going to do now? ;D ARGH! World collapsing down around me! :D

Hi Julie, et. al.;

This is another Julie. I just signed up on this site and am newly returned from the same Esprit. I am Julie's counterpart at the conference - the other Julie, another first timer. Julie has inspired me through this week and I was so glad she got the award for the most inspirational, she had my vote.

I think everyone's Esprit experience is a bit different, unique to themselves and their own experience. For me some of the week was absolutely magical, but some left me feeling utterly lost - I'm trying to figure out why. I can't wait for my next therapy session. I cried so much the hotel staff must have had to replace the empty Kleenex container so many times, I'm sure I got my money's worth from the hotel!

This is my first post here, so I'll try to read some older one's and get to know you all.

Julie Hall

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on May 18, 2014, 05:48:02 PM
That got me a little emotional Julie! You rock girl.  :)

I second that for sure... Very well stated...

Hi Miss Julie,   glad you got home safely.  What was your take on the week?  You grew so much, what did you discover?

j

Quote from: JulieBlair on May 18, 2014, 05:45:21 PM
First off, Teg is right.  Grace, you look wonderful!  If this is how being full time makes you look, then there may be hope for me yet.  Yes, there are many many conferences where the trans community gets together to learn and to share.  This  is the one that is closest to me and that was available me.  I hope another time to go to Atlanta, or maybe Sidney but this is my experience at this time, in this place. 

I was up early this morning, I so much did not want this experience to end.  I got to the hotel a couple of hours before the closing brunch.  There were others milling about as well, we had impromptu discussions about our shared experience. There were many tears, and many smiles.

I have said it before, I love these people, they have taught me much of acceptance,  and much of courage in the brief space of one hundred and sixty hours.  The conference raised over six thousand dollars for the scholarship fund and the local Hospice center.

I was an award winner, and given an opportunity to speak.  I've already written in these posts most of what I said, but I concluded with these words.   "My name is Julie Anne Blair.  I live in Seattle Washington.  I am a girl!"

This is my take away.  This is my truth.  I need make no apology, I do not fear any consequences.   I choose authenticity,  and I choose life.  I am at the beginning, and at the end, a woman.  Beautiful, generous, proud and thankful.

Love to you all.

Julie

First off, of course I'm right- I'm Tegan. ;)

Second, Julie, you're my hero, plain and simple. Your positivity, openness, and generally loving nature are a continuing well of inspiration for myself and all the other folks here. Thank you.

Cheers,
Teg

Quote from: justpat on May 17, 2014, 11:24:21 PM
  Next year,and I already have a big sister ! Am on the web page now and even seen a couple of people I recognized.Later  :)  Patty

I'm wondering if this is similar to the Pride Fest we went to  Pat, but mostly for we trans folk? I'll have to try and find the website and see. Maybe someone could post a link to it? I'd like to learn more about it.

Thanks

Ally :icon_flower:

Quote from: JulieBlair on May 18, 2014, 10:02:55 PM
Hi Miss Julie,   glad you got home safely.  What was your take on the week?  You grew so much, what did you discover?

j

Hi Julie (now this is getting monotonous!),

I went to pick up my kitty from my mothers and finally had my epiphany for the week. This is how I described it:
"I am home now, Esprit is over, I picked up my kitty at my mother's and brought her home. While at my mother's, taking out her trash and old cat litter it occurred to me that I had a bounce to my step. I stopped, restarted and there it was again. What could it be? It occurred to me that when presenting female I bounce when I walk.....I laugh easier, lighter and giggle infectiously. I like that. I like me when I am like that. He wouldn't bounce. His laughter would be derived from "snark" and sarcasm. Now there is nothing wrong with either "snark" nor sarcasm - in moderation they are marvelous tools for easing situations, but there is usually less heart in them. Once the sarcasm ends there is silence....sullen depression and tears. Always hiding, protecting and.......isolation. nothing.....empty

I want giggles.

I want bounce.

I want bubbly infectious laughter. That is what I told my mother today."

I also emailed my shrink....we will have a long discussion coming up next session!

Julie Hall

Cool Beans Girl!

What do you say we set a date and go play in the daylight and maybe have lunch?

Julie

Hi everyone,
I've had twenty-four hours back in the not so real world.  Sadly it isn't as colorful, but I wanted to make one final reflection on this experience.

There is a lot of chatter about how inclusive we are, or how inclusive we ought to be as transgender people.  Many of the girls I spent last week with are part time, and neither changing their body chemistry, nor doing a whole lot of body hair management.  Are these women trans?  I wasn't sure before, but I am now.

I think that to participate in the transgender community there cannot be any rules.  I frankly do not care if the chances of us passing in public are nil.  If you feel in your heart that at the core you have a feminine soul, I will walk with you and listen to your story.  If you are a woman, girl, cis or trans, you are worthy of love, and ought to be embraced by all of us.  I know that many, maybe most girls here who readily pass, only want to just live their lives authentically.  No harm, no foul.  I hope that if we meet, you will be neither embarrassed nor shy.

The message beyond my personal epiphanies that this conference made very clear to me, is that if we say we are women, we are women.  It isn't the packaging that matters at all, it is the spontaneity of spirit, and the expression of the soul.  This is true everywhere, but especially here.  Together we are powerful and beautiful.  By myself I am a small animal in a very big world.

A lot of what I posted from this event was pretty brief and a bit syntax constrained.  I did it from my phone, and often at very odd hours.  I don't want to edit now that I can because I don't wish to change the meaning at all.  If you find anything useful here, cool.  I do not ever want to lose what I found last week.  There was a time, when I felt lonely and afraid every day of my life.  That has changed, I am empowered and I don't ever want to forget that I have that inner resource available.  I am loved and I don't ever want to feel the desolation that abject loneliness brings again.  Both of these mean that I must stay available and connected.  Life will bring what it will, and I promise to try to respond with generosity, and forgiveness.  I know that there is a place where I fit in, and that place is wherever I choose to go.  You guys have my back now and always.  I hope you know that I have yours too.  In my finish to this wonderful and amazing week down the rabbit hole to wonderland there is only one thing to iterate.

My Name Is Julie Anne Blair!

I Live In Seattle Washington!

I Am A Girl!!!

Love you all,
Julie

Quote from: Sincerely Tegan on May 18, 2014, 10:56:45 PM

Second, Julie, you're my hero, plain and simple. Your positivity, openness, and generally loving nature are a continuing well of inspiration for myself and all the other folks here. Thank you.

Teg, I love you too, When I need inspiration I read your writing.  When I am unsure, yours are among the images I picture when trying to decide what to do.  You are special to me little sister.  I'm glad that I am special to you.

Love,
Julie

Quote from: JulieBlair on May 19, 2014, 08:41:17 AM
Cool Beans Girl!

What do you say we set a date and go play in the daylight and maybe have lunch?

Julie

Absolutely! Sundays I spend with my mother, so what about a Saturday? I am free pretty much all of them! LOL I'm not sure where you'd like to meet, I am not all that familiar with Seattle and North, but the city center I can find pretty much everything. Someplace around Westlake? You let me know exactly time and place - I will bring moi!

BTW - I have begun letting select people at work know. So far (okay 4 people) everyone has been so extremely supportive!
Julie H.

Julie,
I really, really have to work in my yard this weekend, so how about next?  How about Saturday the Seventh of June, meet you at the market?

j

Julie thanks for the link. I think this would be a great experience to attend. My only problem is I live in Florida all the way across country from where it is. I'd have to figure out some travel arrangements for next year.

Ally :icon_flower:

Hook up with Patty, I think she is planning to come.
j

Quote from: JulieBlair on May 19, 2014, 09:09:16 AM
I think that to participate in the transgender community there cannot be any rules.  I frankly do not care if the chances of us passing in public are nil.  If you feel in your heart that at the core you have a feminine soul, I will walk with you and listen to your story.  If you are a woman, girl, cis or trans, you are worthy of love, and ought to be embraced by all of us.  I know that many, maybe most girls here who readily pass, only want to just live their lives authentically.  No harm, no foul.  I hope that if we meet, you will be neither embarrassed nor shy.

I am sitting here crying my eyes out Julie! They are happy tears though. If only everyone had this idea our lives would be so enriched. You are a definite inspiration for everyone here to follow. Thank you for making me a part of your world and life. Love you Sis!  :)

Quote from: JulieBlair on May 20, 2014, 02:15:51 PM
Hook up with Patty, I think she is planning to come.
j

yea Pat & I are good friends, she and her SO are my best friends actually. I'll see what she says next time I talk to her which should be soon.

Ally :icon_flower:

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on May 20, 2014, 04:06:58 PM
I am sitting here crying my eyes out Julie! They are happy tears though. If only everyone had this idea our lives would be so enriched. You are a definite inspiration for everyone here to follow. Thank you for making me a part of your world and life. Love you Sis!  :)

I love you too.  You change lives mine included with the work you do here.  If I was wearing a hat, I'd tip it.   :)  Now how are we going to get you up here for next year?
j

Quote from: JulieBlair on May 21, 2014, 09:05:04 AM
Now how are we going to get you up here for next year?

I want to come so bad Julie, but even if I got a scholarship it just doesn't look possible.  :(

With myself it will depend on my refinance amount, and a few other things as to whether or not I can make it next year. I really want to so, we'll see what happens between now and then.

Ally :icon_flower: