Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Yes, I'm breaking down and asking for help with hair again. I now know what I want to do with it (an idea anyway) that I know will work, so at least there's that, but in the meantime, it's not cooperating and looks dumb.
Here's the problem: my hair poof out over my ears and curls out at the bottom. To give you an idea, here's picture of someone with hair that does what mine does: (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg2.wikia.nocookie.net%2F__cb20120227235143%2Fbleach%2Fen%2Fimages%2Fc%2Fc5%2FEp320_Rukia_Mugshot.png&hash=bc7d9ec27e553cd72bddf8559bcd190776949ae1)

Looks pretty dumb right? Especially since I'm a guy. Straightening it doesn't help. I may be able to have alright looking hair for a few minutes after straightening it, but I'd still have the ends curl out and the poofy bit over my ears comes back as soon as anything makes my hair move.
So for those of who who know something about making hair cooperate, care to share some knowledge? Please and thank you.

(Before anyone says, "But in your pictures, your hair looks fine," I just want to point out that those pictures were taken on particularly good hair days seconds after I had fussed with it for longer than it was worth.)
Also, if there are any tips for how to make hair this length look more masculine that would be appreciated AFTER I get tips on how to make my hair to stop looking stupid.

Sorry for the late reply ( I was hoping someone would give you better advice then this).  Having hair like yours, (not only would it curl out at the bottom but most times in the same direction grr) I was usually stuck with two choices. Cut short so the hair couldn't curl. Or tie it back while I attempt to grow it longer.

Even today mine can be a problem to straighten at the ends completely,  I was told that it was a weight issue with the hair being lighter at the ends then it is closer to the scalp.

Sorry if it's not the answer you are looking for

Well Edge, I hate to say it but it sounds like yours is exactly like mine. Long it looks good and short it looks good but I hate it short and anything in between is extrememly unmanagable and awkward. I have tried flat irons and it lasts for maybe five minutes until the humidity works on it. I tried using a chemical relaxer once and that didn't even work with the results I wanted which was smooth and sleek but ended up waving in even more awkward angles. Too afraid to damage my hair to try it again. I just let it do what it wanted to do and finally it's long enough that it actually looks pretty good now. It still looks unruly but a good kind of unruly. Hoe that helps a little.

Lots of hair gel and brushed straight back like Jax in Sons of Anarchy.I did this while growing out my hair from a long DA

lol Thanks, immortalgypsy and Jess. Yeah, that would be my hair in a nut shell. It will look fine once it grows out.
Thanks for the suggestion, kim. Unfortunately, my hair also refuses to stay back no matter how much gel I put in it.

Quote from: Edge on May 20, 2014, 10:59:44 PM
lol Thanks, immortalgypsy and Jess. Yeah, that would be my hair in a nut shell. It will look fine once it grows out.
Thanks for the suggestion, kim. Unfortunately, my hair also refuses to stay back no matter how much gel I put in it.

Yeah I kind of figured Edge, cause your problem is the exact same problem I had letting mine grow. I gave up and all I would do is wash it, condition it, use frizz serum and gel. When the gel would dry just rough it up a little and let it do it's thing so it wouldn't look stiff and more natural without being frizzy. The frizz is definately the worst part. If you have the patience all those unruly flips and dipsy doodles will eventually grow into curls. It will still be unruly but it will look good.

Oh I know. I used to have long hair. Mine doesn't grow into curls though. It's more wavy/curly/doesn't know what it wants to do. I'm ok with that.

Quote from: Edge on May 21, 2014, 09:11:44 AM
Oh I know. I used to have long hair. Mine doesn't grow into curls though. It's more wavy/curly/doesn't know what it wants to do. I'm ok with that.

Well, I use the word curls very loosly. Mine is curly in one place, wavy in another and just plain messed up in other places. When it hit theat magical length though I wouldn't trade it for the straightest sleekest hair in the world. Very little work, no hairspray, no combing or brushing other than with my fingers, no static when the air is dry and when its windy, just smooth it down with my hands and I am good to go.

Sounds like my hair as well...When it was short, everyone loved it, said I had the best, darkest hair they had ever seen. Now that it has grown a few inches it is a mess :(  . The hair on one side near my ear will twirl around itself and the other side just likes to stick out. The hairs in the back, near the bottom of my neck and upper back area, like to curl up and basically make a lower case l or u. Last Monday had my hair looking nice imo, went to work; 2 hours later it started to rain like a mofo for the rest of the day and it looked like I had an afro...

Grrrrrrr hair! Keeps getting me in trouble at work as well. Can't go on vacation till I get it cut, they said, but that's not gonna happen..I would love to be able to make it look nice and keep it that way, hope one day I can.

Quote from: LivingTheDream on May 21, 2014, 02:17:34 PM
Grrrrrrr hair! Keeps getting me in trouble at work as well. Can't go on vacation till I get it cut, they said, but that's not gonna happen..I would love to be able to make it look nice and keep it that way, hope one day I can.

Yep, had that same problem when I would work normal jobs when I was just out of highschool, actually could have gotten in really gotten in really big trouble. Got fired though instead of arrested. People really don't like being slapped especially backhanded when they give you enough crap that you just can't take anymore. Especially back handed from a 130 pound "sissy" or pretty boy.

Holding your vacation hostage until you get a haircut? Is that even legal or ethical. God it really does seem the more things change the more they stay the same.

"Derails thread, Sorry"

Well, its complicated at work. I've been there for like 11 years but really I should've quit long ago; it's a ->-bleeped-<-ty low paying job. I stay cuz I'm comfortable there and can get away with lotsa ->-bleeped-<-  >:-) and never found enough motivation to look for another place, and the process of doing that and starting over somewhere new is terrifying to me. Been saying for years I was gonna quit but gonna start looking sometime in June for a new place, hopefully one that pays better (can't imagine many that don't lol).

In some ways, people there are kinda "family" like. I'm not really friends with anyone there but after working there for so long with some of the same people, idk there's just sort of a "connection" I feel. My one boss is part bitch and part motherly to me. She's called me her "son" and "husband" before (yuck). When I was feeling really down in March, semi-suicidal, and needed someone to talk to, I asked her and she listened and tried to help. She recently helped me with the new insurance crap and finding me a place to move to. I been thinking bout coming out to her, kept me up a few nights recently thinking about it actually, to explain things since I'm sick of this crap, so that may happen soon, we'll see. Hoping that if/when I do that, she'd be more understanding and perhaps even help me out with things if she's ok with it??

I definitely have a love/hate type relationship with her. I've told her that it was bs that she wouldn't let me go on vacation, I'd only have to take off two days of work ffs. I could even prolly get it covered by someone else; if it was anyone else she'd have no problem with it.

I highly doubt that they would fire me because of it because I do too much for her lol, I'm her bitch at work. Sure they could find someone to do my job but do it as well as me and do all the extra things I do, that'd be very unlikely imo. I give them plenty of reasons to fire me as it is cuz frankly, I don't really care, but they don't cuz I'm too awesome...

"End derail, sorry again"

On the subject of long hair, but a bit of a derailment, I just realized... What do guys tie their hair back with that doesn't look girly and doesn't break? (Not that there's anything wrong with girly. It's just not my aesthetic.) Elastics have a history of getting inescapably tangled (and painful tearing out knots of hair) and/or breaking, but I don't know what else to tie my hair back with.

Rubber bands are the worst! Cloth covered hair ties work much better, still some entanglement but not even close to the amount of damage.

I've never used rubber bands, but I can imagine. Hair elastics are meant for hair and they're bad enough. Know where I can find cloth covered hair ties that are more masculine?

Not sure really, I have a few plain black ones and haven't found any since. I don't think they would be hard to make though. A regular hair elastic and some black cloth. It looks kind of like a scrunchie when it isn't in use but looks like a black hair tie when you do use it. The cloth feels like t shirt material. I'm guessing so that it has some stretch to it.

USE a standard hair tie in black?

And FYI my hair is exact same as the pic :/ i think its just what hair does let by its self.

Quote from: ButterflyVickster on May 23, 2014, 03:27:24 PM
USE a standard hair tie in black?

And FYI my hair is exact same as the pic :/ i think its just what hair does let by its self.

These have a cloth cover on that slides, not just a standard hair tie.

Quote from: Edge on May 23, 2014, 03:03:05 PM
I've never used rubber bands, but I can imagine. Hair elastics are meant for hair and they're bad enough. Know where I can find cloth covered hair ties that are more masculine?

Never use rubberbands for sure. Just a plain black elastic ponytail holder or any color really, other than pink of course. Get a pretty thick one and it shouldn't knot your hair. Also the smaller they are the less you have to pull your hair into them and that also helps from gettng knotted.

You should be able to find them at any store.

So I edited more than the image. But this Is what I was referring to by a "standard hair tie." Over here this is what most guys use. But I think you would call this a hair elastic, but its covered in cotton a bit like a short elasticated shoe lace conected at the ends.


(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Frs1060.pbsrc.com%2Falbums%2Ft449%2FVictoriaTownsend87%2FMobile%2520Uploads%2FIMG-20140523-00378_zps8c28ac13.jpg%7E320x480&hash=ec1c351e827f7db15f93b10f241dfddadf94166d).

Ok, I'll keep an eye out for smaller, thicker hair elastics. Thanks, everyone.

Quote from: ButterflyVickster on May 23, 2014, 03:36:21 PM
So I edited more than the image. But this Is what I was referring to by a "standard hair tie." Over here this is what most guys use. But I think you would call this a hair elastic, but its covered in cotton a bit like a short elasticated shoe lace connected at the ends.

That is what I meant by hair tie, now cover it in a loose sheath of cloth and you have what I was saying I use.

Quote from: LordKAT on May 23, 2014, 07:13:16 PM
That is what I meant by hair tie, now cover it in a loose sheath of cloth and you have what I was saying I use.

That sound like a scrunchy?

If your read what I wrote, I said it looks a bit like a scrunchie.

Quote from: Edge on May 23, 2014, 04:46:23 PM
Ok, I'll keep an eye out for smaller, thicker hair elastics. Thanks, everyone.

Edge, you might run ito the same problems I have at the moment. If I wear a femme ponytail high up all of my hair fits. If I try to wear one like a guy, really low in the neckline, all of the hair don't fit and I end up looking more femme than a higher ponytail. If I can put my first three fingers in the ponytail holder, I usually have to only pull my hair through it twice. If I can fit the whole thing over my hand, then I have to pull the hair through several times and that leaves a lot of room for all of the hair not going though and then breaking when I remove it.

BTW, that is still one heck of a kick @ss avatar. If that is you, wow, talk about dark. I like it though.

Quote from: Jess42 on May 24, 2014, 11:05:26 AM
Edge, you might run ito the same problems I have at the moment. If I wear a femme ponytail high up all of my hair fits. If I try to wear one like a guy, really low in the neckline, all of the hair don't fit and I end up looking more femme than a higher ponytail.

Not all my hair fits yet, but I already look pretty femme. It can't really be helped. I just want to tie it back in situations where it could get in the way. Like in the lab for instance.

Quote from: Jess42 on May 24, 2014, 11:05:26 AMIf I can put my first three fingers in the ponytail holder, I usually have to only pull my hair through it twice. If I can fit the whole thing over my hand, then I have to pull the hair through several times and that leaves a lot of room for all of the hair not going though and then breaking when I remove it.

Good rule. Mine used to break all the time when I was younger. Usually taking knots of hair with them.

Quote from: Jess42 on May 24, 2014, 11:05:26 AMBTW, that is still one heck of a kick @ss avatar. If that is you, wow, talk about dark. I like it though.

Thanks. Unfortunately, that is not me. That is, however, similar to how I see myself.

Quote from: Edge on May 24, 2014, 12:50:06 PM
Thanks. Unfortunately, that is not me. That is, however, similar to how I see myself.

Well, you or not regardless I love that look. I may be M2F but love the freakin' dark. I may be M2F male but am definately more leather than lace. Still like lace though so don't tell anyone, OK. ;D

Quote from: Jess42 on May 24, 2014, 12:59:15 PM
Well, you or not regardless I love that look. I may be M2F but love the freakin' dark. I may be M2F male but am definately more leather than lace. Still like lace though so don't tell anyone, OK. ;D

Leather and lace can be a cool combination.

Quote from: Edge on May 24, 2014, 01:06:15 PM
Leather and lace can be a cool combination.

Oh yeah, dainty and innocense meets experienced wild insanity. I love it.

I need more hair advice and figured I should put it in the same thread.

Right now, I quite like my hair despite it's misbehaving (which is less than it usually does due to the length weighing it down a bit). Also, as bonus, a couple of my friends apparently think it's "super hot."
Exhibit A (although it's about an inch longer now):
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi344.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fp328%2FMercyJero%2FPhotoon2014-05-10at1153.jpg&hash=3a027116a5a7e12d24e56055b6577af5f7af1533)

However, in a couple weeks, I plan on cosplaying a character which shorter hair.
Exhibit B:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Famd.c.yimg.jp%2Fim_sigg.4yiWWmADobQHMYxAX9pwQ---x153-y200-q90%2Famd%2F20140422-00000329-oric-000-1-view.jpg&hash=6fda23be91ee2c332e7dd1978541f0a768f9f491)

I could wear a wig, but the only one I have access to that would fit sticks up in odd places and falls in a way that is incongruent with the character even if it is the right cut. I don't know how to style wigs. Also, my hair is too long to fit under it and keeps poking out. In short, it looks really bad. (I am not posting a picture of it. It's seriously bad and I'm vain.)
Or I could cut my hair like that and straighten it. The problem is, that length tends to look really bad on me. Imagine hair with large waves in it and then imagine it's cut short enough so that it's only one conflex wave. It looks really stupid and I don't know how to make it not look stupid. Not to mention, I don't like the idea of having bangs like that. It seems far too emo for me (the character is not emo, but the haircut kinda is). It would take me awhile to regrow it and I like what my hair looks like now.
Right now, the only thing that would make cutting my hair worth it for me is if I am somehow able to style it like the Joker from the new 52 or my avatar. However, I have no idea how to style my hair like that. Or how to style it all when it's that length. Or if it is at all possible to style it like that if I cut it like in exhibit B.
Exhibit C:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F1-media-cdn.foolz.us%2Fffuuka%2Fboard%2Fco%2Fthumb%2F1354%2F91%2F1354913904809s.jpg&hash=8eaadbdd74d5b153567f7c38c03a4cf110b895ca)

So this seems like a no win situation for me and I am getting very frustrated. Help would be much appreciated.

I only have a couple weeks to figure this out and I am getting VERY frustrated. If someone could please help, that would much appreciated.

This is prolly crummy advice but I will say it anyways...

How bout you bring your wig with you to the barbers? with that picture and ask them to help you out? They might be able to help you out and style it like you want it. They could then also give you maybe a little trim if you need it to hide your hair. Idk, I guess that is what I would do in your situation.

If your current one don't work, what about buying a cheap, different one that may work better?

My hair stuck out in the exact same way when it was that length. I don't know how obvious it is from my avatar pic, but the edges curl up something fierce. The rest of the hair becomes wavy till it gets to the ends and then it wants to curl and tangle on everything.

I think you should look for a product by Scunci, No Damage flat elastics. The 6mm thickness is best for me, and it has no metal part and since it is flat not round it seems to solve the tangle issue largely. There is a prodcut that holds tighter called a no slip ponytailer also by Scunci but, those are more expensive and I find I don't need the extra hold. You should be able to find them at walmart.

I use the large fabric type far more often myself, but the flat ones never damaged my hair, I just like the look of the large fabric covered hair ties.

If you are trying to grow it longer I would definately wear a hairpiece to pay that character. I don't know where you live but if you live in a big enough city you should be able to find a fairly high end costume store that you could buy one from. Or maybe go to a professional wig shop. They should have something that looks similar and provide sound advice on how to hide your real hair the best.


You think your hair is misbehaving in that pic, you ain't seen mine. It's about 4 or more inches past my shoulders and still acts up. If its really windy I end up looking like Medusa.

Quote from: Jess42 on June 12, 2014, 07:31:26 AMIf you are trying to grow it longer I would definately wear a hairpiece to pay that character. I don't know where you live but if you live in a big enough city you should be able to find a fairly high end costume store that you could buy one from. Or maybe go to a professional wig shop. They should have something that looks similar and provide sound advice on how to hide your real hair the best.

That's not an option.

Quote from: Jess42 on June 12, 2014, 07:31:26 AMYou think your hair is misbehaving in that pic, you ain't seen mine. It's about 4 or more inches past my shoulders and still acts up. If its really windy I end up looking like Medusa.

lol Not in that pic. I don't take pictures of when my hair looks like crap. That was a few seconds after spending far too long straightening it and a few seconds before it starting curling in it's crappy ways.

Quote from: Edge on June 12, 2014, 09:43:22 AM
That's not an option.
lol Not in that pic. I don't take pictures of when my hair looks like crap. That was a few seconds after spending far too long straightening it and a few seconds before it starting curling in it's crappy ways.

Well it was worth a thought anyway.

Since it sounds like you really don't want to cut it, just try your best to make it look similar to the character. Personally I wouldn't cut it 'cause I like long hair and the longer the hair the less messy it seems to be. I would just try to get it to look as close as possible to the character and if it is a little longer, no big deal.

Quote from you Edge.
"Or I could cut my hair like that and straighten it. The problem is, that length tends to look really bad on me. Imagine hair with large waves in it and then imagine it's cut short enough so that it's only one conflex wave. It looks really stupid and I don't know how to make it not look stupid."

I don't have to imagine because mine is the same and those freakin' waves kill me. Now they are loose curls but getting enough length to make those waves go away and turn into loose curls seemed to take forever. There is absolutely nothing you can do with those waves. I think I tried everything and nothing worked for me, not even chemical strighteners. For me its either short or long 'cause anything in between is compleately unmanigable.

I asked one of cosplay friends who's been doing it longer than me and who also has long hair that she wears with a wig and she said it's ok if I just forget about the hair. If anyone has a problem with it, I'll point out that my hair is awesome. ;D

Quote from: Edge on June 12, 2014, 11:08:57 AM
I asked one of cosplay friends who's been doing it longer than me and who also has long hair that she wears with a wig and she said it's ok if I just forget about the hair. If anyone has a problem with it, I'll point out that my hair is awesome. ;D

Exactly. After you point that out to them you then can tell them where to go and what to do when they get there with the horse they rode in on. ;)