Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Generally when I meet people at some point they either figure out I'm trans (my voice does crack down from time to time) or I just flat out tell them.  I even entertain a few--not to personal mind you--questions.  I feel, somehow deep inside, that if I can have that person walk away from me thinking I'm an alright gal (Instead of the freaks that Hollywood and Pornography makes us out to be, oh and when Hollywood does it, they usually use natal women to do it) that I'm somehow putting a small hole in the ignorance surrounding transwomen.

I guess my question to you girls is, do you sometimes feel, I dunno obligated, required, or an inexplicable need, to show people your best so they can maybe spread that good experience onto others?

I mean, sure I could be a bitter girl about things, but I never really saw the value in that.  Sure I get the "Holy cow you are a guy?" comments, but weigh those comments against the damage it does to transfolks if I act out like I've no sense, is it worth it over momentary discomfort?

I think a lot of the taboo surrounding transfolks is good old fashioned ignorance.  If I can shine a light on just a small portion of that ignorance I feel that in some small way it benefits all transfolks.  The next time that individual runs into a transperson then perhaps they'll have a positive look on that person rather than a negative one.

I dunno, what's your thoughts?

-AM

Yes, in the sense that I identify as TG and non binary, that I am proud of this and wish people to understand who I am.  In the process I feel that I am educating many about our community, that gender is non binary, that gender is a social construct, that we have one chance to understand, accept and authentically express ourselves and that hrt, hair removal, ffs, presentation etc are all legitimate and useful means of addressing GD and expressing yourself.   This was a lot for me to accept and to understand so I share information in bite sized chunks with those who are important to me or with those who express an opinion or interest in gender and/or our community.

Aisla

The information provided to the public about our condition is shockingly awful.

The media gets it wrong nearly all the time. Academic coverage in secondary school is basically non-existent.

If we don't educate people, no one will.

No one.

The results of uneducated people are dire. Discrimination, problems with documentation, lack of acceptance, those all stem from people not understanding us.

So I seize EVERY opportunity to help people understand what we're about.

Chameleons don't make very good ambassadors...

I prefer the subtle approach.  Androgyny... er.... non-binary-ness is useful for desensitizing the general public about gender identity.

Quote from: suzifrommd on May 20, 2014, 08:38:12 AM
The information provided to the public about our condition is shockingly awful.

The media gets it wrong nearly all the time. Academic coverage in secondary school is basically non-existent.

If we don't educate people, no one will.

No one.

The results of uneducated people are dire. Discrimination, problems with documentation, lack of acceptance, those all stem from people not understanding us.

So I seize EVERY opportunity to help people understand what we're about.

This is so perfect, that anything I add is just redundant.  I am a trans woman, and since I'll never be stealth, I better be strong.  So I do my best to be non-defensive.  I've gotten some really off the wall questions.  Most people have little experience with us, and I am happy to share my experience with anyone who is interested.  What I know is my story; I'm not a therapist, nor am I a trans scholar, so I keep conversations confined to me and my journey.

We are at the vanguard for our sisters and brothers.  If I am not willing to be open things will not change.  That said, I hope some idiot doesn't kill me.  There is risk, sometimes a lot of it.  I am almost hyper aware of where I am, and who is around me, and I am not confrontational.  There are those who would harm us and whose minds we cannot change.  For me it is worth the possibility of pain.  I don't expect it, and I am a whole lot more circumspect that I have ever been in my life. 

If I had not transitioned, I would not have survived.  That is a truth for me.  Every girl who is abused or threatened because of who she is, a threat to my femininity.  I for one will do what I can, when I can, to further the acceptance of trans people,.  You are my community, and you are my friends.

Blessings,
Julie

A lot of people know I'm trans and I'm sure I'm fairly clockable, but no, I don't feel like an ambassador for our community. I don't talk with anyone irl about it, I don't like when people that aren't very close to me tries to ask a question, luckily that is very rare. I just try to get along in my life, treat people as I would like to be treated and leave it at that.

I don't like speaking for an entire community.  It's impossible to do, especially considering how diverse we all are.  All I can do is try to be the best person I can be.  As for trans issues and stuff, again, I can only speak for myself when I discuss my feelings.  Sure, many of us have some commonalities, but speaking as one can create stereotypes and generalizations that aren't always true.  It's like trying to speak up on behalf of America.  I can't do that.  I'm an American, but I have my own set of beliefs, views, and experiences that differ greatly from many others.  The idea of being an ambassador is very off putting for this reason.  It's easy to speak from within about the community about stuff, but trying to represent it or explain it to those outside is really not what I signed up for.  In fact, I try to do everything I can to distance myself from it for right or wrong.  I don't like being seen as trans at the end of the day because I know it comes with so much baggage that unfairly gets applied to me in an instant.  Not fair, though that's true of all other labels and groups.  Everyone comes with baggage and it will be seen differently depending on the person you encounter. 

I feel the same way as the OP, except i don't feel obligated as much as I feel a sense of pride that "yes, I am trans, and we are just as normal as you." kind of thing. In my entire life i've never really held any sort of pride in myself regardless of what I would accomplish, until i decided to transition ~ Now because I am happy and because I am proud of my decision to be myself and I say nay to all the gawkers and people who stare in disagreement while I walk with a nice big grin on my face hand in hand with my wife; when I meet curious people, i see it as a chance to open their eyes. I get asked a lot of questions (most of the time they are friendly) and sometimes the almost too obvious question that really bugs me is "are you gonna get the surgery?" or some variation of that question... sometimes they are even immature enough to say "so you gonna chop it off?!"... I try not to let it get to me but instead i explain that my transition isn't all about getting SRS... most of the time people don't understand because we live in a world where people are so use to being designated by their genitals, so people are too narrow-minded to think that genitals don't make gender.

I have very little patience for ignorance or stupidity, so I tend to avoid obnoxious people, but I'm not disinclined to people who are curious and want to know more out of sheer educational purposes. I have a friend who is going into medicine and he wanted to know EVERYTHING about my HRT regimen and what each dosage (supposedly) does. So its refreshing to see someone who is interested in pursuing not just medicine, but also has an interest in learning about transgender medicine as well.

But every now and then you run into the person who will ask questions, and just by the form of asking or the way they are expressing themselves, it becomes obvious that they lack the mental capacity to comprehend. I actually mentioned in another post on here about how I went to karaoke a few weeks ago, and as i was leaving there was this guy who recognized me from my male days and loudly and obnoxiously started saying "oh hey you dont remember me but i use to see you sing back when you were a dude!"... already i felt like ->-bleeped-<- just by hearing that because every day i feel im making more and more physical progress until someone points out "HEY YOU LOOK LIKE THE SAME DUDE I USE TO SEE!". But anyway, he continues on to say "yo no disrespect but you got a lot to do, you gotta get your titties done and (i kid you not, he literally said this) no more pee pee down there. I have a friend who actually has a sister, well, a brother but he calls her his sister and she showed me and some friends pictures of him and her together somewhere and I told him yo you shouldnt tell people thats your sister because he was born a guy, its not right." and then already after spewing this fountain of razorblade ignorance, he goes on to ask "i just gotta know, what is it that makes you wanna come dressed up like that."... i had already been so fed up with his crap that I said "its a complicated situation." i had to keep myself from saying "you don't have the intelligence to fully comprehend the situation."

He literally thought that by saying "yo yo no disrespect" before everything he said, it would change the fact that he was being incomprehensibly disrespectful, on top of outing me constantly and loudly in a place FULL of people and asking impossibly rude questions about my genitals.

Luckily my wife was there to kind of push us along to get the hell out of there and away from this guy, and he literally had the BALLS to give me a handshake and then tell me "nah don't give me that weak ->-bleeped-<-, shake my hand like a man."... I was so incredibly fuming inside that I was about to either purposely get my ass kicked or do everything I could to kick his ass. My wife slapped his hand out of the way and said "is that how you greet or say goodbye to all girls? Because then i dont want no kiss on the cheek, if you're gonna give her a handshake then you give me a handshake too, or you kiss her on the cheek." and of course he said AGAIN, "No disrespect but HELL F*** NO" and laughed like it was all a big joke. Seriously, its been a while since I was as angry as I was that night.

because of ass-hats like that, I feel its important to educate other people for the sake of anyone close they know to feel comfortable being themselves or simply for the sake of living in a world that can be less dangerous or have less ignorance in it that is aimed towards us. I do plan on maybe going stealth in the future just for public appearance and stuff like that just to see if I can (if i can manage to be that passable) but even if I end up looking totally cis, I will never deny being trans and I will never feel shame for being trans, so yes in a sense I do feel like one (of many) ambassadors to our community. Sometimes i feel like im the only transgirl in my small hispanic town, so i quite literally feel like the Ambassador of my specific area :P

Nope. Zero obligation. I never wanted to be a trans-world-ambassador or any such thing. Just a regular normal girl. I'm post everything and 100% stealth, so it may be different depending on your perspective... but even preop I never felt the urge either... just wanted to blend in... so YMMV.

No. I feel the obligation to be myself. If somebody has a question I answer with my experience and tell them other transgender people may have a different view. I'm in no way a representative of the T in any kind of way.

You never know what random people out there are going to think of transfolk.  Some will accept you, some won't, and some are actively hostile.  Since I don't read minds, I refuse to go around with a proverbial neon sign that says, "I'm a transsexual, ask me anything..."  If it comes up, fine, but if you don't notice me and I just get to go about my business without getting harassed, beaten or tossed in a ditch, all the better.

I don't mind, really. I am happy to entertain any and all questions on the behalf of educating the general public as much as possible.

Most of the time I like to poke around topics and see what kinds of misconceptions the person may have and lay clear distinctions between generalized media portrayal of trans* people. Lately the big one for me has been how drag culture intersects (probably as a result of Ru Paul). Sooo many people have no idea what the difference between male identified crossdresser and trans woman is.

Generally when a person refers to a trans woman they know as "he", I know there is some learning to be had. It all starts with getting them to use proper pronouns and explaining the general trans umbrella. I haven't spoken to a single person who hasn't been receptive to what I had to say. Then again, I do live in Los Angeles- I think the people here tend to be much more open minded to trans issues.

Quote from: Jill F on May 20, 2014, 01:41:39 PM
.....if you don't notice me and I just get to go about my business
without getting harassed, beaten or tossed in a ditch, all the better.

/\ my feelings /\

Perhaps "obligated" was too strong of a word.

-AM

Myself being 50 yrs old and into my trans journey about 3 months i am not bring up subject yet .But when time arises i am not going run out wave a sign .I think i will let people close to me start the subject so i can see there mind set .This will let me know which direction to go with it .(close friend guided me with that wisdom) .If coworker ask in constructive way i would give them the basics and few place to answer more of there questions .when i am In further in my journey if i was approached by group or hr at work i would help as long i could present positive and educational facts and my own life .(not close fact but good goals and challenges) All my trans life i plan to keep my family and friends safe and up to speed where its needed . But its my choice if and how i let any one in my circle ... The word stealth is not in my journey but that being said i do understand why some gals fade away ....I have no help for 20,s gals in trans issues but i have been 20,s in my life and can help with some of the speed bumps ..I look forward to help some grand gals with what i can (30,40,50) Just being somebody on the other side of the screen or phone make the journey easier and knowing your not only zonkey on PLANET ALONE ... If i can make anybody smile regardless what issues then i have had great day .I feel more alive than at any other time in my life (42 yrs was normal ??/) and share the Sara with the world .Have wonderful day AKA Sara 

Yes I do, all the time.

Its why I'm so open about being trans. I take every opertunaty to exsplain what its like to be me. And the failings off society that caused all the hardships along with it. I exsplain that I don't see men or woman. That I just see people with an almost infinate numbre of characteristics that are for the most part apllied with a gender.

I try and help them to understand this by showing them my, "pink blackberry" and asking them if its a boys phone or a girls phone. I ask them would it still be a girls phone if it belonged to a man? The answer is usually no it would be a mans phone. I say exacly, and a lot of characteristics in people have the oposit of this done to them.

Eg, if a man likes flowers and pinks and wants to wear dresses, these characteristics dont switch gender in the eyes of society like the phone does, and that the man himself becomes "girly" and is treated badly and tought to be ashemed of himself because of it.

I exsplain that I myself do the exact same thing with myself, and from my perspective the only thing "manly" about me is my body. I exsplain because of my body everything els about me struggles to show itself through fear of being victemised. So I need to change how I look to society in order for my behavours mannerismes, emotions, personality, likes, dislikes, hopes desires and dreams to be exspressed with less fear of being harmed, and antill society changes this needs to be done.

It helps when I point out that, I don't choose the clothes I wear, how I have my hair, to wear earings and heals because their girly. But choose to do them because Its things I like. And that its these things being labeled as girly things as to why as a person I'm treated with disteast, hate and violence. And I wish for nothing except to have been born femail because if I was I would never of been tret in such a way by society.

So yes, I always feel the need to exsplain my views and opinions concerning WHO I am as a person. Because I'm not a bad person and I need to show them I'm not like the image all the negative media paints about people under the catagory trans. I think we all want to do this in a way, because as human beings we are proud and nobody wants to be unfairly treated. But the biggest reason for doing this is because of the need some of us have for stealth. Its my hope that if anough of us show people what its realy like being trans, acceptence will come sooner and less people will need to hide.

I do get scared about this somtimes. I feel like maybe its going to my head, and I just want atention or to become a celebrety or somthing, and then I think about not doing it and going stealth. But I then think about that dream of wanting a world wear a boy can pic floweres without being treated like I was. And that for that society needs to change. In hopes I can in some way make life easeyer for a person growing up outside the norm, I need to be seen and heard as trans. Because nobody should have to go through what we go through. No body shpuld be made to feel so bad about things they like. Nobody should have to hide who they are, because of what they are seen as.

And I'm ok with that.

PS. I edited this twice because the first time I forgot to correct the mistake that prompted the editing.

Absolutely.  And I hope that my presentation and spirit shames those that have no clue and shoot their mouths off about stereotypes and creating prejudice.

Nobody should have to suffer what I did, and what we all did.  Let the truth come out, and genuine authenticity of who we are prevail.  Just living a truthful life will speak much more than anything we could ever say.

God Bless, love to all.

Nails out, hair down, heart open, and free at last.

Quote from: Satinjoy on May 22, 2014, 11:34:04 AM
Absolutely.  And I hope that my presentation and spirit shames those that have no clue and shoot their mouths off about stereotypes and creating prejudice.

Nobody should have to suffer what I did, and what we all did.  Let the truth come out, and genuine authenticity of who we are prevail.  Just living a truthful life will speak much more than anything we could ever say.

God Bless, love to all.

Nails out, hair down, heart open, and free at last.

Wow! SJ is that you?  I am so proud to know you, and to see you blossom before my very eyes.  You Rock Girl!
Love,
Julie

Authenticity and acceptance came from you girl.  It was the key to unlocking the truth, and the truth has set me free.  You did that.  That was you sharing your experience, stregnth and hope with your own authenticity, and I stole the concept and internalized it.  Which changed everything.

So your ambassadorship of just being genuine, and telling your story and experience, changed a life and those around me too.  Maybe even saved it (along with others here).

Nails out, hair down, unrepressed, getting ready to do battle at work, learning to breathe the free air.

Not bad for someone that melted down twice last month. 

But as to the ambassador, on a one to one personal level, yes.  Beyond that, or politically, no.  Lives we touch can change perceptions, more meaningful for me anyway what can be said.  They have no choice but to respect our strength, courage and veracity, and if they don't, they expose themselves as arrogant and ignorant folks that have no chance of happiness in their lives as a result.

God Bless.

Julie/SJ

In so very many ways your respective journeys, learnings, challenges, fears, successes and obvious joy have inspired me and I suspect very many others on Susans. Your authenticity, generosity and support make you the very best of ambassadors.    Keep on sharing and celebrating. You open up the eyes of many and now many of us aspire to do the same and, in the process, benefit those who follow.

Aisla

You both humble me and make me shed a tear of appreciation.  The next few months are going to be both unbelievably hard (divorce) and unbelievably liberating for me.  I am grateful to everyone who is my teacher in life, and the two of you are near the top of that list.

Love,
Julie

Just stay close to everyone here on the board sweetie.  Everyone is here to support you and anyone else that is struggling.  This is big stuff.  We need each other in order to get to the dawn.

God Bless, happy Memorial Day.