Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, I met this guy(doesn't really matter how) but we chatted(online), shared facebooks, chatted some more,exchanged phone numbers etc. That all happened for two weeks, he knew I was TG MtF had seen pics of me, knew how long Ive been on hormones etc etc then said hey do you mind if I ask you out on a date? Naturally I was like oh nice, this guys understanding of everything, sure why not.

So I think I spent a few hundred no some more clothes, hand bags, god I even bought a new pair of heels (Hey I was excited and wanted to feel good). On the day, I went shopping and bought some more stuff had a nice long bath, spent ages on getting ready etc and was feeling great :)

So he picks me up. I might say the other caveat with all this(and he knew this as we had discussed all this), is that this would be my first time out in public, but I felt that if I had him there(6'4" 120kg ex aussie navy) with me I could do it just fine and we were just going to go for a coffee and drive/chat.

We chatted in the car, talked about him mostly, his job, his family(he's divorced b4 any1 thinks I was skanking around) and all that. We drove and chatted for like 15mins then decided we would go for a walk along the esplanade near the beach. So we walked and talked for a bit before finally sitting down overlooking the ocean, i'll admit it was kinda romantic. I was enjoying myself and felt chatty and safe with him.
Then suddenly he sorta said to me, I need to goto the toilet, did you see one around here? I was like i think theres one over there at the surf club. So off he goes. 15mins passes. I txt him with my mobile phone just asking "Are you ok?" coz you know maybe something had come up or he was you know doing a number 2 lol.

No answer....
I waited another 10 mins and decided this time to phone his mobile. Straight through to his messagebank. At that point I was like going wtf omg has he really done what I think he's done? So I left him a voicemail asking if everything was ok, I'm sitting here by myself, alone, could you please call me back( I didnt want to come across as some hysterical female lol)
Nothing...

So I waited another 15mins and thought right screw this I'm calling again. Same thing no answer straight through to his messagebank. So I left a voicemail saying that I dont understand straight, gay, TG or otherwise how he thought it was acceptable to basically abandon me a $40 taxi fair away from my house, by myself, on my first time out, why, why would he do that to someone. I think I might have called him an arsehole too :P I mean if he had just been honest and said hey I dont think this is going to work, I would be upset obviously, but I'm adult enough to go ok thats fine plz take me home. I mean thats a pretty reasonable thing to think that a real man with some respect for the person he invited on a date would give me. But no.

So anyway, wow, here I am at Burleigh Heads (Gold Coast, AU)freezing my butt off in the dark, across the road from a couple of nightclubs, heaps of ppl around, first time out, totally freaking out and trying not to lose it and cry. I think I sat there for like 2hrs just going through everything, wondering what I had done wrong, if it was my fault and everything like that, before I finally thought right I'm going to call a cab and go home. So I went to the toilets, did what I did then you know how they have this god awful kinda neon white lights that just make everyone look like crap, I thought i'll check my stuff and see how I look. Well dysphoria attack, I felt sick, ugly, old, MALE.

I have to admit for about 10 minutes as I cried in the toilet, I seriously thought about just walking out into the ocean....its done...problem solved, maybe i'll get it right next time sorta thing. But clearly I didnt. I guess i thought of my flatmates dog and my kitten, and my mum and couldnt do it.

So anyway I got myself home. Taxi company was fantastic. I rang them and ordered a cab, but there like oh theres a cab rank at the club across the road, please wait there. I explained Im TG and I'd rather not get bashed or hassled and 2mins later without moving a taxi appeared..yay! :) Finally something good!

So I came home...oh he had kicked me off and blocked me off of his fb as well(nice huh). I mean srsly the guy went from mister nice guy to gone in the space of 30mins. Pretty hard to take for someone early in there transition(but he had pictures of me, we'd spoken on the phone, he knew where i am at).

But today is a new day. Im like ->-bleeped-<- that guy(excuse my language) I will soldier on, be who I am and continue to grow as a person. In away even though last night was just so bad at the actual time, Ive at least been out in public and no1 I spoke to treated me rudely or badly, and I got like a whole bunch of clothes and stuff that I needed anyways. It has got me thinking about my looks in general, my body shape and all that, but I dunno what I expect after 3.5mths hrt and 6.5mths spiro.
Anyway sry for the long post but can I haz a susans place hug? k thx :D

HUG :icon_hug: (I'm sorry but your going to need a crowbar to get me off now)

Well first time out stepped out with head held high and was able to deal with what was thrown at you with dignity. Good for you.

As for your "date" I must say toolies week is getting earlier and earlier every year. Cheer up he obviously belongs in the back of the garden shed and hopefully you will have better luck next time

Wow... That is an ->-bleeped-<-. He deserves karma, seriously. What an awful excuse for a human being. I don't know what to tell you hon. You'll have better days though. *Hugs*

*raises scythe* can i reap his soul? what a jerk. you deserve better, so you go girl for just brushing it off and moving on.

 :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:

Aaaand, much respect for having the confidence to go out for the first time!
Obviously he was an obnoxious jerk posing as a human.

Thank you :) You know its interesting because I actually now understand totally what its like for a woman to be treated like ->-bleeped-<- and made to feel like there nothing. I mean as a person before starting my Transition and all that I could empathise, with how a woman must feel in this kind of situation but now I get it. Its just like feeling ugly, used, thrown away, and alone all rolled into one big emotional bishe slap.
I'm pretty amazed I didnt abuse him on one of my two phone calls to his message service, but I thought no.....I dont wanna be seen like that even by him, I just want to ask him why?

But anyways, got another handbag and a cuff bracelet arriving this week from eBay. Life goes on, and I'm sure (hope) there are better guys out there. Although I have to admit I'm not going to rush into any dating situation again until Ive been transitioning for alot longer :/

i wouldnt date a cis guy and from what i've gotten from you, i wont ever. they are to much of jerks for my liking :o i'd reap all their souls  >:-) :laugh:

Quote from: Brianna Umiko Liliana on May 24, 2014, 12:12:36 AM
*raises scythe* can i reap his soul? what a jerk. you deserve better, so you go girl for just brushing it off and moving on.

Sorry Umiko this looser is from my home state. HIS SOUL IS MINE

Mikayla good to see you have learnt and important life lesson. Shopping solves everything

Yea I'm sure this is hardly a oh yea cis guys are great, go date one kinda thing, but hey I look at it like well 'welcome to the world of womanhood'. Men(some) are arseholes, thats a fact, same as women(some) are bishes, but such is life.
I guess the problem for me is that I like men, oddly Ive never considered myself gay either(go figure) as when I have been with them, in my head I am the woman, and thats all intertwined with part of my reasoning for transition. I just always told ppl I was Bi in the past.
But thats ok I mean were all different, i guess the problem for me is to find a cis-male who's str8 curious(or just accepting) or a bi guy. I'm the kind of person that really cant handle the thought of a gay male lover coz to me(in my mind) it defeats the purpose of me transitioning and wanting all this(being a woman). Sorry if thats triggering to some but thats just the way I am. So one loser down lets see what else is out there, and I guess the funny thing is if I had been born or transitioned in my teens/twenties (or been cis)theres prolly plenty of basic signals I would be well and truly aware of and my loser radar would be much stronger lol.

Quote from: immortal gypsy on May 24, 2014, 12:32:15 AM
Sorry Umiko this looser is from my home state. HIS SOUL IS MINE

Mikayla good to see you have learnt and important life lesson. Shopping solves everything

just send his soul my way. i need it to refuel my lantern lol and i thought my name was nyx xD lol

Please don't all of you hurt him too bad. I have a stiletto I want to throw at him.  >:-)

I mean if he didn't want to be with you any longer, just say so or at least come up with some fakery to take you home. But to just leave you there is sick. I hope karma kicks him in the behind.

I have to say though I do like this reaping of souls concept lol  ;D

Quote from: MikaylaGC on May 24, 2014, 12:41:30 AM
I have to say though I do like this reaping of souls concept lol  ;D

>:-) i have an extra scythe if you wanna borrow it xD

Gimmeh, I wantz it! I have to say thank you to all of you, I knew I could rant on here and you guys would understand. You have def made me smile :) On a bright note off for hang out with my new TG friend here on the GC so I'm happy to have a growing support network, god knows i'll need it :)

Quote from: MikaylaGC on May 24, 2014, 12:44:57 AM
Gimmeh, I wantz it! I have to say thank you to all of you, I knew I could rant on here and you guys would understand. You have def made me smile :) On a bright note off for hang out with my new TG friend here on the GC so I'm happy to have a growing support network, god knows i'll need it :)

hands mika a scythe* wield its power wisely xD you can torture souls with that thing and your welcome. this is wat a true family does for one another. so i am happy that you have a smile on your face again, now lets go torture that creep of a jerk xD  :laugh:

Quote from: Brianna Umiko Liliana on May 24, 2014, 12:40:09 AM
just send his soul my way. i need it to refuel my lantern lol and i thought my name was nyx xD lol

Hey you decided to turn down the title of goddess of the night so... Chaos mayhem and disorder our work here is done.
True reaping souls is very fun if you can not be loved it is much better to be feared

Quote from: immortal gypsy on May 24, 2014, 12:55:31 AM
Hey you decided to turn down the title of goddess of the night so... Chaos mayhem and disorder our work here is done.
True reaping souls is very fun if you can not be loved it is much better to be feared

hey! as the only working reaper here, i have a job to collect and torture souls. i cant just up and quit my day job. lol. mika, imma hire your help xD you already have my other scythe, gypsy can just use her weapons of mass destruction xD

Quote from: MikaylaGC on May 24, 2014, 12:39:37 AM
Yea I'm sure this is hardly a oh yea cis guys are great, go date one kinda thing, but hey I look at it like well 'welcome to the world of womanhood'. Men(some) are arseholes, thats a fact, same as women(some) are bishes, but such is life.
I guess the problem for me is that I like men, oddly Ive never considered myself gay either(go figure) as when I have been with them, in my head I am the woman, and thats all intertwined with part of my reasoning for transition. I just always told ppl I was Bi in the past.
But thats ok I mean were all different, i guess the problem for me is to find a cis-male who's str8 curious(or just accepting) or a bi guy. I'm the kind of person that really cant handle the thought of a gay male lover coz to me(in my mind) it defeats the purpose of me transitioning and wanting all this(being a woman). Sorry if thats triggering to some but thats just the way I am. So one loser down lets see what else is out there, and I guess the funny thing is if I had been born or transitioned in my teens/twenties (or been cis)theres prolly plenty of basic signals I would be well and truly aware of and my loser radar would be much stronger lol.

<Grabs her walking stick> Listen to your auntie gypsy dear. Sexuality and gender identity are not the same, one is who you want to be with the other is who you want to wake up as. Even if you where with guys before in your head you where a women. As for your looser radar that will come from experience and the bright lights of the gold coast tend to mess up everyone's signals anyway. Yes one looser down sadly there is plenty of more out there (more coming up in about 6 months as you know). So keep your chin up you will soon find your Mr. Right

Quote from: Brianna Umiko Liliana on May 24, 2014, 01:00:49 AM
hey! as the only working reaper here, i have a job to collect and torture souls. i cant just up and quit my day job. lol. mika, imma hire your help xD you already have my other scythe, gypsy can just use her weapons of mass destruction xD

With an uncle born June 6th 66 and myself being born on black Friday. I am the weapon of mass destruction >:-)

mika, watch out for auntie gypsy. that stick will knock your soul into the next dimension xD *runs into a portal* safe! xD

LOL! I had to laugh at that Aunty Gypsy thing :) I dunno why I felt the need to explain that about myself but I guess its just a here's my version of whats going on in my head coz I know we are such a diverse grp of ppl. And yea I know, he was oddly enough from Brisbane though, but I think now I'm sort of coming to the understanding that boys from Sydney, Brisbane, Melbourne and Adelaide seem to have a certain 'opinion' about the glitz/stripper/surf capital of Australia......yay! I think lol. I'm sure a cis girl prolly has learned to either roll there eyes when they encounter that attitude or just got hmmm i'll use that to my advantage but either way its all new to me as a woman, even though I've lived here for ages.
And I guess thats the thing I'm starting to learn and come to terms with. It's the little nuances you learn growing up as a cis-woman that I just have no idea about that, will out me faster than voice or appearance. So it goes back to this whole process taking time, something I'm still going crap I wanna be a girl now kinda thing but yea oh well. Its going to be a fun and emotional topsy turvy adventure, coz Ive got alot of catching up to do.

Wow, that guy is an epitome of the the idiom 'grade A douchebag'!

Sorry you had to go through that Mikayla. But I'm impressed how you've maintained your cool and kept your head high. Also, kudos to you for being brave and going out in public for the first time. I guess it's an experience you'll always remember. :P

Just think when we're all sitting around the fire at trans-camp telling stories and you're like "Oh yeah, well that's nothing, wait till you hear about how bad my first time out was..." :D  ;D

Glad to make you laugh. Baby steps, baby steps at least your near a holiday destination so you can grow as quickly as you choose to and hopefully the people you meet to help you grow, are not all locals but workers holiday makers either from South of the Tweed or from Brisbane and further North looking for a relaxing weekend and you wont see them again if they ever call you nasty names

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on May 24, 2014, 12:10:40 AM
Wow... That is an ->-bleeped-<-. He deserves karma, seriously. What an awful excuse for a human being. I don't know what to tell you hon. You'll have better days though. *Hugs*

^ This.

But congrats on getting out in public.

Jeez, what a jerk! Glad you're OK and got home and all. My first time out sounds quite tame by comparison.

Hi Mikayla I am sorry to hear about your experience no one deserves to be treated like that I hope that he has it come back and bite him in the butt one day but until then your a beautiful woman and deserve to be treated like one, don't let this experience put you off dating not all ppl are like that.

Sorry to hear about your crappy date.  A few thoughts about internet dating safety.

First date.  Meet in public, and drive your own vehicle. 

As you saw by letting him drive you don't have easy access to transportation.  Say he wasn't the dipstick he turned out to be, but you just had a "guy is bleeh" feeling a half hour into a date.  By having a car you can more easily bail on the date.  By letting him pick you up he knows where you live.  This can also be a problem after the date.... He liked you and you thought he was a turd.  He can more easily pursue/stalk you.

Second thing ... Let your girlfriends know who you are dating ... His phone number, his email,  where you are going, what your schedule is and set up times to check in.  Set a time I will call you/text you.  If you don' t hear from me within a bit of that time call/text me.  You can use these calls to give you an out from a blecch date as well as an unsafe date. 

It is sad but a true fact that we women have to be on guard in all our interactions.

Sending you best wishes for your next "dive onto the dating pool"

Elaina

PS. I was just getting ready to post this.  When I realized/thought about any even better safety factor.  The double date!  Thinking of what your parents would have insisted on for their high school/college age daughter is probably a good thing

I'm a tad late but, *hug*.

Wow, what a complete tool!  I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I *AM* glad you got home safely.  That's quite the first outing, congratulations on getting out!

It's his problem though:  He totally missed out on getting to know you! 

Sending you big hugz!   :icon_hug:

Damn girl, rough night but glad you got through it, not like that jerk who bailed.

I do not think it is a good idea for a m2f transgender to meet alone a person who you knew from the internet. At least, you have better meet him/her accompanied by your close friend.

barbie~~

Quote from: Brianna Umiko Liliana on May 24, 2014, 12:12:36 AM
*raises scythe* can i reap his soul? what a jerk. you deserve better, so you go girl for just brushing it off and moving on.

Hey, watch it Brianna. I am the true Princess of Darkness, just call me Lillith, Luci or Sweet Beelzubub ;) But seriously Mikayla, any man in his right mind to just leave you sitting there, trans or not is a freakin' idiot. Definately not worth it in the least. What a freakin' loser. Arsehole my butt there are plenty of other names I could call him.

Don't let it get you down. You are beautiful and any guy would be graced and blessed to take you on a date. Just because there is one loser out there doesn't mean that every man is. Get back on that horse girl and ride it sidesaddled proudly.

*BIG HUG*

Really sorry to hear about this. You know it's funny. It used to be that my major feeling when I hear stories like this is anger. But now I mainly feel pity for the guy. Mikayla, you get to be who you are and live your life honestly. The guy gets to be someone whose own phobias prevent him from being a decent human being. In the end, people who are honest with themselves get to lead better lives.

Quote from: mandonlym on May 24, 2014, 05:33:15 PM
*BIG HUG*

Really sorry to hear about this. You know it's funny. It used to be that my major feeling when I hear stories like this is anger. But now I mainly feel pity for the guy. Mikayla, you get to be who you are and live your life honestly. The guy gets to be someone whose own phobias prevent him from being a decent human being. In the end, people who are honest with themselves get to lead better lives.

ditto

Thanks for everyones support  ;D Just a couple of clarifications though, like with the 'self' security side of things. I had his email, his facebook, his home address, his home and mobile number and I was kinda of smart enough to ninja his licence plate details as I got into his car. I admit that yea sure a couple of those details could have been fudged etc. My mum knew I was going out(even though she is in a different state) and I txt her the licence plate number and said I was ok when I arrived at the beach, and she text me back. My flatmate also knew and I told him what time I would be home and all that.....oddly I still ended up home at that time anyway.
But you know what, I like that mothering side that I get from some of you older (god that sounds like such a horrible way to put it...experienced maybe???)ladies its both important and so cute. I mean even though I had some things in place to protect myself yea you're right I need to do more.
It kinda goes back to what I said in my earlier posts. I have missed out on being a teenage girl and all the socialization skills that come with it, and the endless lectures from parents regarding my safety and maybe even some scary/bad experiences that most cis-girls/TG get by socialising at that age. Safety and loser radar is still being developed :) Remembering apart from a brief and ultimately fail attempt at transitioning at 19(for 3-4mths/self medicated) I am still new to being a 'woman'(if only part time atm) and all the extra stuff that goes with it that unless you live it daily or grew up as that, just are so behind in thought patterns, that me as a 'male' just took for granted.
Life's a journey.... :)

Good to hear you did your homework first,  I'm a big believer on "it's not paranoia when you know there out to get you". Sadly in today society men do pray on women :(. But thankfully you survived with a good and hopefully in time humorous horror story to tell around the first date first time out camp fire. As for your radar speak to your friends, flatmate, girlfriends thats what they are for. Usually we find we get better vibes around people when we are not personally involved

I've only been on a few outings like this with people I've met and talked with online. They all seem to build up some fake image of who their talking too, no matter what is said to them. You can talk with them for months on all kinds of personal levels and it always seems to result in the same out come as you received from this man. They always act nice...then they just disappear and block you for no apparent reason or explanation.  :-\   But don't feel alone, I hear its very common for these things to happen to trans people it seems. I didn't believe it, until I lived through it several times.  :embarrassed:

I'm sorry you were abandoned by this un-caring butt hat of a person. You don't deserve this kind of treatment because your a strong woman who deserves love and devotion. :)

this is why I prefer to date girls. altho I am not attracted to guys anyway so that's probably why too.

Quote from: JessikaBlackMage on May 25, 2014, 12:29:36 AM
this is why I prefer to date girls. altho I am not attracted to guys anyway so that's probably why too.

I know right. Most guya now a days are jerks or only wanna get into your pants than leave you out to dry. But there are the rare good ones though but they are either gay or taken ._.

I would have to agree girls do care more about you as a person not just for what you have to give them stuff the guys who needs them.

Quote from: Brianna Umiko Liliana on May 25, 2014, 12:37:16 AM
I know right. Most guya now a days are jerks or only wanna get into your pants than leave you out to dry. But there are the rare good ones though but they are either gay or taken ._.

that or really far away. there are some guys I could see myself with but they live on some other planet and I have no starship.

Quote from: Brianna Umiko Liliana on May 25, 2014, 12:37:16 AM
I know right. Most guya now a days are jerks or only wanna get into your pants than leave you out to dry. But there are the rare good ones though but they are either gay or taken ._.

or afraid and/or lonely as you are.

*BIG HUG*

I Wouldnt let this experience poison all yourbfuture relations with men though. Personally,  I can go both ways but I far far prefer men as, at least for me, have found men so much more supportive and satisfying both emotionally and sexually.  Women always said I was too gentle and some women still get so jealous and catty.

But, yeah maybe its a little too soon, but judging by your avi, you're quite pretty,  so dont let opportunity pass you by. This guy is not a good represent ation of all men. By far on this site, the nicest, most caring person is a man. I dont like the term cis male. FTMs are men, just like im a woman. I dont care about genitals I care thatmy partner is masculine and dominant. I like being the dotting girl that I am. Im quite submissive, demure.

Ps: your response to this douche was so mature. Your awesome.

*yow*
*hugs*
What a horrid thing to happen to you.  The guy probably had his own hangups and problems that he hasn't dealt with, but he's a coward to not at least say to you "this isn't working for me, can I get you a cab". :/

Dating seems so fraught with disappoinment these days.

D'aww thank you Joanna. I had a great time today meeting up with another TG here on the Gold Coast and going back to hers and just chatting about everything. Having a good support network is really becoming apparent to me.
Many hugs back to everyone :)

You know, any guy that would abandon a girl in a remote location and leave her to fend for herself is not much of a guy. A real guy would have made sure that she got home safely no matter what he thought about her - it's basic guy decency, part of the guy code, part of being a decent human being.

This guy is a selfish piece of crap and karma will surely catch up with him some day for the way he is living his life and treating others around him. I'm sorry this happened to you, but i know that you are a bit wiser for the experience. Please take care out there dating.

OMG, what an ->-bleeped-<-!! I'm sorry you we're put through all of that. /:

I'm a day late, but *hugs*

What a prick!!! Honestly he had malintent to begin with he may have had the whole sweet guy role downpacked online but in person he was prolly after one thing it was prolly his first time with a transgender women and he chickened out overall forget about him you are super pretty!! If i was in Australia we would get dolled up all the time and hang out.
Hes no real man what loser!
                                       Hugs,
                                  Appleonia

Quote from: Kyra553 on May 24, 2014, 09:32:54 PM
I've only been on a few outings like this with people I've met and talked with online. They all seem to build up some fake image of who their talking too, no matter what is said to them. You can talk with them for months on all kinds of personal levels and it always seems to result in the same out come as you received from this man. They always act nice...then they just disappear and block you for no apparent reason or explanation.  :-\   But don't feel alone, I hear its very common for these things to happen to trans people it seems. I didn't believe it, until I lived through it several times.  :embarrassed:

I'm sorry you were abandoned by this un-caring butt hat of a person. You don't deserve this kind of treatment because your a strong woman who deserves love and devotion. :)

I was going to say the exact same thing. It happens to many of us so don't take it personal and move on. It has occurred to me where I would talk to a guy for some time and he just randomly disappears. It's depressing, but there's still a few good guys out there. I'm sorry you got to experience it and don't give up.

sorry for being a total spaz and thread necro but i was forum lerking and found this post....

the guy sounds like a total ->-bleeped-<-

and Burleigh isnt the best place to be stranded late at night. hope you are feeling better now hun xxx
ps hi from tweed heads :D SO good to find someone relatively local :)

Thanks Laurenza  ;D Ya I'm all good learned alot from that experience. I dont get to be 'me' much at the moment, going for electrolysis 2-3 times a week so basically I always have some facial hair(and it takes like 3 days to grow anything worthwhile now lol) which sux but yea gotta do it now right. I'm up near Surfers Paradise, say hello sometime by sending me a pvt message, we should go for a coffee or something  :)

That dude's an arse. I'd be happy to give him a colonocscopy with a spike heeled boot.

Spineless tosser.

Hope your next date turns out to be a keeper, here's hoping :)

I was going to say thwt sometimes we can get lucky with the first try, but... ummmm.. hope. Apparently, this is some kind of fashion to disappear without leaving a message, clue or saying what exactly was not nice, even if the first date went well and there was supposed to be another one.

Real men have respect for others and the fortitude to be kind. If he was a real man, he would have apologised and offered a cab fare.
Sending you hugs! I know it's hard, but don't take it to heart. It's not right to suffer because of his failings. :-*

Quote from: MikaylaGC on July 21, 2014, 07:06:59 AM
Thanks Laurenza  ;D Ya I'm all good learned alot from that experience. I dont get to be 'me' much at the moment, going for electrolysis 2-3 times a week so basically I always have some facial hair(and it takes like 3 days to grow anything worthwhile now lol) which sux but yea gotta do it now right. I'm up near Surfers Paradise, say hello sometime by sending me a pvt message, we should go for a coffee or something  :)

cis girls have years and years of puberty to learn all these lessons (ie that some guys are dicks), we unfortunately have a crash course with a steep learning curve. at least you're stronger for the experience :)

and yes!! id love to say hello and a coffee . i would love a friend :)...er i mean another friend... i have lots of friends <.< >.>
will pvt msg u when im free :)

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I wouldn't feel bad though, men are ->-bleeped-<-s sometimes and they do messed up things like this to females too. Hold your head up and keep doing you. Don't even feel bad. You'll meet a great guy and look back at this experience and laugh.