Susan's Place Transgender Resources

haven't started my gender therapy yet but when i look up the stuff for gid diagnosis, it says it has to cause significant impair in your life and stuff. i've also read that a lot, if not most, people are suicidial about it/view it as a need/wouldn't want to live at all without transition.

i know i would be happier living as a male. i identify as male, i see myself as male, i want others to see me that way too, i want the t working on my brain and body like i believe it was supposed to. but it's -happier-. not happy. i'm a really happy person in general and if i had to live as a female forever, it would not be my ideal choice by any means, but i'd deal. i'd find a way to be happy with it, or in spite of it. i'd still be me.

so will i not qualify? when i go into gender therapy, do i have to fake my level of depression and need? anyone here gotten a letter of rec even if they were happy enough as it was?

eta: btw i know that it is a need for a lot of people and a huge cause for depression. absolutely no disrespect to them. it effects us all differnetly, that's just not where i'm at.

Quote from: thereishope on May 24, 2014, 01:43:54 PM
haven't started my gender therapy yet but when i look up the stuff for gid diagnosis, it says it has to cause significant impair in your life and stuff. i've also read that a lot, if not most, people are suicidial about it/view it as a need/wouldn't want to live at all without transition.

i know i would be happier living as a male. i identify as male, i see myself as male, i want others to see me that way too, i want the t working on my brain and body like i believe it was supposed to. but it's -happier-. not happy. i'm a really happy person in general and if i had to live as a female forever, it would not be my ideal choice by any means, but i'd deal. i'd find a way to be happy with it, or in spite of it. i'd still be me.

so will i not qualify? when i go into gender therapy, do i have to fake my level of depression and need? anyone here gotten a letter of rec even if they were happy enough as it was?

eta: btw i know that it is a need for a lot of people and a huge cause for depression. absolutely no disrespect to them. it effects us all differnetly, that's just not where i'm at.

It would depend pretty much on who you see (and you are allowed to fire a therapist). You can also go to one who is more tolerant of less binary views of gender, I'm guessing that's the case here. I would specifically ask that kind of question. There are people who prescribe T and do top surgery without a "letter" from a therapist. I think that may be less certain with bottom surgery, since they often want two letters not one. The term for T without a letter is "informed consent". In some cases this is in name only, I've found out, but typically this is where the discuss side effects and expectations and you sign that you understand all this. Therapy is a REALLY good idea because this is a big deal, let's just say.

--Jay

I m now approaching the ripe old age of 43 and didn't start transitioning until I was 38. Until then despite knowing I was male and knowing I would be happier with a male looking body I got along. I had a few episodes over the years where it became a gnawing need inside me, but maybe because I was able to live my life as me and most strangers thought I was male anyway it was never an all encompassing need. Until my son reached 16 that is and my brain finally told me I was free to do as I needed to. Although I'm in the uk the therapist I saw at the gender clinic didn't make anything of the fact that I'd managed to go quite a while without needing to transition

Everyone has different levels of what they can tolerate and different coping mechanisms. Whether or not you need to transition isn't determined by some scale of how much you're suffering vs. other people. It's your decision in the end and you only have to answer to yourself.

That being said, transition shouldn't be entered into lightly, and if you're having doubts, it's probably a good idea to go to a therapist to discuss things. I don't know what country/area you're in or how you plan on accessing a therapist, but if you find you're not comfortable with them in the first few meetings, you can always try to go to someone else.

I feel the same way, see this old thread I made: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,138280.msg1115157.html#msg1115157

If you believe it will make you happier, then go for it. I think you can still be trans without it having a huge negative impairment on your life.

I am currently living as female, and it doesn't really bother me all that much. If I mentally envision myself, I always see a man, and I picture myself as a man in the future. Though, I am fine with people calling me "she" etc. I may partially transition (get chest surgery), but I don't have the need to go all the way right now.

The Gendery Dysphoria criteria in the DMS 5 does not require total misery.  You should be fine with any gender therapist.  If anything, they should be happy that you aren't incapacitated due to dysphoria.

FWIW, I was not miserable. I am happier and more confident now. Never knew how it was that but I was not I never felt content in my own skin. I am older and I guess, I had no vocabulary for this whole thing.
I did have periods of time when I was younger where I was severely depressed. Not sure if it related to this whole thing or not.


--Jay

I always knew I was different than the body. But was I dysphoric with my body as a man? Not really I trained as a group fitness instructor and loved being on stage. However I knew it was never right and always knew I would transition one day. I was happish - but after starting androcur I knew that I was on the right path. With E HRT starting may 2013. My only regret - that I didn't acknowledge myself earlier. But then I probably wouldn't have had the strength.

Take your time and talk with a therapist. Explore your emotions. No you are not "sick" / too much negativity associated with therapist profession. See (some) of them as more a spiritual guide who can help you make sense of your feelings. Steer clear of those who insist a certain path. At all times you are in control.

It's good that you are happy. A therapist is going to expect you in a job or school and hanging out with friends. They want you functioning in society before they sign off on surgeries.

The level of dysphoria can vary from person to person, and also depending on circumstances as well.  For some, it's overwhelming and full transition is the only way forward, for others, a part-way solution is enough.

I haven't transitioned, but am on HRT.  So far that seems to work for me.  I have an understanding of myself - I tend to get much more dysphoric during episodes of high stress, where the expectation of me acting male is highest.  In those time periods, I know it will pass, and that I can manage after.

Only you can decide how far you need to go with your treatment, but only after talking with someone to help increase your personal understanding of your own situation.

Dysphoria and the ways it causes you problems may manifest in things more subtle than outright misery.

Like, I'm hesitant about top surgery, but I also know I don't want to hit age 30 still having boobs. I wear sports bras that are too tight, I strictly limit my clothing choices and avoid wearing clothes that I particularly like because I don't want my chest to ruin them, and I haven't gone swimming in like six years because swimwear and locker rooms make me feel awful. And that is dysphoria interfering with my life, pretty significantly, even though I am not (usually) miserable. I don't normally feel like I'm missing anything, and then I remember that I'm leading a boring-as-balls life at the moment.

thereishope,

I just got started at 49. I was doing ok as female, no major depression about it or suicidal thoughts. My therapist told me she'd write me any letters I need at my 2nd appointment.

I've been dressing mostly male for the last few months, got my hair cut, male glasses, let my armpit hair grow, shaving my face, using male scented products. All my female clothes except for a few shirts that are mannish are bagged up to go to charity. The thought of wearing feminine stuff now just freaks me out. My chest dysphoria is getting worse, and I want to start T asap. Yeah, I was doing ok until I actually started to transition, but being my male self is SO MUCH BETTER.

It won't hurt anything to go talk to a therapist. They can really help you work out for yourself what you want to do. Go for it :)