Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Op-ed: Why Are Narratives Around Transgender People Always So Negative?
There are plenty of tough things about being a trans person, but it's not all bad news.
BY Lucian Clark
February 11 2014 5:00 AM ET

There exists a commonality among most trans* narratives published by the media today — negativity.

If it isn't the story of how a trans woman was murdered, or assaulted, and there was no justice — such as Islan Nettles and CeCe McDonald — it is something else. Maybe you've read stories of how families dissolved due to transition (and how hard it always is on the partner who left), or about studies on how trans* people are prone to suicide attempts, much higher than the cis population. Negativity is pervasive.

And it's not only limited to media either. Many trans* people use words like "trapped in the wrong body" to describe our experience. Words like "wrong," "incorrect," and "painful" are prevalent in how we describe ourselves. Depression and suffering are not only things we have come to expect, but also ways we define ourselves and our experiences. Too many people do not believe that someone cannot be trans* without enduring the suffering and mental anguish that comes with feeling there is something inherently wrong about who you are and the body you were given.

Trans* has become synonymous with suffering. Media reflects this in its depictions of us. Jared Leto's role in Dallas Buyers Club portrays trans women as born out of unfortunate circumstances, and deserving to be respected out of pity. This character, in the end, is not a positive one. Too often trans women are portrayed as pathetic, weak, the butt of jokes. Sometimes we're even mentally ill. Trans men and non-binary folk? We are all invisible, but when finally portrayed the light is similar — confused, pathetic, victims of life and circumstance.

More: http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2014/02/11/op-ed-why-are-narratives-around-transgender-people-always-so-negative

edited to comply with News Posting Guidelines

Well, that may be true, but usually suffering and hardships are what lead someone to transition or live the transgender life.  I think most of the vocal people who identify as trans are usually negative because they are still facing those difficulties or in the process of fixing their problems.  After the fact, people stop really talking about being trans and start assimilating into their new lives.  The succesful and happy people sort of move on and no longer focus on the fact that they are trans.  Of course, they still are trans and it disproves that our lives are inherently negative, but the pain that exists before that point is real for many people and it's noticeable quality that leads many of us to make the initial change or changes.

That's not to say you have to suffer.  You can be happy pre-transition and after.  I just don't think most people that are totally happy or comfortable with their bodies would live the transgender life if they can avoid it.  Hell, I would have as being trans if I knew of a way to stop these feelings because it's no picnic.  That being said, I'm sure there are people that didn't have dysphoria or depression that have transitioned quite happily.  To each their own.   

Well, honestly, being trans IS suffering very much of the time. Its the truth and the numbers and reality are appalling. Sure, some do okay, but as a whole, there is no group of people that has had their status as a human being so degraded and systematically stripped of them as trans people, especially trans women...

Why the negative stories? Because those of us who find it a positive experience get shouted down, especially around here.

I've had a fairly easy and stress-free transition. It hasn't been completely issue-free, but, on the whole, hasn't been too bad. But I no longer talk about it here, as being called a liar gets more than a little wearing - so all you'll hear from me is the crap parts, because people will believe that.

Quote from: kelly_aus on May 26, 2014, 11:50:17 AM
Why the negative stories? Because those of us who find it a positive experience get shouted down, especially around here.

I've had a fairly easy and stress-free transition. It hasn't been completely issue-free, but, on the whole, hasn't been too bad. But I no longer talk about it here, as being called a liar gets more than a little wearing - so all you'll hear from me is the crap parts, because people will believe that.

There is no reason to not share your story as well.  It's true that many of us can be negative, myself included, but that doesn't mean we don't believe there are people out there who have had a positive experience.  Transitioning is very much an individual journey and various circumstances can shape what it ends up becoming.  All any of us can do is share what things are/were like for us. 

Though, I got to be honest, I can't understand why someone would actively transition that didn't have major body dysphoria or depression about their life.  People are free to do what they want, it's just hard for me to understand why someone with a positive life without much triggers would go down this path.  I've always assumed that suffering and the strive for happiness/comfort is what led people to attempt to make these changes, but I may be putting too much of my own experience in there.  Still many people come from that background of some hardship or struggle which led them to this path, so it's not surprising that there is and was suffering and that it's highlighted with transgender people.

Personally, I hope my own depression and discomfort will disappear once I go fulltime and overcome my drama.  In the meantime, it's a hard process with some amazing experiences and horrendous ones.  Susan's has been like an amazing interactive diary that I very much need at this time. I Just hope that I'll be one of the lucky ones who assimilate into their gender and new life in a happy manner sometime in the future.

Some people have perfectly great experiences and that is so great for them, and really is a testament to their community and their loved ones, and they should be so thankful.  For most people there is a lot of negative involved with being trans, especially at first, and yes L2L is right, when it gets good for people, usually you stop hearing from them because they get on with their life.  That skews the narrative negative.

For me it has been a net positive, no doubt about that, but I do now live with fear as the background static to my life.  It's better than dysphoria and depression believe me, which is the static it replaced, but sometimes I feel oppressed by my own fear (some warranted, some not) and I wish I knew how to be stronger a lot of the time.  Women face so much adversity, the threat of violence, being often treated as second class, weak, dependent, etc. and being trans on top of that just adds exponentially to all of those problems and probably adds in some more for good measure.  That's what society does, but then there is the internal menace.  I still deal with a lot of self-hate.  I still have body dysmorphia, which I think kind of goes with the territory.  I don't want to go into all of the negatives that I deal with.  I don't feel like it is uplifting.

I know what I needed when I first started dealing with all this and that was hope.  So I do try to talk about the positives.  And there are many.  Like I said, they vastly outweigh the negative.  Feeling sustainable happiness for the first time in your life when you are in your thirties, that is a sign that you have taken yourself from a terrible place to a good one.  And it was such a trip to feel that, to realize it was possible and to finally understand the real human experience.  The childlike wonder that I felt that first summer, to experience that as an adult, when you can actually contextualize it, was a gift.  And again, just that I even felt that way means transition was the best choice I have ever made in my life, that I escaped from a terrible place.  And I am happy by default now, that is all you need to know if you are looking for hope.  I hated existing, now I love life.  What else is there to be said, really?

Quote from: learningtolive on May 26, 2014, 12:10:59 PM
There is no reason to not share your story as well.  It's true that many of us can be negative, myself included, but that doesn't mean we don't believe there are people out there who have had a positive experience.  Transitioning is very much an individual journey and various circumstances can shape what it ends up becoming.  All any of us can do is share what things are/were like for us.

I've been called a liar and told there is no way my story was true, on this very site.. So no, I won't be sharing it again.

QuoteThough, I got to be honest, I can't understand why someone would actively transition that didn't have major body dysphoria or depression about their life.  People are free to do what they want, it's just hard for me to understand why someone with a positive life without much triggers would go down this path.  I've always assumed that suffering and the strive for happiness/comfort is what led people to attempt to make these changes, but I may be putting too much of my own experience in there.  Still many people come from that background of some hardship or struggle which led them to this path, so it's not surprising that there is and was suffering and that it's highlighted with transgender people.

Never said it was positive, just that my life didn't suck completely. Transition for me was something I had to do, I'd gotten beyond being able to keep a lid on it. Just good luck for me that I had good friends and family who all elected to come along for the ride. I also made some decisions early in the process that made my life easier..

QuotePersonally, I hope my own depression and discomfort will disappear once I go fulltime and overcome my drama.  In the meantime, it's a hard process with some amazing experiences and horrendous ones.  Susan's has been like an amazing interactive diary that I very much need at this time. I Just hope that I'll be one of the lucky ones who assimilate into their gender and new life in a happy manner sometime in the future.

I shared my story, it was decried and shouted down as a lie, so now I no longer talk about it. But yeah, living fulltime has reduced the depression and stress levels..

Quote from: Olivia P on May 26, 2014, 11:19:37 AM
This needs to stop. Being trans* is not synonymous with self-hatred. It needs to be synonymous with self-love and self-care. Trans* people love themselves so much that they do whatever it takes to become themselves. We love ourselves so much that we sometimes risk life and limb to simply exist. Our transitions are necessity, done out of love for self and love for life.

We need to let those of us know who are stumbling and struggling that we are worth all the world has to offer everyone else. We are worthy of acceptance. We are worthy of existing in this world, just like anyone else. We matter. Our stories matter.

More: http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2014/02/11/op-ed-why-are-narratives-around-transgender-people-always-so-negative

Thank you for posting this.

I seem to focus a lot on the negative, and of coarse I am in pain, a constant struggle to feel like me, be myself, and worries of being accepted. At times I've hated myself (so I tried to convince myself when at my most despairing moments), caused harm to myself, yet still go on. Why? Because deep down there is still hope, that things may brighten for me. And I love who I am as a human being even if externally I don't match how I feel on the inside. Life has been much harder than it should have been if I had only just been 'normal', and I mean by most people's idea of what that is, being happy with what I was born as. But see, I am, I was born female, I like me a lot, I'm a good woman, and I'm just trying to complete me, I have to. I stopped pretending I was a guy so many years ago (because that's what I had been doing much of my life as I was raised as such and expected to act the part), when I realized how unhappy I was and understood why. I don't want to feel unhappy, I want to be able to go on and enjoy my life to the fullest. Now, if only I could bring myself to do it, no holds barred.

Quote from: learningtolive on May 26, 2014, 11:35:54 AM
Well, that may be true, but usually suffering and hardships are what lead someone to transition or live the transgender life.  I think most of the vocal people who identify as trans are usually negative because they are still facing those difficulties or in the process of fixing their problems.  After the fact, people stop really talking about being trans and start assimilating into their new lives.  The succesful and happy people sort of move on and no longer focus on the fact that they are trans.  Of course, they still are trans and it disproves that our lives are inherently negative, but the pain that exists before that point is real for many people and it's noticeable quality that leads many of us to make the initial change or changes.

That's not to say you have to suffer.  You can be happy pre-transition and after.  I just don't think most people that are totally happy or comfortable with their bodies would live the transgender life if they can avoid it.  Hell, I would have as being trans if I knew of a way to stop these feelings because it's no picnic.  That being said, I'm sure there are people that didn't have dysphoria or depression that have transitioned quite happily.  To each their own.   

I understand a lot of this because of the hell I went through to get where I am now. That being said, I've so far had a very happy worry free transition. The last 5 years of my life haven't been so bad, and, since starting my hrt and full transition on Dec. 27th, 2013, I've felt better than I have in years. People that know me have commented on how happy I am now compared to how I was before. A couple of friends say I have a glow about me I've never had before.

So, while I'm happy now that I'm in transition, for the majority of my entire life I was miserable and faced adversity no one should ever, ever have to go through. Though many of my problems were compounded by people who were supposed to love me, my complete story is very sad indeed. I do tend now to try and not focus on my past and leave it where it belongs, behind me. It is a part of me that has left some very graphic emotional scars that thankfully are finally healing. It's been a long hard road for me, so I understand the negativity all too well, as I suspect many of my sisters here do

Best Wishes!
Hugs! :icon_hug:

Ally :icon_flower:

Quote from: kelly_aus on May 26, 2014, 12:31:00 PM
I've been called a liar and told there is no way my story was true, on this very site.. So no, I won't be sharing it again.

Never said it was positive, just that my life didn't suck completely. Transition for me was something I had to do, I'd gotten beyond being able to keep a lid on it. Just good luck for me that I had good friends and family who all elected to come along for the ride. I also made some decisions early in the process that made my life easier..

I shared my story, it was decried and shouted down as a lie, so now I no longer talk about it. But yeah, living fulltime has reduced the depression and stress levels..

I'm sorry you have had that experience here.  You certainly don't have to share anything more than you care to, but it upsets me when people feel they can't or are unable to share.  Susan's has literally been a lifeline to me.  Sharing the good and bad aspects of my experience thus far and getting input has really helped me in a big way.  And hearing from others makes me feel less alone in my gender issues when in real life I feel like nobody really cares or can understand.  So I kind of think both the negative and positive stories are needed and should be welcomed here.

Quote from: Jen on May 26, 2014, 12:25:42 PM
Some people have perfectly great experiences and that is so great for them, and really is a testament to their community and their loved ones, and they should be so thankful.  For most people there is a lot of negative involved with being trans, especially at first, and yes L2L is right, when it gets good for people, usually you stop hearing from them because they get on with their life.  That skews the narrative negative.

For me it has been a net positive, no doubt about that, but I do now live with fear as the background static to my life.  It's better than dysphoria and depression believe me, which is the static it replaced, but sometimes I feel oppressed by my own fear (some warranted, some not) and I wish I knew how to be stronger a lot of the time.  Women face so much adversity, the threat of violence, being often treated as second class, weak, dependent, etc. and being trans on top of that just adds exponentially to all of those problems and probably adds in some more for good measure.  That's what society does, but then there is the internal menace.  I still deal with a lot of self-hate.  I still have body dysmorphia, which I think kind of goes with the territory.  I don't want to go into all of the negatives that I deal with.  I don't feel like it is uplifting.

I know what I needed when I first started dealing with all this and that was hope.  So I do try to talk about the positives.  And there are many.  Like I said, they vastly outweigh the negative.  Feeling sustainable happiness for the first time in your life when you are in your thirties, that is a sign that you have taken yourself from a terrible place to a good one.  And it was such a trip to feel that, to realize it was possible and to finally understand the real human experience.  The childlike wonder that I felt that first summer, to experience that as an adult, when you can actually contextualize it, was a gift.  And again, just that I even felt that way means transition was the best choice I have ever made in my life, that I escaped from a terrible place.  And I am happy by default now, that is all you need to know if you are looking for hope.  I hated existing, now I love life.  What else is there to be said, really?

Yeah, it's been my experience that almost everyone I've met or spoke with post transition is happier than before.  So while there is a lot of negativity early on, it may just be a reflection of where they are as a person and not representative of the total trans experience.  I suppose looking for positivity on a support site that caters to those stuck in the middle or beginning of things is going to be skewed.  But honestly, I can't think of many that aren't happier since transitioning.  Maybe one person in real life and only a handful online.

And for what it's worth Jen, all the positive stories on here do help, I thank you for being a part of that.  You're positivity on here has helped this very negative girl who is stuck in transition and I'll never forget your support after my mom rejected me last year.  However, I really hope you don't feel that you can't share your own fears and concerns just because it isn't uplifting.  Please share what you feel you need or want to without worrying about casting a negative light. 

Quote from: Allyda on May 26, 2014, 01:30:14 PM
I understand a lot of this because of the hell I went through to get where I am now. That being said, I've so far had a very happy worry free transition. The last 5 years of my life haven't been so bad, and, since starting my hrt and full transition on Dec. 27th, 2013, I've felt better than I have in years. People that know me have commented on how happy I am now compared to how I was before. A couple of friends say I have a glow about me I've never had before.

So, while I'm happy now that I'm in transition, for the majority of my entire life I was miserable and faced adversity no one should ever, ever have to go through. Though many of my problems were compounded by people who were supposed to love me, my complete story is very sad indeed. I do tend now to try and not focus on my past and leave it where it belongs, behind me. It is a part of me that has left some very graphic emotional scars that thankfully are finally healing. It's been a long hard road for me, so I understand the negativity all too well, as I suspect many of my sisters here do

Best Wishes!
Hugs! :icon_hug:

Ally :icon_flower:

Thank you Ally.  You've been a very positive and helpful member to me for quite some time.  Really, I do thank you for that, especially for understanding why some of us are a bit more negative than we want to be.  I hope one day that won't be the case, and I can be one of the ones with a positive story to tell.  It actually seems one is forming for me, just very very slowly, lol.

Quote from: learningtolive on May 26, 2014, 01:43:17 PM
Yeah, it's been my experience that almost everyone I've met or spoke with post transition is happier than before.  So while there is a lot of negativity early on, it may just be a reflection of where they are as a person and not representative of the total trans experience.  I suppose looking for positivity on a support site that caters to those stuck in the middle or beginning of things is going to be skewed.  But honestly, I can't think of many that aren't happier since transitioning.  Maybe one person in real life and only a handful online.

And for what it's worth Jen, all the positive stories on here do help, I thank you for being a part of that.  You're positivity on here has helped this very negative girl who is stuck in transition and I'll never forget your support after my mom rejected me last year.  However, I really hope you don't feel that you can't share your own fears and concerns just because it isn't uplifting.  Please share what you feel you need or want to without worrying about casting a negative light.

<3

Quote from: learningtolive on May 26, 2014, 01:45:18 PM
Thank you Ally.  You've been a very positive and helpful member to me for quite some time.  Really, I do thank you for that, especially for understanding why some of us are a bit more negative than we want to be.  I hope one day that won't be the case, and I can be one of the ones with a positive story to tell.  It actually seems one is forming for me, just very very slowly, lol.

Thanks Mattie that really means a lot to me. I'm very happy I've been able to reciprocate to you and others some of the help this site and it's wonderful people have given me. While you may not see it, I've seen a lot of improvement in you and your level of confidence. You'll get there hun, it just takes time.

Hugs :icon_hug:

Ally :icon_flower:

Mass media can't allow itself to portray trans* as anything other than negative. Why?

Because something that they hate being good, is no good for their business. It's all a mixture of hegemony, mass corporations, money, etc. Each of this issues would take an essay a piece to deconstruct and I get the feeling no one has time for that.

I certainly want to hear the positive stories. I want to see people such as Laverne Cox (as just one example of many) that are taking our collective experience and talking about things that matter (reference: the infamous Katie Couric interview).

Quote from: sad panda on May 26, 2014, 11:46:34 AM
Well, honestly, being trans IS suffering very much of the time. Its the truth and the numbers and reality are appalling. Sure, some do okay, but as a whole, there is no group of people that has had their status as a human being so degraded and systematically stripped of them as trans people, especially trans women...

More than one group of people has been degraded and systematically stripped of human rights over the course of history. It's a horrible thing every time it happens. Getting into "no group of people has ever had it this bad" is not a good thing, however.

Interesting article, but I wonder what articles the author has been reading. I've seen quite a few recently that I'd consider positive. Stories of supportive parents of young transgender children, for instance. It is wonderful each time there is a positive article, so I agree it'll be good to see more of them. The "negative" aspects do reinforce the point that there is much work to be done, too, though.

Quote from: kelly_aus on May 26, 2014, 11:50:17 AM
Why the negative stories? Because those of us who find it a positive experience get shouted down, especially around here.

I've had a fairly easy and stress-free transition. It hasn't been completely issue-free, but, on the whole, hasn't been too bad. But I no longer talk about it here, as being called a liar gets more than a little wearing - so all you'll hear from me is the crap parts, because people will believe that.

You're absolutely right, and this mirrors my own experience as well. My life became much better from the moment I began my transition, and it's gotten even better still every single day. In fact, my transition (even with its significant challenges) could actually be described as joyful. I once actually used that term (on another online forum) in describing the joy of transition and from the reaction I got you'd have thought that I was advocating genocide.

I have been chastised for not toeing the party line of misery and rejection, but I just can't. Transition has been the best thing that ever happened to me but I can't tell anyone unless I want to endure all the crap I have to take just for being happy.

Quote from: Michelle-G on May 27, 2014, 08:27:58 AM
You're absolutely right, and this mirrors my own experience as well. My life became much better from the moment I began my transition, and it's gotten even better still every single day. In fact, my transition (even with its significant challenges) could actually be described as joyful. I once actually used that term (on another online forum) in describing the joy of transition and from the reaction I got you'd have thought that I was advocating genocide.

I have been chastised for not toeing the party line of misery and rejection, but I just can't. Transition has been the best thing that ever happened to me but I can't tell anyone unless I want to endure all the crap I have to take just for being happy.

What I find, and this extends to all sources of suffering, is that people get too lost on the negative points, they end up forgetting to enjoy the good points.

The reason that I continue to speak about my success and happiness is not to brag, but rather trusting that my situation can be a source of hope to others.  It appears to me that everyone's life is a combination of sadness and joy. I have chosen to focus on being grateful for what I have been given. For example, while I can regret that I was not born a cis girl and was lost and isolated during my childhood, I am grateful that I was not born with a physically crippling medical condition or abusive parents or being raised in abject poverty. I am grateful that as someone with gender dysphoria, I was born in a time when doctors can prescribe hormones and surgery to correct my particular birth defect, while other birth defects cannot be corrected. Choosing to live life with a positive attitude, whatever the outcome in a particular circumstance, has brought me the most happiness.

I think hope is such a gift if you can give it.  If I didn't find little strings of hope to cling onto in my darkest hour, I would not be here today.

And I think we should all be thankful to be going through this at the absolute best time in the history of mankind to do it.  Not only because of the technology, but because of the swelling support and understanding I see happening in society.  It's still bad, but it's the best it has ever been.  Be grateful, y'all.

Quote from: Jen on May 27, 2014, 11:37:06 AM
And I think we should all be thankful to be going through this at the absolute best time in the history of mankind to do it.  Not only because of the technology, but because of the swelling support and understanding I see happening in society.  It's still bad, but it's the best it has ever been.  Be grateful, y'all.

Where I'd agree with the technology part, I'm not so sure I agree with the society part.  Civilizations before the middle ages had a high level of respect for trans and mixed gendered people as they were seen to possess wisdom cisgendered people don't.

Maybe so. I'm not a history person.   But I do think it is true about the United States at least.

Honestly, I think we scare people. People have all kinds of preconcieved notions and beliefs but the Soul and the body not in synch with one another without any really explainable reason... Well that just blows people's minds or may actually spark something within themselves that aren't necissarily in synch with the body and mind. When people are scared of something it is kind of like walking in the dark alone and laughing instead of feeling fear.

I Like this article.

Yes being trans is suffering, but why? because why ARE trans? NO. But because how we are made to feel as trans, and how we are treated as trans by society.

I dont think we suffer because we are trans, but because of how we are treated by society.

If we were never mocked or judged because of what we liked, how we pressensed, or how we identified. would any of realy suffer as much as we do?

I mean if saying "hey i like you but i have a penis," didnt offened or disgust an admira, and was met with "your nice and everything but lets just be freinds." yeah it would still be hard but not as much I dont think.

The same with everything els too. would comming out be half as hard without all the fear of rejetion. And wouldnt those who do reject us be so much less likely to do so if they too wernt so scared of being shuned themself?

of course there is a lot more things envoloved, but still trans means suffering not because we are trans, but because thats how society makes it for us as trans.

I Can only hope the more society accepts the less painfull it will be.

Because being trans doesnt need to be even half as hard as it is.