Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've noticed that the ratio of lesbian to straight orientation transfemales is VERY rare. I mean I use to feel back then when i first began transition (acceptance and mental preparation) that because I still liked girls that it invalidated my transgender status because girls are supposed to like guys etc. that thought process is obviously gone now, but it still feels somewhat strange... I mean what are the odds that I would be not only something as RARE as transgender but also something as rare as being a lesbian?

When I see other girls on here talk about their new found intense attraction to the opposite sex (men), I don't wanna say that I get jealous, but I do get a strange feeling still.. it just makes me wonder why I (a person who USE to be bi and have fantasies about men) turned out to be purely gay female, despite my previous desires for male interaction ~ Don't get me wrong, I'm happy and glad because i can't stand men (on a romantic relationship level of any kind) and can barely stand them as friends; and the men I DO find at least somewhat mentally stimulating are the ones that have a more feminine behavior to them in both attitude and appearance.. (sorry, i digressed a bit too long before making the point), I'm glad because it allowed me to stay with my wife and still remain fully attracted to her, if not MORE attracted to her in MORE ways than just one. So I guess if there needs to be a question here; I'd like to see how many other transpeople remained or realized that they were gay (respective to true gender identity, not assigned at birth identity). I guess i just wanna feel like i'm not the only one xD

2nd interesting change - before transition, i wouldn't say i was sexist, but i did have my share of generalized ideals about women and men... and I felt pretty much unmotivated or apathetic about womens rights or male privilege etc. But since transitioning, I've literally become somewhat of a feminist. Not an extreme feminists that you see these days with ridiculous ideals and extremist responses, but just a feminist in the sense that it truly disgusts me how women are treated in this country AND other countries, and misogynistic behavior REALLY rubs me the wrong way whereas back then it had no effect on me whatsoever, whether it was defending male rights or female rights, i couldn't be bothered to care. Now it really has a profound effect on me to the point where I've become a minimal feminist. I mean i still laugh at sexist jokes but thats because its all in good fun, but true sexism against women almost makes me feel as though it effects me directly. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not misandrist or anything (funny enough theres a word for misogynist but not for misandrist haha xD).

So yeah, anyone else feel a sort of duty to their true gender identity? I may not have been born female (and maybe this is just the hormones working correctly) but I feel equal to the struggle. I've already experienced sexism despite still not being 100% passable. Any other semi-feminists out there? or even FTM's who felt a certain way about male gender rights or privilege etc. I dont aim to cause a gender war, but just to gauge interesting responses ~ nothing wrong with showing pride in your gender identity (as I'm sure we are all far well aware lol)

tl;dr - how many others transitioned and became or remained gay in relation to their true gender, and how many others felt a sort of pride or sense of equal duty to the rights of their true gender identity?

Anyway, sorry for making this really long, Im just not very good at summarizing... hope it proves for an engaging thread :3 feel free to ignore this if it doesn't really apply to you. I hope none of this sounds stupid or silly >.< I live to learn.

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Curious Inquiry: Could being a lesbian have any connection to being more feminist? Because i've seen others on here and elsewhere mention how a lot of lesbians are very feminist. Interesting observation 0_o

I've always identified strongly with feminism, even before I knew I was trans. HRT has made change some of my views, now that I'm aware of the intense differences between the sexes that our chemical makeup brings about.

I'm intensely jealous of straight trans women. They get to experience a major part of womanhood that is closed to me.

Quote from: suzifrommd on May 29, 2014, 12:30:11 PM
I'm intensely jealous of straight trans women. They get to experience a major part of womanhood that is closed to me.

This makes so much sense to me that i feel like a goof for not realizing it before. Perhaps that's why i feel the way I feel, because its such an integral part of womanhood that it leaves one wanting despite not REALLY wanting.

Well both are fine with me. Women and femininity is a wonderous thing, tender, emotional, understanding one another on a deep level, listening attentivly to one another and actually caring. Guys on the other hand is a totally different experience. Masculinity can comfort me when I feel fear, I feel safe walking down the street and not to mention the bedroom aspects and I insist they take charge. I find both equally rewarding. But seriously there are straight cis women and lesbian, butch and lipstick. And then you have me, a lipstick bi lesbian with straight tendancies. Really though nopthing to feel funny about because the heart wants what the heart wants.

I Think that although we are aware of things like sexism, we experience it first from one side and then the other. And that in itself strengthens our femininity.

Sorry cant really add to this, but thought I would add my thought all the same. I'm not on hormones yet and although I can say woman definitely appeal to me more, but not as of yet in a sexual way. (It would be interesting if this developed with hormones?)

I enjoyed some aspects of being gender nonconforming before transition. I fought fiercely for my right to be a normal human and have rights and stuff even though I was a girl, and a lot of people seemed to like that. I was frequently assumed to be a lesbian even though I dated boys, and I was ambivalent about that. After transition, well I guess I'm gay now. But my feelings and attractions never changed. I got to enjoy to some degree the freedom of being heterosexual before transition. Now I don't know. I still like boys but it's pretty invisible, and when I express feminist opinions I'm sometimes assumed to be quoting some kind of liberal script or something. My experiences of gender issues are no longer valid in some environments because I'm not a woman.

Like suzi said about being jealous of straight trans women, I'm jealous of straight (cis or trans) men. I think maybe life would be less confusing if I could manage to be a heterosexual. It would still be hurtful to notice how much easier and safer social life is as a man, but at least then I would be a little more "normal" than I am now.

This is a complicated topic so I might have oversimplified things in my answers.

I've always been gay; I've felt it since I was in my teens. Unfortunately I was living in a female body at the time, which made it extremely difficult to express my gayness.

Why is that? Simply because gay men aren't generally attracted to female-bodied people. So if I wanted to be with a guy, I felt I had no choice but to go for a straight guy, because as far as I could tell that was the only type of guy I could attract with the parts I had. And yes, I felt (and feel) jealous of gay cisguys (but not straight cisguys, oddly enough), because they don't realise how lucky they are that nature has gifted them with the right body parts for our sexuality.

So I dated straight guys. I eventually married one and had a couple of kids. But I was always uncomfortable with the fact that they seem to fixate on the body parts I was most uncomfortable with. I let them use those parts because it clearly made them happy. But I was dying inside.

I then started transitioning and the doctors warned me that HRT might change my sexual orientation, so I kept an open mind and waited to see what would happen. But now that I've been on HRT for 9 months I can tell you that my sexual orientation seems to have solidified even more than before. I am now 100% certain about my attraction to men.... and that I'm not attracted to women in any way whatsoever. I'm also optimistic that with further hormonal treatment and surgery I will finally be able to express my sexuality as I've always wanted to do. And my jealousy of cisguys is easing off too: I'll have a reasonable facsimile of the right equipment soon enough, so there's light at the end of the tunnel.

So not only has HRT made me even more certain about my complete lack of any attraction to women, it's also confirmed that straight men are wrong for me.

N/A

I'm gay. And I have no regrets on the subject. I really don't get the idea of missing out on a "major piece of womanhood." I mean, no offense, but I don't need a penis in my vagina to feel female. Kind of a creepy concept to me, frankly. I am as I am, as I always have been.

Sure, life would be easier if I was straight. But so what? Girls are awesome. Gay girls are more awesome. And my girlfriend is the most awesome! I wouldn't trade that for anything... the way I feel for her, feel when we are together, when she touches me, when her fingers slide along my skin, her lips on mine... sorry, what were we talking about? ;)

Oh, and I've identified as a feminist since I knew what the word meant (like 6 years old). It's a part of how I was raised by my folks. Experiencing sexism first-hand has been enlightening, but hasn't changed my politics.

I'm bi with a preference for dudes and that's remained the same. I think I did change a bit, but that was because I acknowledged and accepted my dysphoria which affected a lot.
Before I started socially transitioning, I experienced sexism without realizing it. Since then, I've been able to look back and examine how I and others were treated and be able to recognize it for what it was. (Not because I'm a guy. I don't know if now I see it because I'm healthier mentally or because of differences socially, but it's probably one or both of those.) As a result, yeah, I'd say I'm a lot more feminist.

According to my roommate, I was much more bisexual before I started hormones. That's just his opinion, but he has been frustrated over the years by how we can't bond over sexy ladies anymore because I just don't notice them.

I have more attraction to masculine and androgynous women than I used to, but I suspect some of that is maybe I avoided them in the past because I was tired of being always labeled as a lesbian. I also have more attraction to transpeople in general than I did before transition. I'm not sure what to make of that. I think my taste in men hasn't changed. I always liked variety in men and I still do.

First of all, sexism DOES affect me; I'm a woman, and a feminist, and society (and men) treat me that way. I don't have it any better than my cis sisters that way - maybe worse, since there's the lurking issue of transmisogyny on top of the standard-issue kind and my "being treated as cis" status is conditional on people not knowing/caring that I'm trans.

Secondly, I started off bisexual but maybe 10% interested in men. Now it's more like 20%, but I'm still primarily into women. I also don't think HRT changed my orientation, personally, as that I discovered that being treated as a woman by a straight man is different (and *far* more appealing to me) than being treated as a gay man by gay men. I don't know what you mean by a "duty" to my gender identity, though. I never felt like my orientation had anything to do with my gender identity, and I don't think women MUST be interested in men (obviously!).

Quote from: Jenna Marie on May 31, 2014, 11:10:01 AMI don't know what you mean by a "duty" to my gender identity, though. I never felt like my orientation had anything to do with my gender identity, and I don't think women MUST be interested in men (obviously!).

That was intended to be related to the gender rights part, not the orientation part :P

For MTFs, about 30% end up liking women, about 30% like men, about 30% like both with the remainder not really being attracted to anyone.  For a transgender woman, you are not that rare.

A lot of us end up being feminist.  Seeing things as a man then as a woman tends to change the view somewhat.

Welcome to womanhood!

Hugs,

Jen

Emily : Oh! That makes a lot more sense. :) Then yes, I do feel that duty, I guess - though I'm not sure if it's because of solidarity with the sisterhood or that I'm suffering right alongside everyone else, if that makes any sense.

I see it coming and going in waves here, sometimes it feels like there are more straight trans women on Susans, sometimes the opposite.  In any case there are more bi/gay trans women than cis, at least that admit those feelings.   It isn't a big deal to be gay, embrace it, it makes you no less a woman, and certainly no less trans.

Sometimes I wish I was gay, cause I'm like you, I prefer hanging out with other women, and if I'm meant to live with somebody the rest of my life, I would want it to be a woman.  Unfortunately the attraction doesn't seem to be there.   And men can be great don't get me wrong, they just usually have different interests than me, and are frustratingly closed off, but idk how I would even feel about a man (at least in the attraction dept) that shared my interests, how hypocritical, eh?

Anyway.. regarding feminism, yes.  I used to be pro women's rights, for sure, but now... it is probably the single most important issue for me.  Really nothing gets me more riled up, to the point that I have to avoid the subject most of the time, cause I know I can't be reasonable about it.

Before transitioning I was a straight woman and after transitioning I'm still a straight woman.

I'm all for women's rights, equal pay, etc., but I'm uncomfortable with trying to blur the lines too much. Men and women both have wonderful traits about them that pertain only to them and we should be proud of how different we are!

Quote from: Jenna Marie on May 31, 2014, 11:01:57 PM
Emily : Oh! That makes a lot more sense. :) Then yes, I do feel that duty, I guess - though I'm not sure if it's because of solidarity with the sisterhood or that I'm suffering right alongside everyone else, if that makes any sense.

thats actually exactly what im talking about :D

I just feel that now that I embrace my womanhood and fully believe that I was never really a man to begin with, that the suffering (while i have not endured it for the same amount of time as my cis counterparts) is equal and I feel a sense of duty to stand up for my gender, despite me not having been born cis-female. I've experienced sexism already in my journey, and not only that but I guess i've become more sympathetic and empathetic to the women's rights cause because of all the disgusting ways that women are treated in this world... before transition, i couldn't be bothered to care... but now I just feel a sense of pride in my femininity as if I were female my entire life. I can only hope that my MAAB status does not invalidate it in the eyes of ciswomen. I mean i was always for equal rights regardless of gender back in my male days, but ive never been as offended and disgusted by the blatant sexism i see now compared to before when I just didnt give a F&*$

Quote from: JLT1 on May 31, 2014, 10:40:19 PM
A lot of us end up being feminist.  Seeing things as a man then as a woman tends to change the view somewhat.

Welcome to womanhood!

Hugs,

Jen

honestly, i have to admit that its not just empowering but it feels good to feel like I can stand up for my true gender identity... nothing sucks more than taking the neutral route simply out of apathy >_< which is exactly how I use to be...

Quote from: Jen on June 02, 2014, 10:39:36 AM

Anyway.. regarding feminism, yes.  I used to be pro women's rights, for sure, but now... it is probably the single most important issue for me.  Really nothing gets me more riled up, to the point that I have to avoid the subject most of the time, cause I know I can't be reasonable about it.

Well, all in all its relieving to say the least. I mean, sometimes I wonder what it might be like to be a straight woman... but the moment i even try find an attraction in men.. i just end up getting annoyed -_- maybe i just have impossibly high standards for men... or maybe in order for me to like men, they have to be borderline women LOL and that obviously defeats the purpose.

and yes. so much yes about what you said... before I was nothing but apathetic, now I can't so much as hear a sexist comment or even TALK about conflicting ideas of rape culture without my blood boiling. If you were to ask my wife about my ideals on abortion... she'd probably say "please dont get her started." lol

Luckily I pride myself on being friends with intelligent people who wouldnt make such generalized judgements based on gender. I honestly have to hold my tongue every time my ex-best friend would say how she cant have sex or enjoy sex or talk about masturbation because its not lady-like and would make her sound like a "slut"... UGH, slut shaming really drives me up a wall. But I digress lol didn't realize till now that this post had gained momentum :P

Proud to be a lesbian  :)

I dont feel bad about it at all , I just want to live like that

I also went from bi to lesbian on HRT, which surprised me a bit since I had developed an increased interest in men in the last couple of years before HRT.

My feminist views changed partly because I have a new perspective on things, and partly because I'm a bit offended when people have lower expectations from me now compared to before. People used to think my music was ok, but now it's suddenly mind-blowing that a girl can write music without help from men. If anything, estrogen only improved my song writing :P

Most of the trans men I know are straight or queer and are with women/prefer women.  I feel like the odd guy out in that I loved men before transition, and love them more after transition.

Jay

On HRT, I still like women as much as ever. If anything, I think I have started to think of more butch and masculine women as less attractive than before. To me this is kinda puzzling, and worrying as my dating pool was already going to be small, I was actually sort of hoping HRT might "broaden" my horizons on who I was attracted to not limit them, but I have resigned just to embrace how I feel, since I can't really change that, and small dating pool or not maybe I will get lucky and find someone. Whatever, I am a femme lesbian, whatever the chances there are far worse things to be.

As far as women's rights go, I have always considered myself something of a feminist but, I find myself much more aware of female misogyny now, since I see women trash women much more than pre HRT and I can only think that is my perception that has changed rather than the world. I also find myself feeling guilty more when comments that reinforce stereotypes are offered by my friends, especially in relation to myself. Like sure I am really bad at math, and they will make an off-handed comment about my math skills like "welcome to womanhood" and internally at first I am ecstatic as I am seeming to be accepted but then I feel guilty as it reinforces a bad and untrue stereotype of women...