Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: findingreason on May 29, 2014, 07:43:31 PM Return to Full Version
Title: So, so happy <3
Post by: findingreason on May 29, 2014, 07:43:31 PM
Post by: findingreason on May 29, 2014, 07:43:31 PM
This has been an amazing week. I have had counseling this week and my counselor and I tackled some major doubt concerns in a very meaningful way. My counselor also mirrored me on some of the major themes she picked up on how I identify. In addition, I was able to open the door to my past and realize where some of my fears resided, and how the rooted with my mother and her negative reactions to my desires to know what living like a girl was like. It traumatized me for many years and I didn't even realize it, and paralyzed me on the idea of physical transition for so long. I thought for sure somehow I'd be making a mistake for many years, and didn't realize it was that fear sitting inside me. It lifted a LOT off my shoulders to identify that trauma, accept it, and let it flow away. My SO has also come to terms with my future transition, and has even told me I will always be her girl. <3 Our love is unwavering and unconditional for each other, and we are willing to adapt in new ways as I have been accepting who I am inside.
I am beginning to truly become comfortable with myself, and beginning to love who I am as a girl, as a human being. Many years I have spent hating and putting myself down, and when I realized how bad I was being to myself, I realized I needed to change. That turn around and perspective my friend helped me see in our discussion a couple months ago of self-hatred was truly life changing. I have accepted that I cannot run from myself anymore, and that I need to embrace it. And my overall morale, self-expression, sense of well-being, and depression have improved by incredible amounts since I came to this realization. :) I don't want to attack myself anymore, and I don't want to fight with or push myself down anymore. I don't want to punish myself. I want to open myself, and let the world see me, and let my soul run free, let my life blossom into what it is, and my talents and abilities shine through to make a difference in my life and the lives of others around me.
I am beginning to truly become comfortable with myself, and beginning to love who I am as a girl, as a human being. Many years I have spent hating and putting myself down, and when I realized how bad I was being to myself, I realized I needed to change. That turn around and perspective my friend helped me see in our discussion a couple months ago of self-hatred was truly life changing. I have accepted that I cannot run from myself anymore, and that I need to embrace it. And my overall morale, self-expression, sense of well-being, and depression have improved by incredible amounts since I came to this realization. :) I don't want to attack myself anymore, and I don't want to fight with or push myself down anymore. I don't want to punish myself. I want to open myself, and let the world see me, and let my soul run free, let my life blossom into what it is, and my talents and abilities shine through to make a difference in my life and the lives of others around me.
Title: Re: So, so happy <3
Post by: LordKAT on May 29, 2014, 07:46:55 PM
Post by: LordKAT on May 29, 2014, 07:46:55 PM
It sounds like you are freeing yourself. I'm glad your SO is on board with it.
Title: Re: So, so happy <3
Post by: Goldfish on May 29, 2014, 08:18:16 PM
Post by: Goldfish on May 29, 2014, 08:18:16 PM
Congratulations :D That sounds like a lot of positive progress in such a short space of time.
Quote from: findingreason on May 29, 2014, 07:43:31 PMHopefully, it's just the start...
And my overall morale, self-expression, sense of well-being, and depression have improved by incredible amounts since I came to this realization. :)
Title: Re: So, so happy <3
Post by: PoeticHeart on May 29, 2014, 08:19:00 PM
Post by: PoeticHeart on May 29, 2014, 08:19:00 PM
Good on you! :D I'm always thrilled to see a success story.
In my time with therapy, (in my case) I found that identifying trauma is the key to beating it. Once I understood what was scaring me, I knew what to fight. Otherwise, I was reaching out into the darkness, just hoping I grabbed the right monster. In regards to your SO, yes a million times! My SO also is willing to embark on this journey with me. In moments like these, I reflect on Laverne Cox's words: "Loving trans people is a revolutionary act."
In my time with therapy, (in my case) I found that identifying trauma is the key to beating it. Once I understood what was scaring me, I knew what to fight. Otherwise, I was reaching out into the darkness, just hoping I grabbed the right monster. In regards to your SO, yes a million times! My SO also is willing to embark on this journey with me. In moments like these, I reflect on Laverne Cox's words: "Loving trans people is a revolutionary act."
Title: Re: So, so happy <3
Post by: KittyKat on May 29, 2014, 08:33:50 PM
Post by: KittyKat on May 29, 2014, 08:33:50 PM
Thank you for sharing the happiness and hope you have a lot more to come. Think positive and it'll be positive :)
Title: Re: So, so happy <3
Post by: Rachel on May 29, 2014, 08:55:37 PM
Post by: Rachel on May 29, 2014, 08:55:37 PM
Congratulations, I am happy for you.
Title: Re: So, so happy <3
Post by: findingreason on May 29, 2014, 10:39:23 PM
Post by: findingreason on May 29, 2014, 10:39:23 PM
Thank you everyone. :) It really has been amazing lately. Making the resolve to take care of myself and care for who I am has literally been making all the difference.
I agree. It's like taking blind stabs or shots at an enemy when you have a blindfold on. It's nearly impossible. But once I can see it, it becomes easier to make a plan to handle said trauma or fear.
And you are absolutely right. I am so grateful for her every single day. I do all I can for her, and am truly blessed to be with her. :) The kind of support she has given has gone soooo far in helping me working through this and realizing that this can be done, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Quote from: PoeticHeart on May 29, 2014, 08:19:00 PM
Good on you! :D I'm always thrilled to see a success story.
In my time with therapy, (in my case) I found that identifying trauma is the key to beating it. Once I understood what was scaring me, I knew what to fight. Otherwise, I was reaching out into the darkness, just hoping I grabbed the right monster. In regards to your SO, yes a million times! My SO also is willing to embark on this journey with me. In moments like these, I reflect on Laverne Cox's words: "Loving trans people is a revolutionary act."
I agree. It's like taking blind stabs or shots at an enemy when you have a blindfold on. It's nearly impossible. But once I can see it, it becomes easier to make a plan to handle said trauma or fear.
And you are absolutely right. I am so grateful for her every single day. I do all I can for her, and am truly blessed to be with her. :) The kind of support she has given has gone soooo far in helping me working through this and realizing that this can be done, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.