Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Presenting as cis female, I never got hit on. Ever. EVER.

But since I've begun my transition to male, and presenting as male, and people perceiving me as male... It's only been about 3 or 4 weeks, but I've been hit on by guys and girls, at least four times?  o___o;  I guess I make a better looking guy than I did a girl, and I definitely have more confidence presenting as male because it's who I really am.

But seriously.

A woman hit on me, while I was at McDonald's with my dad. She was watching me, while I was in the lineup, and when my dad went to sit and I was waiting for food, she came over and was flirting with me.

I am completely out of my depth. I don't know how to deal with this?  >.>
And I'm a liiiittle scared that it's going to get worse, when I start college in September.

Advice would be very helpful?
But also, stories from you guys?
Like, did this happen to you? Never getting hit on, and then once you transition, you feel a little bit like you're beating them off with sticks?

trust me, i know your pain. i get hit on by mostly guys every time i go out. some even go further and follow me home. when i was in complete male mode, i was ignored, almost invisible, when i let go and started acting more androgynous, on some days, female, i get so much attention is like i cant breathe. wish i could help you how to handle this because frankly i cant take it and sometimes i just wanna kick those pervs in the stomach.

I don't know what youa re talking about, since nobody ever hits on me. EVER.

Quote from: Emily29 on June 08, 2014, 05:02:33 PM
I don't know what youa re talking about, since nobody ever hits on me. EVER.

trust me, your day will come so prepare for it lol.

I haven't even started t yet, but something is causing women (who I perceive to be straight but who knows for sure) to obviously flirt with me.
It is very disorienting. I guess we'll eventually figure it out?

I guess, it's a little flattering at first, because I think it means they're physically attracted to me, but at the same time, I don't know how to deal with it- like, I don't know how to let them down easy, because I'm normally very blunt. And I veerrrryyyy recently got my heart broken and right at this moment, I just really want to be invisible for the 20 years or so.

Can't say I've been there.

I was hit on a lot before I came out as trans. Basically, I'd just act as if they weren't flirting with me.

I usually have to beat the ladies off with a bat. Men, dammit!

Yes, when I actualy put work into my presentation. (unlike my have a bit of fun with silly tails avi )

But yeah, I defo get a lot more attention now then I did before. (even from girls)

i never know when a girl is flirting with me or not lol so i never know if im getting hit on and just oblivious to it

Do you have a wedding ring?  Wearing that, may help.  You can also just tell them you are married.

If they are less overt, like Edge said, you can just pretend like they aren't flirting with you; don't respond to the bait, so to speak.

Like you said it is probably your confidence and comfort with self that is attracting people to you for the first time.  Perhaps you are caring more about your appearance now since you like the way you look?  Or maybe people were flirting with you in the past, but you didn't notice because you felt so ->-bleeped-<-ty about yourself.  Lots of possible reasons.

Women before and after. I'm blond so being in Japan means I get a lot if attention. I would be flattered, but they are all school girls between 14-18... Too young! And I'm gay. Had a fun experience with a couple of drunk salary men who told me they hadn't ever been with a guy but they told me "for a pretty boy like you we'd make an exception".

Old ladies think I'm adorable though so it makes up for it.

I should add I'm married so I didn't take the drunk guys up on their "generous" offer. But one of them was quite the looker.

Quote from: Frank on June 08, 2014, 07:09:58 PM
I usually have to beat the ladies off with a bat. Men, dammit!

:laugh: I second that Frank.

Quote from: Frank on June 08, 2014, 07:09:58 PM
I usually have to beat the ladies off with a bat. Men, dammit!

thus why most girls go les because all the good men seem to go gay xD ;D

It's good to know at least, I'm not the only gay ftm around here  <3

Quote from: Rawb on June 08, 2014, 11:37:41 PM
It's good to know at least, I'm not the only gay ftm around here  <3

men, smh xD

Since I'm still presenting as a girl (cause I need measure up myself for a binder), I don't really care much about getting hit on or even looked at.

Of course, I like guys no matter what (my friend who I call hubby is a FtM as well and I wish I could bring him where I live so we could cuddle and go out places together cause he's just so cute).

Anyways, I did go out with my mama to a store nearby us. I was wearing my typical guy like clothes (Guy jeans, Sabaton shirt that is xl to make boobs less noticed, and collared shirt unbuttoned for comfort) Apparently, these guys were staring at me and one nearly feel out of the back of the truck. I am oblivious to that kind of stuff so it was my mama who noticed.

Idk how to deal with it, but I wish you luck Rawb.

Reaver

Quote from: Rawb on June 08, 2014, 11:37:41 PM
It's good to know at least, I'm not the only gay ftm around here  <3

Nope, there are a fair number of us.

As a girl, I used to get hit on a fair deal but I hadn't been hit on since I started transitioning until last week.  I actually didn't even realize it at the time.  I went into the local donut place before work(wearing my work scrubs, woo) and I ordered two donuts.  The cashier was like, "Oh, here, I'll give you an extra."  And while she was ringing me up, she was asking where I work and leaning on the counter and smiling.  It wasn't until I got to my car that I was like, "Holy crap, she was flirting with me."

It was weird.  But strangely satisfying.

When I was presenting female the only times I'd ever even get looked at was when I would actually dress up which was like 3 times a year? lol But as a male now I get all sorts of people staring. And not just I catch them glancing then dropping their eyes. I'm talking full on staring at me, some have flirted, others give me that look though of I'm just this interesting person walking around. It can be unsettling when I'm by my self.
But I chalk it up to me finally being more confident. Confident people just seem to draw in others so much more than someone who isn't. Me finally feeling like my self after so long just really hits home for me and I think people can see that and feed off it.
Before I would barely say anything to anyone running errands and interacting with people but now, I make witty comments and just over all feel so much better about approaching conversations. I'm all up for some mild flirting though. I know I'm not going to jump at someone because I'm faithful to my husband. But knowing that people find me attractive makes me feel pretty good. Let's me know I'm doing something right.

Well, I certainly never got hit on by anyone pre-T. 

Now - well, I wouldn't say I'm beating anyone off with sticks.  I think there is one girl at my work who flirts with me sometimes, but I'm not that good at reading the "signs".  Other than that, I don't think people flirt with me at all.

I get hit on a lot, and mainly by straight people.  :-\

Back when I presented as female, it was straight guys. I used to find it deeply uncomfortable to be hit on by straight guys - no matter how attractive they were - because they were attracted to me for all the wrong reasons: they wanted to play with the bits I hated.

Now that I look & sound convincingly male, it's straight women. Straight women seem much more subtle in their flirting than straight guys. It's kinda cute and flattering in a way, but they're definitely barking up the wrong tree.  ;D

What I really want is to have more gay guys hitting on me. Guess I need to hang out in more suitable places.

Haha, Id just be enjoying it if I were you! :p

I cant really think of a time when Ive been hit on in person, it just doesn't happen. Not from girls my age anyway. However, women over 60 seem to love me...! I don't know how many times Ive been told "if I was your age...". Haha.

Quote from: Ryan55 on June 08, 2014, 07:24:42 PM
i never know when a girl is flirting with me or not lol so i never know if im getting hit on and just oblivious to it

wow, I wish some delicious man would hit on me.

I'm pretty sure I just got hit on by the girl working at McDonald's. I'm not really interested in women, but it was still flattering to get the "I recognize that you are a male and find you cute" pass.

Aside from that out of the ordinary event, I don't get hit on nearly as often as when I wasn't trying to pass. I can't say I mind, since then it was just straight men hitting on me for reasons that creeped me out, as others have pointed out. Better to get hit on by no one as a guy than hundreds of dudes because they think you're a girl, I guess.

I'm starting to get hit on a lot and for me it's unnerving. Especially because it's mostly men and beside the fact I'm only into girls, I'm not used to it so I just giggle a bit (I probably look foolish!) and try and walk away. I'm afraid of being rude or hurting feelings because I don't know what to say. I hope I get used to it soon. When my SO is with me she just laughs at my awkwardness in dealing with it, and tells me Id better get used to it. I wish she'd tell me how to deal with it politely, but I guess she's having too much fun watching my awkwardness. :icon_burn:

Ally :icon_flower:

This is going to sound like I'm really stuck on myself, but here it goes. Pre-transition apparently just my existence was a threat to women who had the bad luck to occupy the same space with me. Now that I pass legitimately, I've got women flirting with me to the point where it's ridiculous. They act silly and make me uncomfortable. Some of them even try too hard to inflate my ego because they think it will make me attracted to them. I've also noticed I'm being placed, socially, in a male role when I go out with female friends. I'm deferred to and if it's a waitress, she smiles a lot and flirts so that I'll more inclined to tip the pretty, friendly girl.

Sadly other gay men see straight through to me being 'off' and 'confusing' and no one is interested in me. It's incredibly frustrating, especially since my straight, cis-gendered husband has no problem getting hit on, flirted with, propositioned, and crushed on by either gender.

I've had a few women flirt with me and it's nice to be found interesting and attractive by someone even if I am not into women. Never knew what to do with myself when it happened!

The only experience I've had so far (being Pre-T) is when I went to the mall and passed by 2 girls who were probably about 11 or 12 years old and I'm 90% sure they were talking about how cute I was. I'm glad some girls thought that, but I can't wait for the day it's girls (or guys) who are closer to my age XD

Same here. I seem to attract younger girls. Yesterday I got hit by 2 girls at the library  ;D Damn they were 14-15 years old xD
Ok, once I had a 40-something woman who was flirting with me, she was much into having a toyboy LOL!

The only people more or less of my age that think I'm handsome are gay guys. I got many proposals, but I have a girlfriend for now so. I attract those interested in twinks probably, since I'm pre-T and much more kid-like than manly  :laugh:

No one ever flirted with me. Not pre-T, not after T. Neither males nor females seem interested. That's probably why I never had a relationship in my entire life. I wouldn't flirt with me either, haha.

Quote from: Kiwi on June 10, 2014, 11:19:58 AM
Same here. I seem to attract younger girls. Yesterday I got hit by 2 girls at the library  ;D Damn they were 14-15 years old xD
Ok, once I had a 40-something woman who was flirting with me, she was much into having a toyboy LOL!

The only people more or less of my age that think I'm handsome are gay guys. I got many proposals, but I have a girlfriend for now so. I attract those interested in twinks probably, since I'm pre-T and much more kid-like than manly  :laugh:

Does that.... does that make me a twink?  >.>

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=twink

yup, the committee has made it vote xD joking with yea rawb xD

I can relate to this- VERY WELL. I'm bi, but prefer other men. Mostly only other transmen for obvious reasons related to dysphoria etc. Gay cismen hit on me all the time when I'm out in my community, it pisses me right off. Here, where I live, most think that because I'm trans*, I'll want to have *cough, cough* that kind of sex, and refer to those parts, and my chest, in a not male manner. Hence why I really despise them. I just tell them to mind their own business, ignore them, walk away etc. I don't like being drawn attention to.

Once before I was on T, an older guy (35ish?) told me my hair was very pretty and basically asked me out.  (Friendly stranger on a familiar street.  Nothing too frightening to any normal person, but I was like a deer caught in headlights made out of the Texas petawatt laser.)  Said hair was just short of shoulder-length and dyed-black at the time, but naturally blonde now and cut short-ish... nothing that special.  I wasn't used to being hit on at all, and I'm still... not. :D I think I had an aneurism trying to decide how to get out of that one, I was so freaked out, and vaguely flattered, and ditzy and speechless and incoherent all at once. Just said I had to be somewhere, which was true. I couldn't even English. :-\

The main thing that was strange for me was that I used to get hit on mostly by lesbians or by guys who were either desperate or had very specific tastes. Now I only get hit on by lesbians who know enough about transmen to notice that I am one (and like that), or by teenaged boys and older men. Like, no guy my age flirts with me, and when one does, even mildly, I'm either awkward or totally perplexed or both.

The situation can be disorienting.

And to those who think they are never hit on, or never will be hit on, you have to be wrong. You might just not have noticed it already happening. Even if it has not happened at all, if you went to a larger city (or a smaller one, little ponds and all that), you would definitely be seen by somebody as worth spending time on. Lots of somebodies. Most of them aren't necessarily good matches, but still. Humans like all sorts of types.

May I ask, how does a person tell if they are being flirted with/ or hit on?

Quote from: makipu on June 14, 2014, 09:08:56 AM
May I ask, how does a person tell if they are being flirted with/ or hit on?

I would like to know this too

Quote from: makipu on June 14, 2014, 09:08:56 AM
May I ask, how does a person tell if they are being flirted with/ or hit on?

Well, you kind of have a sixth sense when it happens. Here are a few examples; it's guys going out of their way to hold doors open for you, and actually waiting while your in the store so they can hold the door open for you again as you come out. Guys you don't know complimenting you on say your legs, etc, and of course there's those winks with a smile from across the isle in the grocery store. These are examples of flirting. As for hitting on you, you'll know that when it happens. Some guy, or girl you don't know will strike up a conversation with you for which the end result might be a dinner invitation, or ask you for your phone number, etc., etc. Like I said though these are just examples of flirting and getting hit on.

Hope it helps.

Ally :icon_flower:

I have no idea if guys are flirting with me.
Otherwise, it's extra eye contact, extra casual touches, extra effort at small talk, and extra smiles.