Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi - just wondering if anyone has volunteered with Big Brothers/Big Sisters?  I am in a bit of a pickle. I applied roughly 6 years ago, prior to starting T.  At the time, I wanted a little brother, which they would allow, but advised it would take a really long time to match me since little dudes usually want guy mentors.  I went through the whole process and was approved.  They did say, because I advised them that I was a lesbian that the parents and the child both had to be okay with that.  Basically, over a year went by and I never was matched.  I eventually told them I was no longer able to commit to volunteering.  Now, I have a lot of free time on my hands, and being my true self am interesting in joining again.  They have a very large need for male volunteers.  I am curious how I should answer the application as to if I've applied before.  I am not fond of lying and I don't know how far their records go back.  My concern is that if the parents AND child had to be okay with me being a lesbian, I'm guessing they will have to know I am trans and I will be back in the same situation of no kid wanting me as their volunteer.  Even if I was matched, this really bothers me because most people in my life don't even know I'm trans, yet I have to tell complete strangers when I personally feel it's irrelevant.  I'm a guy - plain and simple. I'm one of those who considers it a purely medical thing, not a lifestyle. The kid and his parents don't need to know or have attention brought to what is or is not in my pants, and that's all I feel like it's doing.  Thoughts/advice/opinions?

I can't give you any advice, because I'm too confused to give anyone advice, but I can tell you that if I were personally in that scenario I would simply file as the new me. Having the same SS Number would be the only way they could figure it out anyway, if their computer system was even anywhere close to being that comprehensive. It shouldn't matter, but honestley, if it matters to that organization enough that they figure out you applied before as a female, then they will probably be pretty difficult to deal with...

If you legally changed your name, you could just reapply. I don't know how together they would be about applications, being a not-for-profit. BTW, FWIW, I would bet that nobody here considers it a "lifestyle" but it's not really what you think, it's what they would think. I've heard that they are trans friendly. It might just be the local one and not national or any chapters.

--Jay

I would reapply and not mention your prior experience. If they do notice the discrepancy in their records, I'm sure they would understand the importance of your wanting to just be a regular guy without an asterisk.

If they do notice, or if you decide to apply as trans, that shouldn't rule out all matches. Your interests and strengths and values would (officially, at least) be more relevant when figuring out if you'd be good for a particular kid.

The way I understand it, these people always do a thorough background check because they can't afford not to. So if you got as far as filling out paperwork or having the actual background check, they likely still have your social on file, not to mention your address and driver's license number. If you apply anew and any of the new info lines up with the old info, they will know who you are.

If you apply again, you will be asked about prior names as well. If they have all of this information on file and you leave off your old name on the new app, you can kiss Big Brothers good-bye. If they don't have it, they will still want to know about your old name, but you might be able to get creative about that, depending on the circumstances.

You can always call and ask how long they keep records on people who got as far as you did. They might want to look you up at that point, though, so be ready for that.

I had a situation kind of like this. I tried to donate blood when I was around twenty-five but was rejected. A quarter century later, I tried again because the prohibitions had lightened up some. The blood bank STILL had me on file, but as a female, and refused to change my gender marker. The SSN was a dead giveaway.

I don't know where you live, but there are starting to be some chapters of Big Brothers, Big Sisters, that have a specific LGBT part to it, for gay/trans kids to get hooked up with Big gay/trans people.  Now the child can still choose to go with a straight Big Bro/Big Sis (even if they identify as gay/trans), but usually they want a queer adult.  How FANTASTIC would it be for an identified FTM kid to get you as a Big Brother!  I think the chapters that have this available is small, but I would check into it.

I am going to say that I am trans to avoid it appearing like I am a liar if my information shows up.  I put no on my application and no previous names but will just explain that I didn't want to confuse anyone and thought it would be better to advise them of it face to face.  My interview with them is tonight, and if I need to come out to the parents or child, I will just advise them that would put me in a position where I would not be able to volunteer with their agency.  Thanks everyone for the responses.

Quote from: JesseO on June 09, 2014, 04:23:56 PM
I am going to say that I am trans to avoid it appearing like I am a liar if my information shows up.  I put no on my application and no previous names

It's better to put down something--"I'll discuss in person" or something like that--but what's done is done. I knew someone who lied on an application, and the lie was spotted immediately. However, if you explain right away, I think they will understand.

If you are willing to be out to the Big Brothers organization, that goes a long way toward solving the problem. I think that being stealth to BB, or trying to be, is a big gamble.

I have to say, though, that one of your assets is that you are in the LGBTQ universe and really ought to be paired with an LGBTQ kid! But that probably won't happen if you don't want to be out to the kid and his family. Just my opinion, of course. I would never tell someone to out himself if he didn't want to. I certainly wouldn't out myself voluntarily if I were in the same position.

Good luck with the interview.

Quote from: Arch on June 10, 2014, 02:51:21 PM
It's better to put down something--"I'll discuss in person" or something like that--but what's done is done. I knew someone who lied on an application, and the lie was spotted immediately. However, if you explain right away, I think they will understand.

If you are willing to be out to the Big Brothers organization, that goes a long way toward solving the problem. I think that being stealth to BB, or trying to be, is a big gamble.

I have to say, though, that one of your assets is that you are in the LGBTQ universe and really ought to be paired with an LGBTQ kid! But that probably won't happen if you don't want to be out to the kid and his family. Just my opinion, of course. I would never tell someone to out himself if he didn't want to. I certainly wouldn't out myself voluntarily if I were in the same position.

Good luck with the interview.

My kid has had some big sister matches and I tried hard to select people who were LGBTQ or at least familiar with that world. There are good matches out there for you if you can get through the complications.

JesseO, I'm interested in how things have gone for you. I went through the process a few years ago and disclosed (I hadn't changed my legal documents), but never found a match. Now I'd like to become a big brother without having to disclose my status-- at least to families-- but I'm not sure if that's an option.

Hi - for anyone interested, just wanted to give an update.  I went through the whole process and they found someone they thought would be a good match.  I then went to clarify that my status as trans would not be disclosed.  A week later I get told that they would have to tell the parent and child as to "not keep any secrets".  The person I was working with this whole time did not agree with having to tell the parent/child, but apparently her supervisor was the one who thought it was necessary.  I basically explained my point of view that I have people I consider my best friends who don't know and never do I feel like I am being dishonest or keeping a secret - I am a guy.  Long story short - I am not volunteering.

Charming.

I am so sorry. That's just pure ignorance on their part. There are more unmatched Littles than there are qualified Bigs, and you could have meant the world to some kid if it weren't for grownups worrying about the wrong things.