Susan's Place Transgender Resources

At this point I've come out to many of my friends, both of my immediate siblings, and my dad.
And mostly the responses have been, "I'm not surprised" and "I saw this coming" and "I had suspected that you were"

And its like WHAT. REALLY.
THEN WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME??
And then I could've known and done this years ago,
but now here I am, 29, married, kids, and suddenly I'm gonna be a guy.
Seriously, friends of mine. Why didn't you tell me that you suspected something like this?  >.>

Because it is a journey of self discovery and you won't admit it until you are ready. Why should they risk offending you?

I wouldn't get offended at all, I'm very open about stuff. And I'm a pacifist.
And it's just really bothersome that this could of been dealt with earlier, if I had known that I was transgender. But I had no idea what trans was until fairly recently.

I remember one conversation that went something like this:

Friend: "Can I talk to you alone?"
Me: "Sure"
we walk into the back yard.
F: "Are you aware you wife has been saying you are trans? I mean, I know you probably are, but like is she talking crap about you or what?"
M:"Um, no I am not aware, but I mean it isn't talking crap I am trans."
F:"I know, I know, I mean I always suspected, but don't you think it is messed up she told people?"
M: "ARRG you always suspected but said nothing?"
F: "Uh, why would I say something about it?"

I don't get it, if you think someone is trans, maybe talk to them about it. You could be wrong, but you know you can always  test the waters and be tactful and basically avoid offending anyone and still communicate pretty effectively with them.

I always try and be proactive with my friends, but they seem very much reactive I don't get it.

I had some of those same responses, but in my case, some of my loved ones had actually talked to me about it, and I had even tried to transition a couple times, but I would periodically shove it to the back of my mind and try really hard to forget I was anything other than normal.

The ones who reacted like that were not the same ones who had approached me on the issue in the past, but still. The people closest to me seemed to know me better than I did, and they were cool with me just suppressing inconvenient details about my identity.

It's complicated though, I guess. I mean, if it's this hard for us to figure out all the right words and how to live and properly exist in society, imagine how it is for the people around us. Our identities aren't in their hands, and if they decide to say something they risk a lot for nothing.

Lol I sure wish I had those types of reactions. -_- I had so many people before go "you're so manly", "haha you look like a man", "haha you act like a man." Or comment on how I was "boobless" (always hiding them). And then when I come out these same people go " :o but you're so feminine you could never be a man I am so shocked!" To me it was just a sign of people seeing what they wanted to see.

I'm glad that the people in your life are so supportive and recognized earlier in that you were different. I can see why you wish they told you earlier, but, maybe that was their way of showing they accepted you unconditionally. As in, they didn't feel the need to point it out because they were OK with you doing whatever, whether you were male or female.

Quote from: Rawb on June 10, 2014, 11:36:48 PM
At this point I've come out to many of my friends, both of my immediate siblings, and my dad.
And mostly the responses have been, "I'm not surprised" and "I saw this coming" and "I had suspected that you were"

And its like WHAT. REALLY.
THEN WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME??
And then I could've known and done this years ago,
but now here I am, 29, married, kids, and suddenly I'm gonna be a guy.
Seriously, friends of mine. Why didn't you tell me that you suspected something like this?  >.>

But the thing is, what if you weren't? That is probably the whole reason nobody said anything. Yeah it sux but we have to deal with the cards life gives us and is really a good lesson for our younger members not to fool themselves into thinking that transgenders can keep a cisgender sharade going forever.

A conversation with a friend of thirty years who I really thought would struggle with me being trans*:

Me: So, I have some news...
Her: Yes?
Me: I'm transgender...
Her: oh, sweetie, I've always known!

I don't know. That would be an awkward conversation if they ended up not being trans. Sure, we could say we wish people had said something. But for some, it could be very offensive. Try thinking about someone walking up to you and saying "hey, look, I've been thinking. Are you a racist / Nazi / etc?" I think we'd all be pretty offended if we weren't.
it's just human nature to not talk about sensitive subjects to someone like that. Look at how guys introduce themselves to future in laws. You don't bring up things like politics, sex, etc. It's social protection.

I was telling a friend about my transitioning now. and her response was, "I feel like I knew this already somehow...I'm happy for you.  Sounds like this will be great for you." I was just glad one of my friends was brave enough to actually tell me they already new this in some form. In many ways I prefer being able to tell them rather than having them come to me especially since I was ready to talk about it with anyone.