Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: Rose City Rose on June 12, 2014, 10:16:37 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Somatic Pain in Testes From Repressed Body Dysphoria?
Post by: Rose City Rose on June 12, 2014, 10:16:37 PM
Post by: Rose City Rose on June 12, 2014, 10:16:37 PM
So I'm a late-onset, MtF mostly-straight woman, six months into my journey living full-time and fairly happy with the decision. My hair and voice are fine, I'm about 70% done with my laser hair removal, I've got a serviceable wardrobe for the time being (though I need to sell some things so I can buy more stuff to complete my wardrobe), and on my best days I'm easily read as a woman (mood and attitude seem to matter a lot). I'm changing my name this summer hopefully (if I can pay the court fee) and I've been told by my therapist and a psychiatrist that I was transitioning successfully so getting approval for SRS won't be difficult for me.
The only problem, of course, is I still have six months to go, and even when I'm done braving the dreaded first year I'll still be hoping against hope that I can write good enough books to pay for my SRS.
In the mean time, I've been noticing a lot of testicular pain and discomfort. Some of it could be from a varicocele I was diagnosed with in 2005 but I'm starting to think now that a lot of it is somatic. At any rate, suddenly I feel like this is pushing me in the direction of wanting surgery more and it's starting to manifest as true body dysphoria.
But then, I've had that somatic discomfort for a long time, and I have to wonder if my somatic discomfort wasn't an early sign of repressed gender dysphoria. Did anyone else have late-onset dysphoria and experience this before your dysphoria actually hit? If you had SRS afterward, how did it feel once you had it done? Did it come back as a phantom limb that still bothered you sometimes or did it alleviate the somatic issues completely?
I'm hoping to find some relief and that surgery will be enough.
The only problem, of course, is I still have six months to go, and even when I'm done braving the dreaded first year I'll still be hoping against hope that I can write good enough books to pay for my SRS.
In the mean time, I've been noticing a lot of testicular pain and discomfort. Some of it could be from a varicocele I was diagnosed with in 2005 but I'm starting to think now that a lot of it is somatic. At any rate, suddenly I feel like this is pushing me in the direction of wanting surgery more and it's starting to manifest as true body dysphoria.
But then, I've had that somatic discomfort for a long time, and I have to wonder if my somatic discomfort wasn't an early sign of repressed gender dysphoria. Did anyone else have late-onset dysphoria and experience this before your dysphoria actually hit? If you had SRS afterward, how did it feel once you had it done? Did it come back as a phantom limb that still bothered you sometimes or did it alleviate the somatic issues completely?
I'm hoping to find some relief and that surgery will be enough.
Title: Re: Somatic Pain in Testes From Repressed Body Dysphoria?
Post by: PoeticHeart on June 12, 2014, 10:36:40 PM
Post by: PoeticHeart on June 12, 2014, 10:36:40 PM
I'm preop so I can't speak to how that effects things.
However, I've been noticing something akin to this in myself, and it's nice to have a string of thought to attach to it.
However, I've been noticing something akin to this in myself, and it's nice to have a string of thought to attach to it.