Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I have been kind of going on a spree of telling people after getting it all out to my parents and brother the past couple of days.  It is really amazing to get it off of my chest and not feel like I am hiding something from them.  It seems like the more I tell people, the more I am growing a sense of pride in being trans which is really an amazing feeling. 

Since I never really surrounded myself with negative people, I haven't had a negative response yet... except from my wife, but I guess if anyone is allowed to respond negatively it is definitely her!   

How do YOU feel when you initially tell a friend, family member, or an acquaintance than you are trans* ?

I don't tell strangers (not ones I meet face to face anyway). With friends it's a mixture of "can't wait to tell them" and mild apprehension. But I haven't had a bad experience yet.

Quote from: FilaFord on June 15, 2014, 02:17:59 AM
How do YOU feel when you initially tell a friend, family member, or even a stranger than you are trans* ?

I'm with you. I'm incredibly proud of what I've accomplished in my transition.

Quote from: Ms Grace on June 15, 2014, 03:27:03 AM
I don't tell strangers (not ones I meet face to face anyway). With friends it's a mixture of "can't wait to tell them" and mild apprehension. But I haven't had a bad experience yet.

This. I feel very lucky, and also smart for choosing such fine friends and family...  ;) -- but I also feel sort of proud of them. Some have been accepting but a bit reserved when I first told them, but as they've seen that I'm becoming a much better version of myself, they've really warmed up to the whole thing. One family member who was quite reserved at first (some months ago now), and just didn't "get it," asked me the other day, out of the blue, what my preferred pronoun is. So she's much more accepting now, and she's been doing some homework! Made me feel great, and, yes, proud of her for making the effort.

Usually good, but if they are super conservative or religious I always feel like there is going to be the god made you perfect talk at some point in the future. That talk is hard for me depending on the closeness of the person. The closer the person the more likely I'm to respond back because I care about them more, so I can respond in a calm way that explains that in a physical sense I'm not perfect (non-trans birth defects). Where as if I'm not close I try to get out of the situation before I say something really mean or do something stupid.

I felt terrified.

Quote from: David27 on June 15, 2014, 08:25:34 AM
Usually good, but if they are super conservative or religious I always feel like there is going to be the god made you perfect talk at some point in the future. That talk is hard for me depending on the closeness of the person. The closer the person the more likely I'm to respond back because I care about them more, so I can respond in a calm way that explains that in a physical sense I'm not perfect (non-trans birth defects). Where as if I'm not close I try to get out of the situation before I say something really mean or do something stupid.

Its a scary feeling, as almost all of my friends and family are ultra conservative, however the handful of close friends I've told so far have had extremely positive responses that tells me I've chosen well. The first I told asked me, "when this administration finishes destroying the country and we're engaged in running gunfights with rogue biker gangs across the wastelands of the former United States, will you need to carry a lighter pack?" LMAO, that should give you a good idea of his political leanings. I responded by telling him probably, and that i'd also have to resort to cannibalism vis nomming on pituitary glands due to a lack of mah pillz. He cracked up. The second told me "dibs on your NFA stuff."

I'm very lucky.

Well, yesterday I came out to my primary doctor and my best friend, and I felt a mixture of panic, awkwardness and terror the entire day. I'm an Aspie, so I don't handle awkward social situations well. Once I finally tell them, it's just extreme relief and feeling like I shouldn't have put it off for so long.

Quote from: FilaFord on June 15, 2014, 02:17:59 AM
So I have been kind of going on a spree of telling people after getting it all out to my parents and brother the past couple of days.  It is really amazing to get it off of my chest and not feel like I am hiding it.  It seems like the more I tell people, the more I am growing a sense of pride in being trans which is really an amazing feeling. 

Since I never really surrounded myself with negative people, I haven't had a negative response yet. 

Tomorrow, I am taking my friend to work since his car broke down and I'm seriously considering just going in girl-mode and being like "surprise!"

How do YOU feel when you initially tell a friend, family member, or even a stranger than you are trans* ?

yup I did that too. only negative response I've had was from one sister that was, negative about anything I did. Its funny I suppose in some way I knew eventually id come out, and stayed away from judgmental people. Did worry the most about family, but ive always been so compassionate and loving and caring, what could they do? Except expected a truth full rant of how selfish and hypocritical they are :p.

And as far as acquaintances were concerned, I remove anybody  didn't care about from Facebook, and came out on there to remove if appropriate (so far haven't) and answer questions :P

...

I actually got a little bit addicted to the rush of coming out last year. Ended up being a good way to reconnect with old acquaintances though.

Nowadays there's a tinge of disappointment cause when I tell people they're new to my life and yet when I go into something that discloses my male past there is never a reaction. It's not something people are supposed to do to us but dang it I would like to hear, "You're trans! I never would have guessed!!!"

Still, absent that, I still got called pretty on Friday which is also fantastic-a-awesome.

Quote from: ErinS on June 15, 2014, 08:48:08 AM
Its a scary feeling, as almost all of my friends and family are ultra conservative, however the handful of close friends I've told so far have had extremely positive responses that tells me I've chosen well. The first I told asked me, "when this administration finishes destroying the country and we're engaged in running gunfights with rogue biker gangs across the wastelands of the former United States, will you need to carry a lighter pack?" LMAO, that should give you a good idea of his political leanings. I responded by telling him probably, and that i'd also have to resort to cannibalism vis nomming on pituitary glands due to a lack of mah pillz. He cracked up. The second told me "dibs on your NFA stuff."

I'm very lucky.

hahahahah when I randomly think about hypothetical post-apocalyptic scenarios I ponder about expiration dates and other ways to obtain the essence of life... looks like cannibalism it is!  I'm feeling hungry.

Quote from: ButterflyVickster on June 15, 2014, 05:24:44 PM
yup I did that too. only negative response I've had was from one sister that was, negative about anything I did. Its funny I suppose in some way I knew eventually id come out, and stayed away from judgmental people. Did worry the most about family, but ive always been so compassionate and loving and caring, what could they do? Except expected a truth full rant of how selfish and hypocritical they are :p.

And as far as acquaintances were concerned, I remove anybody  didn't care about from Facebook, and came out on there to remove if appropriate (so far haven't) and answer questions :P

I don't have a Facebook, so maybe I will make one with my new name whenever we decide.  It's kind of interesting that me and my wife are trying to think of girls names because she is expecting a baby girl in October (no congrats in order, we are getting divorced immediatley afterwards).  I was super nervous about telling my family, but I told my parents on Friday, then my brother on Saturday, and then all of us talked about it and got all the questions out of the way.  Now my niece and nephew know and the rest of my family lives in 2000 miles away so no biggie there.

Telling my friends sounds like it will be harder because I never really get to see them anymore.  I don't feel that sending it through a text is a good way and prefer to tell them in person. However, I also don't want for them to hear about it from anyone but me so I am a little torn.  Maybe I should throw a party and just let it all out :D

Quote from: Klaus on June 15, 2014, 04:00:27 PM
Once I finally tell them, it's just extreme relief and feeling like I shouldn't have put it off for so long.

No kidding!  I felt horrible after talking to my parents because they were so supportive and it would have been better for all of us if I would have just put it out there earlier.  Could have avoided years of depression and stupid panic attacks!

Quote from: Ms Grace on June 15, 2014, 03:27:03 AM
I don't tell strangers (not ones I meet face to face anyway).

That was a poor word choice.  Let's go with acquaintances... the people who you socialize with but don't consider friend or family.

It depends if you mean before or after transition.

Before - it was a relief, if not somewhat awkward. Especially when people accepted me. It sucked being seen as female everywhere I went, so when people addressed me as male and accepted me as male, it was a small reprieve from what I encountered on a day to day basis.

After transition - awful awful awful ugh never. I hate being outed and I very rarely do it on my own accord unless there's some legal reason I have to. As I see it, I only came out before transition because I'd be seen as a woman otherwise, and was too clearly female to just insist I was your regular every day guy. Now that I'm not seen as female, and always seen as the man I am, I see no reason to discuss the past. My past made me feel, at best, awkward. At worst, being stuck that way made me feel suicidal, hopeless, and angry. Why would I ever want or need to dredge something like that up if I could help it?

Quote from: birkin on June 15, 2014, 10:28:03 PM
It depends if you mean before or after transition.

Before - it was a relief, if not somewhat awkward. Especially when people accepted me. It sucked being seen as female everywhere I went, so when people addressed me as male and accepted me as male, it was a small reprieve from what I encountered on a day to day basis.

After transition - awful awful awful ugh never. I hate being outed and I very rarely do it on my own accord unless there's some legal reason I have to. As I see it, I only came out before transition because I'd be seen as a woman otherwise, and was too clearly female to just insist I was your regular every day guy. Now that I'm not seen as female, and always seen as the man I am, I see no reason to discuss the past. My past made me feel, at best, awkward. At worst, being stuck that way made me feel suicidal, hopeless, and angry. Why would I ever want or need to dredge something like that up if I could help it?

Oh my, I guess I never even really thought about telling people after transition.  This is probably in the wrong section.  Maybe "Coming Out" would be better?  I think telling people after transition is an entirely different scenario because I don't think there will be any excitement in it for me either!

I felt nervous before telling folk that I am trans* but felt  exhilarated afterwards.  I am probably out to about 15 or so now and the reactions have all been supportive and positive after initial concern that I may be finding it difficult to handle (not so far).  Funnily they each said words to the effect that "you are still the same person" and "how did you deal with this?"

My wife and daughter know, but I am waiting until after my son's exams until I tell him.  Not sure how he will react - this is the conversation which I am most nervous about.  Not sure I will tell my parents as I am non binary so am MTA.  They can see the changes etc but not sure that I need to turn their world upside down given that they are likely to 'blame' themselves (long story).

Will tell more and more folk when I sense that it makes sense and I feel the need for a more authentic relationship with them and with myself.

Aisla

It's kind of funny, but, I never actually 'told' anyone. They asked, I answered, when they found out from other sources.

You know...for quite a few years I did everything in my power to make sure nobody knew anything about me or my past. I eventually got to the point where I quite literally no longer cared. When I became exceptionally emotionally and psychologically secure in myself it created a state of mind where I have no stigma consciousness, am not self-deprecating, and when people are not part of my reference group their opinions truly have no value with me. Name calling, insults or invective speech have no affect on my emotional state today and it's wonderful because people cannot "hurt my feelings" anymore because I took that power away from them. Now I tell people just to explore their reactions to it. Sometimes you can see the cognitive dissonance seep out every pore on their body as they try to rationalize it to themselves.

Telling strangers, I feel absolutely fine. Telling my friends? Soooo scary, even though they were all 100% cool with it. Haven't told my family yet.

Telling my husband was awkward but I wasn't anxious about it or expecting the worst. After that I felt so much better about myself and it propelled me to speak with my mother which que'd the anxiety but not too bad. I'm not prepared to deal with extended family yet and the eventual having to do that I am dreading. I did randomly tell a family member a few weeks ago because it was necessary and I didn't hesitate at all or worry about their reaction. For the most part telling the people important to be brought great relief and I have been happier but the thought of telling a few is crippling at times.

I don't usually feel anything. I just think it's a fact about myself and if there's someone I need to tell it's for a practical reason or then it's someone I know well enough to feel that they should know. It's like telling them that "I have a nose" or "I've worked in radio".

Now if they react badly, that's when the feelings begin. But it hasn't happened to any significant degree. The only times I've felt awkward about it has been when I need to bring it up for one reason or another, but can't really find a good entry into the topic.

Unfortunately, more than anything else, I still feel ashamed when I have to say it. I almost feel like I have to attach an apology to it, or try to distance myself from it.

I'm not ashamed of myself - if anything, I am more proud of myself as a person than I have ever been in my life. But I still feel that way when I have to tell someone. I wish I could get over it.

I feel indifferent, honestly. It's kind of a chore, but one that I have no feeling about. Like doing my dishes.

I like telling people, but I managed to get into a headspace where it is really educating them about what trans really is, rather than coming out.

Told another colleague today.  Went well and felt really good.  They didn't understand trans* but a good discussion resulted and a deeper or more authentic  relationship has become possible

Aisla

I plan on telling my oldest and closest friend tonight. We'll see how that goes. I'm scared but we've known each other for a long time so I think (hope) we'll be ok.

I'm presenting more feminine at times, androgynous most of the time so I imagine some people I know are starting to get curious. I'm getting my eyebrows done tomorrow so that might get some attention as well.

Quote from: Wynternight on July 18, 2014, 04:36:23 PM
I plan on telling my oldest and closest friend tonight. We'll see how that goes. I'm scared but we've known each other for a long time so I think (hope) we'll be ok.

I'm presenting more feminine at times, androgynous most of the time so I imagine some people I know are starting to get curious. I'm getting my eyebrows done tomorrow so that might get some attention as well.

Winter night

I hope that your conversation went well and that you now have an even more authentic and closer friendship

Aisla

Quote from: Aisla on July 18, 2014, 06:04:08 PM
Winter night

I hope that your conversation went well and that you now have an even more authentic and closer friendship

Aisla

Thank you. :) I'll let you know how it works out.

Walked in on some guys at a games school I visit quite a bit talking about a trans girl they studied with a couple of years ago (who I taught once).  All positive stuff, but one guy said "isn't it funny how, every year at least one student becomes a girl."  They agreed.  Then one said "no one this year". 

I coughed and put my hand up.

"Uh, that would be me."  I chuckled.

Gob smackage.  It was great.  I answered some questions,  showed a couple of timeline pics (people never stop being amazed at the fact we change so much) and that was that.

There's a bit of apprehension but it does give way to an exhilarating rush. It reminds me of that old Kids in the Hall skit about the man everyone knew was gay except himself. He eventually, in the movie Brain Candy, busts out in a full on dance number through the town and proudly proclaims "I'm GAAAAAY" and the response is a resounding, SO WHAT? I honestly, think I've made a bigger deal about this than a good 80% of my friends. My family on the other hand, is a different story...

Most of my misgivings were more because I don't like attention on myself, and less because I was afraid of any sort of rejection.  I feel lucky that this has been the case.

Mostly relief: lengthy blurb in emails overseas; yabbing, arm waving and more head movements when in person. Maybe it's the coffee or beer effect. Or just the liberation of oneself.

Best reaction I've had was from a good friend who is a very talented drag performer. He couldn't stop saying "omg no way!" for 10 minutes when I told him.