Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: Natalie on June 16, 2014, 04:49:12 PM Return to Full Version
Title: How I got my name
Post by: Natalie on June 16, 2014, 04:49:12 PM
Post by: Natalie on June 16, 2014, 04:49:12 PM
I was recently reading a forum entry about how someone was having a hard time finding a name that was not awkward so I decided to tell the story about how I got my name. I hope you enjoy :). This is copyrighted material from my book.
Copyright © 2014 by me.
All rights reserved. This portion of my book may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of me except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.
"It was a warm breezy Halloween many years ago that started off like every other one that came before it. I decided to dress up as a girl like I had previously done so many times before, but this time it was different. For many transsexual women Halloween is the one night of the year we can dress up as ourselves and nobody gives it a second thought. No discrimination, hate, intolerance or prejudice. No, this is our night and it's a time we wait eagerly for so we can go out into the world free from the invective reactions that leaches everything good from us. The weeks prior to Halloween I went everywhere that carried Halloween costumes trying to figure out what I would wear, how I'd do my makeup and where I would spend this splendid night. Would I go to a club? How about trick or treating with my friends and their kids? I knew that sadly as quickly as it came it would be gone again and the harrowing reality that is life would creep forcefully back into my life. What a joke, my life, and a meaningless existence...like a prison sentence, but the harsh realities that surrounded my existence were forced out on this night and thrown passed the Halloween force field erected that protects us if only but for a night.
This Halloween though, I got up extra early that morning so that I could make the most of the day...so I could get out of my prison cell and get some yard time. "Bzzzzzzzz" the alarm clock screeched through the house and I jumped out of bed fully awake, standing on the mattress while starring into the mirror. "Finally!" I thought to myself, "The day is here again!" I had been waiting eagerly for this day to arrive. It was still dark outside and everyone in the house was sleeping, but not me, no, this was my day and I was going to have a great time being me. I then darted out of the bedroom scooping up the bag of Halloween items I had previous purchased and headed straight for the bathroom. It was time to try out my rusty makeup skills, to master the art of enhancing the woman I was.
In the bathroom I stood there for a moment deciding on how I was going to do my makeup. The hard tile flooring was still chilly on my feet and I could feel a slight bitterly cold breeze sneaking it's way through the small opening of the bathroom window. It felt good! I love the cold weather Fall being my favorite time of year because I can bask in the ice filled days littered sporadically with beautifully colored hills and leaves scattered about the roadways. Many see the leaves as a nuisance, but I love them even as they decay into the yard. I wish - almost, that it would last forever with me as it's happy prisoner. Today though, the mirror was my friend and no longer would I avoid it as I starred at the stranger in its reflection. That person would fall away from my reality as if he went into some blackened void sucking his life force to some unknown dimension. I watched happily as he faded away while putting on my concealer; I smirked with pleasure.
Next I carefully applied my foundation, loose powder; then proceeded to do my eyes but hesitated for a moment as I starred deeply into abyss of my hazel retina...loosing myself in it's emptiness. "Who am I?" I thought to myself. "What is my real name?" I said out loud as if it would magically come to me in an epiphany of some kind. I had never gave it any thought over the years until that moment, but after that brief hesitation I went back to finishing my makeup. Five, ten, fifteen minutes later I was finally done. I looked at myself memorizing every millimeter of my face and body. I felt wonderful in a way I couldn't describe. All those other Halloweens were filled with joy as well, but this time it was a different feeling quite aberrant to all the others that came before it. Little did I know that this was the true defining moment in my life. No more would I put my true personality back into those shackles stuffed away for nobody to hear my screams. This was the night I would make myself known and never go back to that prison cell.
My friend and I decided to go to a popular local club that night for some drinks and dancing. Interestingly nobody that knew me actually recognized me and for a moment in all that anonymousness my real self broke through and took a firm hold. I wasn't going away and that other persona knew it. I walked into the crowded club and made my way to an open stool at the bar and ordered a vodka cranberry; my drink of choice. Then suddenly as the bartender put my drink down in front of me someone walked up next to me, and said, "Natalie, what are you doing here?" I turned around and looked at the person with a curious look on my face. "Excuse me?" I said wondering how he could mistake me for someone else. He replied and said, "I am sorry, you look so much like my ex-girlfriend. Do you want to dance with me?"
My name has been Natalie ever since."
Copyright © 2014 by me.
All rights reserved. This portion of my book may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of me except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.
"It was a warm breezy Halloween many years ago that started off like every other one that came before it. I decided to dress up as a girl like I had previously done so many times before, but this time it was different. For many transsexual women Halloween is the one night of the year we can dress up as ourselves and nobody gives it a second thought. No discrimination, hate, intolerance or prejudice. No, this is our night and it's a time we wait eagerly for so we can go out into the world free from the invective reactions that leaches everything good from us. The weeks prior to Halloween I went everywhere that carried Halloween costumes trying to figure out what I would wear, how I'd do my makeup and where I would spend this splendid night. Would I go to a club? How about trick or treating with my friends and their kids? I knew that sadly as quickly as it came it would be gone again and the harrowing reality that is life would creep forcefully back into my life. What a joke, my life, and a meaningless existence...like a prison sentence, but the harsh realities that surrounded my existence were forced out on this night and thrown passed the Halloween force field erected that protects us if only but for a night.
This Halloween though, I got up extra early that morning so that I could make the most of the day...so I could get out of my prison cell and get some yard time. "Bzzzzzzzz" the alarm clock screeched through the house and I jumped out of bed fully awake, standing on the mattress while starring into the mirror. "Finally!" I thought to myself, "The day is here again!" I had been waiting eagerly for this day to arrive. It was still dark outside and everyone in the house was sleeping, but not me, no, this was my day and I was going to have a great time being me. I then darted out of the bedroom scooping up the bag of Halloween items I had previous purchased and headed straight for the bathroom. It was time to try out my rusty makeup skills, to master the art of enhancing the woman I was.
In the bathroom I stood there for a moment deciding on how I was going to do my makeup. The hard tile flooring was still chilly on my feet and I could feel a slight bitterly cold breeze sneaking it's way through the small opening of the bathroom window. It felt good! I love the cold weather Fall being my favorite time of year because I can bask in the ice filled days littered sporadically with beautifully colored hills and leaves scattered about the roadways. Many see the leaves as a nuisance, but I love them even as they decay into the yard. I wish - almost, that it would last forever with me as it's happy prisoner. Today though, the mirror was my friend and no longer would I avoid it as I starred at the stranger in its reflection. That person would fall away from my reality as if he went into some blackened void sucking his life force to some unknown dimension. I watched happily as he faded away while putting on my concealer; I smirked with pleasure.
Next I carefully applied my foundation, loose powder; then proceeded to do my eyes but hesitated for a moment as I starred deeply into abyss of my hazel retina...loosing myself in it's emptiness. "Who am I?" I thought to myself. "What is my real name?" I said out loud as if it would magically come to me in an epiphany of some kind. I had never gave it any thought over the years until that moment, but after that brief hesitation I went back to finishing my makeup. Five, ten, fifteen minutes later I was finally done. I looked at myself memorizing every millimeter of my face and body. I felt wonderful in a way I couldn't describe. All those other Halloweens were filled with joy as well, but this time it was a different feeling quite aberrant to all the others that came before it. Little did I know that this was the true defining moment in my life. No more would I put my true personality back into those shackles stuffed away for nobody to hear my screams. This was the night I would make myself known and never go back to that prison cell.
My friend and I decided to go to a popular local club that night for some drinks and dancing. Interestingly nobody that knew me actually recognized me and for a moment in all that anonymousness my real self broke through and took a firm hold. I wasn't going away and that other persona knew it. I walked into the crowded club and made my way to an open stool at the bar and ordered a vodka cranberry; my drink of choice. Then suddenly as the bartender put my drink down in front of me someone walked up next to me, and said, "Natalie, what are you doing here?" I turned around and looked at the person with a curious look on my face. "Excuse me?" I said wondering how he could mistake me for someone else. He replied and said, "I am sorry, you look so much like my ex-girlfriend. Do you want to dance with me?"
My name has been Natalie ever since."
Title: Re: How I got my name
Post by: PepperedIssy on June 16, 2014, 08:42:02 PM
Post by: PepperedIssy on June 16, 2014, 08:42:02 PM
Lovely story, but I thought for some reason you were going to explain how you got 'Demoness' as your name and my eyebrows were just shooting through the roof. Did no one really even bat an eyelash at you dressing up like that on Halloween? I would have figured somebody would still make an odd comment, or wonder why on Halloween you felt like dressing up in such a way.
Title: Re: How I got my name
Post by: Natalie on June 16, 2014, 09:24:24 PM
Post by: Natalie on June 16, 2014, 09:24:24 PM
Nobody second guessed it. I decided on the name Demoness here because people always called me a demon or something to that effect...especially my family.
Title: Re: How I got my name
Post by: Suziack on June 16, 2014, 10:37:02 PM
Post by: Suziack on June 16, 2014, 10:37:02 PM
Wonderful story!
Title: Re: How I got my name
Post by: Misha on June 18, 2014, 11:52:35 AM
Post by: Misha on June 18, 2014, 11:52:35 AM
Nice story and much better than how I got my name :-) .
I actually had it assigned by decision of a court since my request for temporary neutral name was declined. So instead of Míša I'm Misha. I don't really care that it was decided administratively as my colleagues abroad can type and pronounce it correctly and after SRS I'll be Michala anyway (Czech version of Michelle).
EDIT: I could have refused the name but the bureaucracy to get Míša approved would take like 1 or 2 years and there wasn't anything as close to that as Misha.
I actually had it assigned by decision of a court since my request for temporary neutral name was declined. So instead of Míša I'm Misha. I don't really care that it was decided administratively as my colleagues abroad can type and pronounce it correctly and after SRS I'll be Michala anyway (Czech version of Michelle).
EDIT: I could have refused the name but the bureaucracy to get Míša approved would take like 1 or 2 years and there wasn't anything as close to that as Misha.