Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I am looking into getting a job for the first time in many years since my education is in limbo. Problem is I've lost so much weight that I don't have anything to wear for interviews and that poses a huge problem when you are poor and such. So I had one person in the family offer to help me and I was like yes yes thank you! But they were like yeah we'll go to the dress store. I'm like ......erm no. It made me feel eugh.

So then someone in the family totally unexpected offered to come up today to see if we could find some things and I was like woot! We get to shopping and it was rough because she wanted to stick in the womens clothing and I wasn't comfortable there. Womens dress shoes nope. I kinda walked off at one point to browse mens dress shoes and because pants were not working I finally got over to the mens. So it was easier to search there and I found a dress shirt and a really neat tie but I didn't pick up the tie because I was wierded out about trying to get it. None of the pants worked but the shirt was nice so while she was back off in dresses I went and got the tie because it was cool and it would be awesome and she thought it was a cool tie and that was such a relief that I can't even put into words.

So I netted a pair of mens dress shoes, a dress shirt and a pretty bad ass tie but when we got to Target she wanted to look in the womens things again and though I haven't come out to anyone outside of my immediate family I went ahead and told her because being in the womens department searching for things I don't want to wear was making me really uncomfortable. The conversation went ok but I'm wondering if the feeling I get when confronted with feminine things is dysphoria. What do you guys think?

I'd call it dysphoria. The strongest dysphoria for me is social dysphoria, like how people refer to me and act to me, but I'd consider clothing a part of that. Sure I get physical dysphoria too, but being dysphoric about something mostly social like clothing or language is still dysphoria.

There is a huge range of what is dysphoric, because it is sort of a gender mismatch feeling, and it can be weak or disabling and many different areas (I've heard of feelings about adam's apple, to eyebrows, to handwriting, etc. etc.).

--Jay

Yep. I had the same issue, but in reverse.

Definitely dysphoria... For many years before I finally said, "Yeah, OK, I'm trans" (actually it was a bit more dramatic than that), I'd been completely unable to wear women's clothes, not even plain white cotton underwear. Just couldn't do it, and pretty much had to reconstruct my life around that and other ways that I couldn't deal with anything that said "woman."

Thanks for the replies :) Yeah, I had read about different types of dysphoria but wasn't sure if what I was feeling in certain situations was that. I struggle with trying to explain how I feel but I totally understand everything you all have mentioned. I have had social issues that I have reacted to rather strongly but the clothing thing is really getting to me. I don't really know how to handle telling people how I feel so I have always kept quiet or tried to let it roll off my back but I hate the feeling I have when someone has presented womens things towards me. My confidence is getting better but I'm not sure how to speak with them about it while at the same time battling the way it makes me feel. How have you guys dealt with it?

Dude, I totally relate to this. I started dressing mostly male a few months ago, and kind of get freaked out even thinking about wearing women's stuff. I've bagged up all my girl clothes to take to charity, except for a few collared shirts I still wear to work since I'm not out at work yet. Otherwise, it's all slacks and polos. I have one pair of women's shoes in a men's style, and one pair of women's shoes that are close to men's style, fruit of the loom briefs, and men's socks. I have 2 men's dress shirts I won't wear to work until I'm out. No ties yet.

If you're out to the person you're shopping with, just tell them you're looking for interview and office clothes. "I'm a guy, and I'm not wearing a dress to an interview. Or ever. I don't do drag. Now help me pick out a tie, ok?" In the meantime, don't shop with anyone you're not out to. You know what makes you dysphoric, so don't put yourself in that position again if you can help it.

Quote from: Tysilio on June 17, 2014, 06:12:14 PM
Definitely dysphoria... For many years before I finally said, "Yeah, OK, I'm trans" (actually it was a bit more dramatic than that), I'd been completely unable to wear women's clothes, not even plain white cotton underwear. Just couldn't do it, and pretty much had to reconstruct my life around that and other ways that I couldn't deal with anything that said "woman."

Especially not underwear, imo.

--Jay

I have always dressed in masculine clothing and I prefer boxers as they were always more comfortable than womens underwear. It always surprises me when a member of my family offers up womens clothing to me and I haven't worn womens clothing. I always put it off on that they were trying to change me. I really need to get to a point where I can tell others without worrying about their reaction and it'll get easier and no more triggering me.

It's like at christmas when someone got me the girliest pajamas. I only wear one type of pajamas.

It really could be that, but I wonder if it could be feeling just the slightest bit picked on.  Like the mind wondering, would she drag any other guys she knew to the dress section?  Yeah, that's dysphoria I suppose.  No guy wants to be put in a dress for an interview, though, so maybe that in itself is just the male brain saying "this is absurd and you are a silly person."