Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have no idea what I am doing or what to do.
I was attracted to a girl who turned out to be (and I'm not sure if I'm using the correct terminology and Dr. Google was very confusing for me with it all) a non-operative Male-to-Female Transgender.
That didn't seem to worry me much when she first told me and explained her situation. We have been dating for about seven months now.
However the other day for the first time in our relationship things got a bit more heated than just kissing and a bit of petting. And I realised, and this is going to come off wrong, but I mean as in I actually realised that she wasn't like all the other girls I have been with in the past.
And so we had another little conversation about how she was still quite functional and got sexual release the same way I did and wanted me tomake love to her and she wanted to  me.
I was confused, out of place and just a bit intimidated. I mean I like her a lot and we've always had a relationship where's she's been the one to lead and me to follow.
That's what really attracted me to her was her ability to just push forward and strive for the best. It never occurred to me (and I'm stupid for not really thinking about it sooner) that she was not exactly... a she.
I just don't know what to do.



Don't use foul language on this site - or to her!
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,159177.0.html

Love her the same way you have for the past seven months. Some things will be different then a cis relationship. But hardly any of those differences are a disadvantage or something to be ashamed of. You were attracted to her and stayed with her this long. Why feel confused now when nothing has changed?

Welcome to Susan's forum ^_^

Harry,
Kira said the same thing I think we all would say.  Do you love her?  Tell her, and you will figure it out together.  Yes, it will mess with your head, it will be confusing, but if you really love her, it wont matter anymore.

I guess I'm just hung up on the physicality of it. Which is very male-male to me, whereas the strong emotional connection we have has only ever been male-female.
I like her a lot; I love her on many levels.  Can that be said in a mutually exclusive way... maybe not, but it is how I feel. I love her, I care for her, I sure as hell don't want to hurt her or lose her and I'm scared.
We are compatible in our lives and links. We have shared some very emotional moments together and I have always been emotionally and sexually attracted to her.  Nothing has changed?
All the above I have said to her and more.
But I have never done anything like this before... in this way not even with (to put it correctly) an actual biological woman let alone had something like this done to me, with me or for me. I admit I'm not repulsed by the idea, just not (and for me this is the correct expression) 'understanding' of it.
It has just got so confusing all of a sudden.

Taking it slow is probably the best thing I can tell you. If she is your first, con más ganas (better yet). To be honest, rushing into it isn't your best option. If ya'll care about each other, take things slow. You don't have to do A - Z in one day, even in one month. That's the beauty of being with someone you love, things will happen when you both are ready. Not when you're ready, or she's ready. BOTH of you have to be ready. If you're confused, or lost, hold your horses cowboy (sorry, two years in Texas has changed me significantly). Communication with her is so important. I know there were things that were new to me when I started off with Sarah. Stuff health class never covered. To top it off, I was a super virgin (not even a kiss on the lips from another person). But talking to her helped me out. Heck, there are still times when intimacy gets wacky, but we gotta stop, rewind, and dissect it. If I missed the point, just redirect me, lol.

Another thing, trust is super important. And what is a great way to build trust, well time and communication! :D

God, I talk to much. Lol.

What bothers you about it? I mean, what is making you hesitate? You say you're hung up but.. I mean, have you asked yourself why you are feeling this way, beyond just the physical dynamic?

You don't have to want it, but, also, there's no reason to not explore what works for you just because of some principal or I guess a fear?

Y'know, either way, if you want it you want it, if you don't you don't. :)

Quote from: Kyra553 on June 24, 2014, 09:56:51 AM
Love her the same way you have for the past seven months. Some things will be different then a cis relationship. But hardly any of those differences are a disadvantage or something to be ashamed of. You were attracted to her and stayed with her this long. Why feel confused now when nothing has changed?

Welcome to Susan's forum ^_^

Definitely this /\. She is a female, just different physically. It is the person you fell in love with and want to be around. Don't let pre conceived notions or societies views destroy what you have with her. Take it slow if it is more comfortable, but don't distance yourself from her based on physical features. She is all woman!  :)

Thank-you all for your input. Just talking to someone in this manner is very reassuring and while I do talk with Jess about these things I just get so embarrassed and nervous.
All my relationships I have been attracted to strong dominant women. Women who like to be on top, I mean not BDSM level just forceful and aggressive not controlling.
But last night Jess came over to my flat and we talked, or accurately she answered my questions.
Then she took me into my bedroom and introduced me to her body. I have seen her naked in the past, like when we had to dry off after a rainstorm or the couple of times we went skinny dipping in the dam on her parents' farm. It never bothered me.
She undressed down to her bra and panties to show me everything, explained the different surgeries and augmentations she has had done, what all the little cuts and scars meant.
And she did this all in a rather sexy sultry way that really turned me on, and while I'm writing this it feels like I'm writing softcore porn, but then she removed her very lacy underwear and introduced me to her penis.
She told me nothing needed to happen that night and all this was about getting to know you and such but I felt two very conflicting emotions right then and there.
I still felt the super sexual attraction that said take her, "make love to her" and make her yours but I also had the same feeling I used to have in the school locker room when I just wanted to run and hide when the more developed older boys came into the shower room.
She's hot, she's gorgeous, she's stunning, she's beautiful. I'm emotionally involved and physically attracted but sexually scared. She makes me feel special and always been one to guide me and help. I trust her nigh unconditionally.
I'm receptive and willing I just don't feel able. Does that make sense?

It does make sense, just keep in your mind, and in your heart, you are not in a race, there is no schedule of events, no timetable that says you have to do this and this and this, now, and in ten minutes, in two hours.. you don't have to do anything.  You and Jess set the timetable, together. When you want to, when each of you are ready, comfortable.

Locker room feelings will be there.  Its part of your life. Your memories, but your heart will find a way to change that feeling.  Love will help.

Ok.

We have been doing the whole touchy feel me up stuff for the whole month thereabouts and we have become comfortable with that.

Oral has kinda gone ok too, both ways me and her.

We have not gotten anywhere near penetrative sex yet and I'm really here to ask how to go about it?

Never done this before and while Jess is rather knowledgeable I don't want to be caught unprepared for that eventuality.

Astroglide lube and take it very slow and very gentle. It make take a few tries depending on how experienced she is. I know there is no greater feeling in the world than when my bf grabs my hips from behind and gives it to me good.

Oh my...   I'm feeling faint!!    :P

Well I'm really out of place now, never gone shopping for lube before, more a Vitamin E sort of guy.

Jess said we are going to try something special next week and two things come to my mind...

Firstly, condoms? I'm pretty sure I don't have anything in her size and since Jess has never brought any over, I want to have a pack on hand. Is there a better type for anal play?

Secondly. I'm more concerned with Jess having sex with me than me having sex with Jess. Jess has heavily shown her desire. Teasing/playing with me while performing oral etc. I am interested and accepting but I feel unprepared.

Jess and I tried anal sex (with me) for the first time last night.

She fingered me and toyed around for a while and when I felt I was ready, we went for it.

It was at times quite painful and overall it felt very uncomfortable for me, but at first it felt quite nice in a weird and deeply personal way that I just cannot put to words.

Had to stop quite a lot and eventually we just kind of gave up because I just couldn't take any more.

We used a really good silicone based lube and reapplied the stuff frequently.

Jess was disappointed and I felt sort of bad (and not in just the physical sense) as we had no trouble the other way around.

Does anyone have any advice for me to help get myself to a point where this will be bearable?

I really wanted to enjoy it, but I couldn't fully and I'm scared that next time we try, the memory of the first time might make things even worse?

I think it's wonderful that you are being openminded and willing to try new and different things. I too am getting ready to experiment with some new things with my MTF partner. She went last week and bought us a strap on. We were suppose to last night but ended up not which I was kinda disappointed but yet been so nervous. I have had fantasies of being a male and having sex with a female (many many times) but always been just a fantasy. Now one of fantasies will become reality. I just hope I can satisfy her and not be emotional if it doesn't as well as I want.

So I guess my post is to tell you that I think its wonderful you didn't bail on Jess first off when Jess shared with you. When my girl told me and the first few times I saw her as a her I was taken back a little because the person I was led on to love was so rough tough manly men of them all to find out that was her outter most shell she wore to those who didn't know the real her because people can be such judgemental ->-bleeped-<-s. But I knew how much I loved her and how I felt when I didn't see her that I didn't love her because she was a male and has a cock. I fell in love with her for so many other things....her heart, her mind, how she treated me and my kids, her toughness, etc....

And second off that you are openminded like me. I want to please my girl....she takes very good care of me.....much better than I have ever had so if there is something she wants then hell yeah. Just wish I had more experience with this stuff so I could have confidence. But that will come with practice :)

Best wishes for you and Jess.  :)

Quote from: HarryWest on September 08, 2014, 12:02:20 AM
Jess and I tried anal sex (with me) for the first time last night.

She fingered me and toyed around for a while and when I felt I was ready, we went for it.

It was at times quite painful and overall it felt very uncomfortable for me, but at first it felt quite nice in a weird and deeply personal way that I just cannot put to words.

Had to stop quite a lot and eventually we just kind of gave up because I just couldn't take any more.

We used a really good silicone based lube and reapplied the stuff frequently.

Jess was disappointed and I felt sort of bad (and not in just the physical sense) as we had no trouble the other way around.

Does anyone have any advice for me to help get myself to a point where this will be bearable?

I really wanted to enjoy it, but I couldn't fully and I'm scared that next time we try, the memory of the first time might make things even worse?

Lovin the updates, keep them coming!! =)

Hmm rear end fun for the first time.... Best advice I have is that it takes much much practice before you enjoy anal play. It's a new thing for your bum so give it time to stretch and heal. Then you to will learn how wonderful prostage orgasams are! (I highly recommend it hehe) If you want to help yourself adjust faster (but more painful) invest in a small butt plug and gauge up from there when your ready.  ;)

It's also great to hear you've become more understanding and accepting of her. Those two things will mean the world to her so never lose them, now that you've found them. =)

Love reading your posts!

Quote from: Kyra553 on September 11, 2014, 01:29:23 AM
Lovin the updates, keep them coming!! =)

Hmm rear end fun for the first time.... Best advice I have is that it takes much much practice before you enjoy anal play. It's a new thing for your bum so give it time to stretch and heal. Then you to will learn how wonderful prostage orgasams are! (I highly recommend it hehe) If you want to help yourself adjust faster (but more painful) invest in a small butt plug and gauge up from there when your ready.  ;)

It's also great to hear you've become more understanding and accepting of her. Those two things will mean the world to her so never lose them, now that you've found them. =)

Love reading your posts!

Well we went for round two yesterday.

Jess is more experienced in many ways than I am and I trust her deeply but she is a lot bigger than me and it's off putting on it's own.

She brought over some toys and teased me wider than before.

I felt more comfortable knowing what was going to happen but I was very tense which I guess didn't help and things ended quickly.

Jess was understanding but she really wanted to get off, but after all the attention put into preparing me, I was really tired (and not in the mood anymore).

I'm really new to this. Advice?

Quote from: HarryWest on September 12, 2014, 10:13:05 AM
Well we went for round two yesterday.

Jess is more experienced in many ways than I am and I trust her deeply but she is a lot bigger than me and it's off putting on it's own.

She brought over some toys and teased me wider than before.

I felt more comfortable knowing what was going to happen but I was very tense which I guess didn't help and things ended quickly.

Jess was understanding but she really wanted to get off, but after all the attention put into preparing me, I was really tired (and not in the mood anymore).

I'm really new to this. Advice?

Just know that you gotta stay in and you gotta think it's a good experience. I would say start with her next time and hold off until she has climaxed. She will stay in until you finish I'm sure.

Oh...when it's in .. try to shake your hips . Nothing feels better than that I assure you. =)

Quote from: Kyra553 on September 14, 2014, 11:09:22 AM


Just know that you gotta stay in and you gotta think it's a good experience. I would say start with her next time and hold off until she has climaxed. She will stay in until you finish I'm sure.

Oh...when it's in .. try to shake your hips . Nothing feels better than that I assure you. =)

I'm still not sure I am getting used to it. I think the situation Jess is looking for is... Jess wants to reach penetrative release inside me. I just cannot handle her, she just feels so uncomfortably big inside me.

I took a huge step out of my comfort zone and went out and brought a set of three trainers(?) from the local adult shop. The manager was very helpful and she gave me what I hope is good and correct advice.

She said when her partner wanted to try anal with her it was a slow and laborious progression from teasing to toys to taking. I find the smallest size quite comfortable and easy to accept the middle size provides some pressure but is nothing like Jess. I'm kind of nervous about the largest which is very bulbous.

I'm still not at all sure about condoms as the ones we are using keep ripping, tearing or rolling off completely.

Hun, one word. RELAX. Anal sex is totally dependent on the person on the receiving end being relaxed and calm, when you are stressed you will subconsciously tighten up, no amount of anal training with fingers and plugs will help if you don't relax the muscle involved, I know from experience what it feels like to have a partner with a large penis and yes, it takes a little more getting used to, but It's not about stretching yourself its about accepting it and letting that muscle untense.

My boyfriend is very well endowed and with a little careful start I now wouldn't want him any other way.

(silly thing to say here but also there will be no permanent damage to your muscle back there if you are relaxed, it's just like any other muscle, it recovers!)

I believe I'm getting used to the feeling. Things have been going better than previously.

I've learned how to relax myself almost completely and really trust in Jess fully. The stretching sensation is still getting to me every time, even when Jess goes extra slow. It feels like I am being torn apart.

Then sometimes when Jess is only 2/3rds within I get this incredible feeling, a rush and just cannot stop myself from orgasming.

Jess says I'm just too sensitive, however I am enjoying myself.

Sounds like you are finding your proverbial feet on this one hun, it is worth mentioning that relaxing or not you really can't have too much lube to hand in these early days.

Sounds like you might have the potential to be multiorgasmic from receiving penetration, it is a true gift that I cherish and thank the heavens for!

Have you tried controlling the penetration by being on top and basically penetrating yourself? That's my fave way to start a lovemaking session even if we switch up later, you will have total control over pace and depth and if you think you are going to come too soon you can lift yourself off.

Honestly here I think it's worth mentioning that from personal experience the 'bottom' should probably dictate the pace until all the kinks have been worked out.

New here. Just read your story. I think you're going to have a great relationship. You sound like you make a very cute / honest couple. Not just for the sexual part. But it really sounds like you're both putting a lot of effort into making this work. I wish you both the best together. :)

Quote from: Alice Rogers on September 27, 2014, 05:41:05 PM
Have you tried controlling the penetration by being on top and basically penetrating yourself? That's my fave way to start a lovemaking session even if we switch up later, you will have total control over pace and depth and if you think you are going to come too soon you can lift yourself off.

Whoa, I'm only new at this stuff. Acrobatics are really not my thing and I have no idea how I could do that without Jess turning me into a human lollypop.

Quote from: HarryWest on September 27, 2014, 11:38:57 PM
Whoa, I'm only new at this stuff. Acrobatics are really not my thing and I have no idea how I could do that without Jess turning me into a human lollypop.

LOL, I meant kneeling above her while she lays down, you have good strong thigh muscles to control the depth and angle that way, it gives you control to help guide things into place without any discomfort.

Quote from: Alice Rogers on September 29, 2014, 07:53:15 PM
LOL, I meant kneeling above her while she lays down, you have good strong thigh muscles to control the depth and angle that way, it gives you control to help guide things into place without any discomfort.

Gave things a go as advised. Actually Jess went first and showed me how to do it. How to guide and position my legs etc.

We have mostly been going at things in missionary or doggy up until now. I really don't have that good of balance when I tried but I did find I had better control as you noted.

Jess said that she did not think the position (kinda female superior) would have been of interest to me and so had never suggested it.

Quote from: HarryWest on October 02, 2014, 04:56:32 AM
Gave things a go as advised. Actually Jess went first and showed me how to do it. How to guide and position my legs etc.

We have mostly been going at things in missionary or doggy up until now. I really don't have that good of balance when I tried but I did find I had better control as you noted.

Jess said that she did not think the position (kinda female superior) would have been of interest to me and so had never suggested it.

I am glad you had a little success with it, if you enjoy this position then by all means stick with it, but it IS a really good way of giving a partner who is new to being on the recieving end more control.

Doggy can be good too, ask Jess to stay still and let you do the moving, that will give you more control too.

Alice
xx

Quote from: Alice Rogers on October 02, 2014, 05:02:36 AM
Doggy can be good too, ask Jess to stay still and let you do the moving, that will give you more control too.

Yeah, Jess is the sort who likes to grab hold and have at it.

The most comfortable I have found is the "Ankles Up" position with pillows underneath me.

Sure it gives Jess all control but it just feels sort of right. I get to watch her face.

Someone is starting to enjoy himself I suspect *hugs*

Alice
xx

If you cannot handle a penis then find another person to date. I would have to say, though, that she is a "she" irrespective of the fact that she is packing that "thing" around.

Quote from: Natalie on October 03, 2014, 07:19:21 PM
If you cannot handle a penis then find another person to date. I would have to say, though, that she is a "she" irrespective of the fact that she is packing that "thing" around.

Why? It is a part of who she is.

I may be having difficulty accepting in the physical sense (who wouldn't first time round), but Jess is Jess, a wonderful caring person, beautiful and fun (and who also barracks for the same football team).

Why would I give that up just because she has an extra appendage other girls don't "generally" have.

I love her for who she is, not what she is.

Quote from: Natalie on October 03, 2014, 07:19:21 PM
If you cannot handle a penis then find another person to date. I would have to say, though, that she is a "she" irrespective of the fact that she is packing that "thing" around.

Ouch! He is doing his best and making good progress.

Props to you Harry for your patience and willingness to work at your relationship, shame there aren't more like you out there!

Alice
xx

Harry you rock for wanting to explore more and creating true emotional bondage. =)

So were we right about the amazing feel after you adjusted to it ? :angel:

Quote from: Kyra553 on October 06, 2014, 11:06:16 AM
So were we right about the amazing feel after you adjusted to it ? :angel:

I'm not sure if I know how to explain myself? The "feel" is amazing, but I am still adjusting.

I know I'm enjoying the sensation of penetration, the rush and fullness of her within me, the closeness of the experience.

But the pain after just a few short strokes is still prevailing.

Quote from: HarryWest on October 07, 2014, 07:29:26 AM
I'm not sure if I know how to explain myself? The "feel" is amazing, but I am still adjusting.

I know I'm enjoying the sensation of penetration, the rush and fullness of her within me, the closeness of the experience.

But the pain after just a few short strokes is still prevailing.

Thats a good sign though! Your adjusting and it takes time to truly "open up". 

Do you have any thoughts about your relationship now compared to your first post?  :)

Anal can be a lot of fun, both giving and getting. It can take some practice to hit your stride but it sounds like you are off to a great start. The most amazing thing I see here is how well the two of you are communicating. Keep practicing with plugs and touching your self at the same time. The feeling of P-Spot stimulation can be super intense, with some practice you will find that "edge" you can ride (pun intended) and stay hard but not finishing too quickly. Have fun, woah... I need to take a cold shower ;)

Quote from: Kyra553 on October 07, 2014, 11:16:32 PM
Do you have any thoughts about your relationship now compared to your first post?  :)

Hmm, that's a hard one as I have not really explained our emotional connection and most of my posts have focused on the sexual nature between us, which was most pressing at the time when I made my first post.

I have known Jess for about two years now but we only started dating in November of last which was about seven months prior to my first post.

We just met one day at a BBQ being hosted by a mutual friend. We kept running into each other of the next few months going to this or that get-together.

At the time that I met her I did not know of her past and it was not until a half a year later that see told me over drinks one evening of her "underlying" nature. I had thought her kidding when she said it and so it never sunk in at the time.

Then she invited me to come to her younger brother's wedding on her family's farm and we went swimming butt naked in the dam out back. And it was like "OK... she wasn't joking about that".

But I totally brushed past that and it was only a couple of more months later when I asked her out proper and things went from good/best friends to boy/girl-friend.

After that it's as I described in my posts. I totally forgot the whole situation. It just was as it was/is.

Then when I first posted here Jess and I had reached the stage where we were moving to more sexual stuff and I totally freaked as I realised what it entailed and I needed information and help.

Which I got. THANK YOU ALL!!!

But since that first post and now. While our sexual relationship has begun and is still growing. Our emotional commitment to one another has really firmed up. I trust Jess impeccably.

I mean sex is great. But I'm really in it for her.

So looking back I'd have to say things have most assuredly improved in our relationship.

Quote from: HarryWest on October 09, 2014, 07:58:12 AM
So looking back I'd have to say things have most assuredly improved in our relationship.

You sound like that one in a million guys Harry, it affirms my faith in humanity that there are guys like you out there, I wish you and Jess all the best for the future.

Alice
xx

I'm very glad things have progressed positivity for you both. Jess is definitely a lucky girl to have found such a wonderful person to be with.

Definitely keep us informed! I love reading about you two. =). Hmm has Jess read any of this?

Quote from: Kyra553 on October 09, 2014, 07:53:37 PM
Definitely keep us informed! I love reading about you two. =). Hmm has Jess read any of this?

Jess knows I have been posting to, and getting advice from, here. I have no issue with Jess reading what I have posted, it is mostly the same as what I have spoken with her about.

As far as I know she hasn't and is letting me have this as my little avenue of personal space.

But I have shown her, and discussed, a few of the comments I have received etc.

This is just a little update for you all.

As Jess has started staying at my place more and more these past few weeks, I invited her to move in on a more permanent basis.

Currently she is thinking about my offer, but I'm hoping she will accept as it is closer to her work (and me) anyway.

I have a two and a half bedroom in the northern suburbs of Brisbane, with a pool, double garage etc.

It has been a good neighbourhood to me for the past three years and I like it. Jess currently rents a hole in the wall near the CBD.

I had no Idea you were a Brisbanite!!!
No one on this site lives here, its so strange to finally see someone who does :P
Hi from Wynnum :D

Quote from: Jo-is-amazing on October 12, 2014, 07:45:03 AM
I had no Idea you were a Brisbanite!!!
No one on this site lives here, its so strange to finally see someone who does :P
Hi from Wynnum :D

I would not call myself a Brisbanite. I'm not even a Queenslander. GO THE BLUES!!!

However Jess is, she is in Spring Hill, while I'm out near Wavell Heights/Chermside.

You so are, you're living here now :P
anyways I hope you and Jess are doing well
and who knows I've probably walked past the both of you without knowing :D
that's an odd thought XD

Quote from: Jo-is-amazing on October 12, 2014, 09:19:02 AM
You so are, you're living here now :P
anyways I hope you and Jess are doing well
and who knows I've probably walked past the both of you without knowing :D
that's an odd thought XD

Could have happened. But I am still going to barrack for NSW.

Quote from: Alice Rogers on October 06, 2014, 04:37:56 AM
Ouch! He is doing his best and making good progress.

Props to you Harry for your patience and willingness to work at your relationship, shame there aren't more like you out there!

Alice
xx

I was merely pointing out that if that person cannot handle the fact that she is a transsexual then they need to find someone else.

Quote from: HarryWest on October 05, 2014, 05:43:37 PM
Why? It is a part of who she is.

I may be having difficulty accepting in the physical sense (who wouldn't first time round), but Jess is Jess, a wonderful caring person, beautiful and fun (and who also barracks for the same football team).

Why would I give that up just because she has an extra appendage other girls don't "generally" have.

I love her for who she is, not what she is.

Again, I was pointing out that if you cannot deal with her not having ideal genitals then you should find someone else.

Natalie, I've stayed out of this thread because I had no actual advice - which is my point here, in fact. It turns out anal sex is not a prerequisite for loving a trans woman. You are being rude and unreasonable in insisting that someone who loves his girlfriend and is happy with EVERY part of her, but is having trouble adjusting to anal sex, should not date her or "can't deal with her." He's fine with her penis; he's trying to find a way to adapt to that penis inside of him.  The same is true of countless other cis people, gay and straight, with cis partners; I don't think it's a reflection of *their* opinions of their partners, either.

Let it go.

Quote from: Natalie on October 13, 2014, 05:35:42 AM
I was merely pointing out that if that person cannot handle the fact that she is a transsexual then they need to find someone else.

Again, I was pointing out that if you cannot deal with her not having ideal genitals then you should find someone else.

I do believe you misunderstand what I meant, (or it could be I misunderstand your meaning and as such apologise).

I was trying to be as polite as possible. I meant "accepting in the physical sense" as in "enduring the size of her penis upon penetration".

I accept who Jess is and love who she is on the inside.

Nonetheless your comments, if they are directed at me personally, sound very antagonistic.

"...if YOU cannot deal with her not having ideal genitals then YOU should find someone else."

However if they are meant for the group as a whole then it sounds like very good advice.

"...if someone cannot deal with their partner not having ideal genitals then they should find someone else."

Either way I thank you for your opinion (as your opinion), but politely ask you to be more specific in the future.

We understand/know what your saying Harry. No biggy  :)

I bet she jumped at the offer to move into your home. ^_^

Quote from: Kyra553 on October 15, 2014, 01:20:05 PM
I bet she jumped at the offer to move into your home. ^_^

To tell the truth, she said no when I first asked and that kinda threw me, but when I asked again she said she would.

She has a rental agreement till January but she is going to ask the agency to let her out early and as long as she is not hit with a huge early exit fee she will move in ASAP.

Harry I've been reading your thread and well have had to use some tissues for the tears.
You sound like a true gentleman the way you treat Jess as the beautiful woman that she is and the level of communication you both have gives hope to any girls out there looking for their prince . I wish you both much happiness.from your friend on the Gold Coast


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: Summer on October 16, 2014, 07:23:46 AM
You sound like a true gentleman the way you treat Jess as the beautiful woman that she is and the level of communication you both have gives hope to any girls out there looking for their prince . I wish you both much happiness.from your friend on the Gold Coast

Thank you for your kind thoughts and words.

I don't have much of a support network (outside Jess herself) for the relationship I have with Jess, other than perhaps my sister.

Jess's family is supportive of her... in being herself and being who she wishes to be.

But my parents have not been an active part of my life for nearly a year now, not since they moved interstate, and I have not told them anything other than I'm dating a great girl.

My mates are not the sort of people I would go to for emotional support. Round of tenpin bowling yeah, base jumping in the Great Dividing Range HELLYEAH, but inter-social emotional support is like Monopoly, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

I've never really had that many girls who are friends. And while my sister and I are very close she is still trying to get her head around the whole gay/st8/meh aspect even three months after telling her "THE WHOLE" situation. Jess helped with that.

So emotionally I really only have "YOU" [Susans] as support.

You're completely welcome ;)
Emotional support is what we do best :P
I hope you and Jess are very happy and have a long and fulfilling relationship :D

As Jess and I have been becoming closer and spending much more time together, I have noted that my relationship with Jess is divided into two very distinct parts.

There is the emotional public relationship we share that is awesome and going along fine, but then there is the sexual private relationship that I have with her (behind closed door/in the bedroom only).

Jess is really forceful at times and I enjoy that, but anal sex is still quite painful on my side of things, we have spoken a number of times but I am unsure that she understands where I am coming from.

Jess can "accept" me fully and easily with no problems (and at times no lube at all), but I am still rather troubled by the sensation of her penetration. However I do very much enjoy the feeling of anal sex.

Jess and I admit there is a significant size difference between me and her but Jess tends to brush it off. She informed me that her first times were relatively relaxed and reasonably pain free. And that she has taken larger than herself in the past.

Jokingly (but not so much so) she tells me to "just accept it and take it like a man".

I just finished reading this thread and must admit I was at first concerned you were a troll or not on the level.  At this point I feel lin agreement my sisters here; you are a very special guy with a loving relationship and a wonderfully open minded perspective.  Thank you for sharing.

Quote from: Tessa James on October 24, 2014, 08:52:46 PM
I just finished reading this thread and must admit I was at first concerned you were a troll or not on the level.  At this point I feel lin agreement my sisters here; you area a very special guy with a loving relationship and a wonderfully open minded perspective.  Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for your kind words and support.

BIG UPDATE: Jess has moved in fully now, she has let her lease go and integrated her things into my house. I was amazed at just how much she had packed into her tiny apartment. Scarier still was all the shoes.

Oh that is so perfectly funny and true.  I love a range of shoes, sandals boots and more.  Thanks for sharing with us.  Most of us know what it means when we say; first the toothbrush then the uhaul trailer. :D

Quote from: Tessa James on October 31, 2014, 04:05:30 PM
Oh that is so perfectly funny and true.  I love a range of shoes, sandals boots and more.  Thanks for sharing with us.  Most of us know what it means when we say; first the toothbrush then the uhaul trailer. :D

Luckily I never had much art work on my walls so all morning we have been putting nails into the walls to hang stuff.

But the the shoes... my god! 3 pairs of calk high boots, 8 pairs of wedges, 10 pairs of sandals and over a dozen high heels (some that looked at least 7 inches).

Jess is happy, I have always had extra space, my place must have been designed to accommodate a small to medium family.

Jess and I are going bed shopping this weekend.

Not too sure what the end result will be as both the beds we have are just doubles and we really want something queen or maybe king size.

We a both tallish people and Jess's feet tend to hang off the end.

Bathroom has been divided, but I'm still not understanding the dozen or so little bottles along the bench.

Just enjoying life right now.

Look for a California King bed size - they're about 4" longer than the standard length of the queen and king sizes. (Though many double beds are ~5" shorter than king/queen, so it's possible that will be enough upgrade already.)

Quote from: blueconstancy on November 06, 2014, 07:03:19 AM
Look for a California King bed size - they're about 4" longer than the standard length of the queen and king sizes. (Though many double beds are ~5" shorter than king/queen, so it's possible that will be enough upgrade already.)

Cool thank you.

I saw those one time, but I do not think the master bedroom is big enough for such a monster bed.

Will have to buy new sheet sets too and Jess is currently teasing me about getting some bright pink cotton ones.

There was a big commotion yesterday morning.

Jess was leaving our place to go to work. When one of my neighbours (a right old bitch) called her some obscene names and further stated she did not want her grandchildren exposed to Jess's "like".

Apparently she had seen Jess walking from the pool in a two piece bathing suit and had been able to see "everything hanging out".

Jess takes every effort to dress and "pack" appropriately in public but seeing as the pool in question is in our backyard behind a 6ft solid colour bond fence and a sizable hedge that's even bigger, she may have not had everything settled.

My neighbour lives in a two story next-door and when the observance was explained in full explicit detail I can clearly recall how Jess looked coming out of the pool. Rather excited about what we were going to be doing very soon in the bedroom.

Jess was most upset, and when I went to intervene the old cow called me a sissy etc. and that I would make a good wife etc. It was heavily alluded to that she knew what we got up to in our bedroom and gave examples to growing crowd.

At the time we just walked away. I'm unsure if that was the wisest choice, but the looks people were giving us just made me cringe.

Today Jess is still quite upset and apparently from what I gathered from the other neighbours (the ones who are our friends), news of the incident and alluded explicit nature of our relationship has spread.

I so do not know what to do. I'm angry and sad. I'm there for Jess but it feels like everything is crashing down on us.

Wow.  Someone has too much time on her hands.  And it's NOT Jess.  Politely inform your neighbor that what happens in your private backyard is none of her damn business.

Hugs to both of you.  Stay strong.

Very sorry to hear about your ignorant neighbors, I am very fortunate to live in a very accepting neighborhood and quite frankly not give a ->-bleeped-<- if anyone had anything to say about my personal life anyway. Just continue to support her and let her know their opinions are none of your business. If it's truly problematic, then it may be time to move.

I also wanted to add, reading your story was really inspirational.  So many times it seems like there's so much negativity - the nature of support groups I suppose. I'm a cis female and have been with my TG boyfriend for about six months. I adore him and things are complex sometimes so it's really uplifting to read stories like this. Thank you! And I'm glad that your relationship is on track.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Quote from: Regina on April 21, 2015, 12:13:06 PM
Very sorry to hear about your ignorant neighbors, I am very fortunate to live in a very accepting neighborhood and quite frankly not give a ->-bleeped-<- if anyone had anything to say about my personal life anyway.

This is the first incident of the like I have ever been involved in. Incident may be the wrong word; this is the first occurrence of such a thing happening to me and Jess while we have been together.

A lot of our neighbours are older, more rigid in their ways. We don't have many dealings with them as we are both younger. The ones we do get on with already knew of our relationship and they are "okay with us".

But even after living in the street for as long as I have I really only know ten out of the eighty or so people living nearby.

I hate to use the phrase "grin and bear it", but that is what I hope we can do and I know that if we continue to love each other, that love I personally trust will pull us through together and we will be stronger for it.

As I just messaged to someone. "Enjoy being who you want to be. Live as you want to be. Grow as one, love as one."

Quote from: HarryWest on April 21, 2015, 10:30:21 PM
I hate to use the phrase "grin and bear it", but that is what I hope we can do and I know that if we continue to love each other, that love I personally trust will pull us through together and we will be stronger for it.

Well things seem to have settled down.

Jess is still feeling uneasy.

I'm unsure as to what to do in the long run.

We have been having a very bad week.

On top of the issues we are still having with our neighbour, or should I say, neighbours as a few others have raised comments.

Things have been really getting to me and Jess in general.

Just trying to block out the world outside our front door is just so damn hard.

Quote from: HarryWest on June 25, 2015, 07:29:50 AM
We have been having a very bad week.

On top of the issues we are still having with our neighbour, or should I say, neighbours as a few others have raised comments.

Things have been really getting to me and Jess in general.

Just trying to block out the world outside our front door is just so damn hard.

I have yet to find in the paper "Old lady kills couple with her scowling!" 

Ive lived in my neighborhood for 15 years.  All my neighbors know about me, even the nutty religious ones!  (I mean nutty when they put god before a real person..)  Its a good way to weed out the bad people.  Besides, do these people feed or protect you?  Do you wake up wanting to see them everyday? 

I can only say, be a good neighbor, smile.  If thats not good enough for them, just put them in the "bad neighbor" category and dont invite them over or even look at them.

If things may get questionable, get a couple recording cameras to put up where they can cause damage.  Sometimes bad neighbors will do stupid things to your mailbox(hopefully).  A clear recording will keep them out of your hair for years to come while they are being shamed by the law:) But do record things, esp if you do find a real nut who may threaten your life.  A good recording will take all of that away!

Sorry I cannot offer better advise, but there are always going to be (terrorists) out there.  You dont negotiate with terrorists!  But most terrorists, no matter how stupid or religious they are, dont like to be recorded committing hate crimes..  Love should always win, imagine if you gave up due to this old toad, and she croaked the next day. 

Good luck, and record!   the terrorists that is, unless you are just wanting to be kinky;)

Quote from: Cynobyte on June 25, 2015, 08:06:11 AM
Sorry I cannot offer better advise, but there are always going to be (terrorists) out there.  You dont negotiate with terrorists!  But most terrorists, no matter how stupid or religious they are, dont like to be recorded committing hate crimes..  Love should always win, imagine if you gave up due to this old toad, and she croaked the next day. 

Sadly she is in fine health and fine form of late.

We have cams but our terrorists are too posh to get their hands dirty, only using their tongues.

It's just getting to us. It's getting to me something chronic. Total bastard of a thing!

We have have had words with the COPS but until local ordinances get broken or things get threatening there is not a thing that can be done per se.

I really wish it was straight up bullying (face to face and fists) and not all this snide comments and innuendo filled talk over the fence or via gossip and Facebook.

Its just crap. Just words that hurt and make you feel sad and... annoyed.

I took Jess down to the Gold Coast for the weekend to get her mind off things, private room for two with spa and ocean views.

But all Jess could fixate on was the old biddy's parting jibe as we left. Namely how Jess should be careful not to catch STD's etc. while we are away.

Really killed the mood and Jess was not the only one unable to perform later that night. That upset us both in a new and unique way. Our sex life is beginning to suffer.

It just is getting us down... need to really de-stress and get this solved... and soon.

Things seem to be on the improve. The old bitch has vacated out lives and things have returned to the way they were before all the ->-bleeped-<- started to occur.

It was a bit touch and go there for a while but we managed to weather her tirades and are back to being happy.

A nice neighborhood development......

Quote from: HarryWest on September 24, 2015, 06:37:18 AM
Things seem to be on the improve. The old bitch has vacated out lives and things have returned to the way they were before all the ->-bleeped-<- started to occur.

It was a bit touch and go there for a while but we managed to weather her tirades and are back to being happy.

I'm glad she moved out, I was going to suggest to just kiss her and walk away. That should of silenced her.  :-* ;)

Quote from: Kyra553 on September 26, 2015, 10:24:57 AM
I'm glad she moved out, I was going to suggest to just kiss her and walk away. That should of silenced her.  :-* ;)

Oh I never said she moved out. ;D I said she she vacated our lives. >:-)

I feel kinda down at the moment.

I'm not sure how my relationship with Jess is working out. When we were having trouble with our neighbours our emotional connection blossomed but now that things have calmed it is out sexual connection that is causing me pause.

Our sex life has been causing difficulties as I am still having quite a bit of discomfort when Jess has sex with me.

She is so forceful and I constantly feel like I'm being ripped apart.

The sex is great but it is still very painful when I am on the receiving end of things.

We have decided to go away for the Melbourne Cup in November.

Work provided me marquee tickets and a hotel for the part of the week, a perk for all the extra stuff we've been able to pull off this quarter.

Jess has leave and has spent the day scouring queen street mall for a dress to take away with her but she says she is having bad luck so late in the season (or something like that).

Thought I still have little idea what a fascinator is or how it exactly works.

Have never been to a corporate marquee before, only ever been on the ground race day.

Quote from: HarryWest on October 20, 2015, 09:54:35 AM
We have decided to go away for the Melbourne Cup in November.

Work provided me marquee tickets and a hotel for the part of the week, a perk for all the extra stuff we've been able to pull off this quarter.

Jess has leave and has spent the day scouring queen street mall for a dress to take away with her but she says she is having bad luck so late in the season (or something like that).

Thought I still have little idea what a fascinator is or how it exactly works.

Have never been to a corporate marquee before, only ever been on the ground race day.

Bags are packed and Jess has picked out an enticing dress. All good to go.

Did you find out what a fascinator is? :P

Quote from: Peep on October 28, 2015, 08:30:18 AM
Did you find out what a fascinator is? :P

Sadly I did and it is fascinating.

So excited for tomorrow. Well today considering what time it is right now.

Quote from: HarryWest on November 02, 2015, 09:29:18 AM
So excited for tomorrow. Well today considering what time it is right now.

Race day, track side was uber fantastic, Jess totally rocked a sequin and lace cocktail dress.

It was kinda magical, didn't win anything as we played the favourites.

So cool that a female jockey rode the win.

Quote from: HarryWest on November 04, 2015, 03:51:54 AM
Race day, track side was uber fantastic, Jess totally rocked a sequin and lace cocktail dress.

It was kinda magical, didn't win anything as we played the favourites.

So cool that a female jockey rode the win.

We have just returned spent a few extra days because we enjoyed it so much.

Visited the markets and a few boutique stores.

Came home with an extra suitcase or two.

How was everyone else's race day?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Thought I'd give an update.

Things have been a bit hit and miss of late, Christmas was quite a stresser.

Our families met for the first time and things were not very warm between all parties involved.

Happy New Year to you two too!

We can appreciate that families of all kinds may find the holidays a mixed bag of fun and stress. 

Guess we won't light up everyones tree and one reason I so appreciate my "intentional family."

Thanks for the update :D

Not sure if my fam knows the person they think is my boyfriend is actually my girlfriend, but they won't be happy when they find out officially.  Stick to your guns though, and back your lady up.

It's a work in progress. As is life in general.

Today has not been the best, a FTM friend of Jess's had the front of their house tagged with "QUEER". We have taken him in for now but I'm not too sure how you are supposed to go about things in this situation.

The kicker is, he is Jess's Ex.

Oh that might feel a bit awkward but then you already handle non traditional better than most ;D

The world does contain haters and your generosity is hopefully answered with respect and a situation you all feel trust and safe about.

You two sound like a lovely couple and lovely people.  Though it slightly worries me that maybe Jess doesn't take you quite seriously enough when you say that sex hurts you and maybe she should be less forceful.  Or maybe I'm reading it wrong.  It might be good to try to explain it more I guess.  I'm sorry that you had trouble with your neighbours, they are so out of line, and I hope it's better now. 

After reading the whole thread up to now I must tell you that I hope the two of you are able to stay together.  The two of you sound like such a sweet couple.  Such behavior from people is abhorrent.  As for the sex issues hang in there.  Training plugs help, but the problem is they are static and don't really prepare you for the thrusting.  She may be trying to be gentle and is not as forceful as you think.  The feelings tend to rather amplified for the receiver.  Best of luck to the two of you.

Quote from: Tessa James on February 16, 2016, 05:00:16 PM
Oh that might feel a bit awkward but then you already handle non traditional better than most ;D

The world does contain haters and your generosity is hopefully answered with respect and a situation you all feel trust and safe about.

Yeah, but I am still really uncomfortable with it. I said so to Jess but she gave me the "it will only be for a few days" speech.

Well it has been a full month and he is still with us.

Has been making things a bit tense but Jess just cannot outright tell him to move on and I myself just cannot bring myself to put my foot down considering we had trouble with our neighbours and community too.

He has been very "clingy" to both me and especially Jess, and while he pulls his weight with money and chores etc. he is kinda impinging on our lifestyle.

Harry its cool that you are helping someone out.  Helping and becoming dependent are a too common mix and you know the cure is some straight talk, pun intended.  It is challenging to not have some hurt feelings but perhaps better to not wait until you are all feeling angry and hurt?

You have demonstrated care and concern and wanting your space really is OK too.

Quote from: Tessa James on March 22, 2016, 12:26:43 PM
Harry its cool that you are helping someone out.  Helping and becoming dependent are a too common mix and you know the cure is some straight talk, pun intended.  It is challenging to not have some hurt feelings but perhaps better to not wait until you are all feeling angry and hurt?

You have demonstrated care and concern and wanting your space really is OK too.

We had a quite chat and he moved out. Our personal love life has resumed and after such a stretch without it, it was quite a stretch to receive it once more.

Well things are basically back to normal. Sorta.

As I hinted in my last post with our house guest around we stopped having sex.

Now it feels like I'm back to square one again. Even before, it was an uncomfortable painful feeling which had enjoyable end results for both of us. Now it is just painful again.

Jess is quite bigger than myself and she says she gets off on the tightness. But I'm really struggling at times and while I've talked it over time and time again, and said "stop". I just cannot get Jess to understand how I feel when she keeps on saying she has no issues with size.

I love her and I want sex to be part of our relationship but... I just don't know.

Advice?

Quote from: HarryWest on April 07, 2016, 05:03:25 PM
Well things are basically back to normal. Sorta.

As I hinted in my last post with our house guest around we stopped having sex.

Now it feels like I'm back to square one again. Even before, it was an uncomfortable painful feeling which had enjoyable end results for both of us. Now it is just painful again.

Jess is quite bigger than myself and she says she gets off on the tightness. But I'm really struggling at times and while I've talked it over time and time again, and said "stop". I just cannot get Jess to understand how I feel when she keeps on saying she has no issues with size.

I love her and I want sex to be part of our relationship but... I just don't know.

Advice?

Have you tried the anal play trainer plugs? They gradually go up in size to help the muscle stretch without pain. Just a thought.

Quote from: PrincessButtercup on April 07, 2016, 10:54:36 PM
Have you tried the anal play trainer plugs? They gradually go up in size to help the muscle stretch without pain. Just a thought.

Indeed I have several and we are using them regularly. I also have dildos and even a hallow strap-on in Jess's approximate size too. I still have trouble thought?

I'm at a loss as that's what most of my friends with larger partners have done.

One thing you can do is breath out as they penetrate, that tends to cause you to relax. And use lots of quality lube. Other than that, just remind them that you giving your body to them is a gift that should be cherished and not abused. Sex that hurts in a nonconsenual way isn't fun for either partner, or at least shouldn't be. If they're getting any pleasure from intentionally hurting you then that's an entirely different topic that moves from physical to psychological.

Quote from: PrincessButtercup on April 08, 2016, 10:17:47 AM

Other than that, just remind them that you giving your body to them is a gift that should be cherished and not abused. Sex that hurts in a nonconsenual way isn't fun for either partner, or at least shouldn't be. If they're getting any pleasure from intentionally hurting you then that's an entirely different topic that moves from physical to psychological.

An important principle and consideration for any lovers, thank you!

Quote from: PrincessButtercup on April 08, 2016, 10:17:47 AM
I'm at a loss as that's what most of my friends with larger partners have done.

One thing you can do is breath out as they penetrate, that tends to cause you to relax. And use lots of quality lube. Other than that, just remind them that you giving your body to them is a gift that should be cherished and not abused. Sex that hurts in a nonconsenual way isn't fun for either partner, or at least shouldn't be. If they're getting any pleasure from intentionally hurting you then that's an entirely different topic that moves from physical to psychological.

No, I'm quite sure she doesn't get pleasure from inflicting pain on me as she is quite concerned when I let her know of my discomfort. She just enjoys the tight feeling.

However this is an issue I've had from day one and we've talked it over hundreds of times. I'm just unsure if she can see my point of view.

Her size hurts but I still get pleasure from it in the end. I think to her that means all is good.

I'm still unsure. :(

Late I've again been wondering if we are truly compatible. Jess and me that is.

A little thing I heard from friends in the gay community one night over too many beers.  Don't know if this works or not.

Use lots of lube, and just as she is starting to push in, you try to push out, like you are defacating.  Supposedly that temporarily expands the sphincter to allow larger objects to penetrate.  YMMV.

Still not getting anywhere fast... :(

Thank you for sharing Harry, I have been intently reading your story. Very inspirational!!!

P.S.
I'm unhappily hung. All my parents but my current have had issue with its size. To make it enjoyable for them I have always had to take great care. My partner has always needed preparation also. It is a mutual understanding. I take my time or they ride and take their time, but it is always mutually understood that I can't get overzealous.

Best of luck to you both,

Ashley

Quote from: AshleyMichelle on May 29, 2016, 05:42:01 PM
Thank you for sharing Harry, I have been intently reading your story. Very inspirational!!!

P.S.
I'm unhappily hung. All my parents but my current have had issue with its size. To make it enjoyable for them I have always had to take great care. My partner has always needed preparation also. It is a mutual understanding. I take my time or they ride and take their time, but it is always mutually understood that I can't get overzealous.

Best of luck to you both,

Ashley

Thank you so much. You are one of the few people who seems to understand my issue.

Can I ask how YOU go about preparing? Reply PM if uncomfortable sharing here.

Quote from: HarryWest on May 31, 2016, 12:34:39 AM
Thank you so much. You are one of the few people who seems to understand my issue.

Can I ask how YOU go about preparing? Reply PM if uncomfortable sharing here.

I'll post here even though I am a little uncomfortable but everyone that gets this far in the thread is invested. So for those I will continue. [emoji8]

FYI, this is a way longer post than I had hoped. I also tried to steer more towards informative rather than smut. Lol. Even though I love writing my own personal smut fantasy's. Hehe

So onward and inward. Lol

For me I have experienced 2 different causes of pains with penetration. Girth and length. Length can help with the girth and girth can help with length discomfort. First there's been a lot of great recommendations that have already been mentioned that work. Like lots of lube, plugs, positions, etc. Another topical cream that might help is lidocaine cream. It comes in different % strengths so it can suit the needs.

My methods are if my partner has discomfort with girth I use a finger to begin with until I can fit 3 comfortably. Then I take it slow, as to allow them to further adjust. Next I'll gently apply pressure until it's about an inch or two inside. This next method is very similar to perineum massage with child birth, in that method I'll take an extra finger and slowly slide around the head of the penis. If they can become comfortable with that I'll hold the shaft with one hand, and gently press on the abdomen with the other. As I feel my partner exhale I will rotate my penis around with my hand. Kinda like I'm trying to do the helicopter inside them. That usually takes care of most discomfort with girth. Length is my next topic and it's mostly position control of the receiver.

All the rest is position and control. Most of which has been mentioned. I will go over my favorite positions cause they give pleasure and reassurance to both. A side not is you can control from the bottom with your feet as long as you have control of the hips you control the speed depth and pressure. One position is the standard missionary with legs up. With a bit of flexibility you can bend your knees and place the tops of your feet on your partners hips; almost as a wedge. Another good position is the bottom lays on their left side with left leg straight right leg bent at a 90 at the hips. The top straddles the bottoms left leg. In this fashion the top has the bottoms right leg as leverage and a gauge as to how fast, slow, hard, or soft they can go. The bottom can also straighten the right leg from their hips to push the top away or bend more at the hip to allow deeper penetration. My last favorite and most restrictive for depth but not for girth is the bottom will lay flat on their stomach with legs straight and together. Kinda using their bottom as cushions to restrict depth. Only problem with this method is you will tend to clamp the muscles easier and faster if their is slight pain. My favorite is the side technique. It has to be mutual in all positions but in that one the top can really get depth, the bottom can really restrict, the bottom can relax, and the top still feels control. It has many benefits for both.

This next topic is possibly the most important and that is the anatomy. There are two main muscles. One can be controlled, this is the outermost and the other reacts from reflex and some say it can not be controlled. This one is the innermost. The innermost muscle I believe can only be controlled by the pressure the receiver applies outward. This inner muscle is the one that also benefits the most from stretching techniques. The stretching technique I love the most and is the most enjoyable for both is the previously mentioned method of holding the shaft while inside about 2 inches And rotating or applying pressure in a circular motion. It's very pleasurable for both.

My last topic I brushed over in a previous post. That was the mutual understanding. I've always been very aware and very considerate of my partners. As someone else mentioned the bottom is giving them self for the pleasure of the other. If I noticed it was painful for my partner I could not stand it. We can satisfy each other in other way, but for me pain was not an option. This is why I always patiently work to gain trust and comfort.

I really hope I wasn't to long winded and really hope this helps.

Much love,

I taught my wife how too do this to me with a vibrator. When I prep I do a enama til i'm clean, then I start with lots of lube til i'm relaxed and ready,what freaked my wife out the first time we did this is how I can cum with alot of natural juices,which allowed her to put her whole hand in. We have a 9 inch vibrator which when i'm totally ready can take the whole thing with no discomfort or pain. I know this is prob too my information but that's how I've been doing it too myself since I was 13yrs old and had bowel problems and started to do enemas so I could get relief and got hooked..

Quote from: AshleyMichelle on May 31, 2016, 07:52:20 AM
I'll post here even though I am a little uncomfortable but everyone that gets this far in the thread is invested. So for those I will continue. [emoji8]

FYI, this is a way longer post than I had hoped. I also tried to steer more towards informative rather than smut. Lol. Even though I love writing my own personal smut fantasy's. Hehe

So onward and inward. Lol

======================

I really hope I wasn't to long winded and really hope this helps.

Much love,

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You have given me a lot that I can really work with and I can see a few things Jess and me are not cooperating with.

Length has always been a problem as Jess likes to just go deep. While the more difficult and painful for me is girth as Jess tends to just stop at three fingers and lube.

I Can not emphasize enough how pleasurable and useful the helicopter method is. Even if your relaxed and ready to take it all, it really is a nice break and useful cool down. Really feels good for both. It's usefulness and pleasurability is just as well applied for vaginal sex. My female partners love it just as much.

Also after quick review I flipped techniques. Do the helicopter first, then the perineum massage if still discomforted. Problem with the massage is the penis needs to be passed the innermost muscle and the finger needs to be just as far. Use lots of lube.

Also, also, you mentioned the problem with depth. The anus is wonderful because little adjustments with angle, breathing, relax, and repeat will adjust the accepted depth. She need to go at your pace!!! That's important so I'll say it again. She needs to go at your pace. You will be able to allow her to speed up as your comfort increases, but she needs to be patient!!!

Physical control for you is important, because that allows you to restrict if need be. She can get exited but if you have physical control by restricting her movement she can't hurt you.

Much love

Ashley

Quote from: AshleyMichelle on May 31, 2016, 04:57:05 PM
I Can not emphasize enough how pleasurable and useful the helicopter method is. Even if your relaxed and ready to take it all, it really is a nice break and useful cool down. Really feels good for both. It's usefulness and pleasurability is just as well applied for vaginal sex. My female partners love it just as much.

Also after quick review I flipped techniques. Do the helicopter first, then the perineum massage if still discomforted. Problem with the massage is the penis needs to be passed the innermost muscle and the finger needs to be just as far. Use lots of lube.

Also, also, you mentioned the problem with depth. The anus is wonderful because little adjustments with angle, breathing, relax, and repeat will adjust the accepted depth. She need to go at your pace!!! That's important so I'll say it again. She needs to go at your pace. You will be able to allow her to speed up as your comfort increases, but she needs to be patient!!!

Physical control for you is important, because that allows you to restrict if need be. She can get exited but if you have physical control by restricting her movement she can't hurt you.

Much love

Ashley

The things you suggested really helped last night.

It was a lot more pleasurable and comfortable for me.

Jess was accommodating but I figure our positioning still needs work.

As I've mentioned before, Jess really likes to "Have at it" when she sinks into me and a good position might be able to provide that whilst not killing my insides.   

Things are going much better.

How does marriage and civil union etc. work for couples like Jess and me?

Quote from: HarryWest on July 24, 2016, 10:45:34 PM
How does marriage and civil union etc. work for couples like Jess and me?

Anyone?

I think it would depend on the laws where you live and what her "official" gender status is in terms of gender recognition certificates/ birth certificate etc. You should probably either do a country/ state specific google search or even telephone the local registry office or wherever you'd get the marriage licence from and ask

I think that it's also possible to change a civil union (i.e. between two people of the same gender) to a marriage when one partner transitions, so if she's not 'far along enough' from a legal point of view (ugh sounds awful but you know what I mean), you might not have to wait until all the documents are sorted. again that will be country specific...

I have read about it in the UK where I am, but I don't really understand what I read so if i was going to propose to my partner I'd probably phone a citizens advice or telephone the registry and get someone to explain exactly what I need

Quote from: Peep on July 29, 2016, 07:14:05 AM
I think it would depend on the laws where you live and what her "official" gender status is in terms of gender recognition certificates/ birth certificate etc. You should probably either do a country/ state specific google search or even telephone the local registry office or wherever you'd get the marriage licence from and ask

I think that it's also possible to change a civil union (i.e. between two people of the same gender) to a marriage when one partner transitions, so if she's not 'far along enough' from a legal point of view (ugh sounds awful but you know what I mean), you might not have to wait until all the documents are sorted. again that will be country specific...

I have read about it in the UK where I am, but I don't really understand what I read so if i was going to propose to my partner I'd probably phone a citizens advice or telephone the registry and get someone to explain exactly what I need

Queensland, Australia. Currently considered by our government as both of the male gender.

I was thinking of asking her family (dad's) permission to marry and while I know they are supportive of Jess I'm not sure if they are that supportive.