Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So both my parents have finally found it in themselves to absorb that I'm trans and come up with a response.

They have taken the position that I'm old enough to make my own decisions, that they won't abandon me or kick me out, they'll accept whatever I become but want me to be sure this is right for me, stopped to say how their generation the thing to do was to accept who you are.

Before I continue, I must clarify I expect no financial help from anyone, this thread is more about the reason used rather than the action itself.

They then said, they won't help me fund any treatment because if they did and it went wrong I would blame them.

I'm not sure what to think of their reason given...

What are your thoughts?

Seems like they mean well, but are pretty clueless about what it is to be trans*. Instead of realizing that you already are a woman on the inside and you're simply trying to make the outside match, they're seeing it from the perspective that you're trying to become a woman by changing the outside. So, they're kind of seeing things backwards, but at least they're accepting of your right to do what you want with your own body.

Hi Olivia

When I came out to my family, only recently, their key questions were "Are you sure?" and "Isn't this a step too far?" and they were fair questions.  They thought I was a girly gay boy.  It had never occurred that I was trans and fighting it.

How far along the process are you of  presenting and living in your target gender?   I guess that if you are only just starting (is this assumption correct?), it would be very hard for your parents to actively want to participate in changing you.  I can see their point.

It would take a very strange parent who would want to submit a child to any number of "voluntary" surgeries, plus all the issues of social acceptance, passing, job  prospects, partner prospects etc., unless of course the child was clearly desperate and
insistent. 

Without more information about you it would be hard to take a better guess.   

Does this help?

Regards
Julia

I told them around the timing of beginning the process to request HRT in order to give them time to absorb information before anything significant happens, my first endo appointment is July 7th.

Quote from: Olivia P on June 24, 2014, 09:56:42 AM
I told them around the timing of beginning the process to request HRT in order to give them time to absorb information before anything significant happens, my first endo appointment is July 7th.

OK, so it's early days then.  I think you're doing this in a logical and careful way, which is good.  If at all possible, my recommendation is to be inclusive- draw them into your process so that they can evolve with you. 

First off, you are a wonderful part of this community, and whatever you do you will be supported by the people here who care for you.  Your parents response was pretty good really.  They have a lot to learn, and I hope they find as they walk this path with you that it is all about becoming who you authentically are, and finding peace in how you and the broader world coexist.  I think that they will, they have a good teacher ;) 

I am impressed that you are so straight up with them.  I think that level of respect is to be admired.  All in all, you are following your path with courtesy and courage.  Good luck with your doc, for me HRT changed the world in a very good way.

Julie

Sorry Olivia, don't normally do this, but I'm gonna play devil's advocate this time. I do happen to think your parents have a good position, and let me explain why.
First, yes, they may not understand trans completely. That said, I personally wouldn't pay for something I don't completely understand either. While it may seem a little distant from support, I'd say lack of understanding is probably part of it.
Second, look at trends between parents and children today. I mean, there was just that goof of a teen in jersey who sued her own parents for "not financially supporting her." Families, sadly, are blaming each other for things more now than ever. Reckless irresponsible children (even adult children) aren't taking responsibility for their own actions, and look to blame others. A common blame is on parents for not "being raised right". So, your parents position is understandable. They aren't disowning you, but they wouldn't want you to do that to them, heaven forbid something goes wrong.
While we may not be understood well, it usually takes someone else to make us realize that our trans education is years ahead of those we come out to, and twice as focused.

My dad and my sister that knows seem to have accepted it well. My mom keeps talking as if I could change my mind during therapy. Is it possible? Yes is it likely? No.

Its better than my sister that claims to accept GLBT yet says how dare they get married as it would ruin her marriage, or my other sister who responds to all my pro LGBT Facebook posts with bible verses and they're going to hell. Even worse her husband told me that gay people should be stoned.

Ive been trying to find ways to get them on board before I come out, but I don't see it happening.