Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: staypositive1 on June 30, 2014, 04:08:19 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Spiraling out of control, not really excitement...
Post by: staypositive1 on June 30, 2014, 04:08:19 PM
Post by: staypositive1 on June 30, 2014, 04:08:19 PM
Ever since I came to realization that I might be trans, and I started doing ''the steps'' towards changing myself
I got really quickly a feeling of ''I can't stop this, no matter HOW hard I try". Something inside just exploded and there was nothing I could do to stop that ''energy'' that just wanted to come out
but I kinda just feel worse now, because it's gotten ''too far'' so I can't hide it much longer... where I'm just completely confuzed about everything, what the end of all this looks like (not out yet)
I feel like it's no end to all of this, it just keeps getting worse and worse... It's been 6 months now, and I'm passing most of the time, but when I'm with my family I tone myself down, so I look 'familiar' to them....
I just want my issues to go away...
Getting a therapist in 2 months, so I have to wait to talk to professionals...
Ok.. sorry, I'm definately having a bad day, and that's what's speaking. But did this happen to any of you aswell?
Shouldn't I be more excited? I have days where I am like ''f*** everybody'', but I can't help but feel like I'm disappointing my family, and ''can never face them normally again''... I don't really have anyone left, but my dad, so losing his 'love and pride' in me would be the worst that could happen in life...
I got really quickly a feeling of ''I can't stop this, no matter HOW hard I try". Something inside just exploded and there was nothing I could do to stop that ''energy'' that just wanted to come out
but I kinda just feel worse now, because it's gotten ''too far'' so I can't hide it much longer... where I'm just completely confuzed about everything, what the end of all this looks like (not out yet)
I feel like it's no end to all of this, it just keeps getting worse and worse... It's been 6 months now, and I'm passing most of the time, but when I'm with my family I tone myself down, so I look 'familiar' to them....
I just want my issues to go away...
Getting a therapist in 2 months, so I have to wait to talk to professionals...
Ok.. sorry, I'm definately having a bad day, and that's what's speaking. But did this happen to any of you aswell?
Shouldn't I be more excited? I have days where I am like ''f*** everybody'', but I can't help but feel like I'm disappointing my family, and ''can never face them normally again''... I don't really have anyone left, but my dad, so losing his 'love and pride' in me would be the worst that could happen in life...
Title: Re: Spiraling out of control, not really excitement...
Post by: Ms Grace on June 30, 2014, 04:30:01 PM
Post by: Ms Grace on June 30, 2014, 04:30:01 PM
Yes, it is common. You're at that stage where you're going full steam ahead but applying the brakes in certain circumstances. Once you are out and transitioned then you are likely to feel less frustrated. Getting to that threshold and crossing it can be a very bumpy process though, especially if it involves telling family, etc.