Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: BeingSonia on June 30, 2014, 05:25:39 PM Return to Full Version
Title: I devastated my mom.
Post by: BeingSonia on June 30, 2014, 05:25:39 PM
Post by: BeingSonia on June 30, 2014, 05:25:39 PM
For those whom haven't read my story, in Japan, I need my wife's authorisation to start hormones.
She put my coming out to my mom as a prior condition (among others) to give me the authorisation.
There is never a good timing to come out to your parents, I think.
So, I did.
I started to tell her we had some serious things to talk about.
I tried to reassure her it wasn't a disease, wasn't financial problems, etc.
When I told her I was going to a gender therapy, all broke loose.
I devastated her.
She knew something was 'wrong' but never acknowledged it.
She said that I'm killing her son, the person I need to become is not going to be her child, all the moments of joy and sadness we shared were fake.
I told her that is wasn't true, it was a continuation in my life, that I chose to live.
She is afraid she will loose her own social circle because of me.
Afraid of what people will tell behind our backs.
Afraid of what will happen to me along the way.
I didn't choose this, but chose to do something about it.
She made me promise not to tell my father (my parents are divorced) because he will probably disown me.
She said she won't disown me.
I know this is hard for a parent.
I don't know how hard.
In all, it was a total disaster.
My brothers told me she will eventually get over it.
Time will tell.
I feel like slipping down a dangerous emotional pit.
Burrying everything back is not the solution. Won't solve anything.
If I can give a 2 cents advice, choose wisely friends to come out to first, friends whom would support you before telling your parents.
I can frankly talk with them about what is happening.
Sonia
She put my coming out to my mom as a prior condition (among others) to give me the authorisation.
There is never a good timing to come out to your parents, I think.
So, I did.
I started to tell her we had some serious things to talk about.
I tried to reassure her it wasn't a disease, wasn't financial problems, etc.
When I told her I was going to a gender therapy, all broke loose.
I devastated her.
She knew something was 'wrong' but never acknowledged it.
She said that I'm killing her son, the person I need to become is not going to be her child, all the moments of joy and sadness we shared were fake.
I told her that is wasn't true, it was a continuation in my life, that I chose to live.
She is afraid she will loose her own social circle because of me.
Afraid of what people will tell behind our backs.
Afraid of what will happen to me along the way.
I didn't choose this, but chose to do something about it.
She made me promise not to tell my father (my parents are divorced) because he will probably disown me.
She said she won't disown me.
I know this is hard for a parent.
I don't know how hard.
In all, it was a total disaster.
My brothers told me she will eventually get over it.
Time will tell.
I feel like slipping down a dangerous emotional pit.
Burrying everything back is not the solution. Won't solve anything.
If I can give a 2 cents advice, choose wisely friends to come out to first, friends whom would support you before telling your parents.
I can frankly talk with them about what is happening.
Sonia
Title: Re: I devastated my mom.
Post by: kira21 ♡♡♡ on June 30, 2014, 05:30:21 PM
Post by: kira21 ♡♡♡ on June 30, 2014, 05:30:21 PM
Hugs Sonia.
If its any consolation, from everyone elses accounts that I have read, if they don't disown you they do have a strong tendancy to get over it, so I would listen to your brothers.
Kira x
If its any consolation, from everyone elses accounts that I have read, if they don't disown you they do have a strong tendancy to get over it, so I would listen to your brothers.
Kira x
Title: Re: I devastated my mom.
Post by: Ltl89 on June 30, 2014, 05:41:51 PM
Post by: Ltl89 on June 30, 2014, 05:41:51 PM
Quote from: BeingSonia on June 30, 2014, 05:25:39 PM
For those whom haven't read my story, in Japan, I need my wife's authorisation to start hormones.
She put my coming out to my mom as a prior condition (among others) to give me the authorisation.
There is never a good timing to come out to your parents, I think.
So, I did.
I started to tell her we had some serious things to talk about.
I tried to reassure her it wasn't a disease, wasn't financial problems, etc.
When I told her I was going to a gender therapy, all broke loose.
I devastated her.
She knew something was 'wrong' but never acknowledged it.
She said that I'm killing her son, the person I need to become is not going to be her child, all the moments of joy and sadness we shared were fake.
I told her that is wasn't true, it was a continuation in my life, that I chose to live.
She is afraid she will loose her own social circle because of me.
Afraid of what people will tell behind our backs.
Afraid of what will happen to me along the way.
I didn't choose this, but chose to do something about it.
She made me promise not to tell my father (my parents are divorced) because he will probably disown me.
She said she won't disown me.
I know this is hard for a parent.
I don't know how hard.
In all, it was a total disaster.
My brothers told me she will eventually get over it.
Time will tell.
I feel like slipping down a dangerous emotional pit.
Burrying everything back is not the solution. Won't solve anything.
If I can give a 2 cents advice, choose wisely friends to come out to first, friends whom would support you before telling your parents.
I can frankly talk with them about what is happening.
Sonia
I'm really sorry it's going a bit rough. However, it sounds like she may be able to come around in time. Coming out is tough, but it usually gets easier in time and I hope that will be the case for you.
Title: Re: I devastated my mom.
Post by: Ms Grace on June 30, 2014, 05:54:24 PM
Post by: Ms Grace on June 30, 2014, 05:54:24 PM
Hopefully she will come around when she meets her daughter! It's a bit rough that you require your wife's permission to start hormones, is that a Japanese law?
Title: Re: I devastated my mom.
Post by: BeingSonia on June 30, 2014, 06:25:46 PM
Post by: BeingSonia on June 30, 2014, 06:25:46 PM
Thanks everyone for the replies!
@Ms Grace: No, not the law but some guidelines set by the government. The gender clinic I go does it by the book but it seems some others don't. That would be easier for me not going through all those hoops but I don't want to keep my wife out of the loop. I'm wrecking her life too...
@Ms Grace: No, not the law but some guidelines set by the government. The gender clinic I go does it by the book but it seems some others don't. That would be easier for me not going through all those hoops but I don't want to keep my wife out of the loop. I'm wrecking her life too...
Title: Re: I devastated my mom.
Post by: ChelseaAnn on July 01, 2014, 01:36:58 AM
Post by: ChelseaAnn on July 01, 2014, 01:36:58 AM
Sorry things didn't go very well. It will get better, one way or another.
As for authorization, that sucks. My first therapist told me my wife needed to know I was going on them before I could, but I can do it without her having a say. (doesn't mean it would be a good idea)
As for authorization, that sucks. My first therapist told me my wife needed to know I was going on them before I could, but I can do it without her having a say. (doesn't mean it would be a good idea)