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i realized i couldnt keep my sanity for to long, but i never thought i'd lose my grip so soon. time is drawing near and after i got the green light from my psychiatrist, i'm back on edge. looks like my insanity is back and this time is stronger than ever! oh and to clarify, my insanity isnt like a normal person. it causes my dysphoria to sore to deadly levels -.- already have the thoughts of chopping this unnecessary flap of skin off.

Please don't give in to the urge for self harming as it won't make life easier, it'll just make things worse.

If the urge is becoming overwhelming then speak to your phsyciatrist/counselor as soon as possible so they can help you with this, that's what they are there for.

I actually feel the need to allow myself to go insane in private to maintain my public sanity. I howl at my dog. I make strange noises. I do things that are odd. Anything I can think of to just let it all out. And it works.

Quote from: Jayne on July 01, 2014, 02:50:20 PM
Please don't give in to the urge for self harming as it won't make life easier, it'll just make things worse.

If the urge is becoming overwhelming then speak to your phsyciatrist/counselor as soon as possible so they can help you with this, that's what they are there for.

no need to worry. this isnt the first time i've lost my sanity. unfortunately i need it so i have to force myself not to chop it off, but the thought does getting addicting. just need to watch my impulsivity right now

Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on July 01, 2014, 03:00:40 PM
no need to worry. this isnt the first time i've lost my sanity.

You're in good company here, I think a great deal of us on here feel we've lost our sanity from time to time, I spent many months last year not sleeping & crying non stop. In one of my rare moments of clarity I asked the support workers at my hostel to lock my anti-depressants & sleeping tablets away in my letterbox & never let me collect my mail unsupervised otherwise i'd have given in to my impulses & not be here now.
Now that i've made it through the fire & the flames I thoroughly enjoy my life, the flowers smell sweeter, sunsets have more colour & whilst I don't know what the future brings I look forward to whatever the future holds for me.

Stay strong & never be afraid to ask those close to you for help

There is such a thing as sane? That is definately nothing I have experienced before. ;)

Did something happen Brianna? You got a green light, are you scared, uncertain or worried? Why on edge? If it's none of my business just tell me but I am here for you.

Quote from: Jess42 on July 01, 2014, 03:34:31 PM
There is such a thing as sane? That is definately nothing I have experienced before. ;)

Did something happen Brianna? You got a green light, are you scared, uncertain or worried? Why on edge? If it's none of my business just tell me but I am here for you.

its the fact there may be a strong possibility that i may remain stuck. so either which way, imma end up screwed if this is true

blah. seems like every second, i'm slipping further and further. ugh! i called my therapist and left him a message so now i have to wait for him to call me back. is there a difference between dysphoria induced by insanity and dysphoria induced by the actually uncomfortability with your actually brain and body chemistry? or am i just crazy?

Baby I think you are WAAAY overthinking things. Just relax and let things flow without looking for a cause so hard. :)

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on July 01, 2014, 06:16:28 PM
Baby I think you are WAAAY overthinking things. Just relax and let things flow without looking for a cause so hard. :)

i know i know, i just want to identify why my dysphoria intensifies as much as it does but i'm not really feeling as much dysphoria with my gender itself due to my non binary state. i know i'm overthinking it but i dont wanna keep slipping. i hope my therapist calls me back tonight or tomorrow morning so i can get in hopefully tomorrow afternoon or friday

I'm right there with you girlfriend. Today - and yesterday - is particularly bad for me. I want to flush the whole world down the toilet and some other crazy stuff I won't mention. I'm fighting the urge to crawl into a bottle so I might work on a business project to keep me from freaking myself out. My S.O. is not leaving me alone and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I just want to explode. *sigh*

So on the bright side, your not going insane alone? I think that's on the bright side...  :-\

Sorry, didn't mean to rant, I just really feel your pain, you know?



- Kova cant wait for therapist thursday

Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on July 01, 2014, 06:25:41 PM
i just want to identify why my dysphoria intensifies as much as it does

:eusa_wall: :icon_headache: :eusa_wall: :icon_headache: :eusa_wall: :icon_headache: :eusa_wall: :icon_headache:

Do you hear yourself? This is why you are a stressed out mess! Quit already or you ARE going to go nuts. It is not your job to figure this out, it is your Therapist's job. We all have up and down moments, but the thing that keeps us grounded in reality is not diagnosing ourselves all day.  :)

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on July 01, 2014, 06:34:27 PM
:eusa_wall: :icon_headache: :eusa_wall: :icon_headache: :eusa_wall: :icon_headache: :eusa_wall: :icon_headache:

Do you hear yourself? This is why you are a stressed out mess! Quit already or you ARE going to go nuts. It is not your job to figure this out, it is your Therapist's job. We all have up and down moments, but the thing that keeps us grounded in reality is not diagnosing ourselves all day.  :)

stressed is an understatement but not my fault. lol. i just want to know the causes. guess i'm being stubborn again. i'll go drink a cup of tea and see if i calm down

Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on July 01, 2014, 06:42:27 PM
stressed is an understatement but not my fault. lol. i just want to know the causes. guess i'm being stubborn again. i'll go drink a cup of tea and see if i calm down

Yes, tea... Me too...*sips her sake and giggles to herself*

Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on July 01, 2014, 06:42:27 PM
guess i'm being stubborn again

You? Stubborn? Not in a million years sweetie! ::)

Make that tea decaf would you Brianna? ;D

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on July 01, 2014, 06:46:03 PM
You? Stubborn? Not in a million years sweetie! ::)

Make that tea decaf would you Brianna? ;D

o.o so you were calling me stubborn? meanie xD i only have caffeinated o.o xD

Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on July 01, 2014, 06:49:36 PM
o.o so you were calling me stubborn?

I wouldn't think of it!  :angel: :laugh:

imma just go roll up in a ball in cry.

Hey do I  have to start quoting you again???!!!  ;)

Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on July 01, 2014, 07:10:39 PM
imma just go roll up in a ball in cry.

::) Just trying to distract you with playful banter sweetie, that's all. ;)

Quote from: Paula Christine on July 01, 2014, 07:17:52 PM
Hey do I  have to start quoting you again???!!!  ;)

o.o i never made a quote on this but if you can find one that is perfect than thats a +1 lol

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on July 01, 2014, 07:19:18 PM
::) Just trying to distract you with playful banter sweetie, that's all. ;)

i know. but i still feel like crying  :(

Bah, I'm sure you prob said something like "its time you jus put your big girl pantes on and get over it!". 

Quote from: Paula Christine on July 01, 2014, 08:54:13 PM
Bah, I'm sure you prob said something like "its time you jus put your big girl pantes on and get over it!".

nope lol. all my words were helping by trying to talk them out of suicide lol