Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Boy this is going to be more difficult than I imagined.  Prior to this the mental movies I played always seemed to put me in the light of the strong willed (I always have been, or so I thought) and confident person who states his/her case and let the chips fall where they may.  Today I called a former coworker who left the workplace years before myself but remained friends without the visiting back and forth (I am now retired).  He has been almost life long friends with people who still work there.  Before the conversation even started he said "well I heard you've been seen in drag"  I froze and their was a lull for a bit, then he said "and I hear you've been getting high and drinking again too".  This gave me the oppurtunity I needed to free up my mind and laughed.  When he spoke again he sort of bunched them together so I did not have to give a solid answer straight out.  He has always been an outspoken friend and I can appreciate that character trait.  So after a short conversation we were arrainging a day for me to come out to his farm for a visit (I have been trying to get out there for some time)  Just before the phone call was over he said "now dont come over in drag all made up maybe just a sundress or mumu, you dont have to get made up for me"  (he is straight and just started up with a new girlfriend)  Second laugh from me, probably a little too forced.
     Now I understand that some may have had an idea because I have been easing into this in my own way by going out in light makeup,women's jeans and eye liner, but it just happend so quick I didnt know how to handle it.  I dont socialize, call people, go anywhere, I am mostly a hermit out at my place in the woods.  OK, with this said here is why the title of this post, because 95% of the people I know are from my past employment and once I tell him I will probably say its ok to pass it on.  That means next week I will be almost 100% out.  I dont know about others but I'm finding this really hard to do at almost 63 years old.  Well for anyone who stuck it out and read this entire thing I'm glad to have had an ear.  I swear the damage done by growing up in the 50's is hard to overcome.  Thanks for listening.  Dani

Quote from: Newgirl Dani on July 02, 2014, 08:50:59 PM
I swear the damage done by growing up in the 50's is hard to overcome.  Thanks for listening.  Dani

I totally get where you are coming from on this. The 60s were the same way for me and I am so glad times are changing. Becoming who you really are is very hard and there will be good and bad days to come, but I know you are strong and will be OK. Our stories are so much alike it is scary as I am retired as well and most of my friends are from the workplace also. Most have been really accepting though. Sure I lost a few, but it occurs to me that maybe they were not that good of friends to start with if they can't accept. I am finding that I am making new friends quite quickly and the ones I have now are really good people and have a great outlook and are teaching me even more about life and acceptance. Stay strong Sis!  :)

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on July 02, 2014, 09:02:03 PM
I totally get where you are coming from on this. The 60s were the same way for me and I am so glad times are changing. Becoming who you really are is very hard and there will be good and bad days to come, but I know you are strong and will be OK. Our stories are so much alike it is scary as I am retired as well and most of my friends are from the workplace also. Most have been really accepting though. Sure I lost a few, but it occurs to me that maybe they were not that good of friends to start with if they can't accept. I am finding that I am making new friends quite quickly and the ones I have now are really good people and have a great outlook and are teaching me even more about life and acceptance. Stay strong Sis!  :)

Thank you soooo much!!!!!  I think part of the upraising from that time period is the false front that is taught from such a young age, and when that bravado cracks its tough. 

Hopefully none mistook what I said to mean it is easier for young people, I know it is tough for all, just in different ways.

Tell me about it! I am trying to learn to control emotions I never had or was allowed to express. Presenting full time and the hardships it can present are nothing compared to breaking our "programming". I am getting there and so will you Sis as we can draw strength from each other! :)

I think the younger ones understand Dani. They have access to information at the touch of a button we never even could dream about. Things are hard for them as well, but I remember if we wanted makeup, clothes or anything else we actually had to go to the stores and buy them. There was no anonymous ordering and delivery via the net. They do have their issue's, but not nearly as many as we did. I am happy for them though and know they will be much more successful in their transitions and do not have so much stacked against them.  :)

I logged back on with only one purpose, to delete this last post.  Any glimpse into my life is harsh, but I decided that 'who knows' maybe there is a reason I put it here and maybe someone needs to see it.  Dani

Deleted anyway, too difficult to read.  Some memories just need to die.