Susan's Place Transgender Resources

[I'm so sorry this is so long, but I really have to get this off my chest.]

Well, I guess I'll start off by saying that I just recently made an account here thanks to a friend who recommended that I find a forum with people I could talk to, so I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place. I just recently came out to a few of my closest friends as a transgender girl, including my gender fluid girl/boyfriend, all of whom support me. I have only just now have finally accepted myself.

I've had thoughts of wanting to be a girl since kindergarten. These thoughts often happened in dreams or just randomly every once and a while. I used to try and ignore them, but I never forgot. I never really got along too well with guys as a kid. The only connection I could ever really make was video games and talking about girls. I used to play with barbies and other girl toys and I was always envious of how pretty my friends looks in dresses. I know that this doesn't mean that those things are defined as being girly, but as a kid, I was always made fun of for loving the Little Mermaid and wanting to be a Disney princess, so I just pretended I wasn't really interested in all that I hid behind a wall of Pokemon until I found out that it wasn't just a guy thing and I made a lot of great friends because of it, boys and girls.

This is already getting too long... Moving on, when I first got into high school, I joined the drumline and made a lot of cool friends. A lot of guy friends. That was different for me, I was used to having girl friends. I pushed myself to be like them and they all think I'm a cool guy to be around. I don't want to sound like  a douche here, but I'm pretty popular thanks to those guys. Not that that even matters. Anyway, I managed to push my inner feelings away for a couple years, but (I shamefully admit) for my first year in high school, I used to go onto forums for teenagers and pretend to be a girl just to see what it was like to be recognized as one, and I really enjoyed it... But now just recently a lot of my friends came out to me as gay, pansexual, asexual, you name it. I have the most sexually diverse group of friends than I ever would imagine. I felt like there was something I needed to tell them too, but I was so conflicted that I couldn't sleep at night and I started having dreams about being a girl again.

I finally decided to look up HRT and how trans women became who they are today and they all looked so happy and said they where finally comfortable with themselves. Then I would see stories of people who waited till their 30s to transition and said they wish they had done it sooner. That scared me. I don't want to live a life of sleepless nights wondering if I could ever truly be happy with myself. I imagined my future as a man and it just made me feel empty inside. I'm turning 18 soon and all anyone can talk about is how I'll be a man, but my heart tells me that I should be a woman.

I've finally come to terms with my real gender, but I'm terrified of telling my parents. My parents are usually very understanding people, but I don't really talk to them as much as I'd like. Maybe it's because I hate how my voice sounds and I can't really look them in the eye with what I've been hiding from them. They think I'm angry all the time, and I guess I am, but more at myself. I'm just unhappy. I want to tell them, but I just don't know where to start. I know HRT is expensive, not to mention laser hair removal, clothes, therapy sessions... They're already helping me go to a really nice art school so I can pursue my dreams and I don't know if I can just dump this on them. I'm already working two jobs to help pay for college and I want to put some away for therapy, but... I just don't know. And I'm terrified that my parents might see me as an embarrassment, if I'm not already...

How did you all cope? I'm genuinely upset about this, and I'm usually rather unmovable. I just really need advice.

It sounds like your parents may be pretty understanding. Most people, I'd say the first thing you should do is go see a gender therapist, but in your case, I think it may be good for you to come out to your parents if you can trust them. My parents are both retired military and catholic. Probably the most conservative people on earth. They have taken it very well. It may make them happy just to understand how you feel and for them to know that you're not angry with them.

Welcome. :) My advice is just take it one step at the time. it's easy to see this process as this huge overwhelming thing. And yeah...it's big and can be hard sometimes, but I found that it really helped to try and break it down into smaller steps. Like "OK, I'm going to do some research on this and talk to people online." "OK, I'm going to try some new clothes and stuff." "OK, I'm going to find a doctor and therapist to talk to." "OK, I'm going to tell my best friend. Then my brother. Then my classmates." I chose to tell my family last.

Just decide what small thing you ARE ready to do, and cut yourself some slack if there's parts you are not ready for. It will all come in time.

You could start with your parents by telling them you are having gender issues and would like to see a psych who works in this area.  YOU can talk to them about questions rather that decisions or put it in terms of a decision.  It depends on the type of parents one has. 

I'm a little older than your 30 year old transwoman you mentioned  Yea, I regret it a little.  Better late than never but better early than late!

Welcome!!

Hugs,

Jen

:)

wow,you sound  exactly like me when  I was 17...exactly...
and I have a genderfluid girlfriend too...like jesus,,,

Im 19  now
Irealised my  feelings at  17,  came out  at 18 ,done therapy and  started  hormones at 19...im 7 months in

I guess I could offer some advice,
firstly dont be  afraid  to come  out, I  know   its  difficult but as I always said people are nicer  than they seem , and if your parents dont accept you at first  just give  them  time  and they will , if  they love you they will...
secondly its  cool that you are  so young  and  hrt will most likely feminize you  a lot , but be prepared  hrt   is no  magic , you ll need to be patient cause  it  will surely take  years to achieve a normal female presentation,,,find friends  that   accept you  for who you are  and  be happy with every little step  you take
hrt  will also  change  your emotions  ,  a lot , prepare for that too
for me it made every emotion a lot more intense than before , that includes sadness  too...even now  I think its better than  feeling nothing

this  now  feels like  a battle versus my own nature I was born male  and im desperately trying to become female, its hard it will take time but I really want this and I will fight till the end.

I wish you all the best :)

Hi Rook, Welcome to Susan's.


Deaing with parents can be stressful and you should never have to do it alone. If you can work with a counselor or school psychologist to speak with your parents it can often go much better than talking to them alone. Be prepared for any and all questions but it may be prudent to wait until you can leave home if you have to.

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Thank you all for your input. It it really put me at ease to know I'm not alone and that you all are following your hearts. Though I unfortunately do not have any gender therapists nearby that I can simply go visit, and the nearest LGBT center is in the next city over. I think I'll just have to tell my parents myself when I'm comfortable and there isn't so much going on so that they might help me find one. Again, thank you so much for your help and warm welcomes. I already feel more comfortable just being on this site.

Quote from: rook on July 08, 2014, 05:00:29 PM
[I'm so sorry this is so long, but I really have to get this off my chest.]

Well, I guess I'll start off by saying that I just recently made an account here thanks to a friend who recommended that I find a forum with people I could talk to, so I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place. I just recently came out to a few of my closest friends as a transgender girl, including my gender fluid girl/boyfriend, all of whom support me. I have only just now have finally accepted myself.

I've had thoughts of wanting to be a girl since kindergarten. These thoughts often happened in dreams or just randomly every once and a while. I used to try and ignore them, but I never forgot. I never really got along too well with guys as a kid. The only connection I could ever really make was video games and talking about girls. I used to play with barbies and other girl toys and I was always envious of how pretty my friends looks in dresses. I know that this doesn't mean that those things are defined as being girly, but as a kid, I was always made fun of for loving the Little Mermaid and wanting to be a Disney princess, so I just pretended I wasn't really interested in all that I hid behind a wall of Pokemon until I found out that it wasn't just a guy thing and I made a lot of great friends because of it, boys and girls.

This is already getting too long... Moving on, when I first got into high school, I joined the drumline and made a lot of cool friends. A lot of guy friends. That was different for me, I was used to having girl friends. I pushed myself to be like them and they all think I'm a cool guy to be around. I don't want to sound like  a douche here, but I'm pretty popular thanks to those guys. Not that that even matters. Anyway, I managed to push my inner feelings away for a couple years, but (I shamefully admit) for my first year in high school, I used to go onto forums for teenagers and pretend to be a girl just to see what it was like to be recognized as one, and I really enjoyed it... But now just recently a lot of my friends came out to me as gay, pansexual, asexual, you name it. I have the most sexually diverse group of friends than I ever would imagine. I felt like there was something I needed to tell them too, but I was so conflicted that I couldn't sleep at night and I started having dreams about being a girl again.

I finally decided to look up HRT and how trans women became who they are today and they all looked so happy and said they where finally comfortable with themselves. Then I would see stories of people who waited till their 30s to transition and said they wish they had done it sooner. That scared me. I don't want to live a life of sleepless nights wondering if I could ever truly be happy with myself. I imagined my future as a man and it just made me feel empty inside. I'm turning 18 soon and all anyone can talk about is how I'll be a man, but my heart tells me that I should be a woman.

I've finally come to terms with my real gender, but I'm terrified of telling my parents. My parents are usually very understanding people, but I don't really talk to them as much as I'd like. Maybe it's because I hate how my voice sounds and I can't really look them in the eye with what I've been hiding from them. They think I'm angry all the time, and I guess I am, but more at myself. I'm just unhappy. I want to tell them, but I just don't know where to start. I know HRT is expensive, not to mention laser hair removal, clothes, therapy sessions... They're already helping me go to a really nice art school so I can pursue my dreams and I don't know if I can just dump this on them. I'm already working two jobs to help pay for college and I want to put some away for therapy, but... I just don't know. And I'm terrified that my parents might see me as an embarrassment, if I'm not already...

How did you all cope? I'm genuinely upset about this, and I'm usually rather unmovable. I just really need advice.

Start by telling your parents what I placed in bold above.  Remind them of your anger, tell them you are angry at yourself and then tell them why.  If they care for you at all they will want to address the problems you are having.