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Title: Advice/Am I trans?
Post by: lilangel on July 15, 2014, 01:46:37 AM
Post by: lilangel on July 15, 2014, 01:46:37 AM
Hey everyone! I've been lurking on this website for a while now and haven't given much thought about joining and posting until now!
For a little background information, I am 18 and from a small town in the Midwest. I've been searching for gender therapists specifically, but this website says there are only 3 in my state, all of which are at least 2 hours away.
I was born a male and I have been having "gender issues" since day one. As a young child (probably around 3 or 4) I would only play with toys that were categorized as "girls toys", for example American Girl dolls, Barbies etc. My parents were concerned and seeked counseling, they told my parents this was normal in little boys. What the counselor didn't know, however, was that at home I wore wigs and t-shirts on my head for hair, and I would wear my moms heels with a blanket tied around my waist. I've always looked at boys differently than how I viewed myself (even today), almost as if they're completely different like another species. I've had a couple of male friends, but all of my closest friends have been girls because I feel like them and I'm most comfortable.
I've always been uncomfortable with my gender roles and expectations and I get put off when I am expected to do something and someone tells me to "be a man." And even when I'm being complimented, I HATE being called handsome! It's nice, but when my girlfriends call me 'pretty' it makes me feel the most good about myself, as well as dressing and appearing more feminine. I always compare myself to girls (body image etc)
I also have body discomfort that started at puberty. I've hated my beard ever since it grew in, and I'm extremely self conscious of my armpit hair. When I go anywhere with a body of water I don't take off my shirt because I feel like I have breasts that need to be covered. I tuck my privates in between my legs 99% of the time (including the shower) but I don't necessarily hate my genitals.
As for relationships, I see myself as a girl. I am attracted to men and I am open about my sexuality, but I can't visualize a homosexual relationship for myself. I see a heterosexual relationship, but where I am the woman. When I think about being called "boyfriend" or "dad" I can't help but to be put off by it. I want to be a mother figure to my children. And part of me just wants to be referred to as a girlfriend. Even within my friendships, I get very upset when I'm not included in things that the girls are because I'm "the guy friend."
I have never liked being treated differently than a girl. When they split up boys and girls in elementary school, I really didn't know what to do. Also, I feel like video games have contributed to me feeling like I am a girl. I've been playing online games with other players as a girl since 3rd grade, and still do. I feel like I am more comfortable with myself presenting as a girl online. Everyone perceives me as a girl until I have to tell them otherwise. If I could've chosen my gender at birth like you can in video games, I obviously would've chosen female. I feel like all signs lead to me being trans.
I sort of came out to my parents as trans--they are completely 100% supportive of my sexuality. They are taking this very slowly and my mom is in denial while me and my dad have had long talks about this. My dad thinks I won't be able to find a job (I wish to go into fashion/beauty, which I think seems pretty accepting, but who knows). I became more aware of how I've always felt through finding other trans girls through social media, and they've inspired me because they are becoming the person they want to be or feel that they are. And other well known trans women such as Laverne Cox, Carmen Carrera, and Janet Mock have inspired me as well. I've read Janet Mocks book and completely found myself when she talked about her gender issues in her childhood. Since coming out and mentioning this to my friends, I've already been somewhat happier. Or at least I feel like I'm starting to find myself more and more. The rest of my family doesn't know, however.
I keep asking my dad to help me find a therapist (he's in doctor offices all the time for his job and just knows a lot of people that can prescribe stuff), but he said if I do I can't get wrapped up with wanting to transition during college. He said I need to wait until after and until I can find a job.
What are your thoughts? Am I transgender--or is that a question I need to answer for myself? Do I need a therapist to officially "stamp" and diagnose it? And is my dad right about transitioning? Any help would be so appreciated!
For a little background information, I am 18 and from a small town in the Midwest. I've been searching for gender therapists specifically, but this website says there are only 3 in my state, all of which are at least 2 hours away.
I was born a male and I have been having "gender issues" since day one. As a young child (probably around 3 or 4) I would only play with toys that were categorized as "girls toys", for example American Girl dolls, Barbies etc. My parents were concerned and seeked counseling, they told my parents this was normal in little boys. What the counselor didn't know, however, was that at home I wore wigs and t-shirts on my head for hair, and I would wear my moms heels with a blanket tied around my waist. I've always looked at boys differently than how I viewed myself (even today), almost as if they're completely different like another species. I've had a couple of male friends, but all of my closest friends have been girls because I feel like them and I'm most comfortable.
I've always been uncomfortable with my gender roles and expectations and I get put off when I am expected to do something and someone tells me to "be a man." And even when I'm being complimented, I HATE being called handsome! It's nice, but when my girlfriends call me 'pretty' it makes me feel the most good about myself, as well as dressing and appearing more feminine. I always compare myself to girls (body image etc)
I also have body discomfort that started at puberty. I've hated my beard ever since it grew in, and I'm extremely self conscious of my armpit hair. When I go anywhere with a body of water I don't take off my shirt because I feel like I have breasts that need to be covered. I tuck my privates in between my legs 99% of the time (including the shower) but I don't necessarily hate my genitals.
As for relationships, I see myself as a girl. I am attracted to men and I am open about my sexuality, but I can't visualize a homosexual relationship for myself. I see a heterosexual relationship, but where I am the woman. When I think about being called "boyfriend" or "dad" I can't help but to be put off by it. I want to be a mother figure to my children. And part of me just wants to be referred to as a girlfriend. Even within my friendships, I get very upset when I'm not included in things that the girls are because I'm "the guy friend."
I have never liked being treated differently than a girl. When they split up boys and girls in elementary school, I really didn't know what to do. Also, I feel like video games have contributed to me feeling like I am a girl. I've been playing online games with other players as a girl since 3rd grade, and still do. I feel like I am more comfortable with myself presenting as a girl online. Everyone perceives me as a girl until I have to tell them otherwise. If I could've chosen my gender at birth like you can in video games, I obviously would've chosen female. I feel like all signs lead to me being trans.
I sort of came out to my parents as trans--they are completely 100% supportive of my sexuality. They are taking this very slowly and my mom is in denial while me and my dad have had long talks about this. My dad thinks I won't be able to find a job (I wish to go into fashion/beauty, which I think seems pretty accepting, but who knows). I became more aware of how I've always felt through finding other trans girls through social media, and they've inspired me because they are becoming the person they want to be or feel that they are. And other well known trans women such as Laverne Cox, Carmen Carrera, and Janet Mock have inspired me as well. I've read Janet Mocks book and completely found myself when she talked about her gender issues in her childhood. Since coming out and mentioning this to my friends, I've already been somewhat happier. Or at least I feel like I'm starting to find myself more and more. The rest of my family doesn't know, however.
I keep asking my dad to help me find a therapist (he's in doctor offices all the time for his job and just knows a lot of people that can prescribe stuff), but he said if I do I can't get wrapped up with wanting to transition during college. He said I need to wait until after and until I can find a job.
What are your thoughts? Am I transgender--or is that a question I need to answer for myself? Do I need a therapist to officially "stamp" and diagnose it? And is my dad right about transitioning? Any help would be so appreciated!
Title: Re: Advice/Am I trans?
Post by: LordKAT on July 15, 2014, 02:13:02 AM
Post by: LordKAT on July 15, 2014, 02:13:02 AM
Welcome to Susan's.
College can actually be a very good place to transition. They often have help for the costs and you get to start your career and credit history all under one name.
As to who you are, that only you know.
Here are some site rules and answers to often asked questions.
College can actually be a very good place to transition. They often have help for the costs and you get to start your career and credit history all under one name.
As to who you are, that only you know.
Here are some site rules and answers to often asked questions.
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Title: Re: Advice/Am I trans?
Post by: helen2010 on July 15, 2014, 03:06:37 AM
Post by: helen2010 on July 15, 2014, 03:06:37 AM
Quote from: lilangel on July 15, 2014, 01:46:37 AM
Hey everyone! I've been lurking on this website for a while now and haven't given much thought about joining and posting until now!
I sort of came out to my parents as trans...I feel like I'm starting to find myself more and more. The rest of my family doesn't know, however.
I keep asking my dad to help me find a therapist (he's in doctor offices all the time for his job and just knows a lot of people that can prescribe stuff), but he said if I do I can't get wrapped up with wanting to transition during college. He said I need to wait until after and until I can find a job.
What are your thoughts? Am I transgender--or is that a question I need to answer for myself? Do I need a therapist to officially "stamp" and diagnose it? And is my dad right about transitioning? Any help would be so appreciated!
lilangel
Welcome to Susans. Your narrative is not uncommon and you may well be trans. However this is a question that only you and your therapist can answer. College has proven to be a good time for folk to transition but it is a journey and it follows a path and is at a pace that must work for you. There is no deadline or rigid schedule. Keep reading, talking and pushing for a therapist. Self discovery and self acceptance is a process. There is much information on Susans and many folk with a lot to share who will be along shortly to share their experiences and insights.
Safe travels
Asial