Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I have yet to start therapy and I always hear talk about the physical changes of a hormone therapy, but I rarely here psychological changes. Lately I have been really anxious and I have a very difficult time focusing on anything. Ive heard people say that they became more calm is this common? what I am curious about is whether or not you had any psychological struggles before hormones and how the hormones affected that?

I haven't started HRT yet but I wouldn't be surprised if it helps psychologically. The wait and the want to see your body change is definitely stressful. My mind is pretty much occupied by this gender stuff 24/7 and I really want to begin hormone therapy too but there's a whole lot more to it than just that so I try not to worry too much. Sorry I can't give you more information but I'm sure there are people here who are more experienced to answer your questions. :)

Psychological changes come first and are the most important change, at least for me. It has a calming effect on my brain, on them I actually feel better about myself, I can look in the mirror and not hate me, I can express myself better emotionally, and all thoughts of suicide are gone, never have I ever contemplated even hurting myself while on the hormones. Its quite amazing how drastically they affect me this way, the effect is almost instantaneous too, one moment I'll be kind of down such as during times when dose in the body is running low, then next with fresh estrogen running through me again, doing a little jig and singing, all full of life, so happy. I've been off of them several times too, once on them I tell you this, you think you got it bad now, don't ever go off of them for long because you'll feel much worst than before ever taking them. But then maybe its just me, that the male side of me is an unstable train wreck and that feeling like a girl just makes me so right with myself that anything taking that away my mind becomes crippled and starts falling apart.

After my first hit of E, the sh*tstorm in my head went away.
After I got my HRT cranked up to a transitioning level, I no longer wanted to kill sh*t and found out what "happy" was.
Now that I'm rocking the orchi, I just want to hug everyone. 

I'm still the same person with the same interests, but I think I'm a lot more pleasant to be around now.

Quote from: Jill F on July 16, 2014, 08:26:47 PM
After my first hit of E, the sh*tstorm in my head went away.
After I got my HRT cranked up to a transitioning level, I no longer wanted to kill sh*t and found out what "happy" was.
Now that I'm rocking the orchi, I just want to hug everyone. 

I'm still the same person with the same interests, but I think I'm a lot more pleasant to be around now.

This. This is exactly what I'm hoping for, my mind just won't cooperate and shut up right now so I can function!

Hormones can certainly have an effect on your emotional state, some ways good and some ways not so good. Certainly I have been feeling great on HRT this time around, during my first attempt at transition it was less effective in terms of easing my dysphoria. Hard to say what the difference was...different HRT drugs perhaps, different delivery method, but also during that time I was much younger and not really able to cope with my feelings and thoughts and the world in general - I didn't have much support in terms of counselling and mental health professionals. Twenty years later, after a lot of psychotherapy my approach to life is much different. Starting on HRT again I was worried that the emotional roller coaster would start again, but it hasn't. You see some people on the forum have clear sailing, for others there are many rocky moments. So I guess your mileage may vary.

I'm now more able to express emotion.  I'm happy yay hug,  I'm upset I want to cry, I'm angry give me a blunt object to swing.  And when I'm really angry I start leaning on that famous red button

im excited to start. im sure it will have its ups and downs. I seriously could use the calming effect lol. and i think that the "expressing emotions better" beneficial to me as well.

I had a good reaction to it all (at first). But after a month, the finasteride that I was taking was making me severely depressed and highly suicidal. Once I got off of it, after a hellish 21 months with that drug in the mix, I felt much better. But it was pretty bad at the very end of the time that I was on it. I gave up on eating and started sleeping 18 hours a day. Luckily I discovered, through pure luck since the manufacturer screwed up a shipment, what the problem was and I stayed the hell away from that stuff. Had I known what it was going to do to me, I never would have taken that and just did the E and spiro.

so after what laura said i though im wondering if certain hormones are more likely to cause depression. i have read here and there that hormones can. i guess that is a question to ask the doctor. Are there any that are more likely to cause depression does anyone know

Quote from: amber roskamp on July 16, 2014, 09:50:28 PM
so after what laura said i though im wondering if certain hormones are more likely to cause depression. i have read here and there that hormones can. i guess that is a question to ask the doctor. Are there any that are more likely to cause depression does anyone know

Well, in the case of Finasteride, I had read somewhere before I started all of this in October of 07, that it was roughly %20 of the people that were on that specific drug that had this problem. But then again, I've talked to a couple of people via the chat here on the forum that had these issues as well, but it was with Estrace. I've been taking that the entire time and had no such issues. Different drugs affect people differently.

Since starting HRT I've never been happier.  My range of positive emotion is greater than it used to be.  I also don't get angry much at all .  All in all I enjoy life a lot more.  I do emote a bit more and have a harder time not getting teary eyed during some movies or situations but these are good girl things.
In other words, yes it affects you mentally. 

Obvious public service announcement, you should pay attention if it makes you depressed and work that out with the doctor. 

Before T I was permanently angry, anxious, bursting into tears at any strong emotion, focusing on anything was impossible because of "brain fog" as I called it.

After T....aaah bliss....the brain fog is gone, it's all gone really. I'm happy, calm, content, focused, motivated and about 500% more confident.

When I forget to take my hormones, I notice the person staring back at me in the mirror looks different, and not in a good way.  Nobody else can tell the difference

Quote from: Jeatyn on July 17, 2014, 04:48:35 AM
Before T I was permanently angry, anxious, bursting into tears at any strong emotion, focusing on anything was impossible because of "brain fog" as I called it.

After T....aaah bliss....the brain fog is gone, it's all gone really. I'm happy, calm, content, focused, motivated and about 500% more confident.

^ Crazy weird how it affects us the same that way but opposite treatments. That's how you know its right for you because you feel right. I would think if it wasn't then it'd have a negative effect, making you feel even worst about yourself (maybe?). Testosterone in me causes nothing but negativity while estrogen is positive, but for you its the other way around.

Before I was sad, morose, and was drunk most of the time to escape from myself and the world around me. I hated my life, and I saw no reason to keep living. I took absolutely no pleasure in anything, and I isolated myself away from people as much as possible. My world had absolutely no color except for shades of gray. If I had died that would have been perfectly OK with me.

Now its a complete flip flop. I am happy, not drunk, and I engage my world instead of avoiding it. I find the world a colorful, neat place now and I am excited to go out into it. I even like going to work  :D

HRT didn't fix every issue in my life and I wasn't expecting it to. But now that I am mentally stable I am better able to deal with what the world throws at me.

...and I engage my world instead of avoiding it. I find the world a colorful, neat place now and I am excited to go out into it. I even like going to work  :D

Damn, I wish it did that for me.  :-\ I'm still the same with the world, but at least I'm right with myself.  :)

I find hormones to be a pretty powerful mood elevator, and I am certainly more industrious on them. I also have this vague hard to pinpoint feeling, of things being more "right" on HRT.

I can't really say that they had the massive sorts of impact on me that others have mentioned. I mean, I wasn't going to make it thru a sad movie without crying before, and I still can't lol.

Before T I wasnt really living, I was just existing. I was extremely quiet, didn't like to talk to the vast majority of people. I had friends but no social life to speak of because I never went out with them. I spent hours playing computer games in my room, watching movies, reading books. I had no drive or ambition to get a job or go to college. I had no idea what to do with my life because everytime I tried to think of the future I just felt hopeless. Nothing was going to change no matter what job I got or where I lived etc. I couldnt escape my misery and I felt it would be with me forever.

After T im still relatively quiet but in comparison you cant shut me up. I like going places, even if its just to the shops, I like to be out and about and making the most of my day. I have close friends I visit often, a mountain of hobbies i want to get into and plans for the future. I've been to college, im off to uni, I want to move to australia at some point. LIFE IS EXCITING, its an adventure I cannot WAIT for the future and all the things I can do. I want to learn to scuba, to mountain climb, to experience a BBQ on the beach. People who knew me before say repeatedly that I am so much more confident and even a little cheeky  ;) and you know sometimes I even look in the mirror and smile.

This has been very much on my mind for the last couple of months.  I have been told by someone that I might possibly try hormones for 6 months or so and see how they work for me.  Does that sound right to others?

Also, I take it by some of the comments, that it is taken in a much lower dosage to start with.  Is that correct?

I have seen a therapist a few times and he already has hinted at this but I haven't asked him too many direct questions but I think I'm getting very near that point where I will have to move in this direction.  I know I would be so grateful for a little more peace.  My mind is talking to me non-stop about how I feel about being a different gender than I appear and it's really tiring.  It also takes away from so many other things that I should/need be concerned with.

Quote from: Bronwethiel on July 17, 2014, 03:35:52 PM
This has been very much on my mind for the last couple of months.  I have been told by someone that I might possibly try hormones for 6 months or so and see how they work for me.  Does that sound right to others?

Also, I take it by some of the comments, that it is taken in a much lower dosage to start with.  Is that correct?

I have seen a therapist a few times and he already has hinted at this but I haven't asked him too many direct questions but I think I'm getting very near that point where I will have to move in this direction.  I know I would be so grateful for a little more peace.  My mind is talking to me non-stop about how I feel about being a different gender than I appear and it's really tiring.  It also takes away from so many other things that I should/need be concerned with.

One thing to be aware with is that infertility could result, even from 6 months. I think lots of people try hormones and then decide if transition is the right path or not for them.

The vast majority of endos start MTFs on low doses, I am a bit uncertain for FTMs.

Quite a few people report that HRT quells their dysphoric feelings and lets them enjoy life more, it did for me, but I also became more certain than ever that I would need everything including SRS to feel complete, not everyone does, for some HRT alone or in some combination with other things is enough for them to be happy.

Quote from: Megan Joanne on July 17, 2014, 10:50:52 AM
^ Crazy weird how it affects us the same that way but opposite treatments. That's how you know its right for you because you feel right. I would think if it wasn't then it'd have a negative effect, making you feel even worst about yourself (maybe?). Testosterone in me causes nothing but negativity while estrogen is positive, but for you its the other way around.

I know right, I find it really interesting. If I had any doubts about whether it was right for me before starting those doubts were erased once I got to experience how "normal" felt....not really the right word but it's the best I can come up with  :D

Quote from: Jam on July 17, 2014, 12:21:30 PM

Before T I wasnt really living, I was just existing. I was extremely quiet, didn't like to talk to the vast majority of people. I had friends but no social life to speak of because I never went out with them. I spent hours playing computer games in my room, watching movies, reading books. I had no drive or ambition to get a job or go to college. I had no idea what to do with my life because everytime I tried to think of the future I just felt hopeless. Nothing was going to change no matter what job I got or where I lived etc. I couldnt escape my misery and I felt it would be with me forever.

After T im still relatively quiet but in comparison you cant shut me up. I like going places, even if its just to the shops, I like to be out and about and making the most of my day. I have close friends I visit often, a mountain of hobbies i want to get into and plans for the future. I've been to college, im off to uni, I want to move to australia at some point. LIFE IS EXCITING, its an adventure I cannot WAIT for the future and all the things I can do. I want to learn to scuba, to mountain climb, to experience a BBQ on the beach. People who knew me before say repeatedly that I am so much more confident and even a little cheeky  ;) and you know sometimes I even look in the mirror and smile.

I can relate to all of this too. The future is so exciting and the possibilities are endless. I couldn't picture the future before, I went to college twice before I figured it all out, totally bombed and dropped out both times. I just couldn't see the point, I felt like no matter what I did I would just be miserable forever. Now I've done college, totally aced it and got bumped straight up to University without even finishing the college course, which is also going really well. Apparently my brain on E is useless, they simply don't play nice together  :P

Quote from: Hikari on July 17, 2014, 05:07:48 PM
One thing to be aware with is that infertility could result, even from 6 months. I think lots of people try hormones and then decide if transition is the right path or not for them.

The vast majority of endos start MTFs on low doses, I am a bit uncertain for FTMs.

I don't know bout elsewhere but in the UK they seem to just whack FTM's straight onto high doses. I was never given anything but T so it had to combat the E my body naturally produced. Now I've had a hysterectomy they will lower the dose.

Quote from: Jeatyn on July 18, 2014, 03:05:25 AM

I can relate to all of this too. The future is so exciting and the possibilities are endless. I couldn't picture the future before, I went to college twice before I figured it all out, totally bombed and dropped out both times. I just couldn't see the point, I felt like no matter what I did I would just be miserable forever. Now I've done college, totally aced it and got bumped straight up to University without even finishing the college course, which is also going really well. Apparently my brain on E is useless, they simply don't play nice together  :P

It's funny you mention the college thing because I kept trying and I kept dropping out as well....3 times if I remember correctly. I remember my dad was getting really frustrated because he thought I was just lazy =\ in reality like you, I didn't see the point. In my mind my future was already going to be a miserable place no matter what I did.

Who isn't looking for yet another reply, way down at the bottom of the thread?

ONCE I GOT OVER the initial pregnancy-like sickness, I knew almost immediately that transitioning was right for me. It's so right! The biggest psychological effect, methinks, is that my emotions are so much more fluid and useful. I can cry when I need to and be done with it, and then laugh at something else. I feel much more honest with myself, much more relaxed and comfortable in my own skin.

Man, I thought I'd have more to say, like about how I'm "thinking" more like a girl. I guess my mannerisms have changed a little, but that also might be more of a social thing.

I had self hate, anger, suicidal thoughts and planning before I accepted that I needed to change what I looked like.  Now I like me, I'm sensitive and caring.  Hard part was accepting that this needed to be done.

Calmer and more likely to use reason.
I feel settled and level headed.

I also feel the the difference between my highest & lowest emotions has widened.

Mine's a little different since I'm on testosterone, but I've definitely become a whole lot calmer (which is funny, considering testosterone is supposed to make you quicker to anger... I used to have pretty bad anger issues, but now those are gone). I just feel a lot more at ease in my body, and there's a lot less stress.

This probably varies a lot between different people and different hormones.

When I started hormones, I became calmer and more confident. I don't think the confidence was just jacked-up testosterone feelings, I think I finally felt like my body was mine and that changed my world. The calm I experienced was partially from direct hormone effects; I have a lot of trauma issues, and feeling stronger and a little more capable of aggression helped me relax and not be so guarded or easily startled.

I also feel like, while not ideal, having to introduce hormones from an external source provides a rhythm and consistency that can be nice.

I'm a much kinder and more predictable person since I went on T.

Quote from: Eva Marie on July 17, 2014, 11:18:29 AM
Before I was sad, morose, and was drunk most of the time to escape from myself and the world around me. I hated my life, and I saw no reason to keep living. I took absolutely no pleasure in anything, and I isolated myself away from people as much as possible. My world had absolutely no color except for shades of gray. If I had died that would have been perfectly OK with me.

Now its a complete flip flop. I am happy, not drunk, and I engage my world instead of avoiding it. I find the world a colorful, neat place now and I am excited to go out into it. I even like going to work  :D

HRT didn't fix every issue in my life and I wasn't expecting it to. But now that I am mentally stable I am better able to deal with what the world throws at me.

Word for word, this describes exactly how I was and exactly how I am now.  HRT has been a literal lifesaver.

Eva Marie, are you like my long lost twin or something?

I noticed I got calmer and my anxious/angry feelings dissipate quicker

The physical changes are more profound to me, maybe its different for others :)

Quote from: Felix on July 27, 2014, 12:57:09 AM
This probably varies a lot between different people and different hormones.

When I started hormones, I became calmer and more confident. I don't think the confidence was just jacked-up testosterone feelings, I think I finally felt like my body was mine and that changed my world. The calm I experienced was partially from direct hormone effects; I have a lot of trauma issues, and feeling stronger and a little more capable of aggression helped me relax and not be so guarded or easily startled.

I also feel like, while not ideal, having to introduce hormones from an external source provides a rhythm and consistency that can be nice.

I'm a much kinder and more predictable person since I went on T.

Replace "T" with E and that's how I experienced it aswell . Odd  :laugh:

Psychologically I was at the end of my ability to force myself inward. There was a tremendous struggle and a lot of pain. I was done.

Now I am looking to the future. I still have the things I have to deal with before and after starting HRT but now my dyshoria is better (still there but not crushing now). I have a little more confidence and am a little more social.

I guess my overall feeling of well being and outlook is outstanding now compared to pre-hrt.

I get 3 meds through insurance and 2 through my primary care pharmacy. The insurance meds are 3 month refills. I got a call for AA and picked it up. I thought it odd I did not get the automatic call for E. I did the phone in script option. I went to pick up the script and was told to come back on Monday, they are out. I said I need the script and partially fill it. The words resonated, I need the script. I was proud of myself too to speak up and insist on the medicine. :)

haha Cynthia, way to go girl ;D