Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I don't know what to feel as of right now...but I do feel indifferent towards my parents as of now..
Last week my parents told me they're not gonna accept me dressing "like a boy" or going by my male pronouns anymore..
Now, In the beginning they were cool with it and even cried because of how happy I was when I was able to be the REAL me, no longer depressed, and very social.
My mom told me as long as I'm under her roof
I am going to be a female, and start dressing like so..
Then my dad told me I need to get over my phase and move on...
So..I haven't been going out at all anywhere because I refuse to dress like a girl.
My brothers still call me Dylan. And they still call me their brother..
But my parents would correct them with "she" "Her" or "My female name".
I haven't talked to them since.
And I'm usually not the type to disrespect my parents or any authority in general.
But I actually been ignoring them, even when they talk to me, I just walk away.
Last night I heard my mom say she feels bad, but she's happy she did it anyway, because she wanted a "Daughter".  my dad just wants my mom to be happy. (even if that means destroying me)
They hid all my clothes and she said she's taking me shopping for new clothes for my birthday next week, and I'm tempted to curse her out.
I heard this often happens in our community.. and it's just been the most painful experience for me..
(Ps..excuse any grammer mistakes..I'm on my phone..)

I am so sorry the will not accept you or give any respect for the hard decision you made to purse transition. I can only guess you feel totally shattered by the change of attitudes. I wish I had some fancy words to help you out, but all I can do is let you know there are people here who care for and understand you. Hopefully you will not feel all alone in your situation as we are with you. I wish this was more  :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:

Dude that really sucks. I wish I had some simple solution. That's a lot of disrespect you've had to deal with. I don't know your parents or how they'd react to things, but letting someone force you into clothes that don't match the gender you know you are can really mess with your head so try to be firm. Try to just straight up refuse if you can. Your mom can't physically force you to go into a store and try on female clothes. And hopefully they'll finally get that you're not going through a phase. You have support here bro.

Sadly I have no advice, but I am here to give you an *Imaginary hug* (:

Stay strong, but only do it for yourself.

If you're not in therapy, may I suggest going to it? A "respectable" opinion might be helpful to get them to come around.
Take it up with your mom as "I want help with these conflicting feelings I've been having". It doesn't necessarily have to be a gender therapist. General psychologists might not know all the ins and outs of gender therapy, but they'd be able to get a baseline of your feelings over a few sessions and explain to your mom that you are you, and it's unhealthy for both of you to try to change you into someone you're not.
It's not a perfect solution, but it's the only  one I can come up with.
Good luck! Keep us posted. My inbox is always open if you need to vent.

I can't believe what you're going through. I am sorry but  it sickens me just reading it.  If I were in your situation, I also wouldn't talk to them.  Noone has any right to force anything on you. Just because they gave you life it doesn't mean they can control your soul that is true to you.

 I'm sorry you have to go through this as no human should. There is the Trans Clothes Swap on tumblr, where you can get more free masculine clothes. Please try to make it through these years under your parents roof and if something goes wrong please seek help and stay safe.

sorry this is happening.

Do you know why they were initially supportive and then changed their minds? Might help you find a solution if you knew.

Quote from: Ms Grace on July 20, 2014, 12:05:22 AM
Do you know why they were initially supportive and then changed their minds? Might help you find a solution if you knew.

I agree with Ms. Grace. 

You say you've been going by the name Dylan for two years, so I wonder have you been out to your parents as trans for two years?  Have they been supportive for that long?  If so, it seems really odd that they would just cut that support all of a sudden. 

I'm sorry you are going through all this.

I don't know if you would be able to borrow clothes from your brothers, age/size-wise, but that might be an option? Considering that they seem more supportive, and all.

Your mom wanting a daughter doesn't give her any right to trample your identity and your happiness.

Quote from: pianoforte on July 20, 2014, 01:40:09 AM
Your mom wanting a daughter doesn't give her any right to trample your identity and your happiness.

This a thousand times. Don't forget that she's in the wrong, here. She's trying to force you to do something that isn't congruent with your brain, and it's going to hurt you. I'd remind her of that, since she seemed happy for you before.
This turnaround must be so confusing. Virtual hugs for you.

That really blows. I'm really glad to hear that you have your brothers backing you up.

Maybe you can start asking your parents questions and get some communication flowing some more, like "why do you think it's a phase?", "how do you think I feel when you're not supporting me and not taking me seriously?", "what's keeping you from taking me seriously?", and "are you afraid of how people will react if they find out I'm trans?".

Either way, all of us here (and your bros) definitely take you seriously. I really hope your parents come around as soon as possible.

Quote from: Ms Grace on July 20, 2014, 12:05:22 AM
Do you know why they were initially supportive and then changed their minds? Might help you find a solution if you knew.

I don't really know  for sure ??? This was basically dropped on me randomly.
I had a feeling it was because my mom's friends daughter was having a sweet 16 party.
And they were shopping for clothes.. And my mom kept asking me if I liked the clothes she picked out.
Then she said remember when we use to go shopping for clothes.
But I thought she were joking by how she said it.
But she still was respecting my identity and she seem to have no problem.and things were normal.

Stay strong.  This really sucks.  Your parents aren't accepting who you are, and they're trivializing what you're going through by saying it is only a phase.  I agree with the previous posts about seeing a therapist and/or trying to reopen communication with your parents.  It's like you have to come out to them a second time now.  Sorry that you're going through this.  Don't give up. 

I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you. You have all my hopes your parents will soon come to their senses. I can only suggest what others have: try and open a line of communication with your mother and tell her how much this is hurting you. And that them initially supporting you for a while, and then taking away that support in favor of forcing you to exist as your assigned gender seems like a cruel joke. Ask her to please explain her reasons for withdrawing her support.

Best Wishes
Allie :icon_flower:

Your mom needs to realize that just because she wants a daughter, doesn't mean she has one and if she doesn't smarten up, she may wreck her relationship with her son.

Not the same but with my wife some days she stages a little revolt of sorts and says" you cant wear that"  Id get pissed at first and we'd give each other the slient treatement and it would wear off till once again I was being me again but pushing the limits once again.  We went from me being a hairy troll of a monster to...well someone completely different with slow steps.  Im not saying this is the way for you but they are having to transition as well as you and maye there is a way to stop the confrontation for a second before you proceed again?

I'm sorry you have to live through this and I hope you can find the strength to be patient until you are out from under their roof.

My biggest mistake when I was younger is not fighting back. I know now that I should have expressed myself. My feelings were almost always hurt. I was not "out as trans" but still looked and dressed male. My family always had something to say about it. For the most part I ignored everyone's comments and realize now how much of a push over it made me. My advice to you is to express yourself. Be YOU and be prepared to Voice Your Opinions about Who You Are As A Person. Let them know that you are strong willed and will not give up the fight. Express your struggles, fears, emotions, and pain.

Don't become physical, use your words. It's the best defense that you will ever have. I feel strongly about expressing one's opinions about themselves. Only you know how you feel inside and others should know too. Especially if someone is hurting your feelings.

This takes a lot of courage and possibly time. But it's okay because you are not the only one out there going through this situation.

Speak up, be confident and it's okay to get emotional. You are Expressing Your Self.

And just a fun story for you:

My mother would take me shopping and I will honestly disappear in the store. I usually told her that I had to go to the bathroom and just start shopping around. I would find everything I wanted and then find my mother in the women's section. Her face was usually priceless. She was the type to never yell in public so I kind of would just stick what I found in the cart and literally take everything she found out of the cart and look at her and say okay I'm done lets go checkout. Eventually she gave up and just bought everything I wanted. Mind you she had a super angry face, but I really didn't care. lol :)

If I was in that situation I would dig my heels into the ground and not budge. I was a pretty defiant kid and got into a lot of debates and arguments with my dad especially because I am so stubborn but even if we managed to come to a compromise it was better than bending over and taking it.
>> Not a suggestion but I would refuse to wear any clothes at all until my parents caved lol. Just walk around naked or in the least amount of clothing possible until I got my correct clothing back. Or if she takes you shopping just disappear or don't try anything on.

Of course the less stubborn mule options are also nice. Try explaining to them that maybe a chance with a gender specialist might be what's needed. Give them the benefit of the doubt that they may be right, even though they aren't ect. Parents always love talking to professionals for some reason 0.o

Damn, that is so horrible. I kind of cried a little bit when I read this topic. I can only imagen how bad that must have felt that they showed you how it could have been if they just accepted you, and then just not do it anymore, it sounds like a bad dream.

I am very sorry that this has happened to you :( I hope they soon realise that you are not just going through a phase and that they stop denying the reality.

Well thanks everyone for the support and nice comments.. It really helps during this depressing time.
It's good to know there's people out there who accepts the real me.

*hugs* Im really sorry to hear that  >:(my parents used to be horrible like this too but there finally coming around a lot and are paying for my hormones and driving me to trans support groups! Trust me they used to be horrible so believe me there is still hope just be very insistant about it! Don't give up yet though! Pm me if you need to talk to someone whos been in a similar situation and understands.