Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey everyone, hope things are going well for you.

I just need to get something off my chest because not thinking about it isn't working, haha.

A few months ago I came out to my mom that I'm ftm. She accepted it and was like ok, do whatever makes you happy (I'm 32, independent, and live in a different country from her btw). When I told her I might start T, she grimaced and said "oh... but you don't want to be some short guy"... That really upset me. Although she apologized for being insensitive (she didn't say anything to be positive or supportive though), I keep thinking about it. I'm still not over the fact that I'm going to be a small, impotent guy with no dick. Just wondering if any of you guys felt the same way I did and was able to overcome it. I go to therapy and I know I need to grow self love, etc, just wanting a bit of companionship.  :) Thanks for reading.

Peace out,
Viktor

There are cismen out there that are short and no one questions their gender. I'm still a bit touchy about my height but, in the end, we need to play the cards you were given and make the best of what you have.

Being short has never stopped me, yes it used to bother me but, Girls still want to date me and I have alot of advantages being short. And I will say this again no transman is dickless the clit is basically the same thing just smaller in other words its underdeveloped because the Testostrone did not hit it. We all start out with female parts in the womb.

Well, there is always the point that there are very short men as much as there are very very tall and even masculine women.
Maybe depending on where you are right now, it may not be too unusual to be perceived as a small guy.

Perhaps your mom was just a bit taken aback by it and said the first thing that came to her mind.  :laugh:

If people aren't going to like you just because you're small, then they're the sort of people you shouldn't be hanging around with imo.

~Elliott

Well, I'd never been completely happy about being a tall chick, but I am, so deal with it. I'm not as wrapped up with my height as I used to be though. I can't be 5'5" or shorter, impossible, and well there are plenty of cis girls that are even taller than I and they get along fine in life. Besides if I were shorter I wouldn't have the fine set of long legs I have.  ;D For every minus there's a plus. So what if you are short for a man, lots of short guys out there, and lots of girls (and guys) out there that are attracted to short men. Being short won't be your problem. Do everything else right and you'll be okay.

Change the things you can (hormones, surgery, frame of mind), accept those that can't, because, well, you have no choice, either that or wear stilts  :D (that'd be a hell of a lot easier than me trying to shrink myself  :-\).

Being short isn't all bad.

I'm 6ft 2in, 160 lbs. Which I'm totally fine with, but when it comes to skateboarding its a lot of weight to be throwing down sets of stairs and off ramps. I wish I were shorter, but I made my height work.



You could always start skateboarding ;P

My brother is short and he's awesome. Girls still want to date him even when they're taller than him. It's all about confidence, and my brother owns it.

Quote from: Eevee on July 20, 2014, 02:00:04 PM
My brother is short and he's awesome. Girls still want to date him even when they're taller than him. It's all about confidence, and my brother owns it.

(Totally unrelated, sorry everyone)
You remind me of the grip tape job I just did on my longboard ^-^
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FpfvMScr.png&hash=8c611b049142b3cb77a58e7e57de0cd318c95f26)

What helped me come to terms with it was realizing how many guys are around my height. For example, there's a musician who looks kind of like how I would be happy looking and he's not much taller than me.

Your mom is wrong, you won't be "some short guy", you will be you. It isn't always the most fun thing to be a short man, but I have had no trouble being read as male (about 98%), and there are many short cis males. If someone is going to judge you for being short, they are probably not who you want as a friend anyway. No one cares what's in your pants for most of your life anyway. You aren't walking around "being impotent". (You wouldn't actually be "impotent" anyway, but that's another discussion).

--Jay

Hey guys and girls,

Thanks so much for your warm support (and interesting little stories!).
You have no idea how much more positive I feel. :)


Best,
Viktor

What does your mom think of short cis men?  Probably nothing, it probably never even crosses her mind when she sees a short man.  She's just grasping at straws to try and prevent you from transitioning. 

I went to the mall today and realized that a pair of pants I wanted were way too high up for me (I'm 5ft). There was a latter right in front of me and I totally could have gotten it myself. But instead I looked around the store for a good looking girl to help me. (I'm single and totally taking every chance I get to interact with chicks LOL) I'm usually very shy, but trying to overcome my shyness). I pass all the time and so no one even second glances and I'm pre-everything). So, I ask this cute girl to help me out. She was super cool and was very chatty she even helped me pick out other styles. She thought I was in my teens and I'm 25years old. She told me that I looked way young and that she was also much older than she looked. I told her that it's super good to look young and she agreed. So, point of  my story, it's okay to be short/young looking, just work with it. lol :)

Quote from: aross1015 on July 20, 2014, 09:08:29 PM
What does your mom think of short cis men?  Probably nothing, it probably never even crosses her mind when she sees a short man.  She's just grasping at straws to try and prevent you from transitioning. 

I'm pretty sure it's mainly the latter.
But I know she's concerned with how physically attractive people are in general, so I know there is some truth to it. I've heard her criticize people's looks before, and even me if I gain too much weight!  ::)

Quote from: nikkie on July 20, 2014, 10:25:50 PM
So, point of  my story, it's okay to be short/young looking, just work with it. lol :)

Haha, yeah I hope I can hurry up and deal with it as a reality, rather than being all concerned about it before I even transition.
And that's a cute story. :)

I'll give you a story here because it's fun. I was looking for a group at a restaurant. I got to the patio and there was a table with a huge Latino family (I'm in NM), of course a lot of Latinos are short. Anyway, one of them says "Hey short guy come on and sit with us!" and another says, "He's paying". And sure it was some gentle ribbing, but I thought it was cool because it was short GUY and HE and they wanted me to sit with them. :)

--Jay

My mother said the exact same thing to me pretty much. That I would always be explaining myself and outting myself because I'm too small. I just pointed out that I've been read as male for years anyway, and that I'm taller than [instructor at work].

I'm probably about half an inch taller than him, and we were constantly ripping each other about it. He'd tell me to shut up and stop being clever or something, and I'd just turn around, pick up a tape measure and "measure". He'd never admit that I was slightly taller than him though.

Oddly, this picture made me come to grips with the height issue a bit. These are all powerful, confident people:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fverticallyblessed.files.wordpress.com%2F2010%2F09%2Fsun381gm28-682new_460011a.jpg&hash=bb3b78bdaa6e096393ded2aea448414975a02016)

I'm out, as far as that goes, but it doesn't mean I am out every single place I am. I have NEVER "outted" myself for being short. I sometimes make comments where it's relevant. "I'm vertically challenged"or "these counters weren't made for short guys" and that sort of thing. But there are many short cis guys, I don't think it is all that unusual. There's a very well-known local politician who's shorter than I am. Obviously it didn't keep anyone from electing him.

It all sounds like mom doesn't really want you to transition and is playing her cards to see if she can make you stop. She obviously knows what might bother you, because parents know you well enough for that.

--Jay

I have been told the same thing, and it used to bother me a lot.
But, if you want to know, in the gym if you are short you can gain muscle soo much faster than tall guys.
And Caesar, Alexander, Napoleon, a lot of the most respected and powerful men of the past were short . I know it is stupid but thinking about it helped me a lot.

More great stories guys, thanks!

In the end, I think what Samantha said is truly the magic solution to all life issues. I'm having a hard time not caring what others think though, especially my mom, even at my age. And Jay you're right, she definitely knows what pushes my buttons.

Oh my, Caesar, Napoleon, etc... powerful and respected, but I hope I don't turn into a narcissistic power hungry psycho because I'm short!  ;) I'm 5'5 btw.

Quote from: viktor_tokyo on July 22, 2014, 08:34:39 AM
More great stories guys, thanks!

In the end, I think what Samantha said is truly the magic solution to all life issues. I'm having a hard time not caring what others think though, especially my mom, even at my age. And Jay you're right, she definitely knows what pushes my buttons.

Oh my, Caesar, Napoleon, etc... powerful and respected, but I hope I don't turn into a narcissistic power hungry psycho because I'm short!  ;) I'm 5'5 btw.

Haha well haven't become a power hungry dictatorial type, so I'm guessing it's not inevitable.
5'5' isn't that bad. But really I think height seems a bit more important for you when younger.

--Jay

Wow, I've not even considered my hight in that way yet.. Maybe because I have several female friends taller than me and male friends that are shorter, and I'm 5"4 (I think that's the same as 165 cm, right?) And yeah, parents and close ones really know what buttons to hit, that's for sure. Try and shrug it of and look at the comments for what they are - someone elses respons, not your feelings or the acctual reality.

Quote from: viktor_tokyo on July 22, 2014, 08:34:39 AM
More great stories guys, thanks!

In the end, I think what Samantha said is truly the magic solution to all life issues. I'm having a hard time not caring what others think though, especially my mom, even at my age. And Jay you're right, she definitely knows what pushes my buttons.

Oh my, Caesar, Napoleon, etc... powerful and respected, but I hope I don't turn into a narcissistic power hungry psycho because I'm short!  ;) I'm 5'5 btw.

dude 5'5 is totally fine! i'm 5'1, try imagining that. the amount of times i've been talked down to because of it, oh dear. but it's not something you can change so just roll with it, the majority of people don't judge on height anyway.

5'5"? You're an inch shorter than my brother. And the same height as Daniel Radcliffe. I wouldn't worry about height when it comes to passing. I know plenty of cis guys who are your height or shorter, and they never get asked if they're male or not. Height definitely isn't the go-to for gender determination in strangers.

Jay, is that a laurel wreath I see in your hand? ;)

It's not that I'm afraid of not passing because of my height, more worried about dealing with people looking down on me, not feeling attractive, that sort of thing. But wow yeah, 5'1"! That's really awesome you have the confidence to brush it off. I'm not very confident, but I'm working on growing some self love. It's definitely has been better after accepting myself as a transguy.

Thanks doods.

I am 5'2" ish and have recently encountered a couple men my height. when I first started on transition I was worried about how short I was but as I get farther down this path I worry less. It is reassuring whenever I see guys my height.

Quote from: viktor_tokyo on July 23, 2014, 08:42:41 AM
Jay, is that a laurel wreath I see in your hand? ;)

It's not that I'm afraid of not passing because of my height, more worried about dealing with people looking down on me, not feeling attractive, that sort of thing. But wow yeah, 5'1"! That's really awesome you have the confidence to brush it off. I'm not very confident, but I'm working on growing some self love. It's definitely has been better after accepting myself as a transguy.

Thanks doods.

I wasn't always a confident person, but the process of transitioning has greatly increased my confidence, and why not, you are doing something that is difficult and gutsy. You can build confidence. I don't feel looked down on, unless you mean literally, well yes most people look down on me. LOL! Seriously you can build your self-confidence, you are way younger than I am and I built it at my age. Go for it buddy!

--Jay