Susan's Place Transgender Resources

To be honest, I think about this a lot.  The next time I see my father, I'll probably be dressed as a girl, but I'll also have boobs.  The last time I saw him, I was 100% guy.  Or 90%, but he didn't see the other 10%.

The idea that my dad will see me with boobs is one that I find incredibly strange.  How did your own fathers cope with it?  Did you break them in gently?  Were they cool with it?  Any awkwardness as all?  Lots of alcohol involved to get through that first meeting?  Did he want to prod them?  Was there too much staring?

Stupid question, I know, but it's on my mind and I figured that I might as well ask.

Not really TBH.  My old man had met with trans women before, even helping someone transition through the fun and games that was a factory floor in the 1970s when he was a production manager. 

Besides which I was buying him lunch and had already told him about transitioning months beforehand.  It might have been a bit different if the first he found out was when we arrived at the pub.  He probably wouldn't have trusted me to choose the wine for a start.

Rosie

i fell really disgusted when round my dad and uncle the 2 main men in my life they talk to me in the same masculine way as before i came out such when seeing a woman with a revealing top on tv and they come with something like what do you think of her tits (i would prefer breasts or atleast boobs i fell these are not as harsh and masculine) like they make joke about wa**ing which make me feel sick but they just carry on taking to me like im a guy like them.

Hasn't happened yet because he hasn't wanted to meet me. When it does happen, and it will, he might feel weird about it but I won't.

My youngest sister wants to shelter he kids who now live with their dad from it. I don't think she understands even if I keep my mouth closed sooner or later I wont be able to hide it. Personally I don't know how long I'm willing to put off switching things around on Facebook for her. Once I change Facebook, that will be it. They both see me on there.

My dad is a pretty typical macho man from the caribbean (despite him insisting he's doesnt have that caribbean thing ^^)

After I came out to him 2 years ago (Which he took much better than I expected: he feared I was getting harassed/bullied for looking gay/feminine) I gradually shifted my clothing from neutral to a little more feminine

I see him bi-weekly at my brother's house where we have lunch and this was the first time I really came over 'en femme' 

He stopped for a bit when seeing me, gazed and said "You look so much like your mother" We both laughed a little and had a good afternoon with the foods and cats

I only heard stories since I was too young. For context, I was mistaken (his word, not mine) as a girl when I was really young because of my curly, long, blond hair. That same day, he cut all my hair off and put a baseball cap on me to make sure it didn't happen again. He never allowed my hair to grow long again... until I moved out and he couldn't stop me. I'm now afraid to let him know that I really was a girl and he was the mistaken one. His reaction probably won't be good when he sees me finally being myself.

I feared it might get weird, but I think he "got it" as soon as he saw me smiling and happy for the first time since I was a child.

Actually, my father and I have spoken more in the last year than we did in the last 20.  I think that him retiring and me transitioning at the same time were the best thing that happened to our relationship that I once thought to be unsalvageble.

It's happening at thanksgiving when I go to see my parents. I think my mom will mostly accept me and will just tell my dad to shut up if he's being negative. I'm just going to be me and they can like it or not.

when I told my dad how I felt I wasn't in girl mode , but he started crying and went into great denial.

I don't actually remember the very first time he saw me as a girl but I'm pretty sure it was awkward for both of us

Guess, I was lucky here, cause I never knew him and most probably never will. Sadly, but maybe if he was around, he would have taught me how to be a man...

Quote from: Elanore joey on July 21, 2014, 03:23:36 PM
i fell really disgusted when round my dad and uncle the 2 main men in my life they talk to me in the same masculine way as before i came out such when seeing a woman with a revealing top on tv and they come with something like what do you think of her tits (i would prefer breasts or atleast boobs i fell these are not as harsh and masculine) like they make joke about wa**ing which make me feel sick but they just carry on taking to me like im a guy like them.

Yeah, I have this same problem. It's why I almost never see my dad or his friend. I don't really care if it upsets other people. I'm not putting up with their ignorance by being around them just to please other people. Using my legal name but still treating me as one of the guys doesn't cut it one damn bit.

There is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO chance my dad is going to be touching my chest. :) Yikes!!!

I downplayed my breasts for the first few visits, but I'm sure it was noticeable; after that, my dad seemed firmly in denial. If he ever snuck peeks, I didn't catch him at it (thank GOD).

My mom was really sweet - she said I'd inherited her curls, and that I looked so much more like her now.

Quote from: Ms Grace on July 21, 2014, 03:24:52 PM
Hasn't happened yet because he hasn't wanted to meet me. When it does happen, and it will, he might feel weird about it but I won't.

Hugs!!  I'm in the same boat. Since coming out to my father, he hasn't made an contact with me even though I sent him cards, letters and E-MAIL messages. Today is my Birthday and I doubt I'll hear from him. Fortunately my step father who has been more of a father to me anyway has been supportive. Actually everyone else in my family include most of my biological father's side of the family have been incredibly supportive.

The first time I met my step-father as a woman, it wasn't that awkward. He is a decent guy and respects women. I wouldn't call him a feminist, but he treats women as people and not as sex objects. He just gave me a big hug and said I looked great.

yeah, the idea is kinda weird to me, my father hasnt seen me since I started transition, just hearing him call me daughter for the first time a week or so ago, blew my mind

It really wasn't that weird for me the first time. He came up from Tennessee and we had fun shooting, fishing and enjoying a couple jars of shine. There was only one really odd moment when he was helping me adjust my new plate carrier but I think any dad would be kinda nervous adjusting straps that are a half inch away from his daughters boobs lol.

At the end of the weekend he did say that I seem happier and more relaxed now, and joked that I need to stop the hormones because suddenly I was out shooting him lol. But then again I have heard that my family is abnormally supportive

I don't really care to see my father again, but I imagine it will be kinda weird. It has always been a bit weird meeting people who had known me from being young as a female.

It was a little weird for me, because I knew it is hard for my parents, but they did not say anything negative.

The first time when I left our house en femme with them seeing me like that was when I went to get my first letter from the psychologist.

When I tried to check if there are any neighbors on the corridor before I left the flat, my mother said that I should not care about what they think or say, it is none of their business.

My father did not even notice that something was different.
I guess he got used to my long hair and he must not have paid a lot of attention to other small details like the high heeled boots, the women's jeans and women's leather jacket and the boobs.

He was only concerned that the jacket may not be warm enough, then my mother asked him to take a better look at me and check what I'm wearing. He did not make an issue out of it. We just went down to the car, got in and drove to the train station.

I waited until my father died to transition. My mother has seen pictures of me, but lives on the other side of the country and has not seen me in person yet.

I tried to sneak attack my dad.  He's been avoiding me since I transitioned.  It took him like 2 months to accepted my facebook friend request.  He seems to be okay about things as long as he doesn't see me.  So i showed up at his house about a week ago.  Sadly....he had to work late.  sigh....

I'll try again soon!  I'm ready for the most awkward moments in my life! HAH!  I know him and its about the only way I'll pass over that hump with him.

My father is the only thing holding me back. And..... The thing is he's actually very supportive! I've not told my mum but she's basically the opposite. She wouldn't understand as well or as quickly as my dad did. I also don't get on with my mother, but get on very well with my dad. So I have little care for what my mother would think anyway.

I've told a lot of my friends and although it would be weird to present as a female infront of them. I don't think it'd be an issue doing so.

With my dad he is as supportive as my friends, I tell him everything I tell my friends. But..... I don't know why but I just dread the thought of him seeing me go through a transition. Even though I know he'd be fine with it.

But yea the fear of my dad actually seeing it all happen is so great it's like a brick wall. It's the only reason I've yet to start trying to present as a female.

Quote from: Blue Rabbit on July 21, 2014, 09:18:20 PM
My father is the only thing holding me back. And..... The thing is he's actually very supportive! I've not told my mum but she's basically the opposite. She wouldn't understand as well or as quickly as my dad did. I also don't get on with my mother, but get on very well with my dad. So I have little care for what my mother would think anyway.

I've told a lot of my friends and although it would be weird to present as a female infront of them. I don't think it'd be an issue doing so.

With my dad he is as supportive as my friends, I tell him everything I tell my friends. But..... I don't know why but I just dread the thought of him seeing me go through a transition. Even though I know he'd be fine with it.

But yea the fear of my dad actually seeing it all happen is so great it's like a brick wall. It's the only reason I've yet to start trying to present as a female.

Having a very supportive dad is pretty rare I think (He's male and you were his son so it's usually painful) , I think you should just go for it. I have some little fears about my somewhat supportive dad but I gradually(That's a good tip too) started transitioning anyway and he's easing in to it it seems
Give it a chance and keep talking to him if there's something on your mind

I gave my father a lot of time and did not show up to him and Mom until they were ready for it. It went really well and they both were stunned at how different I looked. I think they both feared I would look really bad or like something from television which to be honest does not always put us in a good light. They said if I had walked past them out somewhere they would not have recognized me at all. They are both much more relaxed now and have accompanied me in public which is something I never thought would happen. Like Jill said they knew it was right because of how genuinely happy and relaxed I was now.  :)

My Daddy was a wonderful man, kind, loving, and wise. He was the affectionate one - unlike my simple-minded, sociopathic, self-centred mother. Mother did what was physically necessary for the raising of children but was never in any way supportive; it was "her way" or you paid for it.

My 'difference' was apparent from early childhood and while mother tried to "beat it out of me" (psychologically and by intimidation), Daddy tried to keep me away from mother as much as possible and to mediate in the disputes which became ever more heated as I grew older. Eventually Daddy told me, at about age 16, that he could no longer take my side against my mother, that I would be gone soon, on to a life of my own, but that he made an oath to look after my mother and he had to abide by it. By then he mostly hid behind his newspaper and tried to stay out of the battles.

I started HRT at 17 but SRS didn't become available until I was 24 at which time my mother and I had a HUGE fight. I told her I HAD to have SRS because I was suicidal and had been for years. She said it would be better if I killed myself and that if I had surgery I was disowned and was never to come home again or have any contact with anyone from there. So I packed my bag and I left.

I had little contact with my parents over the next 8 years, aside from abusive letters that my mother would send once in awhile. I married the first time at 26 and none of my family came. Mother wouldn't allow Daddy to come and  she kept it a secret from the rest of the family. The first marriage was a disaster but I married again at age 30, a much better match.

One day I was sitting at the kitchen table reading a letter from my mother. My husband saw the distressed look on my face and took the letter away from me. He read it and then tore it to bits. He said "You don't need this kind of bull->-bleeped-<-!" and threw it away.

A few years later we were going to be travelling east through where my parents lived and my husband said we should visit them, that I should see my father again. I expressed my reluctance and said I didn't want to be exposed to my mother's abuse again but he assured me that that wouldn't happen.

My husband must have called my father and set certain 'ground rules' because when we arrived at my parent's house, my mother was actually civil and very restrained. (Maybe it helped that my husband was 6' 4" and 300 pounds LOL!)

My Daddy was sitting in his usual chair with his face buried in the newspaper, as usual, and when we entered the room, Daddy looked over his newspaper. He looked me up and down very slowly and didn't say a word (except "Hi.") but a broad smile crept across his face. He didn't talk much during our visit but every time he looked at me, he smiled! I felt like million dollars!!!

We made one more brief visit a couple of years later, almost 20 years ago now and that was the last time I saw my Daddy. When he passed away, I was not told until after the funeral (because my mother didn't want me coming home).

I loved my Daddy more than words can express and I am so  sad he never got the chance to really know his eldest daughter - he would have been SO proud of me!

Such a beautiful/heartwrenching story, thanks Jane

my dad and I haven't talked a whole lot since I first came out to him dressed as a girl in 2013.

My dad is a closet crossdresser, I found that out when I came out to my mom.  Apparently he is a ->-bleeped-<- as well so needless to say that my being female is not something he is willing to accept.  I do remember seeing T porn in his home office when I was younger.
He made the comment to my brother that I was a freak of nature and going against gods will, then wrote me out of his will.
The next time I see him I will be going full femme for my own sake.

My father never saw me dressed as a woman..

When i told him about my cross dressing ways and that I was planning to transition, he did not accept it nor did my mother. We were not on speaking terms..  MY father and I  never actually spoke again.. he passed away before accepting his daughter.

Its sad how things turned out, but at least my mother has since reached out and we have reconciled.. she now loves having a daughter and we love doing mother and daughter things together.

When my mother first saw me dressed as woman, i was already over 2 years into my hrt, she could not believe how much i looked like her.. we have the same figure.. curvy hips with D breasts.. but even as a male, i took after my mother

Quote from: YinYanga on July 22, 2014, 03:27:13 AM
Having a very supportive dad is pretty rare I think (He's male and you were his son so it's usually painful) , I think you should just go for it. I have some little fears about my somewhat supportive dad but I gradually(That's a good tip too) started transitioning anyway and he's easing in to it it seems
Give it a chance and keep talking to him if there's something on your mind

Thanks yea, He's a pretty "modern" human being, very open minded, everyone is equal, a good person is a good person no matter what they look like, are or what ever.

But yea Ms Jane! My story is basically the exact same as yours. dad - amazing. Mother is the ->-bleeped-<-ty one. I know it sucks. But I don't really care about her so don't care what she thinks.

  For me it was just last week and not planned.  We happened to pass each on opposite sides of the street.  I think it took him a extra half second to realize it.  We briefly updated each other on the day's plans and went on our way.

  My father had already said he was not concerned about me openly presenting female, but due to our conflicting work schedules he had not yet seen me that way since I came out to him in the spring.  It wouldn't have been much of a different image to see because I don't often dress strongly femininely and because I live with my parents he is familiar with my physical changes.  This chance meeting was such an 'ordinary' event, which is exactly how I'd hoped it would be.  No grand plans and drama - just life going on as normal.  Weird only from the standpoint of not preparing myself for the moment.  The feeling quickly passed.

i went androgynous over the years, so my dad was involved
and basically part of the process.
It was actually quite easy for him to accept me as his daughter from the first day i was
coming out and started transitioning :)

Lovely sveebee

Gradual change works well for some people

absolutely, yes! for me and my family especially. It was actually without any problems or emotional break downs etc.

Maybe that is what I will do. A gradual slower change to help my family along. They are all for the "Be happy with who you are" thing but are all very conservative. Same time I could care less just because they never really took care of us. Hmm

Weird this posted in another topic. So strange.

Sigh...just got a message from my dad.

"Son if I ever see you I want to see you as a man the way I brought you to this world"

So..yeah.

Gaah..pfff, not good Lara  :-\

Hope you can work it..somehow

Quote from: YinYanga on July 24, 2014, 12:47:23 PM

Gaah..pfff, not good Lara  :-\

Hope you can work it..somehow

Yeah I know. I refuse to wear my lumber jack shirt again!! (long story)

My dad saw a picture of me on Facebook and asked who the pretty woman was holding my daughter. He lives 3500 miles away so I don't see him. I said it was me and haven't heard from him since. I should frame that pic? It must have been perfect lighting and angle? Lol

Quote from: StevieAK on July 24, 2014, 01:25:50 PM
My dad saw a picture of me on Facebook and asked who the pretty woman was holding my daughter. He lives 3500 miles away so I don't see him. I said it was me and haven't heard from him since. I should frame that pic? It must have been perfect lighting and angle? Lol

Friggin a.  Our fathers.  I wish there was a way to make it easier for them and for us.

Quote from: Lara the Lover and the Fighter on July 24, 2014, 01:27:41 PM
Friggin a.  Our fathers.  I wish there was a way to make it easier for them and for us.

He is human like the rest of us and I have no angst against him.  For me it was hard to accept the need to change and to give in and transition and I lived it. It is even harder for people who have never gone through this to understand. To be happy with ourselves, to love ourselves is enough and everything else is a bonus. By me being happy I hope to show the world that being me is what I needed to do..it is enough.

Quote from: Lara the Lover and the Fighter on July 24, 2014, 12:45:53 PM
Sigh...just got a message from my dad.

"Son if I ever see you I want to see you as a man the way I brought you to this world"

So..yeah.

I'd wear the black dress and the highest heels you have but that's just me.

Quote from: StevieAK on July 24, 2014, 02:28:47 PM
I'd wear the black dress and the highest heels you have but that's just me.

Hehe~ So would I. Show him what a gorgeous woman you are, Lara!

Might aswell go overboard now and face him like a total diva Lara

>:-)