Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Annabellekay on July 21, 2014, 05:26:45 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Crazy parent
Post by: Annabellekay on July 21, 2014, 05:26:45 PM
Post by: Annabellekay on July 21, 2014, 05:26:45 PM
Hi I'm new the the forums so I apologize if I've put this thread in the wrong spot! here we go!
I am 19, a transgender female (born a boy). To wrap this up in a nutshell and make it as easy to understand and read, Ive had that aha moment a few months ago where I finally realized who I really was, most of you have been there done that.
I have been seeing a counselor for anxiety/depression issues and what not, He was the first person/adult I came out to, his reaction was more than supportive and great, I thought he would of treated me like some loon or crazy, it was quiet the opposite, he was very empathetic and understanding. Well with all that said, I come out to my mom a few weeks later, I couldn't wait, i just couldn't, dysphoria was eating me a live. I out to my mom in his office, she was basically dumfound, as if a bunch of bricks hit her. She didn't know what to say, she said nothing really. He tries to explain to her to listen to me, to be there for me and love me, etc, I can't tell you all how much he has urged her to listen to me. Weeks go by, I mention nothing to her. I tell her a week ago how I want to see a doctor for hormones and we have a blow out, a huge blow out. She is telling me how I am a boy, how god made me this way and that way, how I'm her little boy, how she doesn't want me to be a girl, basically giving me the whole denial/guilt/shame run around, every excuse in the book. Everything with her becomes a screaming match, shes like a level 10 as far as emotions running, then when she starts, i get going, and I'm on the level 10 with her, blowing up too, upset and everything. It hurts. It really does. My stepdad is an ex-military chief, big conservative, he seemed more reasonable when I came out to him, he didnt yell and scream he asked stuff and we talked, had a good sit down talk for a while. She continues to say I'm confused. To bring all of you up to current news, My counselor told her that I contacted a special clinic that specializes in trans youth and gender variant youth. 10 seconds after driving away from the counselors office, this is what I hear out of her mouth "if youre living in my house, under my roof and rules, this basically isn't happening". Time after time my counselor has called her to set up an appoint with her and my step dad to talk to him to explain this further, just a meeting with them not me. She keeps skating around it. Today I get a call from the doctor in charge of the Clinic, very wonderful woman, very supportive. She didnt want to make an appoint or force anything on me because of the way my mom is acting. But we talked, she emailed me a release of info forum so her and my counselor can talk, so he has to sign this form as well as me, but I feel this is the first step.
So I left my counselor a message today telling him I have the PDF file of the form, he needs to sign it and what not so I ca get it back to the lady at this clinic. He calls my mom today to set up an appointment with just her and my dad. Im listening by my door and i hear her click off the phone and say very snotty like "whatever". Thats how she is. Once I came out to her, ALL of this became ALL about her, she takes being transgender as a personal threat like I'm targeting her for some reason, its nothing like that. Im the one having to call doctors and worry about insurance, things like that, my future. I could go on and on and on about this, I really could. Im not sure if any of this helps but this is my situation right now in a very tiny nutshell, theres so much more to this. If anyone can help me Id appreciate it, i don't know where to start really I'm just in distress, need people to talk to to further explain this and get some advice and help. I hope this helps sorry its so scattered and long, my mind is just racing trying to remember everything I can that could help. Let me know if anybody needs anymore details and information this is pretty complex much like anyones situation going through this. Much love , Anna
I am 19, a transgender female (born a boy). To wrap this up in a nutshell and make it as easy to understand and read, Ive had that aha moment a few months ago where I finally realized who I really was, most of you have been there done that.
I have been seeing a counselor for anxiety/depression issues and what not, He was the first person/adult I came out to, his reaction was more than supportive and great, I thought he would of treated me like some loon or crazy, it was quiet the opposite, he was very empathetic and understanding. Well with all that said, I come out to my mom a few weeks later, I couldn't wait, i just couldn't, dysphoria was eating me a live. I out to my mom in his office, she was basically dumfound, as if a bunch of bricks hit her. She didn't know what to say, she said nothing really. He tries to explain to her to listen to me, to be there for me and love me, etc, I can't tell you all how much he has urged her to listen to me. Weeks go by, I mention nothing to her. I tell her a week ago how I want to see a doctor for hormones and we have a blow out, a huge blow out. She is telling me how I am a boy, how god made me this way and that way, how I'm her little boy, how she doesn't want me to be a girl, basically giving me the whole denial/guilt/shame run around, every excuse in the book. Everything with her becomes a screaming match, shes like a level 10 as far as emotions running, then when she starts, i get going, and I'm on the level 10 with her, blowing up too, upset and everything. It hurts. It really does. My stepdad is an ex-military chief, big conservative, he seemed more reasonable when I came out to him, he didnt yell and scream he asked stuff and we talked, had a good sit down talk for a while. She continues to say I'm confused. To bring all of you up to current news, My counselor told her that I contacted a special clinic that specializes in trans youth and gender variant youth. 10 seconds after driving away from the counselors office, this is what I hear out of her mouth "if youre living in my house, under my roof and rules, this basically isn't happening". Time after time my counselor has called her to set up an appoint with her and my step dad to talk to him to explain this further, just a meeting with them not me. She keeps skating around it. Today I get a call from the doctor in charge of the Clinic, very wonderful woman, very supportive. She didnt want to make an appoint or force anything on me because of the way my mom is acting. But we talked, she emailed me a release of info forum so her and my counselor can talk, so he has to sign this form as well as me, but I feel this is the first step.
So I left my counselor a message today telling him I have the PDF file of the form, he needs to sign it and what not so I ca get it back to the lady at this clinic. He calls my mom today to set up an appointment with just her and my dad. Im listening by my door and i hear her click off the phone and say very snotty like "whatever". Thats how she is. Once I came out to her, ALL of this became ALL about her, she takes being transgender as a personal threat like I'm targeting her for some reason, its nothing like that. Im the one having to call doctors and worry about insurance, things like that, my future. I could go on and on and on about this, I really could. Im not sure if any of this helps but this is my situation right now in a very tiny nutshell, theres so much more to this. If anyone can help me Id appreciate it, i don't know where to start really I'm just in distress, need people to talk to to further explain this and get some advice and help. I hope this helps sorry its so scattered and long, my mind is just racing trying to remember everything I can that could help. Let me know if anybody needs anymore details and information this is pretty complex much like anyones situation going through this. Much love , Anna
Title: Re: Crazy parent
Post by: Brenda E on July 21, 2014, 06:29:46 PM
Post by: Brenda E on July 21, 2014, 06:29:46 PM
Sorry to read that you're having a really rough time, Annabelle. There are countless others in your shoes here, so you're in the right place!
It sounds like you're making progress with your treatment - that's very important. You seem to have control over your healthcare too, and while your mom is really not happy about what's going on, she doesn't appear to be barring you from seeking help.
I can't promise that she'll ever come around to see your side of things, but give her time. She's just raised someone she thought was a boy and it's a huge shock for her to find out that you're not a boy after all. I'm sure her world seems like it's crumbling too. Time makes this much better though, so remember that although it's really miserable right now, it'll be easier next month, then the month after that, then next year etc. Once she sees that you're not making a mistake, nor ruining your life, but instead becoming a happy, healthy, well-adjusted young woman, she'll start to be a better ally.
But stick around here, because this is a really great place for support and information when everything seems wrong.
It sounds like you're making progress with your treatment - that's very important. You seem to have control over your healthcare too, and while your mom is really not happy about what's going on, she doesn't appear to be barring you from seeking help.
I can't promise that she'll ever come around to see your side of things, but give her time. She's just raised someone she thought was a boy and it's a huge shock for her to find out that you're not a boy after all. I'm sure her world seems like it's crumbling too. Time makes this much better though, so remember that although it's really miserable right now, it'll be easier next month, then the month after that, then next year etc. Once she sees that you're not making a mistake, nor ruining your life, but instead becoming a happy, healthy, well-adjusted young woman, she'll start to be a better ally.
But stick around here, because this is a really great place for support and information when everything seems wrong.
Title: Re: Crazy parent
Post by: Annabellekay on July 21, 2014, 10:12:09 PM
Post by: Annabellekay on July 21, 2014, 10:12:09 PM
Thanks Brenda, today she was pressing me for the third time to grow a beard again and get a haircut, I got frustrated with it and told her bluntly to stop bringing up pointless things [to put it nicely] that don't matter anymore. She keeps pushing for me to get a haircut and grow a beard and its the worst feeling ever cause 1. i want to grow out my hair, its short, it needs to grow, messing with it and cutting it every 6 weeks isn't going to help. and 2. beards jut suck theyre a pain to maintain, not for me, period. it was cool when i was 17, its not anymore its dumb to me.
As far as being in control of healthcare, I'm really not...We have government insurance and i think i might have state insurance, but I'm skeptical if my insurance will cover it, i talked to the person today from the clinic and they said they cover medicare or medicade whatever its called, so if i don't have that i might get this new plan somehow, or talk to my step dad since honestly he's in charge of the insurance, my mom only has insurance because of him truthfully, since he serve and all. so honestly, in all honesty, she has no say in my insurance, she really doesn't and I'm just being so realistic of it. my dad pays for the mortgage, is in charge of the insurance, I'm not trying to make her sound lazy shes not just saying, she could step down the thrown a little... lol, its not all about her, thats the thing. She makes it all about her. My dad learned to shut up a long time ago he said to avoid any arguments with her, that says a lot right there IMO. She says Im nothing like her and quite frankly I'm glad lol.
As far as being in control of healthcare, I'm really not...We have government insurance and i think i might have state insurance, but I'm skeptical if my insurance will cover it, i talked to the person today from the clinic and they said they cover medicare or medicade whatever its called, so if i don't have that i might get this new plan somehow, or talk to my step dad since honestly he's in charge of the insurance, my mom only has insurance because of him truthfully, since he serve and all. so honestly, in all honesty, she has no say in my insurance, she really doesn't and I'm just being so realistic of it. my dad pays for the mortgage, is in charge of the insurance, I'm not trying to make her sound lazy shes not just saying, she could step down the thrown a little... lol, its not all about her, thats the thing. She makes it all about her. My dad learned to shut up a long time ago he said to avoid any arguments with her, that says a lot right there IMO. She says Im nothing like her and quite frankly I'm glad lol.