Susan's Place Transgender Resources

for me it was the stupid social pressure . Had to have dates, had to get laid, had to party and drink, had to have stupid conversations about sports and cars. had to have degrading conversations about women and men. Just to name a few things I never regret doing again.

That's simple - Everything!  I was cast into a role that wasn't me.  Every day of my life was a performance, all that you mention and more.  Whenever I looked in the mirror, the person who looked back was fundamentally wrong.  Not awful, but wrong. 
There is nothing wrong with being a man, except that I wasn't one.  Inside I was a scared girl.  When that is the case, eventually the role, the lines, the action becomes overwhelming.

Some of us die, some self medicate.  I tried to do the former and spent twenty years looking at life from the bottom of a bottle.

Yep, that about covers it. ;)

Julie

I have to pick just one?

I don't even know where to begin, really. I saw/see no upside to it. When I was little, it seemed every adult I was introduced to immediately started talking to me about football (the American variety, with the big dumb manly men tackling each other), just because I was a boy. I loathe sports. Probably in large part due to this early experience. I got so sick of people forcing it on me all the time. Luckily, it only took a few failed attempts for my dad to realize there was no hope of ever getting me to actually play any.

Like Stephanie C said, I hated how other men acted. The dumb macho posturing. The insensitivity. The way they were so emotionally unavailable. The degrading and dehumanizing way they talked about people, especially women.

And I'm still trying to figure out what in the world people mean when they say I had something called "male privilege."

And those are just the social things. As for physiology, males get to enjoy such lovely features as hair covering their bodies (yuck!), hair falling out on your head, rougher skin, dangly genitals that constantly have to be adjusted to stay comfortable and just look unsightly, deep voices...

Yeah, there's nothing at all I like about this gender, from either an anatomical or social standpoint.  :-\

Irritating? Trying to figure out what being 100% man actually means. Nope, that was confusing, not irritating. Oh well, I am confhsed now :D

Haha I first read the title as the most "interesting" thing about being male...

The most irritating was not knowing why I hated myself so much. I eventually decided that I just hated all males because I couldn't understand how I could just hate myself being male... Now I do, and I'm glad I don't hate all males anymore; the thought was kind of depressing.

The most irritating thing to me was that people were always reacting to me defensively. Maybe this is just a problem for those who were bigger and taller (smaller twinky effeminate guys probably don't get this treatment,) but I just HATED it every single time I met a new person and they immediately got defensive, immediately acted like I was a threat and they had to be on their guard around me, and they immediately assumed that I was a tough guy who liked sports and manly things and not the type of person who just wanted to talk and be personable and give big hugs.

Yeah... that was seriously the most infuriating thing, was being treated like competition by guys, and an "other" to be afraid of by women.

And this is indeed a gender thing. I don't get it anymore. Now people immediately greet me, and immediately start talking to me, and even constantly feel at liberty to infringe on my personal space just because I'm female. They automatically treat me like a nice friendly sociable person who's not a threat in any way. They say "hello" in the checkout line with a welcoming "how are you?" kind of tone instead of a "hey," kind of tone where it feels like they're trying to make as little social connection as possible and just shove me off. And I know it's a horrible gender double standard, but I seriously wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.

The social stigmas and stereotypes are one of the biggest things.

Failing that, when I get in the shower to wash up, I have a constant reminder that things aren't right just by looking down. Oh, and then all the freaking hair EVERYWHERE... YUCK!

Feeling helpless. With no possible way to present your appearance as you'd like.

Even if you were able to present as a typical "hot" male...... In the mirror you appear to your self as a monster.

For me the most irritating things about people thinking I'm a male is - Seeing a mirror and being reminded. Hearing my own voice. Body hair. Having a penis. Being referred to as a he, him, guy, man or dude. I also cannot stand being included into conversations that generally only men would be involved in. Like a lot of jokes or things a guy would never say to a girl, yet they'll say it to me being full aware of my situation. That and having someone ask me really private questions and thinking I'll be okay with it because I'm a transgender girl.

Also online, every time I meet a guy, like in a video game. He'll be all sweet and nice to me and cover up his normal douchbag act, but the second he finds out I'm a transgirl he starts acting as if I'm trying to get with him or that I need his approval to feel like a woman. And girls generally are nice to me, I've only met a very few who were really mean toward me.

Everything...but worst for me was having to be stoic. Can't ask for help, can't offer to help without looking like you're coddling or enabling, can't laugh too loud, can't show sympathy or compassion.

There were exceptions, of course....but they were rare.

The most irritating thing about being male is not have an "f" and "e" in fornt of it.

"Sir"

When you're 5' 3", you get constant reminders in so many ways from both men and women that you're not really a man.  But you still have to be one. 

Much better being female.  Nobody cares if you're only 5' 3".

For me it was living up to certain expectations.  It's like, you were born with a penis, therefore X, Y and Z must apply to you.

Nope.

Oh, and morning wood.  Nothing like waking up to that special "f*** you".

For me the male sex drive. Ugh! :)

Quote from: Jill F on July 22, 2014, 02:18:09 PM
For me it was living up to certain expectations.  It's like, you were born with a penis, therefore X, Y and Z must apply to you.

Nope.

Oh, and morning wood.  Nothing like waking up to that special "f*** you".

The worst part is then having to go pee with it like that. Ugh.

Quote from: Jill F on July 22, 2014, 02:18:09 PM
For me it was living up to certain expectations.  It's like, you were born with a penis, therefore X, Y and Z must apply to you.

Nope.

Oh, and morning wood.  Nothing like waking up to that special "f*** you".

The spontaneous ones throughout the day are worse because you never when when its gonna happen.

I gave the male role a valiant effort, but I never quite fit in.  I can talk about motorcycles and which chick is hotter, but it has always been like I know the right answer but don't really care either way.  Like I'm not really part of the conversation.

I actually do really like sports. But the funny part is that I don't really watch games or even care about them.  I read the news and follow the story lines much more closely.  The actual games are secondary for me.  I don't know if I'm approaching it from a more female perspective -- I care more about the human parts rather than the competitive parts -- or if I'm just studying up for when I'll have to talk about it with other guys.

Quote from: Pikachu on July 22, 2014, 02:27:43 PM
The worst part is then having to go pee with it like that. Ugh.

Yeah...that really IS irritating!  :(

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on July 22, 2014, 02:26:14 PM
For me the male sex drive. Ugh! :)

agreed

It just hurts to even try to remember what it was like to be male.

Jen

Omigosh, wow....  can I pick all of the above?  And um, while I'm at it most likely everything that follows my post too.

Being called "sir", the whole male bonding thing, the um...  morning wood one (which thankfully doesn't happen much anymore, thank you hrt!), body hair, Everything, etc....  Yep all of them.

Plus my own personal constant reminder.....  my freaking voice.  Drives me bats**t crazy every time I have to open my mouth.  I hate the sound, the tone, the way it resonates in my chest.....  I'm working on training it but yeah, one second of not thinking about it and there it is....  the freaking radio DJ voice in all of it's glory.  Yuck

A lot of things bug me every day, and most of it is social. I was just talking about this the other day, and I think the one thing that constantly bothers me more than anything else is whenever someone told me how much they liked how manly I was  :eusa_wall:. I'm making a big effort to be as far from that as I can, so at least I don't really hear that anymore.

In 1969 in the United States, males born between 1944 and 1950 were subject to a draft lottery.  My birthday came up #8 out of #365.   If your number was less than 195, you were almost certain to be forced to serve in the Army and would likely spend a year in Vietnam.

If you were physically fit and otherwise qualified to serve, the only legal way to avoid going in the Army was to volunteer for another military service.

Of course no women were subject to the draft.  Ten military women died in Vietnam. They were all volunteers. Over 58,000 men died in Vietnam.

That's a pretty stiff penalty for being born with a penis.

Randi 

Aside from feeling like I had the emotional depth of a kiddie pool, a massive unexplainable hatred for myself, and that omnipresent and exhausting male sex drive? Probably the social atmosphere surrounding 'being male'

Just being born male. PERIOD. Can't think about anything good about it.
I would rather be born a cis female

OK maybe not THE most irritating thing, but this always royally pissed me off.

Every time something ever broke or wasn't working correctly, I was expected to fix it or deal with it. 

This included cars.  I don't really know anything about fixing cars, but my wife would always try to punt the problem to me.  I always joked about "waving my magic wand" and pointing downstairs before telling her to call a mechanic. 

Quote from: Pikachu on July 22, 2014, 02:27:43 PM
The worst part is then having to go pee with it like that. Ugh.

I also second that motion

Though everytime it happens i smile now cause mine is on death row, november 24. (See timeline below for hint on what that means)  >:-)

Maybe it would be having to "live up to the male ego" when socializing with others...to avoid being labeled as "gay"...

Including...backing down from a fight because it allegedly is "unmanly" -- did it every occur to those who hold THAT attitude that maybe, just maybe, the world might be a better place is there were not the constant "male ego" thing of "having to "prove" you are a man" -- negociation and conciliation usually work a lot better than fistfights and one man trying to show how "macho" he is to other men.

Maybe the "social stigma" for a man to wear nail polish.  Wearing nail polish is such a FANTASTIC feeling for me, and I never again want to NOT have my toenails painted beautiful red or maybe pink, unless it is totally unavoidable.  For now, just 5 week in on these strong female hormones, I wear divers boots at the pool at my apartment complex because I am not quite ready to "come out" at my apartment complex -- I have only "come out" to my genetic girlfriend, one other female friend, and my 6 year old daughter -- and all of these females accept me as I am which I am SO happy about -- WOW!

Other things, too, maybe I will add more thoughts later...what a great thread to have started!!!

Johanna.

Although, at the beach where I am a stranger, I have several times already appeared, totally opening, with my toenails bright red and my fingernails deep beautiful feminine purple color, while in a male bathing suit.  I have gotten some strange looks from both men and women.

My genetic girlfriend gets quite amused at the looks I have gotten at the beach, with lovely polished fingernails and toenails.

Johanna.

The most irritating thing of having to perform and assume the male role was having to endure the chauvinist jokes and attitudes...

Feeling wrong. That is the worst thing, like as male, there is no comfort zone, it all just feels wrong.

Quote from: Jill F on July 22, 2014, 04:32:49 PM
OK maybe not THE most irritating thing, but this always royally pissed me off.

Every time something ever broke or wasn't working correctly, I was expected to fix it or deal with it. 

This included cars.  I don't really know anything about fixing cars, but my wife would always try to punt the problem to me.  I always joked about "waving my magic wand" and pointing downstairs before telling her to call a mechanic.

I know exactly what you mean with this one, doubly so because I have some self-taught proficiency with computers. God, it feels like literally every day I hear: "Hey, you are good with 'things like this'" or "Hey [birth name] is really great with things like that!", where for some reason the 'things like that' is nothing to even do with computers. (stubborn watches, microwaves, tvs, anything that even remotely resembles 'technology'.

The years spent trying to hide who I really was just to fit in with people I did not really care about.  Getting called "sir"
Being expected to be a subject matter expert on all things sports, cars, and other unimportant stuff.

Also zippers on boy jeans, when you wore boxers...those accidents happened enough.

Quote from: JLT1 on July 22, 2014, 02:46:43 PM
It just hurts to even try to remember what it was like to be male.

Jen

a true piece of wisdom

Quote from: Hikari on July 22, 2014, 05:21:58 PM
Feeling wrong. That is the worst thing, like as male, there is no comfort zone, it all just feels wrong.

Yes, this.   And never understanding why it all felt wrong (as I didn't know I was trans.)

I'm going to cheat and say that the worst thing we (male/female/other) are told is to be something other than our best selves.  Whether we are told to dominate, be dominated, suppress our talents, nature, or expression, feign interests or force gendered skill acquisition, feel shame or pride, or avoid certain types of friendships with certain people, we are being confronted by a system of control.  To me, it is the most detestable thing, because while biology can be especially frustrating in its own right, norms are a society's own doing.  Society's role is artificial, and its underlying problems can't be fixed with hormones and surgery.

worst thing about being male? for me, its was not being born female, knowing that I would never grow a life inside me.

The intense rage and anger I'd feel constantly.

But a lot of that probably came from my dysphoria

The funny thing about me is that I've spent most of my life not realizing I was a transgendered woman wishing she was a cisgendered male, while presenting as a male to the world.

It took me a long time to realize that when I would look a beautiful women, the feelings I had were usually not lust, but envy.

There are so many "guy" things I like doing, I'm just not one on the inside. 

However, the one thing about being male, that I find the most difficult to deal with is that I am expected to be a provider.  I don't mind my job (in fact I kind of like it, and I'm paid pretty well), the problem is that as a male, I am in a constant state of stress about my job.  I cannot do my job because I enjoy it, I have to do it because I'm expected to provide for my family.  I think I would be better able to handle this constant stress if my mental gender was male, but I'm not and the stress of being forced into being a sole provider while being a mental female is really hard, and I find it pretty irritating.

J.

J.

Quote from: Randi on July 22, 2014, 03:54:33 PM
In 1969 in the United States, males born between 1944 and 1950 were subject to a draft lottery.  My birthday came up #8 out of #365.   If your number was less than 195, you were almost certain to be forced to serve in the Army and would likely spend a year in Vietnam.

If you were physically fit and otherwise qualified to serve, the only legal way to avoid going in the Army was to volunteer for another military service.

Of course no women were subject to the draft.  Ten military women died in Vietnam. They were all volunteers. Over 58,000 men died in Vietnam.

That's a pretty stiff penalty for being born with a penis.

Randi

Sad truth. In war times males become expendable gender. They are literally sentenced to death by idiots that lead wars.

What is or was the most irritating thing about being male?

That one is easy: not being male.

Trying to reverse the effects of the poisonous T in my early teens; the bone structure, the hair, the voice, etc. Then there's the role of having to play alpha male, which I did too well on many occasions.

I look at a senior year high school picture of that person and its really sad how wrong the outside looks and how much turmoil I see on the inside.

Quote from: Sephirah on July 23, 2014, 12:38:37 PM
What is or was the most irritating thing about being male?

That one is easy: not being male.

Yes, that sort of wrecked the whole experience for me. 

The strict gender roles and being called nice young "man." I hate it. Not to mention my body dysphoria.

Wow, so much anger & sadness in the answers here, people. I know where all of you are coming from, because I found myself in that place before. Spiritual awakenings have really helped me embrace the fact that I got to learn a lot out of this. We were brought here like this for a greater purpose. We're gifted, not defects! Yeah, I had hate in me, and fear & paranoia, and I couldn't figure out where it came from for so long. Yeah, I admit I catch myself getting a little irritated when called "sir", but it feels rather counterproductive, so I try and stop to think about it and let go of that emotion and just carry on with love, because I know that's who I truly am. Embracing life as a whole and learning to appreciate the human experience has made my transition so much easier. Being able to carry on with love & gratitude in your heart, toward everyone & everything, will do so much for you. Having hate & anger in your heart has negative effects on yourself, and in turn you're also projecting those emotions onto others. Hate & negativity are emotions that are absolutely essential to your well being to let go of. Please know I'm trying to provide some positive insight here with compassion.

Much love to all of you! <3

Quote from: Kaelin on July 22, 2014, 07:07:33 PM
I'm going to cheat and say that the worst thing we (male/female/other) are told is to be something other than our best selves.  Whether we are told to dominate, be dominated, suppress our talents, nature, or expression, feign interests or force gendered skill acquisition, feel shame or pride, or avoid certain types of friendships with certain people, we are being confronted by a system of control.  To me, it is the most detestable thing, because while biology can be especially frustrating in its own right, norms are a society's own doing.  Society's role is artificial, and its underlying problems can't be fixed with hormones and surgery.

I feel you're onto something here, Kaelin. Real norms, to me, are whatever we feel is right for ourselves. These artificial "norms" and "roles" are irrelevant to real life.  I've been confronted by every single one of those aspects of control you named off at some point or another, and I look back and I'm just like "Wow, really?!" Look at the bigger picture and what it's done to a lot of people. Where is the love in that?  ~7 billion of us beautiful souls here on this beautiful earth, each with a different path, yet here to learn to coexist as one. We aren't 'separate' from each other like this system tries to dupe people into believing. People are waking up, though. We will get there at some point, my friend.

For me the most irritating thing about being born male was the social expectations that were placed around it. If you're born a boy then you can/can't do those things, you're treated a particular way and excluded from experiences and whole sections of society because of it. (The same of course applies to those born female, and as much as many of us like to romanticise it, their upbringing is no bed of roses either.) I was born a person first, how I choose to live my life and express myself shouldn't be dependant on or restricted by my genitals.

Quote from: Ms Grace on July 23, 2014, 09:33:22 PM
I was born a person first, how I choose to live my life and express myself shouldn't be dependant on or restricted by my genitals.

Right there with ya, Grace. I think this certainly applies to the majority of the earth's human population. "I can't do this, can't do that" all to be restricted to some superficial image to satisfy society's goal of keeping everyone separate. I call it the Can't society. It's totally irrelevant to what life is really about. Our experience, our choice. Peace, love, and happiness are the keys.  :icon_mrhappy:

Definitely all the social expectations for me.  I like stereotypically male hobbies, but why can't I be allowed to just enjoy them?  Competition is one thing, i was good at almost i tried, but having it be a way of life down to stupid crap like about how beat up my hands are or purposely not wearing a jacket when its snowing sideways and -15°F just to make the other guys not guestion my manhood.  Hate that stuff, even though I am good at it. 

I am letting off the act to make the transition easier.  Coming to terms with it, the "quit being such a girl" comments I take as compliments, without being too obvious to out myself.  I think at work some of the guys have noticed that it isn't taken as an insult, the look on their faces when it happens is priceless, as if they shot me and I didn't flinch.  I guess its my way of getting to be called girl without being out yet, as long as I keep their jokes in check I think this may be my "way out" at work.  People have an easier time with humor.

I want to add, yes, Grace and others, social expectations.

Why can't Johanna my female side express herself?

Why so much "social judgmental-ness" about this?

I NEVER AGAIN want to NOT have my toenails painted bright red.  This just FEELS so right.

Johanna, my female reality, has been suppressed for so long.  I am letting Johanna, freer and freer, to fly in freedom.

How wonderous this is.

More later, but these are some of my FEELINGS tonight...

Johanna, my true self emerging.

Progesterone is truly amazing.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on July 22, 2014, 02:26:14 PM
For me the male sex drive. Ugh! :)

Definitely agree. That was one of the biggest improvements with HRT for me... death to my sex drive. I hated every part of it and it always got in the way of good 'relations' with partners. Also the other psychological effects like the 'constant need for action.'

2nd. That interesting effect of mirrors was one of the worst. They were always oddly disturbing and I hated looking at myself in them. Couldn't figure it out for so long. For ages I thought I was just the most hideous thing on the planet, and that was why I couldn't look at my own image.

3rd. Feeling very disconnected from my emotions. I've referred to it as Robot Mode. Still not sure whether they were psychologically, chemically, or socially *locked* away. I'm just glad I can laugh, cry and feel myself now.

4th. The social stresses are and 'implications' of being male. Being ostracized for not liking sport. Feeling like I couldn't put any effort into my presentation (and also feeling it was impossible to make me look nice). Being told that I didn't know how to do domestic tasks, yet definitely I had to know how to ALL physical and mechanical tasks.
I always loved baking and could always take care of myself domestically, but could never figure out engines and other dirty what-nots. Yet whenever I bring a baked cake or something to work, everyone just asks, did your partner make that. NO, FU, THATS NOT HOW THE WORLD WORKS.

For me it was all about the expectations. My wife told me several times she "married a man" and she expected me to be one.

Some of the expectations weren't too bad - I happened to be handy at fixing things and didn't mind doing so, but other expectations wore at me, and some became intolerable (performing sex in a male role when I was a female). Being expected to fit into a male world with the crude sexist jokes and the male hobbies - with a female mind. Being expected to be the strong one and always having to make the tough decisions and set the direction for the family. Having to endure year after year of endless, grinding toil with no close friendships with other guys. Being expected to be physically tough and ready to fight if need be. Being expected to be the primary provider for the family even if that meant sacrificing myself and work out of state for years on end (which I did and got no credit for in the end).

I just could not do any of it any longer.

Quote from: karina13 on July 23, 2014, 08:55:15 PM
Wow, so much anger & sadness in the answers here, people. I know where all of you are coming from, because I found myself in that place before. Spiritual awakenings have really helped me embrace the fact that I got to learn a lot out of this. We were brought here like this for a greater purpose. We're gifted, not defects! Yeah, I had hate in me, and fear & paranoia, and I couldn't figure out where it came from for so long. Yeah, I admit I catch myself getting a little irritated when called "sir", but it feels rather counterproductive, so I try and stop to think about it and let go of that emotion and just carry on with love, because I know that's who I truly am. Embracing life as a whole and learning to appreciate the human experience has made my transition so much easier. Being able to carry on with love & gratitude in your heart, toward everyone & everything, will do so much for you. Having hate & anger in your heart has negative effects on yourself, and in turn you're also projecting those emotions onto others. Hate & negativity are emotions that are absolutely essential to your well being to let go of. Please know I'm trying to provide some positive insight here with compassion.

Much love to all of you! <3

I think your use of the term hate and negativity is a little misplaced . I hate the disphoria like I hate cancer or any other crippling and disfiguring disease. If you look at all the posts of people who have started or have been on HRT, you won't find the ill feelings of  the past , all you see from these posters is acceptance and happiness at there new life. sorry if I misinterpreted what you were saying, the hate is against the disease not the person.

I kind of disagree with a lot of stuff in that post, actually. So called "negative" emotions are absolutely essential to my wellbeing. If I never express or allow myself to feel them, they don't go away, they just become stronger. Letting them out is healthy. Talking with others and sharing your frustrations is a great outlet. It's because of being able to express frustration, anger, sadness, and other emotions that I can in turn feel love and happiness. I also don't believe any emotion is inherently positive or negative. Anger and hatred, when directed at the right things, can and has had a hugely positive impact on peoples' lives and society in general. Just imagine what it would be like if no one felt angry over the injustices of the world. Nothing would ever change. No one would be motivated to protest, to fight for a cause. Likewise, love is not always a positive. I can tell you that my love for my ex girlfriend led almost exclusively to negativity, to abuse and to misery.

Just my thoughts. I don't mean to derail the topic.

Wow, Pikachu. Thankfully, I see the world in a completely different way. I could really get deep on every single thing you just said, but for the sake of the topic, I'll keep it short.

Quote from: Pikachu on July 24, 2014, 09:49:44 AM
If I never express or allow myself to feel them, they don't go away, they just become stronger.

Well, no, actually you don't have to have them to begin with. You ultimately are the source of your own emotions. For me, I found that just having them in itself was a problem for me, and they do project on other people. Trying to justify them just leads to more of them. "Well I'm just that person that gets sad and angry a lot." Well, you don't have to be. Far too deep for me to further explain, but I feel I'm being pretty simple here.

Quote from: Pikachu on July 24, 2014, 09:49:44 AM
Anger and hatred, when directed at the right things, can and has had a hugely positive impact on peoples' lives and society in general. Just imagine what it would be like if no one felt angry over the injustices of the world. Nothing would ever change.

Anger and hatred, along with control, are at the core of the injustices of the world. Playing along with that is simply feeding the problem. The good changes that have happened have been sparked by growing compassion in people.

Love can make you vulnerable, yes, but you if you experience misery with someone close to you, you have the power to walk away from it. I do it all the time. People that enjoy inflicting anger, hatred, sadness on other people get cut out of my life. Love is meant to be shared with everyone and everything, and someone who doesn't want that (it can't be forced on people, of course) doesn't have to be in your life. You're then essentially giving them (energy vampires) your power by letting them stay there.

For further debate on this subject, I'll open a new thread.

Quote from: stephaniec on July 24, 2014, 01:18:25 AM
I think your use of the term hate and negativity is a little misplaced . I hate the disphoria like I hate cancer or any other crippling and disfiguring disease. If you look at all the posts of people who have started or have been on HRT, you won't find the ill feelings of  the past , all you see from these posters is acceptance and happiness at there new life. sorry if I misinterpreted what you were saying, the hate is against the disease not the person.

Hi, Stephanie. I was getting at the fact that I don't believe we are diseased, but rather gifted. I feel we were brought here for a greater purpose to learn gender in deeper ways that maybe others haven't had the opportunity to do. I feel that the terms "disphoria" and "disease" are just more ways of society trying to separate people from each other. People are perfect the way they are, but then again in our case, we want to express something greater on the outside that appropriately reflects how we feel on the inside, and I believe it's a wonderful thing!

And just to make it clear, I LOVE life and the beautiful learning experience that it is!

I don't want to get into this too much, either, but I do want to point out again that emotions are only negative or positive depending on what you do with them. Anger doesn't have to lead to control. It only does if you let it. Similarly, love can also cloud your judgement. But only if you let it. Emotions are just feelings. They don't necessarily lead to positive or negative actions. They can all be the catalyst for either.

And aren't you doing quite a bit of projecting yourself? You seem to be assuming I can't be happy or healthy if I'm experiencing these emotions you don't like, and yet I am. I am happy with my life, I am not making anyone feel bad, and I have many friends. What is it you think could be improved about my life if I cut out half of my emotional spectrum? If it works for you, that's great. But it's not for me. And not because I'm just accepting of some problem. I don't see my emotions as a problem to begin with. I want to experience a full range of emotions. That's what makes me happy.

Quote from: Pikachu on July 24, 2014, 12:10:11 PM
I don't want to get into this too much, either, but I do want to point out again that emotions are only negative or positive depending on what you do with them. Anger doesn't have to lead to control. It only does if you let it. Similarly, love can also cloud your judgement. But only if you let it. Emotions are just feelings. They don't necessarily lead to positive or negative actions. They can all be the catalyst for either.

And aren't you doing quite a bit of projecting yourself? You seem to be assuming I can't be happy or healthy if I'm experiencing these emotions you don't like, and yet I am. I am happy with my life, I am not making anyone feel bad, and I have many friends. What is it you think could be improved about my life if I cut out half of my emotional spectrum? If it works for you, that's great. But it's not for me. And not because I'm just accepting of some problem. I don't see my emotions as a problem to begin with. I want to experience a full range of emotions. That's what makes me happy.

My reasoning goes deep, and I don't have words to explain a lot of what I feel. You are assuming that I'm assuming, though, and I don't necessarily think the terms I explained it in got across the message I wanted to get across. Too deep for right now. That is a great thing that you're happy with your life, though!

Quote from: karina13 on July 24, 2014, 11:47:36 AM
Wow, Pikachu. Thankfully, I see the world in a completely different way. I could really get deep on every single thing you just said, but for the sake of the topic, I'll keep it short.

Well, no, actually you don't have to have them to begin with. You ultimately are the source of your own emotions. For me, I found that just having them in itself was a problem for me, and they do project on other people. Trying to justify them just leads to more of them. "Well I'm just that person that gets sad and angry a lot." Well, you don't have to be. Far too deep for me to further explain, but I feel I'm being pretty simple here.

Anger and hatred, along with control, are at the core of the injustices of the world. Playing along with that is simply feeding the problem. The good changes that have happened have been sparked by growing compassion in people.

Love can make you vulnerable, yes, but you if you experience misery with someone close to you, you have the power to walk away from it. I do it all the time. People that enjoy inflicting anger, hatred, sadness on other people get cut out of my life. Love is meant to be shared with everyone and everything, and someone who doesn't want that (it can't be forced on people, of course) doesn't have to be in your life. You're then essentially giving them (energy vampires) your power by letting them stay there.

For further debate on this subject, I'll open a new thread.

Hi, Stephanie. I was getting at the fact that I don't believe we are diseased, but rather gifted. I feel we were brought here for a greater purpose to learn gender in deeper ways that maybe others haven't had the opportunity to do. I feel that the terms "disphoria" and "disease" are just more ways of society trying to separate people from each other. People are perfect the way they are, but then again in our case, we want to express something greater on the outside that appropriately reflects how we feel on the inside, and I believe it's a wonderful thing!

And just to make it clear, I LOVE life and the beautiful learning experience that it is!

I have to agree with Pikachu on this one, about anger and hate, but also agree that there is no reason to remain a target of undeserved anger. I don't think Pikachu meant being a target is Ok. A new thread on this would be fine. If you can't feel anger, how can you say you feel love? If someone intentionally killed you cat or dog, you wouldn't feel anger? What if they killed someone you loved? I agree that in the end it's what you do with your emotions that counts. People can also use their emotions to push themselves to endure the unendurable, or to overcome the greatest obstacle. I've seen it up close, and we all see it in the news, every day.

So, on HRT, do emotions rule the day? Are you in more control of your emotions before HRT, or after after HRT? Is it better to let emotions run with more reign, than less? It can certainly get you in trouble, but keeping them 100% in check, all the time, is not a good idea, either.

Self-control is one of the things that I was always happy with, pre-HRT,  but the amount of sweating, oil and ring-around-the-collar was just deplorable. It's amazing, the things that we partake of unwittingly, until we swallow the blue pill.

When my kids were younger I would tell them it's ok to feel angry...it's not ok to hit your brother when you feel angry. So i have to agree that anger and hate are honest human emotions. And they are neither good nor bad. But it's our reaction to the feelings that determines whether they've been helpful or not.

I don't like being transgender, but i am. I feel disappointed and at times angry about it. But if I use those negative emotions to drive me towards a successful transition rather than letting them cripple me, then they've actually had a positive effect.

To each their own, Katie. I feel personally that anger was a driving force behind keeping me from living life the way I wanted to for a long time, physically and spiritually. I didn't really gain any courage till I let go of a LOT of that. I appreciate that experience, for it helped me see a side of myself that I needed to change. It taught me how to love. I'm a firm believer that you get back what you give, be it at some time or another, and yes I'm referring to our emotions (which are actions). Like I said before, many of my views are so deep, it would confuse things to try and explain them in the simplest terms.

Ladies, I think this is a wonderful topic for the Spirituality forum.