Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Does anyone have anything that triggers dysphoria in them that's unusual or that other people might not understand? How do you cope with it? For example, I have really bad dysphoria a lot of the time when seeing men with beards, because I've always really really wanted a beard and I have a hard time dealing with the fact that I'll have to wait a long time on testosterone to get one and even then I might not even be able to GROW one. Like, even with other trans men, I just feel really really awful when I see people with beards. How do you cope with dysphoria triggers like that that are harder to talk to people about and have them take seriously?

I am a balding M2F and have been triggered seeing women just flick their long hair back over their shoulder.  I haven't tried to describe it to anyone but my therapist and don't think anyone cis could understand.

I don't have advice on how to avoid these things - we can't void everyone.  But I find these things trigger less if I am doing things to address my gender issues.

Everything seems like a trigger these days; just seeing any kind of female does it for me.  Someone walks past and I'm looking at her hair, face, shoulders, body shape, shoes, clothes, and just how comfortable and unaware of being female she is.  Same for a picture in a magazine, or on television, or a female voice on the radio.

I'd agree with the hair as a huge trigger though, because it seems so far off for me and so unattainable, but every girl has great hair compared to me.  Kinda like your beard issue, solexander; it's one of those things that cis-gender people just take for granted, even see as an inconvenience, not realizing that guys and girls like us would happily assume those characteristics in a second and never once complain for the rest of our lives.

Last night my wife and I were in Sephora and she was getting measured to find the right foundation. After berating my wife about laziness in skin care the salesperson admitted that she gets lazy sometimes, too. Triggered me a bit because, washing my face, exfoliating, and moisturizing I do religiously and happily.

Then she really got me, "guys are lucky," looking at me, "they exfoliate every time they shave." I wanted to smack her!

It really triggers me to watch women do women things while I stand by like a homeless child staring in the window of a bakery!

yes. i get the most triggered by hearing deep voices, because mine is that of minnie mouse, and it makes me resort to almost never speaking in public under any circumstance.

how to avoid it? not sure. i can't just look at someone and think "oh-ho, they have a deep voice, i'll walk the other way". it's not so easy. i imagine it's the same for any other trigger; beards, hair, etc. the only thing that helps me cope is distracting myself or keeping my thoughts on the prospect of taking T which may help a little in that aspect. otherwise, you just gotta stay strong.

For me I'd say, it can be anything related to woman and them being able to be themselves. Just the other day I was like, they're SOO lucky they can be themselves and not be treated otherwise and don't have to go through ->-bleeped-<- because of how their body looks.

But really the biggest triggers for me seem to be breasts, the vagina and the biggest one being when I see them pregnant, or if they tell me they're pregnant.. sometimes it'll happen if I see them with a child too.. to a lesser extent, it might be their hair, oh no, I have long hair but, mine is a bush, won't stay flat (even WITH a $100 flat iron and $13 spray + the use of shampoo and conditioner or just shampoo with argon oil in it that helps reduce frizzes which each bottle costs $5) and while the stuff I just mentioned helps a lot more than just the old crap flat iron I have, even still, it still puffs up some in heat and I have to re-brush when I get to the location and even then, it's still not flat like all the women you see walking around. Really gets to me and depresses me sometimes.. :(

How I deal with it, I don't know tbh, I just, try and not think about it, but can't help it sometimes. Also, while I wouldn't call these strange, I don't think there are too many actual strange ones to begin with.

Hmm yeah, a lot of these are really interesting. I feel a lot better knowing other people go through similar things to me.

Interesting I thought dysphoria was about seeing what you don't want and not what you want to be. I'll admit I have gotten jealous of some girls I'm seen, but its not the same as dysphoria.

I deal with it by trying to own it as a woman. I had one where even peeing sitting down was a problem because I could feel it in the wrong place. I owned it by closing my eyes, picturing where its supposed to come from and feeling it come out of that instead. It took a lot of willpower at first, but sometimes I don't even need to close my eyes and picture it. Erections? nope that's a dildo stuck in my pants. I must have forgotten to put it away after I was done with it. That sort of thing.

Hehe~ Silly Ashley, always forgetting to put away her dildo. :D

Quote from: solexander on July 23, 2014, 07:56:17 PM
I have really bad dysphoria a lot of the time when seeing men with beards, because I've always really really wanted a beard and I have a hard time dealing with the fact that I'll have to wait a long time on testosterone to get one and even then I might not even be able to GROW one. Like, even with other trans men, I just feel really really awful when I see people with beards.

Same here. I'm jealous when I see cis-men or other trans men with beards. To be honest see other FtM with nice beard make me even more jealous and dysphoric than seeing beard in a cis-man. I get a feeling of insecurity and I feel bad, ugly and "not man enough".

Quote from: Kiwi on July 24, 2014, 03:23:45 PM
Same here. I'm jealous when I see cis-men or other trans men with beards. To be honest see other FtM with nice beard make me even more jealous and dysphoric than seeing beard in a cis-man. I get a feeling of insecurity and I feel bad, ugly and "not man enough".

God yeah, I feel that a lot. I grew up just kind of trusting people with beards a lot more, and I still am more attracted to people with beards than anyone else- I guess I just find it a comforting and masculine feature, so not being able to grow one yet makes me really upset, since I wanna be comforting and trustworthy and masculine, which are traits I associate with beards. It's kinda hard to describe

I don't know if this is weird or not, but what really gets to me is seeing really tall guys.  I hate being short.  Even as a kid, I wanted to be tall.  I was set on the idea that I would be as tall as my dad when I grew up.  My dad is 6'4"  I am a full foot and one inch shorter than him. *.*  Especially say when I see a group of tall college age guys making their way through the grocery store getting beer and snacks, shouting across the isles at each other.  It makes me feel so awkward and inadequate.

I don't really have a way of dealing with it.  It just happens and I just go through it, I guess.  I just try to switch my mind to something else.  Like for example, if the good tomato sauce is on sale.  :laugh:

I'm about 6'. Slightly tall on a guy really tall on a girl. I like tall girls, but I'm not sure I wanted to be one. Oh well not a big deal. If I become a tall girl I become a tall girl.

Passible trans women usually make me want to weep.  Ones who aren't six feet tall, who don't have hands the size of dinner plates and a swimmers build, who are without hair so kinky I'll never be able to grow it down to my shoulders.  Nothing personal to any of the girls here-I'm happy for you and all-but I'm just so upset by the fact that this could have been me if I had started HRT just a year earlier/didn't have such unfortunate genetics.  Ahh, dysphoria!

The little mustache I'm able to grow, knowing full well my mother will make me shave it off.

Quote from: Dee Walker on July 24, 2014, 07:55:12 AMIt really triggers me to watch women do women things while I stand by like a homeless child staring in the window of a bakery!

What an awesome description!  Exactly the right way to capture the feeling of being trapped on the outside, hungry and miserable, enviously looking in at the things we think we'll never have and which those inside are taking for granted.

it really comes when i wear female clothes. i get such mixed emotions. its really exciting and at first im like yes!!! ;D.... then all the sudden i start noticing manly features left and right.... and i start crying :'(... i feel like this is my biggest trigger of dysphoria. also my hair can be a trigger even though its long because i am terrible at styling it at this point.

These posts are fascinating, just fascinating.  Solexander, I really wish I could just give you my facial follicles!  I would!  I'm in the throes of regular laser facial hair removal.

   I think my biggest "trigger" is a woman's figure.  Whenever I'm confronted with a woman's figure I wish profoundly that nature hadn't failed me.  I was robbed!  Gender dysphoria, baby.   

I think my worst triggers these days are memories. What I had and what I have are so different.

Quote from: awilliams1701 on July 24, 2014, 08:19:37 PM
I'm about 6'. Slightly tall on a guy really tall on a girl. I like tall girls, but I'm not sure I wanted to be one. Oh well not a big deal. If I become a tall girl I become a tall girl.

Height is something I'm very aware of too. I'm short as a woman and I know I'm extremely short as a man. I would give almost anything to be 6' tall. Heck, even 5'7 would be an improvement.

The one thing I know I can never have gets me every time: pregnancy. I can potentially fix everything else. I'd happily deal with periods if I could carry a child, so I hate it when women tell me I'm lucky not to have them. Female voices can bother me sometimes too because I have a deeper voice, but I guess there is surgery for that.