Susan's Place Transgender Resources

The Beginning

Well as some people may know my operation is on monday and i have now arrived at the Dusit Princess hotel - relaxing, slowly unpacking, and watching the view. Although the flight from Zurich was smooth and effortless (thanks to silly spending on business class) my brain was running lots of thoughts... Mostly about my work colleagues and relationship i hsd left behind only hours earlier.

Although i have no problem passing and my passport has F, i still felt fairly alien on the plane. Like i was out of sync. But since i worked until 1630 the day before the "me" time was a little reduced. My therapist telling me im about to face my biggest challenge ever... Learning to slow down and put me first. Ahem.

The pickup from the airport was amazingly smooth. Dr Chettawuts driver kind - curtious - and graceful. A simple 30min drive to the Hotel which is next to the big shopping centre - time for a visit this afternoon as there were not too many hangers in the room. Two queen sized beds are very comfortable - one for me - and one for my guests who will arrive on saturday and in two weeks. Kettle (for two mugs), iron, hairdrier and a deliciously large bath and shower im looking forward to using. The main gym is unfortunately closed - but ill make use of what is available even if just yoga stretching after the plane.

The staff here are also very kind. And it is well worth learning a few key words of thai.
"Sawasdeeka" - hello
"Kob khun ka" - thank you
Normally i try to learn a bit before arriving - but again work, life and relationships meant i did not take enough time for me. That will change in the coming weeks.

Although ive been waiting for a magic wand to fix my body since puberty, it seems i will need to use the magic fingers of a good surgeon. And tomorrow ill have my last breakfast before meeting Dr Chettawut and his team, and and entering 3 days without solids. So better make the most of my gym fix today.

I have been lucky not to be plagued by physical dysphoria, ironically only until stopping HRT 2 weeks ago (slowly ramping down doses since start of july). Working out in the gym caused a teary breakdown which passed after a couple of hours. Knowing that the extra parts between my legs were finally going soon. Very soon now. Part of me is very calm - especially now i am here. Part is crying because of the loss of my past... Why did i not transition in my teens instead of 38/39? The answer is always that ive done so much more with my life and was not going to let my body get in the way of achieving my life. Part is just exhausted from having done so much in the last year. And part is so happy of what will come...

People like Calico and Maddie have shown the way, and i hope that with updates to this thread i can help show a positive light for others to come. Donna E in three weeks...

So with that i had better snooze lightly, finish unpacking and enjoy the day!

Ps breakfasts at Dusit appear to be amazing. Asian, western and chinese styles. Cooked, colds, meats, eggs, fruits, youghurts, fruit juices, and delicious green teas. Heaven for my guests, liquid only after tomorrow... Oooh

So happy for you. Remember the buffet has coffee, tea, light fruit juices, and miso broth that are all ok. Remember not to stir the miso pot... You want the clear broth at the top.

I'm wanting to go with Dr Chett in around 12 months. So I shall be watching your thread closely :D

So happy for you to be taking that big step!

It won't be easy, and there will be physical and mental trauma to heal from, but I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end ^^

Keep us posted! <3

Seacom Delights

Last night went for a walk around the Seacom centre - the first entrance beside the hotel is slightly misleading. You enter a shop with lots of smaller inner shops - like a western department store. Don't be fooled - the shopping centre stretches away - and around the sides - of this store. The official entrance is much further along the street. And 27 restaurants might be an understatement - lots of food stores. According to Maddie many have English menu if you ask.

I was lazy - bought water from tesco (at the far end of the centre) and returned to the Dusit to eat. The normal menu ranges from 130 to 250 baht but does not include the 10% service fee or 7% sales tax. Still it's around 7 chf a meal. Unless your monkey spirit says HUNGRY and eyeing up the buffet you choose to gorge on the last meal before the 3 day liquid only purge. It was yummy - 2 rounds of sushi; red curry; green curry. Spicy roasted pork. Vegetables. Pommes Duchesse. Cold garlic bread. Sweet banana in warmed coconut milk...  I became Rolly Polly Melly. And paid 750 baht for the privilege. Won't do that again (no solids for a week). But seriously the normal menu is also good portion especially some someone like me.

So this morning no solids - no milk - no fruit juice with pulp etc. just tea and honey and sports to kill off hungar pangs. When they occur.

The Good Doctor

I'm sat here writing after visiting Dr Chettawut and his team. They are all friendly - especially Som, (Jittada) and it was really nice to get to meet them all together. The consultation was relatively short but then I've a pseudo medical background (medical physicist) and know quite a bit physiology. The clear statements is that a skin graft is necessary - my sac is not stretchy enough. But this could be interesting as the skin area to be used has always been very sensitive and pleasurable so let's see the outcome. I'm not considering this to be a bad thing.

In terms of depth - where so many want to seem to accept large men... So much does really depend on your internal anatomy and not the skin. As the Dr Chettawut explained, and medically is obvious, if the fascia between the organs is scarred or cannot be easily separated then the depth will be reduced. This can be from unknown events (eg silent urinal tract infections or a form of prostate granatin) or known trauma. There is no way to know until you have been opened up. Accepting this, rather than fighting for something unrealistic - will give you much more strength and inner calm. He will do his best; but he will do things safely.

And the dilation schedule is so so so important. Currently I'm scheduled to return to work full time in 8 weeks. Whether I can or not will depend on recovery - but also fitting in the required hours of dilation will be difficult. We discussed this as we don't have a private place at work for dilating 40min in the afternoon. In short it can be split into 2x 2 hours during the week; 3x40min at weekends. But your results
; your depth and girth will depend heavily on how you work.

There is no magic wand. (Ok the dilator might be our magic wand). The surgeon can create the space and the aesthetics. You... With your own magic wand. You... Create your depth and maintain it. The surgeon can't. He won't be there magically re opening you each time. This is your anatomy and your responsibility. So don't fool around. And be prepared to really take your time and own, respect and live for your neo vagina.

So now back at Dusit I'm relaxing and writing. Hungar encroaching so a hot drink with honey will work wonders. Sip it slowly to get the maximum benefit. The next days will probably be a bit boring - meeting friends - sleeping (jet lagged) and yoga / exercise and meditation.

Hi Melissa!
Nice to see you are settling in and apparently quite serene in spite of the little complication regarding the skin graft. I gather that requirement is so that you have adequate depth (15" ?  :))
Simple curiousity as I may be facing similar issues very shortly, what was the alternative to the skin graft?
Other than that, I hope you can find enough interesting places to see/things to do over the weekend to avoid boredom. I was sort of under the impression that Bangkok was a very vibrant city with lots of history but maybe I'm wrong?
With that, I need to get away to work but will get back to you over the weekend.
Warmest best wishes.
Donna

Just a quick edit - some of the waitresses know very well what "clear soup" implies and were very helpful. Two big steaming bowls of, I think, chicken broth. Delicious. And a side of half a can of sugary sweet sprite. Tomorrow morning miso soup. And tea.

As to other options - I didn't discuss as the site of the graft (essentially skin between tops of legs and neo vagina) are used and not inside of the thigh / legs.

visiting places would be great. But today I just felt like relaxing again. Working until Tuesday and flying sleeping and getting my head around the next weeks is more important for me. Tomorrow (Saturday) visitors and Sunday forecast is diarrhea with a hint of laxative. So suspect I'll just find the gym and buy things for afterwards.

One side note: if you have a tv in your room - make sure it works well from bed. Dodgy batteries or a blurred screen when you can't watch films is bad idea. Having not owned a tv for 10 years I will probably watch a few films.

Hi Melissa,
Hope you are holding up OK in spite of the dietary restrictions and maybe just a little anxiety as you count down to Monday. I guess between laxatives and everything else, tomorrow is going to be a real fun day..  :)
When I think about it, since you didn't do FFS, this is actually the first time you will be doing anything quite as life changing as this and can only admire the calm way you talk about the way you have gone about things so far. 
As you know, I already have a couple of big operations behind me and can still vividly remember how I felt when I was finally called for my first FFS surgery. Let's just say I had a lot of stuff running through my mind...  :)
Other than that, from your answer, I think you misunderstood my question regarding the alternative to a skin graft. What I was wondering was if the alternative was simply not having as much depth as you would ideally like? If that was the case, I for one would really have to weigh the pros and cons of deciding between less depth or a more complicated recovery.
If it was an issue other than depth, what was is?
Thinking of you a lot right now and wishing you all the best.
Donna


P.S. For TV, my plan is to bring my desk labtop (17" screen), a few DVD's I really like and catch up on all the stuff I have added to my Netflix list but have never had time to watch. As long as there is a good internet connection, with a VPN there should be no difficulty accessing from Bangkok.
 

For the skin graft - well let's say that the discussion was fairly brief. Not much elasticity; am I a lesbian only? Hmm not sure - would want to be functional... And I was already prepared for it mentally. The skin to be used is already sensitive so I'm not thinking of it badly. But I'll let you know next week!

For me, graft issue wasn't depth per se; healing and function would have been compromised if too inelastic tissues were to be used. Dr. Chet sometimes recommends graft if depth would not be sufficient, OR if like me, scrotum skin will do much better as external (labia majora / vulva) vs. internal. Healing with a full graft went phenomenally well. Dr. Chet is one of the few surgeons who mastered alternate techniques depending on your personal anatomy, circulation, and skin characteristics. My VJ has healed much faster than my friends without the graft, but Dr Chet does not use belly or thigh grafts which are prone to poor outcomes.

Madeline and Melissa,
Thank you both  for your inputs on a very interesting question.  I'm actually very glad the subject came up before finding myself in the office with the good doctor. At least now I have time to think about how I would respond if confronted with such a choice.
As it happens, like you Melissa, since I am doing this surgery I would like to come out of it with all options open... :)
Hugs
Donna

Orange Pills and Squeezy Bottles

For those of you who have been through this process you will know what that means. I'll leave it as an interesting surprise for those who follow. Let's just say you understand the benefits of clear soup. A few more drinks of fun are planned for later...

Yesterday my mother arrived from the UK. I'm so grateful - but had also planned to go it alone from the start. It was great to catch up on lost time - whatsapp and Skype are great ways to reduce distance but nothing compares to having someone close. Whether a friend or partner or family. Someone to talk with in English is a real benefit.

I was talking with another patient yesterday - a lovely Norwegian Goddess. She did her procedures a few weeks ago and was very happy with the result. I wish her well on her speedy recovery. And her delicious cooked breakfast. One interesting comment was loosing weight over the process of liquid diet. I certainly would not recommend it as a dietry aid. Long term it is not good for you.  Although actually I rather like my soups!


Before taking my little orange pills it was great to be able to go swimming in the pool. Warming myself in the humid air - and just relaxing with a good book. "Me time" I've long forgotten about in this Internet age. Which is why I'm writing here and not reading the next chapter.
Hmm something wrong there.

It was also good to get more large bottles of water from Tesco. Although you are provided a couple of 50cl water bottles a day, it is not enough when drinking a lot to be hydrated. And you certainly won't want to carry them after the operation. They insist on 4 days bed rest at the clinic, and at least 4-8 days in room at hotel, another 8 days within hotel grounds. Although this is definitely the first time I'm recommended GatorAid; Fizzy pop and other sugary drinks from a Dr!

Tomorrow is the start of something new. And at the moment still pretty calm. I'm lucky I studied Reiki master and some body relaxation tricks but only use them to sleep when stomach complains of lack of solid food. Perhaps this explains why I feel so calm? Or just that having met the team I feel deep down that it was the right decision. My intuition plays a strong role in my life - when I listen to it. So now it's time to enjoy miso soup and green tea!

Dear Melissa - we are with you darling, and are ever so excited on your behalf for tomorrow's wonderful moment of self realisation and rebirth! 

A year from now I will almost certainly be following in your footsteps...

Huge hugs and love from Marbella

Passing Time

So tomorrow is VJ Day... And one approached with peaceful serenity. Finally. Dark clouds have drifted away and I see the next goals of my life crystallizing as I work on muscle and movement awareness. But that's for later

Today was dedicated to relaxing and enjoying myself even whilst the Swiff drinks were doing their best to keep me empty. Enjoying 30 mins of elliptical workout (definitely not overdoing it), overcharged for a Thai massage and talking with my mother and the Norwegian Goddess. Relaxing; whatsapp With family and friends. And generally being a bit of a hyperactive cheeky monkey.

The worst part of doing something - is the preparation. The worry of expectations and anticipations of something unknown. Once here things run smoothly and I'm in charge. Like presenting In front of the public. Years of charity work in the distant past helping to remove that stigma. So now... Time for sleep and relaxation and meditation.

Melissa,
Hopefully you will see this before heading off in the morning for the next big step in your own existence. I've been thinking of you very much all week and really admire the way you have handled the final days of waiting.
Wishing you a trouble free day tomorrow and a speedy and happy recovery.
Love and best wishes from Strasbourg.
Donna

Good luck with the Surgery Monkeymel. Glad to read that you're feeling so peaceful. I hope you'll have a swift recovery.

I wasn't sure I wanted/needed GRS, but I'm feeling more and more these days that I will at some point in the future.  One thing  I've often wondered about is how I would feel in those few days before.  Melissa, you're calm is an example to us all.  Looking forward to your next post.

Speedy recovery

Hugs
Joan

Push it forwards

Today's motto comes from my journal - time to push life forwards. Close one chapter and move on with the next. I just wish my over active mind would quieten. Sleep came fairly easily - but once awake I was thinking of work based projects (researching balance in low back pain patients) and flying to dreams of paragliding next year - swimming and conversations with friends. And trying to relax, be comfortable and meditate. All the while listening to my belly churning on nothing. There really are no fluids left inside - especially now that I'm nil by mouth.

Two hot cups of tea - with sugar - but no milk - one at 2:40 (oh well) and my last at 6:45. A really nice long hot shower - pamper my hair and body and enjoy it. Next one will be in about 8 days after vaginal packing and catheter are removed. So bring some cleansing wipes to freshen up during the day.

Also highly recommended (thanks mum) are moist Andrex toilet wipes. After the weekend of pills and Swiff you will be very happy to feel soft paper down there.

Today is now a waiting time. The Nurse came to introduce herself - as she will stay with me overnight and make sure I'm fine. She will also call the hotel to let mum know I've pulled through - which is really nice if you have friends or relatives staying with you. Being really tired the emotions lap like a little wave on the beach - I'm really lucky to have someone staying with me. For those who come alone - I really admire your spirit! But I also know you will be in good hands...

Until the other side....

(And thank you to all well wishers - I'll reply personally later this week)

Good luck!

Will be thinking about you all day :D

By the time you read this Melissa, it will be a very sincere and hearty WELCOME to THE OTHER SIDE.  It is not a continuation of your pre-op life, it is a new life separate and apart, but at last it is one truly yours.

VJ morning

Awake after surgery. I didn't sleep much and had a lot of lucid dreams but now it's breakfast. A lot of discomfort but I'll write more when feeling more worldly (and not spacey).

But a very professional feeling here.

Hi Melissa,
Great to see you back already and even able to write a few lines. I assume when you say "very professional feeling here" you are referring to the clinic and not to your new body parts ?   :)
Warmest best wishes from sodden Strasbourg.
Donna

Morning After

So slightly more - pain and discomfort are the order of the day. Legs are being pneumatic pumped (actually feels nice). After asking for more pain killers and sleepy pills I've been able to drift in a slightly sedated way. Getting used to new body parts is interesting. Lots of pressure around the entrance to neo vagina; and having the bed raised can be really painful as the padding presses deep inside.

The operation was apparently quite fast - just over 6 hours and I vaguely remember the voices as the Intubation tube is removed, and Dr Chettawut (?) telling me it was a success. Holding his hand and saying thank you.

The downside - still no water for >6 hours after coming round.
Coughing is uncomfortable and throat quite sore... But it passed after breakfast.
Warm Soya milk (actually delicious) and syrup. 06:00, 12:00 and 18:00. And regular medicine taking. So just as I drift off it's time to wake up again.

Mum came to visit (only 1 hour on first day post op) and it was really nice to share time together. For those traveling alone the nurses are regularly checking up on you. They are all caring and professional. Especially when one of the skin graft areas started bleeding.

For many people it seems normal to have a feeling of the bladder being full. In particular there would have been a nerve towards the end of the penis which would be giving feedback to say you have urine flow. Except it's not there now - and a phantom pain resides. It has eased throughout the day - and the brain will slowly reconfigure this. But it will take time. So just be prepared.

Time to drift back to sleep after finishing Medicine

Glad you're back with us Mel...!!!  I am so thrilled that you're up and even able to tap out a few words - GIRL...!!!!

It is good to hear from you :)
Love these posts, so many insights into what GRS is and how it feels.  I think we're all looking forward to more, but take it easy, and update us only as you feel up to it.
And congratulations! :D

So happy for you! I can honestly say I have been getting increasingly emotional reading your posts.

Keep it up and get some good sleep, you've earned it! :D

The first day Over The Rainbow!!  Congratulations, and condolences all at once.  A time to let others care for you and not to be anxious about it -- meds help -- but each waking time will find you better by leaps and bounds.  It is quite a journey.  (Happy tear for you!!)

Pink Fluffy Elephants

Well it's fun being super dozy. You get to see all sorts of fluffy animals.
I think. Actually it is more that I don't remember sleeping last night; I vaguely remember having miso soup for breakfast. And obviously I wrote one or two what's app messages. But they were not the most coherent.  So now I think it is mid day - day 2. But I'm not sure.

More miso soup and warm soya milk (tastes like porridge) and I find myself wanting to drift off again. The intestines slowly getting used to eating solids. Certainly between Friday and Monday I went from 61.1kg down to 58.1 kg. some of that will be due to restricted fluids and empty stomach. But it does seen that weight loss can easily occur.

Although I've brought a few books I've not read them here in the clinic. Even the TV with it's hundreds of channels is just like a chatter box sat in the corner whilst my eyes quickly close and I'm away with the fairies. Or mermaids.

That utopia land is calling now. The body has got Used to the dull aches now - and the sensation of parts of my body which no longer exist is slowly fading. Healing is good! Sleeping is amazing. And the staff are fantastic.

Hi Melissa,
Your doziness comes through loud and clear and it's kind of cute, the partially drugged but happy musings of a new born!
Thinking of you very much and really glad to know that all is going well so far.
Hugs
Donna

I check every morning now for your update, and it's so nice to hear you talk about just resting and being treated well :)

I do wish I could have a week of super sleepy times though, work is so insanely busy atm xD

Take care and keep resting!

Hey Mel

Sounds like you are doing great, which makes me extremely happy.  The pink fluffy elephants are most interesting.  Are these manifestations of the nurses? :D

Hugs from Marbella, where I no longer look like a hamster with its cheek-pouches full to bursting.  Scaring fewer children in the street too :D

Rolly Polly and pumping

Today the IV drip was removed as my blood pressure had returned to normal and stats were good. I'm still oozing blood from somewhere but nowhere near as bad as yesterday. On top that the pneumatic leg pumps were removed - yay. These are three stages which inflate around the ankle, then gastroc nemius (lower leg) and thigh (upper leg). One leg at a time every minute or so. Quite massage like really.

Laying on my bum so much has made some quite sore areas which really enjoy a light stroke - don't scratch that itch as it might lead to deeper skin damage. But moving my pelvis and bum is now allowed and feels much less painful.

Some discomfort from having a missing penis has gone. Or at least the brain is beginning to work out it is no longer there... Or not in the same place. Just a shed load of padding instead. The constant pressure from the stretched skin around the vagina has also died down. It's still not a Pleasant ride but is much more bearable.

Having bed washes is a nice pampering as it means I'm allowed to roll to left or right hand side for a while. Rolling is very slow indeed. Turning clockwise requires grabbing my left arm onto the right rails and just slowly; delicately rolling. The padding between the legs means it is also not so comfortable but at least I am not on my bum any more. It's a pretty bum and I would not want to loose it..

The drug cocktails are also fun. I've seriously lost track of time - can be quite coherent writing posts and then suddenly drift off with the rainbow unicorns. I actually really enjoy this form of lucid dreaming as it helps me picture my new future. And to allow time to pass.

The regular drug cocktails are also interesting. I think about 8 pills after every meal. Most are nicely coloured - oranges - blue and yellow - pink and blue - and some boring white ones. It we are going to be special we should at least get more variety in their colour (joking)

Drinking water is really really important. They typically require 5x 60ml a day. Since you are on a catheter it does drain away. Easily. But can still give you that full feeling. So I had better drink up my next bottle before the nurses complain.

Actually drinking lots of water is very good for recovery. If anyone has seen the videos about the role of Fascia in the body; they would understand where the water is used. These are microscopic structures which lag between the skin / muscles and connective tissues - and act like a giant lubricant. They need to rebuild at the wound site and water helps them a lot.

And lastly - the mild fever (37.3) has gone back to normal. The Norwegian Goddess did warn me that the fever could come and go as hormone balance is screwed up. So guess I have more to come

Sounds like things are progressing nicely :D

I can't imagine what those weird phantom pains feel like! I look forward to experiencing them myself one day...and a super happy fun time drug cocktail wouldn't hurt either ;)

Hi Melissa,
In your last post you provide more details than anything I have so far seen from anyone at this stage of their recover. Almost makes it feel like I'm in the room there with you and, since I'm now only two weeks from flying out myself, in mind at least I guess in many ways I am.
Vicky, Isabell and others talk a lot about the "sisterhood" when referring to those who have done GRS and as my own date gets closer and closer, reading your posts I can really see what they mean. To volontarily go through all of this is really quite an extraordinary experience and like any such shared experience, those who have been through it do indeed join a "community".

Meanwhile, as you have apparently noticed on a couple of other threads, I have been tending to my psychological preparation in my own particular way.  It has been a good laugh so far and I really intend to see it through to the end. Don't know if I'll push too hard on the gene splicing with zebra fish though, or any other type of fish for that matter. It seems that eliminating the fishy post-op smell is already a problem for many so I would certainly not want to do anything which might compound the issue. Very glad to see that you're already smiling though....
Hugs and lot's of positive, healing vibes!
Donna

Hi Mel

Yes, I can only echo Donna's comments about the recent detail in your "SRS Journal" - it's extremely valuable and detailed information, and way clearer and deeper than what we generally see. At least I know what I might expect next year, although the drill and chisel do sound a bit alarming, aaargh  ;D

If this is your state of lucidity despite the rainbow pills, you sound like you're doing fantastically - we're thrilled!

If you see your Norwegian Goddess, please see if she could rustle up a male version to come and visit me when I'm out there next year, he he he!

Hugs from foggy Marbella (yes!), where at least the clouds of the stuff hide the bruising!   :o

What day is it?

I think that is a pretty good way to summerise where I am today. There are no windows in the room. This might sound bad (normally I would hate it) but it does mean that you can sleep when you need to sleep. And not try to synchronize with outside. Sleep is important.

Recovery seems to be going well. Tomorrow I'll get to see the first swollen looks of my body upgrade. This will be fun; although the catheter will remain in place for a few more days. The first time I can shower will then be blissful. Tantalizing - dreams. Although a big soapy bath might be months away - so make up for them before surgery!

One aspect of punishment from my brain was during the first 6-8 hours post op where I dreamed of making cups of tea or preparing freshly baked cookies. Only to come around and remember NBM nil by mouth. Why brain why? (Laughing), My Instagram feed also seems to be full of delicious smoothies and raw foods - must be trying to tell me something. I wonder what?

There are plenty of movie channels available on the TV here. So if you enjoy TV then there are plenty of options. I tend to put the TV on and close my eyes. The film finishes quite quickly then. Not sure why.

The soreness of the pelvis region is slowly fading. Perhaps the multi coloured pain killers are working well.  Or perhaps I'm just being really good and relaxing as the good doctor ordered. So now the most important thing for anyone post op..
Relax
Lay back
Enjoy the pampering
And remember - you are free now.

Like a wild bird caged for so long. The door may be opened but you don't realize you can fly so free. Perhaps a friend needs to help guide and encourage you. But free you are. And free I am.

Checking in for my dose of amazing Monkeymel feels! :D

I echo the above comments, I am going to go with Dr Chett next year for my SRS as well, (Maybe Julia and I will be out there at the same time! Who knows! xD ) and this is providing me with the most intimate and detailed first hand experience I have seen so far.

Thank you so much! :D

If you don't mind me asking, what are your visiting hours like?

I have...quite the entourage of people who will be jetting out with me when I go, and I am curious about how much time I will actually have post-op to facilitate them all crammed into a room at once and babbling at me about the amazing holiday they are having while I am lying with my crotch taped together xD

Speaking of, how is your mother is doing out and about in Thailand by herself while you are bed bound? ^^

Rest well!

Open All Hours

Granville - fetch ya cloth.

Ok so no nurse Gladys Emmanuel, but the level of care here is good. The visitor times are 1400-1500 on the first day lost op; there after 1400-1700. You will to take A taxi ride - about 50-60 baht to Dusit princess (or clinic). In your room there is one chair.... And not much waiting space. So one person is about the max. And even then I can fall asleep as they talk. So don't expect a garden party with marmalade sandwiches or cucumber sandwiches with crusts cut off.

Don't expect too much English to be spoken - so let your entourage loose in the city and allow one person to talk during the day. Once you get back to your room it definitely won't be pyjama parties. You will still be catheterized for another 3 days or so. I would suspect parties can occur after the second week... So probably better to have a close relative / friend for the first 10'days. Someone who won't mind you suddenly falling asleep mid sentance. Or writing updates on here...

Also time of year is important. It is very not and humid outside. There have been heavy storms and flash flooding the last couple of days. Blue skies tend to be from 9:00-14;00 before getting muggy / cloudy / stormy. But temperature doesn't change much.

I'm just hoping I'm strong enough to get a light suntan once most of the bleeding stops and tubes Removed.

Now got get back to the Important point of drinking and talking.

Heavens Mel - so you also want to add a light suntan to your collection of things to bring back from Thailand!

@Daniella - I think there's a very good chance that we'll be there together next year :D  Let's talk girl!!

Gotta work for a bit.   Sleep well, Mel...!!!

Quote from: Monkeymel on July 31, 2014, 04:02:02 AM
Open All Hours

Granville - fetch ya cloth.

Ok so no nurse Gladys Emmanuel, but the level of care here is good. The visitor times are 1400-1500 on the first day lost op; there after 1400-1700.

Dear gods...At last count I have 8 people who want to come see me...>.>

I can see it now...all my friends and family duking it out in the hotel lobby to see who gets to see me that day x'D

(Also, I haven't heard an Open All Hours reference in YEARS! xD )

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on July 31, 2014, 04:23:15 AM
@Daniella - I think there's a very good chance that we'll be there together next year :D  Let's talk girl!!

I don't have any solid dates yet, but I am looking at approximately July-September time 2015. I need to wait till July to apply for my recommendation for SRS from my doctors/psychs, and then I have given around a 4-6 months to get my recommendation and book Dr Chett.

Speaking of...another question for Mel ^^;

How long was Dr Chett's waiting list when you were trying to book him? I hear that on average it's around 4 months, what was your experience with the booking like?

The date was organized around the end of march - so 4 months is about right. Getting the international payments sorted took a while (my bank used an intermediary bank) which meant they saw a payment had occurred but not from who. It took about 3 weeks each time to solve this.

Ms Som works part Time and has a very hectic schedule but she is a really nice lady with excellent English. I did notice that emails from gmail.com and hotmail.com and Yahoo.com would often get lost. So always use a more professional account - if you have one.

Getting blood work was easy although I had to get soe transitions from German to English. The PTT values had to be calculated from the Quick / INR ratios but that wasn't a problem once we understood the issue.

Bed wash time

Quote from: Monkeymel on July 31, 2014, 04:56:05 AM
The date was organized around the end of march - so 4 months is about right. Getting the international payments sorted took a while (my bank used an intermediary bank). But obviously all good.

-SQUEEE- That's good ^^ I was a bit worried about that as it's difficult to get solid info sometimes :D

You are the best Thailand SRS scout :P

Hi Melissa

Glad to hear that the recovery is coming along.  Love your writing and how you express just how it feels and what's going on.  It's almost like I'm there in the recovery room myself, and this is a really valuable insight.  Keep the posts coming when you feel up to it and the angel delight fairies leave you alone.

I'm thinking Thailand too as it's fairly close, so this thread is doubly golden.

And keep getting enough rest :)

A night not to remember

Yesterday was another busy day filled with strenuous activities such as sleeping; talking; sipping Ovaltine Soy Milk (tastes like porridge) and more sleeping. Some good highlights rolling onto the side for a bed wash - so refreshing for the back. And itches you cannot scratch... Ooooh nice.

I was looking forward to a nice soporific evening of sleep but somehow reality and delerium intermixed. Once I forced myself to be awake it was fine; but the half sleep was really weird - the boundaries between dreams and reality blurring. Sweating I thought i might be feverish but the night nurse confrmed 36.1 so not too bad. A long night - one I hopefully won't have to repeat for a while.

Coming on line... Looking good. A phrase from ISDN... Well that seems to be the sensation of the clitoris - or at least something is alive down there. Strange feelings from the stretched neovagina and more itches which cannot be scratched. Relearning what they mean will be interesting - but patience must be at the front. I don't want to damage what I have.

Soon the head nurse will arrive to remove the bandages and drains. Apparently not the most comfortable of experience but I'll update once I have climbed down from the ceiling.

One other nice thing was getting to see my official gender change certificate describing roughly the procedures undertaken. It has been five days since I last saw my crotch and it certainly will have changed a lot since then. The anticipation is there. Along with - what have I done? And wow. As I'm pretty sure most patients feel - nervous with the outcome and looking forward to the future

I have been provided a long list of medications and schedule - this will be interesting. But at least I will be allowed to stand and walk today. And empty my catheter hourly. Seems I'm drinking a lot which is good. I can't wait for the catheter to be removed - probably Monday - as then I can shower (hopefully). Until then delicate bed washes and lots of pads.

SRS is amazing surgery but one definitely not to be taken lightly.

The first reveal

This is probably the dream of every MTF - the first unpacking to see the results of the doctors work. I have to say I was very impressed. There is a lot of skin; a clitoris which I had felt for a while, a slight sting on the cotton wool bud scale. And a catheterized uretha.

No this is not a porn star vagina - but the requested zebra fish implants could be clearly seen flashing in the light. Petzel head lamps have a new meaning now. The good doctor did say the teeth will slowly mature in the next months and that the muscle loop for hooking up a kettlebell should be ready soon. Need to practice those pelvic floor exercises

One of the really nice things of having the packaging removed is to scratch. Really scratch. Most unladylike like but the back bum and legs really needed it. I could write an ode to scratching - lightly of course - don't want claw marks just yet.

Removing the two pubic drains was nowhere near as painful as others have claimed. Or maybe I was just lucky. But it is strange feeling them carefully removed from the body. The thick wads between the legs also go - meaning things are slightly more comfortable for laying and relaxing. No more giant diaper.
Again nothing really painful in this process - just taking each step as it comes.

So packaging removed; everyone agreeing it all looks good including my hello kitty mirror (I'm proud of that) and it was time to sit up and get dressed. Now put your hand up if you have laid down in a bed for 5 days and not sitting upright. If your hand isn't raised then be prepared. The first time you stand up you will probably fall over. Then the nausea will hit. And if you are really well prepared you can sit back down and relax. Yes that's right. You are a little old lady now and be thankful for the help of the staff. Super girls don't fly... They crash on the floor. Fortunately I chose the little old lady approach; was helped to get dressed and moved very slowly to the car back to the hotel. And wheelchair back to room.

I really admire those traveling on their own. I'm a regular gym bunny and this experience really knocked me for six. So now I'm in the next stage of recovery - relaxing at the hotel and being pampered. Packing and dilation schedule will start on Monday. Until then regularly drinking lots and lots of water and emptying bags and healing healing healing.

And those who have been before will understand
"Yay I'm whole; I've done it!"
Thank you to all those who have been before and made it so easy now

Hi Melissa,
Again very graphic descriptions, leaving little room to imagine that the first days post-op are anything other than very unpleasant. It must be a huge relief to you to be finally "up and about", even if in little old lady mode... 

Much better to know all of that in advance though, especially when adding BA surgery to the mix. I'm beginning to think this little adventure will be right up there with 6 weeks commando training I did in the Pyrenees in Nov-Dec 1979 ie. brutal!

In another way, it's still very encouraging though as your operation was only four days ago and four days is not huge in the greater scheme of things.  I'll be curious to know how much you are capable of moving over the days ahead, expecting it will improve very significantly when the catheter comes out (Monday or Tuesday?).

Also delighted to know that you actually liked what you saw when all the bandages etc. were removed. You can no doubt expect appearance to evolve a lot over the weeks and months ahead but, as they say " you have only one opportunity to make a good first impression" . So like with a mother who sees her newborn for the first time, I hope this first impression marks the beginning of a long and beautiful relationship  :)

With that, since yesterday was my last day at work and today is bright and sunny (before yet another weekend of thunderstorms), I'm off for a long roller blading session along the tow path of my favorite canal south west of Strasbourg.

No doubt get back to you later, maybe by PM.

Wishing you all the best!
Donna

EEEEEEE!

Happy unpacking day! xD

I can only imagine how strange being so frail and slow etc must be for a gym bunny, but it seems like you have the right mentality to cope with it ^^

Wishing you a happy recovery time!!!

Coughing

Now here's a thing. How many people have been asked to cough whilst some doctor holds your testicles? Yes there is a link in the internal fascia and connective tissues. Now what happens when they are removed and the tissues connected to different muscle groups - and you cough. Yes that's right. Instant awwl. So the simple moral is - don't cough and certainly try not to let food go down the wrong way. Fortunately I've only had to cough a couple of times but I'm going to make sure I don't choke on anything.

So the first night back at the hotel - minor bleeding on my knicker pads which is to be expected. And uncomfortable sensations around the catheter. Since the painkiller tramadol tends to give me lucid dreaming I opted not to take one for the night. I still managed to sleep for 3-4 hours at a time - emptying catheter bag every so often. And enjoying a refreshing cool Gatorade (yellow one). The clinic also does an amazing hot soy drink which can be found at Tesco - ovaltine "soy drink". It's a powder sachet to add to hot water and is very porridge like.

So the outlook for today - well lots of bed rest. And making sure I roll to one side to relieve the pressure on my bum. And walking to the bathroom. Strength returned quite quickly but still sometimes a little dizzy. Since there is not much body fat my energy has to come from what I drink. I hate to think what my body weight is as I lost 3kg in the 3 day purge, and have not consumed much more since. But I am so looking forward to starting solids again. I'm not a big meat eater - but fish and eggs sound great.

I know a lot of people writing on Susan's may be desperately hoping for their turn - and it will come if you have patience. I waited 30 years for this (I'm 39 now) - it is truly amazing experience to be here. But patience is important as it allowed me to live a life where I am able to appreciate everything I am going through. And to choose the best care. Yes I had times of Dysphoria but I refused to let them rule my life. When I return home my partner will have moved out - a load of furniture will be gone - and lots of things in boxes. But we do this as great friends - both our lives taking different paths at the same time.

Life can be a bed of roses
And the thorns can be just under the surface
It's your perspective on life which makes you feel the thorns or smell the fragrances and relish the colours.

Quote from: Monkeymel on August 01, 2014, 09:18:07 PM
Coughing

I know a lot of people writing on Susan's may be desperately hoping for their turn - and it will come if you have patience. I waited 30 years for this (I'm 39 now) - it is truly amazing experience to be here. But patience is important as it allowed me to live a life where I am able to appreciate everything I am going through. And to choose the best care. Yes I had times of Dysphoria but I refused to let them rule my life. When I return home my partner will have moved out - a load of furniture will be gone - and lots of things in boxes. But we do this as great friends - both our lives taking different paths at the same time.

Life can be a bed of roses
And the thorns can be just under the surface
It's your perspective on life which makes you feel the thorns or smell the fragrances and relish the colours.

I can only agree with you on this Melissa. No matter what situation we find ourselves in, we have only one life and it is important to take everything we can from each day, even when not living the life we think we should be living.

Regarding that, it is impossible right now to avoid the images from Gaza and yesterday, during the short-lived truce, a lot of people went "home" to see what was left after the fighting only to find a wasteland of destroyed buildings where once those homes had been.  Seeing the look of utter desolation on the faces of these people was pretty devastating and honestly makes our problems pale by comparaison.

Yesterday evening the images were from Gaza but we all know they could have been from a lot of other places too since on top of the man made disasters there are many places where natural disasters also regularly take a very heavy toll.

So yeah, no matter where we are in life, it is so important to be able to see the beauty that exists in each of our living days when we know how to look for it, always bearing in mind that we are mortal no matter what. As you very correctly say, end of the day it's our perspective which ultimately determines whether we feel the thorns or relish the colours.

Now, that being said, I woke up this morning to see a heavy grey sky which means there are bugger all colours to relish...  :)  But, while this means I will not go roller blading as I had planned (too dangerous if it starts raining), I will go for a cycle instead.

More seriously, it has been fascinating to see how the content of your posts from Bangkok have evolved since (only) last Tuesday. Mentally, you are already very much back on your feet, even able to chose to take a pain-killer or not to get through the night.  That's pretty neat and very encouraging, as is the fact that you seem to be able to get around pretty OK.

So while the words "desperately hoping for my turn" would certainly not describe my own state of mind, I am definitely getting quite impatient now to get over there and put this surgery behind me. I am also truely looking forward to seeing you and very happy that we were able to meet up and get to know each other a little before you went out. On that particular subject, I hope that this autumn, as we both adjust to new realities, that this budding relationship, born through a unique shared experience, will continue to grow and blossom.

Wishing you all the very best!
Donna

Hiya Mel

You are doing so well... it is impresive.  I think we are all blown over (almost literally) by how physically incapacitated we are post surgery.  On the day after my FFS I needed two people to help me out of bed.  But today I managed to go to the market and whip up a glorious batch of summer ratatoulli AND get my nails done :D   If all of you were here I'd be treating you to this gorgeous happy dish with some hunks of cheese and good bread.   I think you might be a little way from getting to the market, but getting to the gym might be a bit closer.

There is something extremely positive about knowing that you can commence a new chapter when you return home, not just emotionally but in a physical and spatial sense as well.  We've been dealt a very unusual hand of cards (one king, one queen and a few jokers!), and at least we've been given the opportunity to give up the king and hold on to the queen he he he!

As far as the dysphoria goes, I think some of us have been extremely lucky to have been able to hold out until we were ready to make the change, while being able to make our lives meaningful despite knowing that our bodies were all wrong.   I will confess myself a little envious of you and Donna, but certainly not desperate (well, definitely not for zebra-fish fluorescent labia or Dolby surround sound, thank you very much!)   But I pretty much know that I will be experiencing summer in Bangkok in 2015. 

More reflections on my FFS thread in a bit, but I wish you a speedy ongoing recovery and look forward to your next posts.

With much affection and several hugs from Madrid
J/A

Days tick by

I just realized I hadn't updated in a day or two. Essentially because nothing changes and the days kind of roll into one. The nurse came by yesterday (Saturday) checked sensation and stitches and saw there was minimal bleeding and left... After reassuring me that the occasional stinging sensations from the catheter were normal. Since there is very little pain or discomfort it wasn't necessary for more tramadol which puts me more into a warm cozy place than anything else.

One thing the clinic does ensure is that you follow your pill regime pretty accurately. Antibiotics four times a day (1 hour before eating) and anti inflammatories and paracetamol after. Until the packing is removed eating is still mainly liquid only - I've added a mashed banana with sugar today (Sunday) together with my hot soy drink. And regular water intake. Sometimes with hot tea and honey. Tonight room service delivered Clear soup (the portion to the room is much bigger than served in restaurant but costs the same) and spring rolls (for mum). I did cheat with a spring roll - eaten slowly as tomorrow I'm allowed solids.

Last night was a very sleepless night. Not because of discomfort - but just my brain was over active and would not settle. It did not help that I had slept from 2100-2300 (pill time) because that kind of removed the edge. Eventually sleeping around 0400 for two hours (pill time) and having weird dreams about being TG and waking to massive sweats and shivers. Remember girls there are no hormones in our body now and the hot flushes will hit you from time to time. And the sudden fatigue.

Using tramadol as a sedative after breakfast helped a lot. A warm cozy place to allow the hours to flow past whilst thinking through plans for the future. It also helped some decisions to be made clearly which my over active mind was ways seeing from 3 angles. Now I could just see the future and was happy. It also kick started me to take a grip of my recovery and start training myself to sit - using the Simpsons Dream Donut. First for an hour (then I really needed to lay down) and later for 30 minutes (more comfortable this time).

Another aspect to learn is changing panty liners. And the types and sizes. Wings or not? Clearly I'm still oozing - not sure from where - but it is not strong flow so I'm not worried. The dilation tomorrow will certain make this more of a problem. You should aim to change 2-3 times a day - and make sure you buy plenty before going into surgery. The clinic provides some - but if you run out on a day the nurse doesn't come (Sundays) then it's a pain.

The liquid diet and medication mean you will not need to take any number two's for at least four days. But there will be gas. A lot of it. And with blood around your nether regions it is useful to have the damp Andrex wipes to refresh yourself - and clean. Whatever happens let it out - don't strain or hold in. You are going through an accelerated baby growing process - they don't care - and neither should you.

I mentioned before that my skin is very itchy and sore. This can also be because of liver being overloaded with medication - or just a long period of inactivity. Calomine lotion can be found in Boots; or bring some aleo Vera or other soothing lotion. You will probably need it. My biggest surprise is that I am not sporting any bruises. I discolor very easily - ranging from green yellow purple - but so far I'm staying at red / pink even one week post op. I guess the anti inflammatories and antibiotics are working well.

Everyone talks about random reconnections of bodywork down below. Yes I'm getting some weird feelings which can't be placed. Whether due to the public drains (two tubes now removed), connective tissues which no longer connect to testicles, or the catheter moving around inside the bladder. I'm just trying to relax and let the brain understand that things are different now. New connective tissues will form and this takes many weeks. And no matter how much I miss it; I will not be doing yoga or ballet exercises down there until things are safely relaxed. In 3-4 months.

So far I've not switched on the TV in the hotel. And although the nurses wanted me to watch one of the 8 or so movie channels in the clinic; my eyes would close within minutes. Which is why I hadn't picked up on world affairs. It is always amazing how humanity can treat itself so badly over different views and opinions whilst those watching grow numb from it all. I wish there was more acceptance of different beliefs and tolerance but everyone has to be right.... Which is wrong.

Food glorious food...

My packing came out this morning - and what a relief that was. It is held in place with sutures to ensure it doesn't come out to early... And the new sensations on the inside of my body were hard to describe. Sometimes a sting. Sometimes a relief. Sometimes a sensation towards the bowel which causes a sharp reflex. All new... And all looking good inside.

Having good relaxation techniques will be very important for any future dilation. The first test with #1 was comfortable and a nice depth (same as most women's) and discomfort free. Healing is going exceptionally well and bruising and swelling are virtually non existent. I realise I am a very lucky lady and out this down to being physically fit with a good training of the deep core muscles. Or I have a nice guardian angel.

Although still catheterized I was allowed to shower - how blissful to allow warm water to run down your body and it looks right. Although my weight loss (at least 5kg) has also bad an impact. The best thing though is being able to eat. A treat of two Highlanders Shortbread biscuits and a cup of earl grey tea. Delicious...

For lunch We didn't want to overdo it so ordered a simple omelette from the service menu. Since they know I was at the clinic we received a much larger meal with 2 American style sausages; fried sliced meat; sautéed potatoes and grilled tomatoes, toast and omelette. In the end it was all eaten but not quite the small option we ordered. Together with Bioflorina (gut Bacteria) to help digestion after 10 days without solids. From nutrition perspective hold an iron will, eat slowly and chew properly. Your stomach will be greatful.

Together with all this came waves of emotion - relief and joy. Yes dilation will be a chore. But the major part is over in a week. And that's what you have to remember during the week... The days might blur, the nights might seem long with insomnia; but it is only for a short time and will pass...

An ode to catheter


You're in for a treat
When you wake from the op
A catheter inside
To make sure you don't pop

lay back and rest
Drink as much as you like
The catheter empties you
Without a wobbly hike

nurses look after you
Night through to day
They empty your levels
Drink more they say

But woe betide
The return to the hotel
Now it's your turn
To empty as well

Laying down in your bed
Get the tubing just right
You don't want to wake
With a kink in the night

Remember to drink
As the nurses did say
So you fiddle and faff
Night though to day

With a wobbly walk
From bedroom to loo
The catheter is your friend?
You know what to do

The days soon pass
And the catheter will be gone
And then you can rejoice
By reciting this song!

But do not forget
The sting in the tail
Removing that catheter
Try not to yell

(Thanks to Tramadol for the late night rhymes)

Yay. You're free of the stuffing - what a joy! 

I look forward to hearing how the dilations go.

And your ode to the catheter was just marvelous.

More later....  Have a physio here who wants to hurt me!

J/A

Nice to hear all the positive inputs, experiences and reflections!

Can't wait for my time in December.

How many days are you girls staying in total? Starting from surgery day (i.e. exclude the 3 days prior to surgery of bowel cleansing)?

30 day visa - although I since discovered you can pay a fine for a few extra days.
Arrived on the 24.07 - relaxed, had last meal, slept etc. 25.07-27.07 was purge and consultation. This is typical and will also depend upon days of week / weekends etc. Leaving on 22.08 which is exactly 30 days and was agreeed with the clinic in advance. So effectively 24 days recouperation.

Baby Steps

Today is a day of many firsts. And a day to relax. Indeed as a good friend said; being a women is about learning to relax with your body... And your mind.

The first bowel movement in 9 days. Sounds silly I know but it is easy to forget how to go - and the fear of damaging the new vagina always at the back of your mind. It was a real relief once this started working again but it is not an experience I want to repeat.

The first guided dilation - and the new experience to regularly be undertaken for most of my life. Having gone for such a major upgrade it really pays well to look after it. Inserting on #1 was pain free until it hit similar parts of the bowel which had only recently been used for the first time in 10 days. Overcoming that shock; learning to relax and in she went to full depth. 15 minutes today. 20 tomorrow. Then 2x20min.. Then. 3x30min...

First time having a catheter removed... So nice to be free of this but the sting in the tail for removal was eye watering.

First time peeing as a woman. Now this was very interesting because all the feedback from the old anatomy is no longer working. And the fear of burning pain (Ive had urine infections before) presented a real complex to overcome in the mind. Luckily a good friend sent a very funny email which helped reduce the anxiety and tension and suddenly your free - peeing as a woman. Baby wet wipes or Andrex wipes are really necessary but again I'm so impressed with the stitching of Dr Chettawut that there was no pain, discomfort and working pretty well. It still takes time time to relax but I'm free now.

First time to be able to lay on my side. So nice to release tension and stress on my bum. Laying down for effectively 9 days has had a real impact. But again no real brushing but inflammation over the coccyx can now subside.

First time to have freedom of movement of my legs. The catheter had been a point of discomfort which was on the inside of the leg and now that's gone. Relief

First time to see my body in a mirror without any Medical tapes or bandages or swelling. Myself. Free. Those who have been through this will understand the incredible emotions which wash over. And for those heading towards this process - it is amazing and relish this - and don't forget. Whether in a diary or with friends or on a forum. Freedom.

To misquote Gladiator. Now we are free!

Glad to hear you are up and about! And that you are resuming your "Normal functions" to some degree...even if they are somewhat...different now :D

i am genuinely surprised when you say there has been little to no swelling though! That is amazing given the short time period!

Are you sure you are not a super hero with regeneration powers? -peers-

Of course there is some swelling - it is natural and inevitable. But anti swelling medication is regularly consumed. But the lack of bruising is what surprises me most. When I look at my crotch it is clearly larger / swelling when compared to before. And it is very tender to touch with little sensation. But I'm not large and have apt of muscle there holding things in. Certainly I have to pat myself clean very lightly with baby wipes and I'm not exploring.

The nurse is happy that swelling is very minimal and recovery is fast. I don't think I have super powers. But I have trained in Reiki, and I can clear my mind to allow the body to relax. I have never drunk alcohol, taken drugs or smoked. I eat very healthy (finding all the salt fried foods here hard) and whilst I'm not vegan / vegetarian, I don't consume much red meat, but like tasty fish. Eat lots of nuts and dates and exercise... So just healthy.  >:-)

I'm finding your posts so interesting.  It really is so useful for us thinking about SRS or getting ready to do it, and I think your perspective is somehow unique.  Loved the poem too! :)

Glad to hear that the recovery is progressing well.  I had a catheter in once and I know the relief when that comes out.  Take the baby steps, and post again when you can.

Take care!

There is a monkey on the loose...


And her name is Mel. That was the first announcement I heard when leaving my room for breakfast this morning. The fact that it came from my mouth is irrelevant...

Today was really nice to take a long hot shower, wash my hair, blow dry, apply makeup and go downstairs for breakfast. Yes I did put some clothes on somewhere in between. A long flowing skirt which helps hide the fact that I was sitting on a partially inflated travel neck pillow. It's a lot more inconspicuous that the Simpsons Donut we got from the clinic. But it is also not so comfortable - but is ideal for a shorter breakfast stint. Boiled eggs, rashers of bacon. Protein. Except the bacon is too fried and salty for my tastes - and my stomach is still learning to digest foods again.

Returning to the room it was time to dilate (in front of the nurse) who checked it went in ok and rushed off to another patient (apparently 10 patients are here but I've not seen anyone recently). It is definitely a new experience learning this - old hands will have quickly forgotten those first days. Is the depth right? What's this discomfort on my bowel? Can it go further? Ah (sharp intake of breath) - yes it can. Learning to relax the body and the brain. Watching the time, or a video, or day dreaming to music... And soon the 20 minutes turned to 30 and over. But the soreness remained for most of the morning.

Lunchtime and again the monkey was free. Avocado wraps were small but delicious. And definitely not fried but low on the protein. I know that weight watchers don't like avocado but they are a healthy fat and delicious. I need fattening especially as I had discovered my weight had dropped to under 58kg - effectively 4kg loss in 10 days. Not a diet plan I would recommend especially as eating again results in a lot of flatuence and burping / indigestion  which almost crippled me this evening. Again the travel pillow was my friend for sitting but after the dilation this morning I was really sore between the legs. And welcomed a long relaxation in the bedroom during the afternoon.

A delicious evening meal of biriyani rice and vegetables was cut short by acute gas which crippled my intestines and stomach. Im trying to eat healthy but obviously it's not easy and my intestines which have been delicate for years are clearly having difficulty restarting. Retiring to my room with too much cola it was possible to relax and let out the gas. Most definitely not ladylike. But still no bowel movements... (I hardly ever drink cola but it can help).

Writing this after finishing tonight's dilation. Taking photos to discuss with the nurse tomorrow as judging depth with a painful bowel, and trying to see the marker lines in a mirror is not easy. But I think it worked properly. Passing wind during dilation is definitely not recommended - but in this instance I felt a deep muscle relax so perhaps it unblocked something. Again those who regularly dilate will probably understand what I mean. For those who are new... Just relax. Your learning to understand your body again.

Now one thing which does happen as the swelling subsides is the feelings change around the new genitals. Mtf may remember the feeling the trouser snake or soft tissues made in response to temperature changes / movements. Some of the nerves are still there and so when a portion of swelling subsides suddenly you become aware of movement in your knickers (not erectile; that tissue has gone). Sometimes when laying - sometimes when walking. Sometimes with a sudden jolt which stops you talking. Now where was I?... The thing is - your new body is talking to you. So take the time to relax and listen. Ideally laying in bed with some quiet music for an hour. Don't touch anything - you will damage your upgrade this early In the recovery. Instead just sense where the body parts are now. Let your body and brain learn. And rejoice in your new upgrade.

And with that it's time to curl up - upside down hanging from the tree branches I especially bad installed in my room!

I would point out that in my experience Tramadol is addictive, and even after a month of using it (post Suporn SRS) I had some significant adverse reactions to coming off it. Although it is not as bad as stronger opiates, go sparingly would be my advice.

A new daily schedule


Its 10 days post op and a new daily schedule has started revolving around eating walking dilating and sleeping.

First a quick comment - my tramadol consumption in clinic was 3/day. At the moment I'm taking max 1/day as paracetamol is sufficient (even that I'm cutting down). Unfortunately I know people who did get addicted and it ruined their health... I'm already concerned enough because of trapped wind for the past 2 days (no Daniella I don't have super powers). But that's easing now. Thanks to being upright. My system has really not coped well with laying down so much and I'm just glad I can walk easily.

So how does the new daily experience look like... (Some slight alterations to recommended times from the clinic to support my sleep patterns)

6:00 - alarm. First antibiotic of the day. One hour before eating. Drink lots and start shower process
7:00 - breakfast. Nothing too heavy - fruit, ham omelette, lettuce, green tea and maybe a bit of fruitcake
8:00 - back to room and anti inflammation pills and some paracetamol. Use bathroom for bladder and bowels
9:00 - first dilation for 30min. Actually with prep time; and cleaning time; it's close to 45 min. Relax or walk to reduce gas.
11:00 - alarm. Next antibiotic pill. One hour before lunch... Do something interesting like ironing or walking.
12:00 - lunchtime - something healthy off the hotel menu. Caesar salad?...
13:00 - back to room and anti inflammatories and paracetamol. Herbal tea perhaps...
15:00 - second dilation for 30 min. Relax or walk... Ideally catch up on sleep or meditation.
17:00 - alarm. Next antibiotic pill. One hour before dinner. Wow it's dinner already. What healthy thing off the menu can I find this time? Without milk, bread or too fried...
18:00 - evening meal. Either downstairs or in room (as I feel).
19:00 - anti inflammatories for the last time today... Walk or relax as you need.
21:00 - third dilation for 30 min. Again most of the hour has passed and you really want to relax now. Except...
22:30 - alarm. Last antibiotic pill and sleep.

Mixed In here somewhere is write an update on Susan's and enjoy your "free time". Perhaps a coffee or tea wit other guests / chats.
The next 14 days will pass quickly.

One thing which I could recommend is having some long dark coloured nighties to cover your nether regions. There will be some blood drops after dilation (it will decrease) and your new genitals will rub on the pads and one size larger knickers. Having a fresh supply of long nighties which can get blood / lube on means a much easier sleep / resting time after dilation. And held the skin heal.

Loving the detailed walk through of the day, good to know what to expect in terms of life after surgery ^^

Have you met any other trans girls in and around the hotel yet?

Although...eeep to the tramadol thing...I have had...drug problems in the past...specifically a few very dark years spent gradually destroying myself with various painkillers during my younger years...I will have to take this into consideration when dealing with the painkillers post SRS >.>

Do you see the nurse daily still?

The Queens Birthday...

It's Tuesday 12.08 and it's the Thai Queens Birthday - a national holiday and Mother's Day rolled into one. Honorable Greetings your Majesty.

I've not written an update for a while as nothing much really happened. My mum left on Friday and another friend arrived on Saturday. No peace here (laughing). Friday I was allowed out to the Seacom shopping mall. Not sure if I'm classed as a responsible adult... But it was great to by able to buy some inexpensive long cotton nighties at the Tesco (upper floor). It means I'm relaxed sleeping without knickers / pads if I want. And can also lounge in the room like it.

Outside the temperature is 32C but with 55% humidity and hot winds it feels closer to 36C. Lounging by the pool is great - but hot and the sun does strike hard. So I allow small doses at a time. Unfortunately not allowed into the pool - there is no way I would voluntarily place myself at risk of infection by going for a swim.

As mentioned above I stopped all tramadol last week and have perhaps one paracetemol a day. It's not that I'm blanking pain - I do feel stiff and and sore around the groin. I continue to use the neck pillow but am sitting more and more on bum and just using it to relieve pressure on different Points. Again I'm taking my time and listening to what the body says it wants or not.

Yesterday was the start of number #2 dilator. Ouch that hurt and generated a lot more blood than I was used to. The muscles are definitely not used to being stretched... And hydraulic lock caused by suction from the lubricant was a real possibility. I was frightened... Mostly because of surprise and very bad sleep.  Approaching the second dilation things were easier and the amount of blood returned to more normal levels. Even going in was slightly easier... For a variety of reasons.

I have been getting bad cases of trapped wind which caused excruciating muscle spasms under my right ribs every time I breathed out. Especially at night, causing a real lack of sleep and tensing the body massively. Anti-flatuence pills have helped things a lot - and I really need to be careful about what I eat, when, and keeping bowel empty. This sounds a lot easier than it feels as the dilation touches similar muscles used to push - and the brain refuses to relax. But I'm in the baby phase and learning everything new - and so it is... Perhaps too much information but written I case others get similar problems.

Please realise this is not a direct result of surgery but a complication caused by many factors which have to be understood. Changing antibiotics, and other medication and learning to relax the body have really helped. finally last night - my first slumber with more than 4 hours of continuous sleep. Felt good!

And so the adventure continues. Learning to feel, relax and listen to your body. Pamper it, own it. And reward it with peace and love. It's the only one we have - we've just done something drastic to it - and now it deserves our respect and attention.

Quote from: Monkeymel on August 12, 2014, 02:08:51 AM
The Queens Birthday...

It's Tuesday 12.08 and it's the Thai Queens Birthday - a national holiday and Mother's Day rolled into one. Honorable Greetings your Majesty.

I've not written an update for a while as nothing much really happened. My mum left on Friday and another friend arrived on Saturday. No peace here (laughing). Friday I was allowed out to the Seacom shopping mall. Not sure if I'm classed as a responsible adult... But it was great to by able to buy some inexpensive long cotton nighties at the Tesco (upper floor). It means I'm relaxed sleeping without knickers / pads if I want. And can also lounge in the room like it.

Outside the temperature is 32C but with 55% humidity and hot winds it feels closer to 36C. Lounging by the pool is great - but hot and the sun does strike hard. So I allow small doses at a time. Unfortunately not allowed into the pool - there is no way I would voluntarily place myself at risk of infection by going for a swim.

As mentioned above I stopped all tramadol last week and have perhaps one paracetemol a day. It's not that I'm blanking pain - I do feel stiff and and sore around the groin. I continue to use the neck pillow but am sitting more and more on bum and just using it to relieve pressure on different Points. Again I'm taking my time and listening to what the body says it wants or not.

Yesterday was the start of number #2 dilator. Ouch that hurt and generated a lot more blood than I was used to. The muscles are definitely not used to being stretched... And hydraulic lock caused by suction from the lubricant was a real possibility. I was frightened... Mostly because of surprise and very bad sleep.  Approaching the second dilation things were easier and the amount of blood returned to more normal levels. Even going in was slightly easier... For a variety of reasons.

I have been getting bad cases of trapped wind which caused excruciating muscle spasms under my right ribs every time I breathed out. Especially at night, causing a real lack of sleep and tensing the body massively. Anti-flatuence pills have helped things a lot - and I really need to be careful about what I eat, when, and keeping bowel empty. This sounds a lot easier than it feels as the dilation touches similar muscles used to push - and the brain refuses to relax. But I'm in the baby phase and learning everything new - and so it is... Perhaps too much information but written I case others get similar problems.

Please realise this is not a direct result of surgery but a complication caused by many factors which have to be understood. Changing antibiotics, and other medication and learning to relax the body have really helped. finally last night - my first slumber with more than 4 hours of continuous sleep. Felt good!

And so the adventure continues. Learning to feel, relax and listen to your body. Pamper it, own it. And reward it with peace and love. It's the only one we have - we've just done something drastic to it - and now it deserves our respect and attention.

Good to hear from you again Mel :D (I was getting a little worried at no update ^^#)

So would you recommend the hotel then? I was considering the cottages at the ranma when I was going, but I keep hearing great things about the hotels and it is making me wonder what would be better o,O

I shall also add (anti flatulence pills) to my items to purchase pre-op in preparation for recovery time...just in case ^^ So yeah! keep all the intricate details coming! I know I am loving them!

Quote from: Danniella on August 12, 2014, 03:00:29 AM
Good to hear from you again Mel :D (I was getting a little worried at no update ^^#)

So would you recommend the hotel then? I was considering the cottages at the ranma when I was going, but I keep hearing great things about the hotels and it is making me wonder what would be better o,O

Hi Daniella,
I'm booked into the Rama ( a 40m2 super deluxe cottage)  and will provide feedback on what it's like. Since I'll be meeting up with Melissa at the Dusit I'll be in a good position to compare the two.
That being said, I think the two options also correspond to slightly different choices in terms of how you manage your stay. I really like to be autonomous, especially for a lenghty sejour and that's what decided me on the Rama as the rooms come with a big fridge, cooking facilities etc..  My plan is to stock up on all the basic stuff  I need post-surgery so that I can look after myself with a minimum of hassle.
However, if it's really crappy otherwise I'm sure I can change when I'm there. I'd just want to make up my mind a day or two before the surgery...  :)
Hugs
Donna
 

Quote from: Donna E on August 12, 2014, 06:58:49 AM
My plan is to stock up on all the basic stuff  I need post-surgery so that I can look after myself with a minimum of hassle.

My heavens Donna, you are a brave and strong woman!  Melissa had commented to me about how useful it was to have her mum around, and unless I'm mistaken, you will be there on your own?  And you'll be with new breasties as well as the other bits.

I assume you'll be doing some cooking in advance...? Or at least have a bunch of chicken soup tetra bricks ready to open...

Hugs
J/A

Well, it might be the Queen's birthday in Thailand, but here in Madrid we are all looking for treasure!

Hello, Mel, Donna, Danniella et al  :)  Yes, it's that time of year when the minds of Madrileños all turn to looking for treasure.  Treasure buried beneath the streets and treasure hidden behind walls.  In other words, we're suffering the annual onslaught of summer roadworks, as well as the multitude of neighbours who all remodel their kitchens or bathrooms during the summer.  Since we mostly live in the cities and in apartments, you canna escape the noise of any number of diggers and second-rate builders taking down supporting walls. 

Melissa, you sound like you're coming on spectacularly, complete with cultural visits to the Mall and everything.  It must be a wonderfully new and transcendental experience to be doing all of this as a Complete Woman.  (Danniella, is my humour too subtle here, maybe ?  :o)  So keep going.  I do expect that you and Donna send us a selfie when you meet up!!

As you can see, I'm trying to avoid working this afternoon.  Actually, after the past few weeks of hard work and the FFS I am in need of some holidays, truly.  As for the FFS, it's coming along fine.  Today was the first time in a week where the discomfort in my jaw actually lessened, so maybe this final bit is now on the mend.

Hugs to y'all

A/J

And life goes on...

So another week passes by. Sunshine pool and relaxing.

Moving up to number 2 dilator was interesting - it still takes time to slide in but good relaxation techniques help. Discussing with Dr Chettawut yesterday he said everything is fine - just strong thigh muscles thanks to sports and ballet. It's much better to take your time rather than rush to get deep or wide. Your vagina is your responsibility - I still can't understand those who rush to exercise it. Each to their own.

One nice aspect is that I am allowed to do 2x 1hr dilations - but not regularly. The Dr clearly prefers three times a day for the first month or two. Allow the nurse to guide you with these decisions. I know many people might be headstrong - we have to be to get here. But there is a time to listen and accept their professional experience with hundreds of patients.

I doubt there will be another post on this thread - life progresses as normal now. My new arrangements are great / deeply peaceful.

It's been great to follow you on your journey, Mellissa. 

Hope to meet you in the flesh in one or another European city soon enough.

Hugs
J/A

Wheelchair Princess
I left Bangkok on the overnight flight back to Zurich last friday (00:40). It really was time to leave the hotel - four weeks is a long time away and things get repetitive and boring after a while. The Doctor provides a certificate to have a wheelchair provided at the airport - and this is a really good option which should really be taken. I had already requested one during my booking process - however the check-in assistant thought I looked 'too fit' for one. The certificate unlocked that issue very quickly.

We arrived at the airport at 21:30. I had booked Thai Business Class, and was really glad of this, as the queues for International Economy Class (all airlines) were massive and chaotic. The Business Class area is separate without queuing  >:-). There is a baggage security directly beside the Business check-in, and the lounge is directly behind. Being wheeled through security was fun, with a quick pat down whilst sat inside the wheelchair. I really did feel like a Dusit Princess..

The lounge was worth it - free wifi, cakes, soups, pastries and drinks. Comfortable armchairs and sofa's. I know many people taking the Bangkok SRS option probably wont want to pay the additional price of the Business Ticket - but I saved additionally for it, and considered this as part of the overall package. The ability to have a nearly horizontal bed when flying 12 hours was very soothing; and I managed a couple of 2-3 hour sleeps. I also booked the ticket about 4 months in advance, and paid approximately 1.8x an economy ticket (3200 CHF vs 1700). Im sure other cheaper deals can be found.

The wheelchair experience also means you get to board early, and have a wheelchair provided at the arrival airport. And a guide to move you around. Take the time to enjoy it. Even if you feel able to walk, sudden wobbly legs after jet lag is not what you need now.

So now I have been home a couple of days, getting into my own rhythm in my own place. This is more deeply relaxing than at the hotel; knowing you can eat, sleep, dilate and relax whenever you need. The medication also stops this weekend - no more anti-biotics or anti-inflammatories. I did notice that I became more wobbly in the evenings, and that tiredness creeps up suddenly to jump on you unexpectedly. But I can retire to bed when I need and relax.

Sitting is not really a problem - although some of my kitchen chairs still need the partially inflated neck pillow cushion (more in a minute). However trousers are definitely an ouch - swelling still exists around the pubic bone / clitoris and trousers tend to apply too much pressure there - compared to the flowing skirts I used mostly in Bangkok. Unfortunately the temperature here is a measly 20C when the sun is out - compared to the regular 32C (feels like 36C) of the city (even when cloudy). So I have to learn... or use Reiki to apply heat to the swelling area to help it go down. In reality this is going to take a long time.

Dilating at home is much easier than in the hotel. You can fit the sessions into your own schedule, not waiting for breakfasts or the nurse. I also appreciate having a slightly darkened room and warm quilt which helps me relax much more than the air-con blasted room in the Dusit Princess. I also returned to 3x 40 minute sessions a day. Although it takes up more time, I found that it helps the muscles relax more, so that stent #2 slides in much easier than with 2x60 minutes. Although you do end up using more lubrication gel, and cleaning up each time is annoying. Dr Chettawut made it clear that it is better to take your time and ensure dilation is smooth and easy before moving up to stent #3 (and after 3-4 months, #4). Being cold, or having a tense body does not help at all, and it is nice to be able to wrap up warm in a slightly darkened room, and zen out on some meditation and music.

Most Important things to take with you
Here is my summary of the most important things to take with you - or at least acquire once in Bangkok...

• Inflatable Travel Neck Pillow. Partially inflated, and placed with the gap under your bum, this little device will provide instant relief when sitting. You can use it to prop up your legs, or cushion you sitting bones. It can be deflated into a handbag, or carried carefully without arousing suspicion. You can change the cushioning to match your needs (more or less air).
• At least 3 flowing skirts. They are a godsend when you are walking and have inflamation which trousers can irritate
• At least 1 nice cocktail / smart outfit. I didn't take one as I did not consider I would be attending anything posh. However when a national holiday (Queens Birthday) coincided with my visit, you can feel out of place. Besides it is nice to dress up!
• Toilet wipes. Whilst you are provided a big pack of baby wipes, they are not so suitable if you are not in your room. A smaller pack of moist toilet wipes can be easily slipped into a handbag and carried with you. I did not find these in the Tesco at Seacom, so bring some from home.
• Herbal teas. The Thai like their coffee, and some Jasmine and Green teas can be easily found. However anything else more exotic was very difficult to find in the Tesco. So if you like special herbal teas consider bringing some from home
• Extra long T-shirts / nighties. These can be found in the upper floor of Tesco (about 250 Baht) but if you have your own then bring them. Be prepared that they will get dirty especially if you want to sleep without pads at night. So bring a few which can be easily washed
• Lots of comfortable knickers. I had bought extra ones (one size too big) but found they did not work well when using a pad. Some older Hipster style underwear worked much better - it helped stop the pads rubbing / moving during the day, and meant there was much less pressure on the pubis. But each to their own
• Kindle, iPad or equivalent. I brought too many books and read only half of one. I realised that holding in a stent to apply constant pressure and reading a traditional book is not easy at all. Whilst I always loved the idea of a paper book, I will be buying a Kindle (or equivalent) so that I can read one handed in the future. iPads are great for videos but terrible when outdoors.
• Inflatable Travel Neck Pillow. What another one? Well not necessarily. Holding in a stent for 30-60 minutes can be tiring. So reusing the neck pillow as an arm / elbow rest is really useful. It will also help you relax your upper body which in turn will help relax the central core muscles. I could provide the references behind this, but the less tension you have in your upper body / spine, the less abdominal tension, and the more relaxation for dilation.

Costs of surgery

Back home and checking through the credit card... the total costs for the Hotel - 30 nights for a twin room, breakfasts for two people, and some meals (for the first three weeks) was about 2200 CHF (about 1800 Euro, 2400 USD). This works out at about 75 CHF / night for two people. I would not find B&B here in Switzerland for that price!

Business Class return flights with Thai airways was about 3200 CHF (so more than the hotel - wow) but definitely worth it for the ease.
Economy class return flights with Thair airways are about 1500 CHF (in comparison).

The surgery was about 11,000 CHF in total - which I hope to get reimbursed by my health insurance company. When I get a receipt from the clinic. So the total upfront cost for me is about 17,000 CHF (14,100 Euro, 18,500 USD) which includes some additional spending money at other restaurants / Tesco etc. This is a lot of money if you are paying privately, but also provides a good guide if you are contemplating surgery in Bangkok. Accommodation at Rama cottages will cost less.

Back home in Switzerland i'm enjoying relaxing and learning about my new body upgrade, and relaxing into regular dilation schedules. Im determined to return to fitness and gym in the coming months, but not at the risk of my health.

Upgrading to Dilator #3
Over the past week I have been regularly dilating 3 times a day, keeping myself warm under the quilt and allowing the body to relax. This has been really helpful as using Dilator #2 became much easier than when doing two dilations a day. It was also important when upgrading to using Dilator #3 this week.

Madeline B had suggested taking your time to introduce the next size up, and don't try for full depth (unless it slides like warm butter). I quite agree. The first attempt I hit my public bone... and had to learn how to direct it down further than I was used to with #2. I keep using #1 (10 minutes), #2 (20-30 minutes) and then attempt to introduce #3. The first time it got stuck (hydraulic lock) and took a while to come out. Last night I bled a little, but this morning was able to relax with it inside for 15 minutes without bleeding. Each attempt will be sore, but will become easier. And I hope that this process will be over in the next few days.

I am really grateful that I do not have to rush back to work - I still have a few weeks signed off. This means I can really relax at home and take my time with sleeping, dilation and recovering and healing. Some days I am bouncing with energy, others I need regular Siesta (but these are becoming less). Give yourself permission to take time. It is important!

Over and Out
Special thanks to Madeline B who provided some good hints and tips from her experience at Dusit...

That's it from me... I wont be around the forum much unless there are major questions / issues which arise. If anyone comes across this thread in the future and wants to ask questions then please feel free to add a reply to this topic (im watching it) or send a PM.

Thanks for this Melissa... it will help me greatly with my planning!

More offline  :)

J/A

Thank you for that great story about your srs with Chet. I wish you a good healing and i hope you can relax enough next few weeks.

I'm new here and have been reading this thread since you began posting. Yet i'm thinking about my SRS with Dr. Chettawut too, or Supporn... still not sure about that decision.
As i live in switzerland too, there is something very interesting for me what i would like to ask you. Can you please tell me more about your insurance company? It's very difficult to find insurance for something like that, a surgery outside switzerland.

Hello Secret

Currently I have paid everything privately, and am awaiting the final receipt from the clinic before I send the bill to CSS. I am not sure I will get anything refunded though. I will update the thread as and when I know.

A friend has an insurance with Helsana (?) which is semi private, and this allows operations abroad with prior consent from the insurance company. However she has not applied for her operation yet (at least a year away). One thing to be aware of - once the insurance company knows you are transgender, and you have been submitting doctors bills, hormone rechnung, etc then it will be very hard to change the policy. Normally you have to have change the policy (e.g. to semi private) 1-3 years before the diagnosis... which clearly I did not do.

Another friend of mine had her surgery in Basel a few years ago as it was paid entirely by her Insurance. Two operations, over 8 weeks. Although very happy with the outcome, she told me Bangkok is far far superior.

Im really happy with the outcome. The experience is different from the  private / semi private hospitals here in Switzerland - but I preferred it as I was far more independent and had more of a holiday feeling.

Healing is going well - still occasional bleeding as internal stitches relax - but nothing problematic. And you can really appreciate what cis women go through monthly.