Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm presently recovering from FFS, so my sleeping is not excellent, and last night I woke a couple of times and remembered my dreams, which is not very common for me.

My first dream had me as a male;  I think it may have included a suit, and bizzarely I think it may even have had me urinating standing.  It was a little unnerving to say the least.

My second dream had me as a girl.  I don't remember a lot of it, but I do remember that I was a girl.   Phew, what a relief!

For those of you who are transitioning or have transitioned, how do you appear in your dreams, and how does it make you feel? 

Mine tend to be a bit all over the place. Some nights male, other nights female.

Last night I was a cat... ::)

That's funny. I've always been female. Sometimes young, sometimes older, sometimes in a serious relationship with a man, sometimes back in high school as a young girl............Mostly having fun with nails, hair dos, shopping, with other girl friends.............

It varies considerably but seems to be trending towards more dreams where I'm a woman. Having said that, my physical form rarely really features very prominently in my dreams anyway. They're usually focused on weird stories, complex environments, and beautifully improbable realities so it can be hard to notice the particular physical form I had after I wake up.

It used to really bother me when I didn't present as a woman in dreams, I saw it as some kind of indictment of my validity but now I tend to ascribe it to the fact that dreams where my physical form matters seem based on information from personal history of daily life.

My dreams tend to dissapear very quickly but I do remember some that I wake up to
Last night, I was a naked woman but pre-op. I was intimate with another girl (She had all sorts of diamonds and jewels pierced on her belly, weird), caressed my breasts and then reached out for my peepee while I said "Nooo"

Everything went black from there and I woke up after

Bit disturbing

A bit of a mix for me too.  Most of the time it doesn't really come into it and I have no awareness of what gender I am.

Last night one the faculty from an overseas sister college had come to the visit.  He kept asking 'why is he a woman now?' And everyone was doing their best to ignore him.

For the most part I'm pretty neutral, I'm just me. I'll have dreams where I'll be wearing dresses and other dreams wearing jeans or naked. Every so often I'll have dreams where I'm clearly female which happen to be my favorite ones.

Lol, to be honest I really don't know.

I RARELY view myself in dreams, and my dreams are very very symbolic. I also never feel my body, it's like I'm some external source who sees things happen but can't intervene  ??? :o

But I have been pregnant in my dreams... A pregnant cat. Lol.

My dreams are usually VERY strange.  The idea that dreams are the subconcious mind doing housekeeping fit well with what I seem to see.  Usually I am male in my dreams.  A few times I have been female.  In one recent dream I was BOTH at the same time.  This was sort of two people working together in a competition and nobody saw that it was two people double teaming the competition (i.e., percieved us as one).  As I say, my dreams are strange.


Erin

Utterly fascinating, friends!  There is material here for at least a few PhD theses, I am sure.

I cannot begin to contemplate being another species, so Ms Grace and AuroraMarianna you are on a totally different plane (of subconsciousness :D) from the rest of us if you are transmogrified in your dreams!!

I'd tend to agree with some of the others that my gender seldom is even relevant in my dreams -I just AM, and that's all there is to it.  But last night was such an exception that I thought I had to ask y'all what it's like for you!

Tonight I'd like to be a mermaid.... hahahaha!   ;D

Hugs
Julia

My gender seems to be all over the place in dreams sometimes Male sometimes Female but quite often I am Trans and then it's usually a central theme to the dream.

Mostly female, I stopped dreaming that I was male a couple weeks into HRT, and even before then I dreamed I was female as often as male. That said, I do have persisting feelings of that bit between my legs... : /

Before transition, I almost exclusively dreamed I was male.

During transition, to my surprise, I almost exclusively dream I am in transition. The exceptions are when I dream I am a fully transitioned female or further along in transition.

To my memory, I have not dreamed I was fully male since I began to notice physical changes on HRT. If I did, I was not bothered enough by it to try to remember.

Only once in my life do I recall dreaming I was a cis female. That was pre transition. And gaaaaaaa! I woke the moment I realized I was female. Darn dream!

Before transition, I used to dream a lot about the past. Now I dream in the present. I suspect it has to do with the relative newness of my boobs, and my tendency to still sleep partly on my stomach (I have no clue as to why I still do this or how I manage to do it). I imagine I can feel them even in my sleep, and it is still something I am getting used to.

My dreams are more colorful, and even when abstract, somehow more linear and realistic. They have certainly changed some on hormones.

Sci-fi and fantasy geek here so I'm a dragon, Drow, Sith Lord, vampire but always, always female.

I've rarely been female in my dreams (and I'm sure I was only presenting as a female).  Besides that, I used to always acknowledge I'm male.  I've not had that in recent dreams.

I'm always a woman or sometimes a little girl in my dreams where gender is identified. In some dreams no gender is present for me, I just am there observing whatever is going on. I have never been male in any of my dreams, and I usually always remember them.

Interesting topic Julia thanks for posting!

Allie :icon_flower:

I usually don't see myself in my dreams D: but yeah I usually don't even remember...

For the 1st 10 years of hrt i would always dream me as male. Then it slowly shifted to female slowly over 5 to 6 years. For the last year its been only female representations but most of the time i have male genitalia still.

As you can see it takes a long time for the brain to reajust. So don't worry time will do its work.

Now here is hoping srs will help with my last little dream issue  ;D

Female. Sometimes I'm an adult, sometimes a child. Sometimes when I'm a child, I may be a human or on some rare nights, I'm an anthro. LOL I think it happens when I'm particularly busy with working on a fanfic. The subconscious can do some weird things when you are asleep. :D

Most often, I am not aware of having a gender in my dreams, just as I am not usually conscious of my gender whilst awake.  I'm just me.

I have had dreams where I was distinctly female since I was a child though, and it was always heartbreaking to have to wake up from them.  I spent most of my life denying and suppressing my feelings, so until I was 43, this was my only way to ever have anything resembling a feminine experience.   Before going to bed I almost always consciously hoped that I'd dream of being a happy girl in a pretty dress.

I can't recall what I've been. I don't really ever see myself, but I did a few months ago, and I was female. Normally, I just see everything like I do now, but in those couple of recent dreams I was watching myself in total glory. I was full of energy and confidence. Then I woke up. :(

A lot of the times I am a little girl, sometimes a teen who can fly. Then sometimes I have strange dreams where the devil is going to rape me and I even wake my husband with me screaming. I am always female, but once I was female who could become a man. That was an interesting dream and I rather that one because it was so different. I always dream in vivid technicolor. I look forward to my dreams. Rare is the dream where I am dreaming in my dream.

Interesting topic... and it's got me thinking now.  haha

I don't usually see myself in my dreams... I would compare my dreams more to a psychedelic trip where I just am ME.  My dreams don't seem to define my gender.. nor do I see a physical self.

For as long as I can remember, I have had dreams where I was male, and where I was female...but mostly male. The female ones scared me, as I didn't know what to make of them. But as I have gone on in life, most of the good dreams have been as a female, and a lot of the time the dreams follow the path of what my life would have been like had I tried to transition earlier in life.

99.99% of the time, I don't even feel like I had any dreams when I wake up in the mornings. I am jealous of people who do experience them. The other 0.01% of the time where I actually do wake up with the experience of dreaming, the dream doesn't even focus on me. I see through my own eyes like I always do, so I don't even see what gender I am in the dream. Sometimes I'm not even in the dream at all. Those rare dreams have just been a complete mess of nonsense anyways.

I usually dream as both. In fact even as a child before I was still seeing myself as just a boy.

In my dreams now it's who I am now. A long time ago after I transitioned I had a recurrent dream of me murdering that other fake persona and trying to cover it up...that was really strange. I had the dream about 25 times, but I haven't had it in many years now...

I literally can't remember the last time I was able to know what my dream was. I can remember though long ago I had dreams before where I was cross-dressing, or I got a sex change, and my dad was helping me, and got me an apartment and for some reason there was a guitar hero drum set in it. Probably because I liked playing it at my nephews. I remember I was really happy with that dream though. Sad though, because that would never come true in real life. But I just have never been able to remember a dream in...maybe over a yr. Sad. I really would love to lucid dream. If I could, then I could go get a sex change, and I could get my dad to understand, and be free, and do anything. It would be great. Never have been able to get it to work yet though :(

I dream and i am as I am now, so female.  A few night ago my wife and I were dancing close and laughing and smiling at each other.  There was a crowd of people and none seemed too concerned that we were together and loving ech other so obviously.  It was very pleasant to say the least.

Just Saturday this past we were on a date and while we didnt dance we were just together and loving and didnt notice anyone but ourselves. happy

In my dreams I am me, as trans-female.  My body is as it is, and my self-perception of gender is the same as waking.  Sometimes in dreams I'm around people who know I'm trans, other times, I'm around people who have no idea.  Those aspects are the same as waking life...the only difference is all the weird things that happen in my dreams.

My mind doesn't know what to think in dreams, honestly.

Most of the time I'm not even aware of my gender in dreams, I'm just myself, and there's nothing gender-specific about it, so I don't really know or care. But there's also many many times where I'm very clearly a trans woman and I remember worrying about things like passing or tucking or bathrooms in the dream. Sometimes I'm just a cis woman, (usually apparent in dreams involving the genitals,) but there's still a lot of dreams where I'm just a twinky effeminate guy too.

Like I said, my dream mind doesn't know who the hell I am. :P

If I were to give it a percentage, I'd say about 60% trans woman, 35% twinky effeminate male, and maybe 5% cis-female.

Female before transition and female still. I don't see myself, but the emotions and responses are definitely feminine. It is wonderful until waking and realizing I am still pre op for another year. After that I should wake up quite happy. :)

Funny thing I forgot to mention. I most of my dreams I always look down and see my boobs under my top -much bigger ones than I actually have, and see my hair draping over them. I dunno why. But in about 70% of my dreams I do this. Which is one of the reasons I know I'm always female in my dreams.

Allie :icon_flower:

I am really impressed by how body-accurate some of your dreams are. 

Truly, with the exception of the past few nights post surgery, my body doesn't really make a show!!

Oooooh yaaaay! I LOVE dream discussions!!!

So I am a bit of a weird case here ^^

During my teen years (when I was thinking about becoming a psychologist) one of the things that fascinated me most was our sleep and dreams, so I undertook copious levels of research, interpretation and manipulation into dreams.

This eventually culminated in discovering a method that allows me to fairly consistently have "Lucid Dreams" if I so desire ^^

As a result I am generally always aware that I am dreaming, and maintain at least a small degree of control over the dream I am currently experiencing.

It does not always work, especially if I am going through a great deal of trauma, in which case I can get "overwhelmed" by the dream as such and lose control...that's when the bad subconscious torture comes out >.>

But most of the time, when I am lucid dreaming, the first thing I do is sigh happily, check my body is female, and flip on my teleporting super power if necessary, prior to continuing the experience and seeing what my subconscious has in store for me tonight xD

Most of my dreams are fairly adventure filled romps through fantasy and science fiction landscapes, or on those lonely nights, a romantic engagement of varying flavours.

For example, a few nights ago I watched the new "Mad Max" trailer that hit the net. I am a HUGE Mad Max fan and got really excited about the whole thing and the footage looking so good. It got my imagination going.

So off I went to bed, fell to sleep, engaged lucid dreaming, and found myself in an epic post apocalyptic car chase across a desert plain, guarding valuable cargo with some trusted friends, while teleporting between vehicles and disabling them via brawling or teleporting vital components...and organs of the vehicles and attackers respectively, about three feet away from where they should be

An over abundance of imagination combined with lucid dreaming is simply amazing.

The main downside is that I never feel quite as rested the following day if I have been lucid dreaming, which makes sense I guess. Since in that scenario only the body is resting, not the mind.

But I would strongly recommend that everybody tries it at least once :D

Fascinating how you can program your dreams to some extent Danniella...  What's your technique for doing this?


xxx
J

For the first time I dreamed consistently as female, what's weird is that in one of my dreams I saw my younger girl self like maybe at 14 I think, I was incredibly adorable lololol. And then in my other one I was having this mirror effect, like I was sitting in front of myself. And she gazed back at me with a smile in her eyes made me feel like everything is gonna be ok. I think starting shots may have something to do with this..

I dream consistently every night and have multiple dreams. I suffer from nightmares, I have all my life, what's worst is that my dreams are always very vivid. So when I get those bad dreams it's tough for me to shake. Most of the time I don't see what I look like, its rare for that to happen. So having those two dreams was such a healing experience, been feeling a lot better lately.

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on July 30, 2014, 05:40:29 AM
Fascinating how you can program your dreams to some extent Danniella...  What's your technique for doing this?


xxx
J

Lucid dreaming is a fascinating and very complex area of study, and everybody is different in what works for them and helps them reach it.

Personally I use two common methods to induce and control lucid dreams...

If I want to directly induce a lucid dream, I use the "WILD" (Wake Initiated Lucid Dream) method.

Rather than type it all out here, this page has a fairly good breakdown of it.

http://lucid.wikia.com/wiki/Wake_Initiated_Lucid_Dream

It's quite tricky to get the hang of at first, as you tend to instinctually freak out a bit when you first feel your body go to sleep and your conscious mind being pulled into your dreams, but once you do manage to master it, you can pretty much choose when to dream, which is fun :D


The other thing I do (and often recommend to anybody wanting to "try out" or "Dip your toes in" lucid dreaming without lots of meditation and weirdness) is much a much simpler thing.

This is sort of a "passive dream awareness conditioning".

The single most important and key factor in achieving control of any dream, is the simple but vital moment of realising you are dreaming. Sometimes this happens randomly even without any training, but what we want to do, is make it happen as often as possible :D

So what you need to do, is get your brain to a mindset where it is frequently questioning whether it is dreaming or not during the waking hours, to the extent where it will carry this questioning behaviour instinctually into the dream world. So if it does this when you are having a regular dream, the brain will ask that question, and you will become aware that you are dreaming, at which point you gain control :D

Some people do this via very overt methods, like drawing something on their hands that reminds them to question things, setting alarms, playing with an object they take with them at all times and questioning if it is acting right (Yes, Inception was VERY well researched and use of "Totems" does work :D) and countless other personal methods that work for them.

As long as it prompts you to question if you are dreaming during the day, it's a good thing.

But I find the simplest method, which I done for years now, is simply ensure that at least 3-4 times a day I ask myself mentally "Am I dreaming right now?" and spend a moment to check my surroundings for anything strange or out of place...before continuing my day.

It sounds so simple, but if you keep doing this, that question eventually becomes an ingrained mental habit that you take with you into your dreams. As a result when you are dreaming (whether induced or naturally) you will 9 times out of 10 still ask yourself that question, at which point you become aware that you are in fact dreaming :D

The best thing about this method, is that while it is not perfect and does not induce or guarantee a lucid dream every night, you don't actually need to meditate or jump through a bunch of mental hoops to control your dreams. You just get into the habit of automatically questioning them it and it becomes an almost "saftey net" as such for whenever you do naturally have dreams.

There is a great deal more to talk about and go into, like extending and expanding your dreams, techniques to stop yourself from waking up, how to distinguish between a fantasy you have conjured and an important subconscious manifestation, and how to interact with your subconscious in general etc...but that's all for another topic...as I feel that I have derailed this thread enough ^^;

It really is a fascinating area of study though, and I can't recommend it highly enough.

Fair warning though, once you have had your first Lucid dream I guarantee you will get hooked :D

Thanks so much for that Danniella.... will investigate :D

I've had them all.

As a female, as a male, and as a cross dressed male...

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on July 30, 2014, 08:15:32 AM
Thanks so much for that Danniella.... will investigate :D

No problem ^^

You know...I never thought about it before, but I bet lucid dreaming could be an interesting therapy technique for questioning/transitioning trans people...or those wishing to explore gender identity on a different level...

Or just a dysphoria worsening mess when you eventually wake up (which happens to me sometimes :( )

I'll maybe write a article about it one day or something, with a specific trans related slant on it... could be interesting ^^

I have been male, female, both and neither in my dreams. A majority of the time, I have been neither but trying to attach a penis (dildo) to my body to make it "real". It never worked, which seems to be my subconscious's manner of saying, "Look! You are trying to be something you are not!" because when I realized I identify as agender/genderless instead of male, those dreams suddenly made so much sense... it was weird!

The weirdest thing was being biologically female, mistakenly believing myself to be male due to a birth condition where my genitals looked more masculine than feminine... my first sexual dream I had was being a man having sex with a woman. :o It shouldn't be surprising but it was to me at the time!

I think I may give this WILD method a try, it would be nice to dream again.
On the few occasions (I could count on both hands the number of times) that I've dreamt in the last 8 years, I've not known what gender I was, I was just a spectator with a sort of floating camera perspective.

I never have a gender and often times not even a percievable body in my dreams so I can't answer this question :3

I don't usually remember my dreams, or what gender I am in them.

But....

In April I had an interesting dream.  It started with me heading to work (I am a medic/first responder/security officer) when I happen by a wedding party prepping for a wedding.  The Maid of Honor is going into labor, so I help her until EMS arrives and takes her to the hospital.  I am asked to step in as the Maid of Honor.  I hesitate, knowing I have work, but am offered over a day's pay by the groom to fill in.  Miraculously, the MoH's dress fits me like a glove.  I fill in during the ceremony as if I had been the MoH all along.  Then I still act as the MoH at the reception, giving the toast and all.  Then I was dancing.  At the end I ended up with two hot guys in my (when did I get one?) hotel room (reception was in the hotel), and woke up just before it got steamy. 

I didn't know anyone of the characters in my dream, except my brother, whom I had not spoken to for at least a year and a half, somehow was in the crowd of guests at the ceremony (and only there).

Keep in mind I am still pretty much in the closet, very masculine in build and voice, and just starting my transition process. This dream happened actually, less than a week before my first psych appointment.  Also at the time of the dream, I have had little (but not no) interest in guys.

I've had a number of lucid dreams over the years. Those are the best. Honestly, I never want to wake up when I'm in one. All that control over your environment and awareness of an illusory reality is like a sci-fi fantasy come true.

If you connect a living brain to a virtual reality simulation it won't be able to determine the difference between reality and the false environment, so how do we know we're not in The Matrix?!  8)

Quote from: sororcaeli on July 30, 2014, 08:02:16 PM
I've had a number of lucid dreams over the years. Those are the best. Honestly, I never want to wake up when I'm in one. All that control over your environment and awareness of an illusory reality is like a sci-fi fantasy come true.

If you connect a living brain to a virtual reality simulation it won't be able to determine the difference between reality and the false environment, so how do we know we're not in The Matrix?!   8)

We should ask Lana Wachowski.

Quote from: sororcaeli on July 30, 2014, 08:02:16 PM
If you connect a living brain to a virtual reality simulation it won't be able to determine the difference between reality and the false environment, so how do we know we're not in The Matrix?!  8)

Oh no, the dream is collapsing!  :o

Quote from: Jill F on July 30, 2014, 08:05:33 PM
We should ask Lana Wachowski.

Ah ha! *scratches chin*

Quote from: Danniella on July 30, 2014, 08:26:53 AM
No problem ^^

You know...I never thought about it before, but I bet lucid dreaming could be an interesting therapy technique for questioning/transitioning trans people...or those wishing to explore gender identity on a different level...

Or just a dysphoria worsening mess when you eventually wake up (which happens to me sometimes :( )

I'll maybe write a article about it one day or something, with a specific trans related slant on it... could be interesting ^^

Hmmmmm... actually I think it's a VERY interesting idea.  But you'd need to have a pretty robust mind before embarking on this!

When I was early in my transition, i dreamt myself as male, middle way through i dream of myself as being a transsexual, now it alternates between transsexual and female.

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on July 31, 2014, 01:03:29 AM
Hmmmmm... actually I think it's a VERY interesting idea.  But you'd need to have a pretty robust mind before embarking on this!

...yeah...

So last night as an "experiment" I used WILD to induce a lucid dream...then decided to try and see if I could conjure up an experience of going through SRS (because of how much I have been reading Monkeymel's SRS diary I wanted to replicate those happy feelings myself)

Unfortunately I may have somewhat screwed myself over, as for some reason I decided to start BEFORE the SRS...being happy with anticipation...wheeled into the theatre...doctors putting me to sleep...and then just when I was about to black out to -cut to waking up post surgery-...I stumbled upon some deep childhood trauma that I had forgotten about. >.>

I remember now that when I was first questioning myself when I was younger, I watched a video that showed surgery with the old SRS techniques from like the 70s-80s...and it traumatised the hell out of me with it's brutal, grainy, blood filled footage...and I thought "there is no way in hell anything nice can come of that procedure...I never want to go through that..."

Soooo ofc the lucid dream triggered this memory...and I lost control >.>

As a result...as opposed to cutting out the grim parts and waking up after surgery...I was treated to a paralysis dream where I was unable to move or speak while internally screaming at the doctors as they brutalised my crotch, made mistakes, blood everywhere, laughter, the knowledge that I was going to be ruined...gods.

It took all my tricks just to remember it was a dream and force myself to wake up early from that one...It was not good >.>

So yeah...Lucid dreaming...you gotta be careful sometimes, one problem with routing around in your subconscious, is that you never know when you will stumble upon something you would rather leave buried :(

Oh my word, that sounds absolutely horrific. I appreciate it's hollow to say but I'm so, so very sorry you had to endure that, Danniella. I hope the memories from it fade as rapidly as possible and your day distracts you as quickly as possible too. :(

Quote from: Lonicera on July 31, 2014, 04:03:54 AM
Oh my word, that sounds absolutely horrific. I appreciate it's hollow to say but I'm so, so very sorry you had to endure that, Danniella. I hope the memories from it fade as rapidly as possible and your day distracts you as quickly as possible too. :(

Thanks for the concern, but rest assured that I will be fine :)

It's not the first time I have encountered some inner trauma or demons before, and I dare say it shan't be the last.

But it's worth noting that having nightmares etc can be just as positive for you as having wonderful dreams, it's all just a matter of perspective.

One of the good things about understanding and gaining control over your dreams, is that they have a lessened effect on you in your waking hours.

So now that I am awake, I can analyse and detach myself from it. I can realise that it was a nightmare born of childhood trauma and nothing more.

It does not diminish my drive for SRS, nor incur any new found fear or anxiety of the procedure. In addition, now that I have experienced it once, I should now be able to break free from that nightmare far easier should I encounter it again.

Also if I find myself with unexplainable anxiety or fear regarding the procedure in the future, I will be able to pause and self analyse enough to question "Is this a legitimate fear I am experiencing...or subconscious trauma manifesting?". Which is a powerful tool to overcoming irrational fears etc.

...so much for me not derailing the thread x'D

My thoughts and therefore my dreams tend to be completely symbolic in nature, so I've never experienced gender in my dreams.

...except for the past few months where I've been exclusively female, which is kind of neat. Quite often I've tended to be quite a lot older in those dreams and not a very pleasant person at all, which is not so great. I hope that's not where I'm going. Older, yes, but unpleasant and abusive I hope not.

Well, since I am only in the early stages of transition, my dreams most oftenly reflect my male side. However, I've been called my female name once and another time I was in third person view as a female that was me. I feel happy my subconscious is finally agreeing with my conscious brain. However, I feel that once I transition fully with hair and all, my brain and subconscious will finally be one with each other.

I have had a second dream where I was male and female - two charaters comprising me.  This goes along with the non-binary.  Again the dream was strange and maybe symbolic and very chaotic.  I did end up with a strong feeling that the total me needs to treat the female part a LOT better.  Odd that I would have two of these in a matter of weeks and never had one before.


Erin

I bounce in my dreams, sometimes in the same dream even. In one scene I'll be a guy then in another a girl. It's weird but those sorts of dreams don't stick long after I awake. The dreams that do stick are almost always female.

I had a dream earlier where I had semi long black hair hanging down in my face which had a uniqueness to it, and very much female. Of course, it didn't last long. Come to think of it, it was very much like the singer of Russian band iamthemorning:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwIkDx1_Bbs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwIkDx1_Bbs)

Quote from: Danniella on July 31, 2014, 03:47:05 AM
...yeah...

So last night as an "experiment" I used WILD to induce a lucid dream...then decided to try and see if I could conjure up an experience of going through SRS (because of how much I have been reading Monkeymel's SRS diary I wanted to replicate those happy feelings myself)

Yikes! This requires someone with that fancy equipment from "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" to go in a blast all the bits into a neutral unremembered state!!  On some other thread about pre-surgery anxiety there was one very good guideline:  don't look at any surgery videos - you know it's going to be nasty.

I've had a few dreams that involve trauma of some sort, and mostly I manage to say to myself "this is just a dream, wake up!"

Speaking of which, I need a siesta :D

xxx
J

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on August 02, 2014, 10:27:48 AM
Yikes! This requires someone with that fancy equipment from "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" to go in a blast all the bits into a neutral unremembered state!!  On some other thread about pre-surgery anxiety there was one very good guideline:  don't look at any surgery videos - you know it's going to be nasty.

I've had a few dreams that involve trauma of some sort, and mostly I manage to say to myself "this is just a dream, wake up!"

xxx
J

One thing my 91 accident has done for me is remove any fear of having surgery. During my recovery I had 3 majors including one surgery where they left the incision in my leg open with shunts(don't remember if this is the proper term) in it to allow it to drain for a few days before taking me back into surgery to close it once the infection was gone, yuck! what a horrible mess that was, ew! I hated that sucking noise the machine made the, er, well, the infection(for lack of a polite word) went into. This allows me to watch the SRS surgery video's from a "gaining knowledge" point of view, instead of seeing it as gross or scary. What I've learned from the many video's and documentaries I've watched is both men and women have the same genital tissue, it is just arranged differently for each.

I found it very interesting to see how in December when I have my SRS if all goes as planned, they will construct my vagina using the tissue I have there now. Remarkably I haven't had any dreams concerning my SRS. Maybe I will when the date gets closer I dunno.

I do realize and understand though how scary any surgery can be for someone who has never had any surgery's. I'd be the same way had I not been in a serious accident.

Allie :icon_flower:

Since the topic is about which gender you present in dreams I'll mainly address that. But will add an asside. As part of my medical physics training I have watched (from inside the OR) quadruple heart bypass, double mastectomy from cancer, brain surgery and orthopedic spinal surgery. None of these have given me problems as I am observing and not receiving. I was really grateful that I was out like a light during my recent SRS. And I would not suggest repeating Daniella's experiment. By all means dream of the "after wakeup" but try to focus on the weeks after surgery...

So back on topic. During therapy I would sometimes dream I was a boy who could neatly remove genitals and place them in a box whilst sleeping; reinserting them when I had to wake up. I've dreamed mostly non gender specific on the body. I've dreamed of being a younger mermaid.
Since transitioning I've dreamed of telling people from my past that I am transgender. Never the same groups; like a way of coming out to my past.
In most cases I've been consciously transgendered - small breasts and small male genetalia. The last time about 2 hours ago which left a really painful sensation in the rearranged bits.

I will look into the idea of WILD (Thanks Daniella) but as someone who dreams extensively anyway I will do so with the blessing of my therapist.

It's either female or something that isn't male lol. In a dream I remember pretty well I was at the beach in a bikini and I had a vagina and everything (I looked amazing, as if it were a dream! :o haha). I remember looking around and observing how beautiful life was and feeling the sun glare down on me. Everything was so beautiful and I felt so content. I believe I was with another girl too which just made it even more blissful, something I dream about a lot. I hate going to the beach for obvious reasons and anything to do with swimming for that matter (I refuse!). There was also no one at the beach and it was just me and her together enjoying life and each other's company. This makes me want to cry lol but it was such a beautiful experience. I can only imagine being with another girl who would sit by a tree with me. Just the two of us and we'd both be holding each other and not saying a single word whilst staring up at the sky on a beautiful warm day letting time go by without worrying that time is going by, thinking how amazing it is to exist on this tiny planet that can support human life and being able to share that with someone you absolutely love.

[quote author=Monkeymel link=topic=170216.msg1488626#msg1488626 date=1407026982

Since transitioning I've dreamed of telling people from my past that I am transgender. Never the same groups; like a way of coming out to my past.
In most cases I've been consciously transgendered - small breasts and small male genetalia.
[/quote]

Hmmm, I think I may have had similar dreams here Mel, that is, coming out to people from my past.  But I seldom remember my dreams well enough - I just wake up with s slight sense of malaise and feel the remnants of the memories slipping away....

I said before that I don't normally remember my dreams, so I didn't have much to add here. I remembered last night's dream in parts somehow, so I can at least add one experience. Interestingly enough, I was both male and female. I dreamed about transitioning, so in the end of the dream I kinda saw myself as I should be. I definitely woke up on the right side of the bed this morning.

I remember when I was younger, I would often have dreams where I was with family as a 'guy' but would have breasts that I was always trying to conceal from them, like I didn't want them to know I had them. Now I think I am a women in most of my dreams, though I do not think I am really aware of my gender most of the time.

I did have a dream a few months ago where I was looking at a beautiful women and then realized I was looking at the mirror. I woke up with a smile.

Quote from: Natalie on July 28, 2014, 10:41:26 PM
In my dreams now it's who I am now. A long time ago after I transitioned I had a recurrent dream of me murdering that other fake persona and trying to cover it up...that was really strange. I had the dream about 25 times, but I haven't had it in many years now...

Some years ago I read a sci-fi novel that was along these lines. Individuals would wake up in new bodies. What the technology of that future century could do was move the brain of one person into the body of another. They only used this under very specific circumstances, when someone suffered traumatic physical injuries and when there was a body available that proved it could accept the host brain.

In the story, the person wakes up and discovers that they are in this new body but it's by accident and someone has stolen their body. Thus begins a chase and as the chase goes on, the individual who was male and is now female, has to defend herself and others from what the person inhabiting her original body is doing to others - trying to kill, maim, and harm. By the end of the novel when she has the chance to stop her original body she is so disgusted with what has occurred and so comfortable as her new self that she instead kills the thief...

And then she wakes up for real and discovers it was all an induced dream, and it's how the medical specialists get people to overcome their misgivings about their new body -by luring them into hating and slaying the old one. :)


On another note, I said earlier that I dream of both but I can categorize those pretty rigidly. Dreams of being a child trend mostly to being female. Dreams of when I was in the military are almost always male, regardless if the dream was related to something I did or completely unrelated. Dreams in which there is violence going on around me, I am often male but not always. Dreams of love, sex, family, and other adult situations are almost always female.

I'll have to look into WILD. Years ago when I was younger, I tried to do that and had very slight success. Maybe I can do better now. :)

I have had some very pleasant and interesting dreams where I was a female.  :)

Quote from: LizMarie on August 14, 2014, 08:07:01 PM

In the story, the person wakes up and discovers that they are in this new body but it's by accident and someone has stolen their body. Thus begins a chase and as the chase goes on, the individual who was male and is now female, has to defend herself and others from what the person inhabiting her original body is doing to others - trying to kill, maim, and harm. By the end of the novel when she has the chance to stop her original body she is so disgusted with what has occurred and so comfortable as her new self that she instead kills the thief...

I saw a movie like this once. I don't remember the name of it -wish I could so I could add it to my library. Wonder if we're talking about the same story?

Ali :icon_flower:

im always a man, have little stubble, muscular body, deep voice(what i already achieved).  ;D

I have had some very vivid dreams in which I am female, and others that I am not human.  I don't remember the last time I dreamt I was male.

There is a sci-fi book called Steel Beach by John Varley in which the main character either undergoes a sex change or was cloned into a female body, I don't remember which.  What I do remember is wishing that it were that easy to change genders... Maybe one day it will be, but until then I guess we are stuck doing it the hard way.  Its a journey I am really looking forward to and dreading at the same time.  Another 20 pounds to lose before I even consider HRT, and I think I have finally found a therapist in my area I can work with, I'll be calling tomorrow to try to set up my first appointment. 

I want to say thank you to everyone on here, I've been reading a lot of your posts and you all give me hope.  Each post I have read has given me some small pearl of wisdom and I am looking forward to stringing them all together into a lovely necklace to wear with pride.. (sorry, got a little carried away there, I think my poetic license should be revoked some days)

I don't think I have a distinct sense of gender or even self in my dreams.  More often than not in my dreams I'm just a passive observer than an active participant, or if I'm actively involved I'm more aware of others than of myself.  The only time I ever had a dream where I was male was back in middle school when I began having dreams of a sexual nature, and in at least one dream my penis was detachable which probably should have told me something.  I have not had a sexual dream since I was about 12 so I'm never concerned with gender in my dreams, and I've never had a dream where I was distinctly female.

I wonder what that says about me.

Now that I think about it, I can't recall any dreams where my gender was obvious until the past year when I really started to think about everything. Then it was like my subconscious decided to say, "okay, I see what's going on now... well then... if this is what you want, then here's a preview, except I'm going to crank it up to hyper-feminine! That's right! If you can handle that, then we'll keep em coming!"

In Jungian psychology there's something called the Anima (or Animus), and usually it appears in your dreams as the opposite sex than what you identify. But what if your gender identity is female, and your sexual orientation is lesbian? I have a cis woman friend who is gay and claims she experiences the Anima, not the Animus. It's also my experience, even though for the longest time I really didn't identify as either male or female. I'm eager to find out what shows up the next time.

And FYI: the way you know that you are seeing or interacting with the Anima/Animus is that you'll feel an intense connection with them like they are a soul mate, but they won't talk to you. You'll basically just know, and in my experience, they're always guiding you somewhere.

In Thelema, you could call it the Holy Guardian Angel, and that is the higher part of you that we strive to know and communicate with. It involves a lot of dedication, meditation, ritual and discipline.

http://www.thelemapedia.org/index.php/HGA
http://www.livingwithmagick.com/magick/greatworkhga.php

Anyone having that experience at all?

If I can see myself female. The last time I saw myself as male in one of my dreams it was, "No this isn't right" and with a wave of my hands across my body I was able to change my gender.

When I have dreams I'm always male in them and I hate that so much. I only had one dream where I was female and that was awesome!

I really enjoy it when I have a dream where I am female - just wish it could be true in life.

Quote from: sororcaeli on August 15, 2014, 04:46:15 AM
Anyone having that experience at all?

Not quite, but I did send you a message about something somewhat related.

Quote from: sororcaeli on August 15, 2014, 04:46:15 AM
Now that I think about it, I can't recall any dreams where my gender was obvious until the past year when I really started to think about everything. Then it was like my subconscious decided to say, "okay, I see what's going on now... well then... if this is what you want, then here's a preview, except I'm going to crank it up to hyper-feminine! That's right! If you can handle that, then we'll keep em coming!"

In Jungian psychology there's something called the Anima (or Animus), and usually it appears in your dreams as the opposite sex than what you identify. But what if your gender identity is female, and your sexual orientation is lesbian? I have a cis woman friend who is gay and claims she experiences the Anima, not the Animus. It's also my experience, even though for the longest time I really didn't identify as either male or female. I'm eager to find out what shows up the next time.

And FYI: the way you know that you are seeing or interacting with the Anima/Animus is that you'll feel an intense connection with them like they are a soul mate, but they won't talk to you. You'll basically just know, and in my experience, they're always guiding you somewhere.

In Thelema, you could call it the Holy Guardian Angel, and that is the higher part of you that we strive to know and communicate with. It involves a lot of dedication, meditation, ritual and discipline.

http://www.thelemapedia.org/index.php/HGA
http://www.livingwithmagick.com/magick/greatworkhga.php

Anyone having that experience at all?

I just had a thought about our experiences with GID and Crossing the Abyss. It's still percolating in my head but I wonder, is SRS the medical equivalent of facing Choronzon?

Quote from: Wynternight on August 15, 2014, 03:17:07 PM
I just had a thought about our experiences with GID and Crossing the Abyss. It's still percolating in my head but I wonder, is SRS the medical equivalent of facing Choronzon?

That's a very good question! I actually do relate this trans crisis with crossing the Abyss. This past year I've not only thought extensively on my identity, but also put a lot of time and focus into my studies. Some traditionalists might think that this goes against the True Will, but I think coming to terms with it and moving forward is actually lining up with the True Will. We seek K&C on a spiritual level, but also have another kind of HGA that we must align with. Transition is the crossing, and SRS becomes the final obstruction. As the ego is destroyed, so then is the false identity.

Quote from: sororcaeli on August 16, 2014, 07:22:37 AM
That's a very good question! I actually do relate this trans crisis with crossing the Abyss. This past year I've not only thought extensively on my identity, but also put a lot of time and focus into my studies. Some traditionalists might think that this goes against the True Will, but I think coming to terms with it and moving forward is actually lining up with the True Will. We seek K&C on a spiritual level, but also have another kind of HGA that we must align with. Transition is the crossing, and SRS becomes the final obstruction. As the ego is destroyed, so then is the false identity.

Agreed! I think transition is our Great Work. It's definitely an immense act of Will.

I'm reading the exchange between sororcaeli and Wynternight and I find myself nodding and saying "sounds about right."  What little I know about Thelema and Jung is starting to click here and I see I'm not the only one who's found more than a few boundaries erased by crossing genders.  I guess on some level I felt that transitioning was a spiritual act but this framework is really intriguing.

We are just a hair off-topic here though, perhaps a thread in the spirituality forums might be worth exploring this in more detail?

I'm young and very new, so I don't have any dreams during transition or post-transition, since I haven't gone through that.

But there is something a little odd to me. My entire life, I have been a girl in my dreams, which is very odd to me since I was born a boy. Actually, the exact same girl every time. She never ages. She has a brother, but no parents. Here's where it gets odder to me: Every dream is linked to each other. They're going through, well, a story. Because of their lack of parents, they're basically just surviving on their own, usually living in alleyways and grabbing all the food they can get. Ooh, forgot to mention - they're twins. The girl was born 5 minutes earlier. It's kind of cool, my dreams, because I don't control anything. I'm sort of just watching a movie in my sleep from the girls perspective.

And finally, everything I see in my dreams, I write down the next day.

I thought you might be interested in that. If anyone understands it, please help me figure it out xD

-L

In all my dreams, I've been male once, female once, and transitioning female once.
Other than that, I've never known what gender I am. 
To make it more weird, I've never had anyone I know in my dreams, and places I've been in my dreams are places I've never been.

However, I just recently found out I'm intersex, so that could have a lot to do with it.

I sometimes have dreams where I'm male but a lot of the time I'm female or feel like some sort of a ghost just floating there and spectating everything haha :D

If you want to remember your dreams you should keep a dream diary.
If you want to have lucid dreams do dream checks. I set an alarm to beep every hour (the body has a very good sense of time) and every hour checked to see if I am dreaming. Pretty soon I realised I was dreaming in my dreams all the time. Now I just realise all the time. Its something I started doing when I was about 8, after I started having trans dreams. I was not a popular 8 year old in my house with a watch that beeped every hour.
Funny how everyone I know who has lucid dreams engages their superpowers. The first few times, are usually like, wow, I am inside my own head and my body is off somewhere else asleep, but these days its, hey I am dreaming, time for some flying! or something. Onetime I realised I was dreaming and told the people around me that they were all in my dream and didn't exist, who laughed at me, so made things levatate and disappear. They were all really scared and upset that they would disappear when I woke up and I felt really sorry for them! :-/ I told them that that they could just be dreaming me, which seemed quite plausible to them, so they clamed down. Oddness.
I have had so many great lucid dreams.

I've had very few lucid dreams, but they really are the best. A really good way to have more control of them is to try to see your hands and keep them visible. Also, try to find a clock and calendar and mark down what you see when you wake up. Maybe every lucid dream you have occurs on similar times and days. One of the dreams I remember is being on a rooftop patio at night hanging out with Ellen Page, and explaining to her that I was dreaming.

When it comes to "super powers" I always have telekinesis. I wish I did for real, especially now since I screwed up my back from a yoga position. :/